How many times have you been told as an atheist that religion helps provide comfort to people? I’ve always felt that this claim was highly suspicious. Sure, the promise of heaven might sound good (to those without a proper understanding of eternity), but there is always the threat of hell that looms. Rare is the strong believer that isn’t living in fear that they might accidentally slip-up, and spend their after-life getting pineapples shoved up their asses.

A recent study on sleep has shown that atheists sleep more hours than their religious counterparts. The study could not find the reason why, and some of their conclusions are suspect to say the least:

“Mental health is increasingly discussed in church settings — as it should be — but sleep health is not discussed,” said lead author Kyla Fergason, a student at Baylor University in Waco, Texas. “Yet we know that sleep loss undercuts many human abilities that are considered to be core values of the church: being a positive member of a social community, expressing love and compassion rather than anger or judgment, and displaying integrity in moral reasoning and behavior.

First, I’d like to point out the elephant in the room: any church that discusses mental health is totally out of their league. Pastors are not psychologists. They are literally experts in nonsense. You’re better off getting advice on mental health from a hobo off the street than you are a priest. You’re also less likely to be sexually or physically abused by avoiding these sanctimonious jackasses.

Second, you should never take Christians a their word, especially when they claim that their church emphasizes values such as love and compassion. They are far more likely to be stressed out, judgmental and angry at their current status within American society. As religion erodes from public life, believers are more and more distressed by the thought that they are no longer culturally dominant. Meanwhile, nonbelievers are sleeping like babies knowing that in a few decades, no one will be left to preach hatred, suspicion and anger anymore, and that churches will slowly crumble from lack of maintenance.

So, the conclusion is simple: if you’re having sleep problems, stop praying to a guy that wants to send you to hell for touching yourself. Sounds pretty basic, doesn’t it?