Do you remember all those thousands of birds that dropped dead a little while ago? Scientists are still trying to figure out what happened (I’m willing to bet money it has something to do with Climate Change, but I’m no expert). While serious folks with brains are busy solving this mystery, religious nutjobs are jumping on this story as proof “God” is mad about something, and sending us a message by annihilating a bunch of innocent birds.
The craziest so far is a woman by the name of Cindy Jacobs (of the friendly sounding “Ministry of Generals“). As your typical crazy evangelical, she thinks this tragedy is because of – wait for it – teh gays!
According to biblical principles, marriage is between a man and a woman , so we have to say “what happens when a nation makes a decision that’s against God’s principles?” Well, often what happens is that nature itself will begin to talk to us – for instance, violent storms, flooding. And you know there are actually some patterns that you can see where a nation will make a decision that is contrary to the principles of God and after that there is some kind of answer that God gives, being the God of creation, the God who created nature, but we don’t always understand what He’s saying.
Well, there’s something interesting we have been watching – let’s talk about this Arkansas pattern and say, could it be a pattern? We’re going to watch and see. But the blackbirds fell to the ground in Beebe, Arkansas, well the Governor of Arkansas’ name is Beebe. And also, there was something put out of Arkansas called Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell by a former Governor, this was proposed, Bill Clinton. As so, could there be a connection between this passage [Hosea 4] and now that we’ve had the repeal of the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell where people now legally in the United States have broken restraints with the Scripture because the Scripture says in Romans 1 that homosexuality is not allowed.
It could be because we have said it’s okay for people who commit these kinds of acts to be recognized in our military for the first time in our history, there is a potential that there is something that actually happened in the land where a hundred thousand drum fish died and also where these birds just fell out of the air.
Mystery solved, everyone! Yes, God wants the US military not to encourage gays and lesbians to serve openly, and as revenge, he slaughtered a bunch of blackbirds to teach us a lesson. If we’re not careful, other natural disasters could continue to happen.
The good news is as soon as we stop letting men fudge-pack one another, there will be no more disasters and we’ll all be living in a perfect world where everyone has the common courtesy to be miserable and hate themselves for having same sex attractions. The future looks bright, people!