There are some people who behave in such a strange manner, and believe in such terrifyingly silly things, that you have to take a moment in your day to see for yourself the depth of man’s delusions. This week, an interesting video was presented to me, where a supposed expert makes his predictions as to the relative size of heaven. His conclusion: heaven is about 7,000,000 times bigger than New York. At first I wasn’t sure if this was some silly prank or hoax, considering not only the strange production value and the robotic movements of the host, but also the rather bold conjectures he makes. Did you know everyone gets a mansion in Heaven? It’s a good thing to; where else are you supposed to sleep and have breakfast? The special effects are so ludicrous, I’m still not sure whether this isn’t an elaborate prank pulled on everyone. Nothing this bad can be real, right? Each minute is stranger than the next, as a 32 inch little person trolleys forward on her miniscule wheelchair, declaring that in heaven, her body will allow her to walk. She then proceeds to sing a rather creepy little jig in a voice reminiscent of Alvin the Chipmunk.

The crescendo of silliness is finally ended with a plea to consider our plans for eternity. What are you going to do if you’re crushed in an earthquake by the merciful hands of the Almighty? Well, I don’t know about you, but I’m barely able to plan a weekend, let alone an eternity of stuff to do. Such a long period of time to fill with activity would undoubtedly require a significant portion of my life to arrange, and at best, I could hope to account for only a few thousand years of fun. I certainly hope heaven has an activity planner, or else things might get boring pretty damn quick!