The Friendly Atheist has an interesting article written by two fans who recently attended a “Marriage Symposium” organized by the Illinois Family Institute and Patriots United (any time an organization has the words “Family” or “Patriot” in it, you know something racist/homophobic/ultra-conservative is going on). One of the pieces of literature at the event that intrigued me was the pamphlet entitled “77 Non-Religious Reasons to Support Man/Women Marriage“, (sounds more positive than “oppose civil rights, doesn’t it?).  This testament to ignorance has so many gems in it, I found it difficult to choose which one was my favorite…

#18: Without man/woman marriage, there will be no institution specifically protecting the right of children to be in a relationship with both parents.

[Translation: If gays are allowed to marry, parents will mysteriously be unable to have a relationship with their kids because gay sex is gross]

#22. If the love between adults were the only important factor, we would expect stepparents to be interchangeable with biological parents. But this is not generally the case.

[Translation: Because you don’t love your step-dad hard enough, “Todd and Fred” shouldn’t be allowed to care for another human being.]

#29 Same-Sex Marriage makes an implicit statement that mothers and fathers are interchangeable, and sex is irrelevant to parenting. The burden should be on those who make this strong, non-intuitive claim.

[Did religious people just say that the burden of proof is on people making extraordinary claims? Shocking. If proof can be shown that the gender of the parents makes no difference at all – say from a study conducted by the American Psychological Association– would they be willing to accept it?]

#32 Mothers and fathers each make unique contributions to the child’s development. Father’s absence creates risks in children that mother’s absence does not create.

[Translation: Dad’s are more important than moms. After all, they’re more likely to physically and sexually abuse their kids, based primarily on factors such as feelings of self worth, unemployment and substance abuse. Does that mean poor people shouldn’t have kids?]

#33 Teenage boys without fathers are at risk for juvenile delinquency, violence, criminal activity, gang membership and incarceration.

[Hey, I know a way that this kid could have not one, but two dads, making him twice as likely not to turn out shitty! Hint: it involves some degree of butt-sex]

#41 Once same sex marriage becomes legally and socially acceptable, more women will decide to raise children together. They will view this as easier than putting forth the effort of crossing the gender divide and cooperating with a man through marriage.

[Translation: Men will become increasingly marginalized because all women will magically lose their intense desire for sexual and emotional intimacy with the opposite sex, since men are such hard work that it’s not really worth it.]

#55 The judges who imposed same sex marriage in Iowa stated “The research…suggest that the traditional notion that children need a mother and father to be raised into a healthy, well-adjusted adults is based more on stereotypes than anything else.” This is not true as a general statement

[Translation: We refuse to accept any evidence that contradicts what we already know to be true.]

#57 If enough judges say enough implausible things, people will lose respect for the law.
[Translation: If the law doesn’t work to our advantage, we’ll ignore it.]

#60 By the time the activists are finished, there will be nothing left of marriage but a government registry of friendships

[Translation: if gays are allowed the same rights as everyone else, they’ll ruin it the same way they ruined Glee clubs, male cheerleading, and fashion.]

You’ll notice the document sounds like the paranoid ravings of emotionally insecure people (mostly dads) afraid of losing their place in society. It makes sense: most of these movements are populated by old, racist white people; exactly the types of folks that see their power and influence diminish in today’s society. Their fears about an uncertain future (something every generation has had to face) has found a perfect focal point in the Gay Rights Movement. And because they see themselves as crusaders working for the benefit of children, they will interpret their increasingly marginalized views as the right ones. It matters little what society itself wants: they already know the desired outcome. Now all they need to do is try and work for it. I’m happy to report that these efforts will ultimately prove futile. If you don’t believe me, ask yourself this question: “were you convinced that same-sex marriage should be opposed after reading this logical juggernaut?”