I’m sick and tired of people making toast and suddenly declaring their blurry burn marks are the divine image of Jesus. Here’s one woman claiming her cheese toast has the profile of the King of Kings. It looks a lot like Eddie the Head from Iron Maiden to me, but what do I know? I’m just a silly naked ape just trying to make my way in a confusing world. I’d just eat the damn thing and go about my business, like the millions of other normal, intelligent human beings who don’t automatically assume their Gods are somehow trying to communicate with them through food.

Now I finally understand why the image of Muhammad is forbidden; the early mullahs must have gotten pretty damn annoyed at every stupid claim that their prophet was appearing in all kinds of places. Best to just recognize these things as false idols and get back the the business of praying, or whatever it is they did for fun back then.