About 40% of adults in America believe that Adam and Eve existed. This means that almost half of your population is functionally retarded. And you wonder why your economy is tanking…

In an effort not to ignore scientific truth forever, some evangelicals are starting to question the existence of Adam and Eve in order to finally catch up to the rest of us who have embraced the methodology of science. They naively believe -as Francis Collins does- that science and faith are compatible. I’m sure it appears to them this way, but only so long as their cognitive dissonance is in full swing. The twisted logic at work trying to rectify religious believe and the evidence of our evolution is astounding. It’s a step in the right direction, perhaps:

[Brian] Venema is part of a growing cadre of Christian scholars who say they want their faith to come into the 21st century. Another one is John Schneider, who taught theology at Calvin College in Michigan until recently. He says it’s time to face facts: There was no historical Adam and Eve, no serpent, no apple, no fall that toppled man from a state of innocence.

Yeah, if you do that, you have a major problem: without the fall, Jesus’ sacrifice is pointless (well, it was always pointless, but now more so). Original sin is of paramount importance to the faith. Don’t get me wrong; I love the idea of these people starting to accept that our species evolved from other primates. The problem is that they’ve simply refused to accept the conclusion of evolution. Of course, most evangelicals realize that abandoning this dogma would have serious repercussions to their belief:

Albert Mohler, president of Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in Louisville, says that rebellious choice infected all of humankind.

“When Adam sinned, he sinned for us,” Mohler says. “And it’s that very sinfulness that sets up our understanding of our need for a savior.”

Humanity “infected” by sin? That’s the Christianity we know and despise. As far as Jesus-lovers are concerned, humanity is a filthy pile of sin that’s barely worthy of God’s love. Only those slavish enough in their devotion to ignore reality can enter super-magic-fun-playland-in-the-clouds when they die. The rest, those unbelievers, will be tortured forever in a lake of fire for denying the divinity of someone who, if they existed today, would be put in a sanatorium. Christianity isn’t really a “people first” doctrine. As far as they are concerned, we’re all pieces of shit that disobeyed God at one time or another and have been punished ever since.

Let me put this another way: if Adam and Eve didn’t exist, then according to a bunch of very sexist Bible-belt assholes, there would be no justification for men ruling over the lives of women. That means that ladies would be able to control not only their own lives, but their reproductive cycles as well. Do you have any idea how terrifying that prospect is for an old white guy?