Man, once in a while you see a headline that just makes you want to smile. Today, my special little surprise was the Telegraph reporting if things don’t significantly improve for the Church of England, they will go the way of the Dodo bird. Of course, Church officials are scrambling to figure out what to do next:

“We are faced with a stark and urgent choice: do we spend the next few years managing decline, or do we go for growth?
In other words, do we accept the continual numerical decline of the Church of England as inevitable, or do we dare to believe a different future, that God might want his Church to grow, in holiness and in numbers?”

If your God wants his church to grow, he sure has a funny way of showing it. The decline is real, as opposed to their invisible friend who doesn’t have enough influence to keep his own followers from leaving in droves. The power of Christ compels you to leave! So, what do the numbers actually show? Are you ready to be in a good mood?

According to official figures, the number of worshippers attending church each week fell by 30,000 between 2007 and 2009, to 1.13 million.

Church of England officials argue that the decline partly reflects the nature of modern society, in which many kinds of membership organization – including political parties – have lost supporters.

Or it could be because people are tired of spending their free time being told by a clown in a dress that their ticket to magical-fun-playland is only good if it gets validated by Jesus. And if they think other organizations are losing 30k people a week, then I want the crack they’re smoking. Clearly, the Brits are saying “no thank you” to the Church of England, and why shouldn’t they?

The General Synod will also hear a call for an emergency debate on homosexuality. Church officials will be accused of “woeful” failure to protect the institution of marriage from erosion by the rise of civil partnerships and Coalition plans to allow same-sex couples to register their partnerships in religious settings.
A lay member of Synod, Andrea Minichiello Williams, will urge the Archbishops of Canterbury and York to call an “emergency” debate to discuss Church’s stance on marriage reforms.

Experts in sophisticated nonsense having a debate on the morality of homosexuality? And they wonder why people are fleeing in droves from the embarrassment that is the Church. While the rest of us are trying to ensure every person is treated with the same rights as everyone else, these morons are still stuck trying to figure out if their 2000 year old dead Palestinian carpenter would approve. I think they should take the fucking hint that a million departures in 2 years means an increasingly large segment of the population doesn’t really give a shit what Jesus thinks about who they decide to fuck, and in a few decades, no one will.