So you fucked up. You drove drunk, smashed into another car, and injured the passengers. Now you’re part of the legal system, and at the mercy of very human, and very flawed human beings who have a very tenuous grasp on the separation of church and state. The result is probation, and an odd book report on the book of Job.

Such is the fate of Cassandra Tolley, who wound up agreeing to this strange request from Judge Michael Nettles (which appears to be the only reason this hasn’t caused more uproar). He wants her to read the book of Job, which has a certain tinge of cruel irony to it. You see, Tolley is apparently a victim of abuse, which would certainly make her feel some sympathy with poor Job, who is tortured by God in order to win a bet with Satan.

The story is said to have a happy ending, but considering his entire family was annihilated, I’m not entirely sure having twice the livestock makes up for it. In any case, I hold to my statement that reading the Bible is the fastest path to atheism. What else are you supposed to conclude from the story other than God considers humanity no better than toys, to be used, abused, and discarded as he deems fit? What a swell guy! Can he have all my money?