You all know by now that the educational system in Louisiana is rapidly deteriorating thanks to Governor Bobby Jindal and his relentless crusade to institute voucher programs that end up benefiting religiously run schools. He may have come out recently begging for the GOP not to become the ‘stupid party’, but he’s actively working to ensure his constituents are ever more ignorant about the real world.

The proof, as they say, is in the pudding. So let’s take a look at a sample curriculum that someone going to school in this state is exposed to. Let’s start with facts about evolution and creationism:

Fact or Theory?

Man makes judgments about the evidence of fossils based on his beliefs. A man who believes God’s record of Creation and history will look at fossils one way. A man who believes in evolution will view fossils in a different way…

Creationist Viewpoint: God created the heavens and the Earth
Evolutionist Viewpoint: Earth and space were the result of a sudden explosion

Magic man done it, as most of you are aware, is not actually a theory. It’s a claim without proof, made by people who are convinced the book of fairy-tales they call the Bible is a factual account of the history of the world. Yeah, and the Iliad is totally true too…

Creationist Viewpoint: The Earth is thousands of years old
Evolutionist Viewpoint: The Earth is millions of years old

It’s pretty sad when creationists can’t even be bothered to learn the actual arguments. No, ‘evolutionists’ don’t think the Earth is millions of years old. Maybe Lord Kelvin thought so in the 19th century, but since then, we’ve learned it’s actually BILLIONS of years old. Get your fucking facts straight if you’re going to try and disprove one of the most tested scientific theories ever devised, morons.

Creationist Viewpoint: Fossils are probably the result of the great flood in the Bible
Evolutionist Viewpoint: Fossils show the great geological ages of the earth

If I was a creationist, I would try to avoid fossils altogether. You can’t really help but create suspicion in your own worldview when your explanation for weird and alien bones in the ground is a catastrophic flood that happened only a few thousand years ago. Eventually people will start to ask why there’s a predictable pattern of where specific bones are buried in distinct strata (their answer is usually “Satan put them there to trick people”). In any case, fossils show geological ages, but more than that, they consistently show different animals buried in successive layers of rock, pointing to a pretty obvious succession of transitional forms over time (besides, if you want to know more about geological ages, you look at rocks for that, not fossils). It’s like a gigantic puzzle that only requires a little bit of thought to put together.

Creationist Viewpoint: God created all kinds of animals in the beginning
Evolutionist Viewpoint: Different kinds of life have gradually evolved over long periods of time

So here at least the choice is simple: either all the animals were created magically in the span of a few days by Super-Dad, or organisms gradually evolved over time to better adapt to their environment and the struggle for survival. One you have proof for, the other is stated plainly in a boring book most people can’t even finish reading through. What a tough choice!

Creationist Viewpoint: Man is God’s special creation. He is different from the animals because he is created in God’s image
Evolutionist Viewpoint: Man is the highest level of animal.

I don’t know what shitty scientists the authors of this joke of a textbook met, but I can tell you anyone worth his salt wouldn’t dare say something that dumb. No, man is not the “highest level of animal”. We may be smart and a dominant predator, but we pale in comparison to the awesome power of bacteria. Without these little power factories, we wouldn’t be able to digest food, or even have a functional ecosystem. I won’t deny that we certainly are the smartest, but when a bunch of us write this kind of stupid drivel in the Age of Information, it doesn’t make a strong case for it.