It’s terrible shows like this that give me hope that not every child is being indoctrinated particularly well. The damage done by these kinds of yahoos seems relatively easy to fix, especially since these clowns can’t manage to keep a bunch of kids interested in their shtick for more than 15 seconds.

If you’re trying to indoctrinate children in your cult, might I suggest the trying the following:

#1: Be prepared
Just because they’re kids doesn’t mean they are easy to entertain. Typically there’s a “tone” you have to strike to get their attention. Loud, wacky, animated, and “alive” tend to spring into mind. While this show was plenty noisy, it lacked a coherence that can only come from having actually bothered to write a proper show.
#2: Be animated
It can’t be easy entertaining kids when you’re a million years old. It’s why most pros are young enough to handle all the coke you need to stay energized. If you’ve already got a foot in the grave, this gig may not be right for you.
#3 Avoid creating comic characters with shrill, annoying voices.
Kids are people too, which means they equally hate shrill voices that sound like nails across a chalkboard. Try a friendly, reassuring voice instead of your best Wicked Witch impression.