You had me at “Dark Energy”

When you’re busy fighting against the forces of superstition, dogma and pseudoscience, you can often forget about the smaller doses of idiocy that go almost completely ignored. Take Flat-Earthers. I mean, no one even bothers to debunk these clowns anymore. It’s gotten so bad that they end up doing most of the hard work of calling them on their retarded shit for you.

Take the FAQ for the Flat Earth Society. It attempts to lay out all the arguments against their wacky belief, and by doing so, instantly arms anyone with the ability to debunk this garbage. Take a look at these hilarious claims:

  • Satellites are a lie. Sustained spaceflight is impossible, and all signals are broadcast from towers or ground based satellites.
  • The Sun and moon are 32 miles in diameter and are suspended above the earth via Dark Energy [NOTE: oh look, they learned a scientific term!].
  • The Earth is constantly accelerating, thereby providing the experience of gravity. [NOTE: presumably without end].
  • A vast “Icewall” protects the worlds oceans from falling off the sides.
  • The atmosphere is actually an Atmolayer [NOTE: whatever the fuck that means].
  • The sun and the moon have gravity, but the Earth does not, because it’s special.
  • The North pole is cold because the 32 mile wide sun circles around the equator.
  • Time zones exists because the sun doesn’t emit light in all directions, but rather is like a spotlight.
  • Eclipses are caused by the “antimoon”, a mysterious moon shaped black body.
  • If you drive directly southward, you will eventually fall off the edge [NOTE: none of their “scientists” have yet attempted this daring scientific experiment].
  • The Coriolis Effect is a lie.
  • All space-based organizations are involved in a global conspiracy to keep the truth of the earth’s flatness hidden.
  • The giant “Icewall” is guarded by a government agents to prevent people from exploring it. No one has survived the attempt.

Where does one even begin? The antimoon? Government conspiracies to prevent people from realizing they’re are living on a constantly accelerating disk orbited (somehow) by a 32 mile wide spotlight and its glowing cousin? Yes, it all makes sense now! America is going bankrupt trying to pay off everyone to keep the Icewall a secret. Can you imagine what’ll happen if it melts away?