Actors who play the title role of God have the sweetest roles. First, they always seem wise, paternal, all-knowing, and even a little smug. Secondly, they have the soft, epic choir singing quietly in the background. And finally, just when you think this God character is a real bastard, his infinite wisdom is proven, and the audience leaves home satisfied with the performance. And really, who could resist the one line every actor practices in the mirror each night: “Who am I? Well, I’m God, of course!”

I’m not in the business of providing film reviews, but considering the nature of my site, I couldn’t help but throw, if temporarily, my hat in the ring in the case of Evan Almighty, the sequel to Jim Carrey’s biggest box office hit ever. Jim’s always been smart about second tier movies that hang on the strength of their name sake predecessors by steering clear of them. Although he isn’t the comedian he used to be, I have to give him credit for avoiding this lemon.

It’s not to say the movie is bad, but it certainly isn’t good, or even as insightful as it hopes. The movie has heavy environmentalist overtones, and though you may be tempted into congratulating the valiant effort to create some sense of awareness for Mother Nature, in truth it feels like a grade 3 class on environmentalism. There’s a painfully awkward scene, for example, involving a carpenter recommending to Evan, proud new owner of his own McMansion, to do his countertop in wood cut down so recently from the rainforest you can taste the tears.

Now, as God commands Evan to build him an ark in preparation for an incoming flood, my thoughts turned instantly to a possible lesson in global warming. The entire movie, you expect some news of a massive piece of polar icecap melting being ultimately responsible for the new Genesis of mankind. No such luck, unfortunately. The producers of the movie knew they were in for a tough sell if they went down that storyline arc (pun intended). The last thing conservative, God-fearing ticket holders want to hear about is the depressing idea that we’re slowly melting the icecaps. So a compromise is created: the big disaster is actually the result of over development and corporate greed (not to mention poor craftsmanship), not CO2 emissions.

Although there have been positive reviews from some critics praising the films pro-environment stand, there is something ultimately hollow about the way it’s done. In the end scene, as the family enjoys a picnic and some sandwiches, I couldn’t help but notice the plastic bag the family was using to carry them in, each one enjoying the summer air in their new, machine washed clothing. Perhaps it’s only a subtle demonstration of how the American mythos of prosperity and happiness is the antithesis to living a sustainable existence. Perhaps it’s also because I felt the real point of the Noah’s Ark story was completely whitewashed. I’m no fan of the Bible, but I’m aware of the very important message of redemption and rebirth present in the moral homily. I am also aware that although the God of the Old Testament is no sweetheart, the real bad guy isn’t him; it’s the rest of us for squandering the precious gift of life.

As the bad guy is exposed for his sins in the movie, no doubt dragged away satisfyingly by some local police officer, there’s a weird feeling that they may be arresting the wrong person. After all, no one else is held accountable for the fact the developed land was bought, and later outfitted with monstrously huge and polluting homes, each one with a gas guzzling car parked in the driveway. Is it so hard to believe perhaps other people rather than Evan needed to be taught a lesson about our impact on the environment, Mr. God?

Throughout the movie, I half expected a beautiful speech delivered from the lips of Morgan Freeman about the need for a stewardship with nature. Instead I got a trite lesson of being kind to my family, and to those around me. Well God, does love fix a hole in the ozone layer, or prevent the icecaps from melting? I have an idea: how about giving me something practical, like the 2 hours of my life I lost watching this movie?