I’m feeling good this morning. According to Christian apologist Josh McDowell, the web is infested with atheists like me trying to spread their vile message of godlessness and pornography. While I certainly agree with the first part of the accusation, I wish to clarify that while TGA endorses pornography, I still think that there’s way too much of it that’s anal. What happened to the vagina, guys? And please, I’m begging you: no more ass-to-mouth. You’re fucking killing me.

McDowell is worried that as Christianity slowly goes the way of the dodo, sexual “immorality” is growing, and the only way to explain this is by blaming a group you dislike for ideological reasons:

The Internet has given atheists, agnostics, skeptics, the people who like to destroy everything that you and I believe, almost equal access to your kids as your youth pastor and you have… whether you like it or not.

Oh noes! Did you know that children are being exposed to other opinions besides Christianity? Overwhelmingly, the tech savviness of atheists have given us the advantage, and as a result, the whole world is becoming a giant cesspool of sexual permissiveness.

I made the statement off and on for 10-11 years that the abundance of knowledge, the abundance of information, will not lead to certainty; it will lead to pervasive skepticism. And, folks, that’s exactly what has happened. It’s like this. How do you really know, there is so much out there… This abundance [of information] has led to skepticism. And then the Internet has leveled the playing field

Not skepticism! Every crime in the history of humanity was the result of someone thinking for themselves, and not taking things based merely on authority, right?

Of course, the only thing that seems to REALLY occupy his mind is the amount of pornography that’s available on the Internet. He should know: according to this article in New Scientist, States with a higher percentage of conservative voters watch more porn than their hippy counterparts. It’s not really all that surprising: for evangelicals, sin is some hot and nasty shit, bound to be entangled with feelings of guilt, remorse and shame. Throw in a little crystal meth and a gay prostitute in the mix, and you’re ready to be a minister!

The majority of all the 2.2 billion people who go to the Internet daily are between 15 to 25 years of age, he said. And there are 4.2 million pornographic sites. “Do you know how many pornographic emails would be circulated just today? 2.5 billion…just one click away.

I love how these guys seem to conflate atheism with pornography, as though the lack of belief in a 2000 year old dead Jewish carpenter (the first and the last I’m assuming) somehow means that kids are going to do hot and nasty things to one another. Newsflash, Josh: they already do that shit regardless of what you tell them. It’s kind of the reason why the human race has endured; if we didn’t like fucking so much, we’d be facing extinction like the modern panda.