Boy, am I excited. After nearly 2000 years of being a complete fucking no-show, Jesus has announced his glorious return on May 21st, 2011. This is according to a Nashville billboard paid for by fans of Family Radio Inc, which according to their website has the correct calculation for the return of the Lord:

Thus Holy God is showing us by the words of 2 Peter 3:8 that He wants us to know that exactly 7,000 years after He destroyed the world with water in Noah’s day, He plans to destroy the entire world forever. Because the year 2011 A.D. is exactly 7,000 years after 4990 B.C. when the flood began, the Bible has given us absolute proof that the year 2011 is the end of the world during the Day of Judgment, which will come on the last day of the Day of Judgment.

Amazingly, May 21, 2011 is the 17th day of the 2nd month of the Biblical calendar of our day. Remember, the flood waters also began on the 17th day of the 2nd month, in the year 4990 B.C.

How could we forget? Yes, the story of Noah proves the loving God of the Old Testament likes to roll around and basically annihilate his creation every time he’s unhappy with the outcome. I know how he feels: when I play SimCity and figure out halfway through my city just simply can’t support itself, I usually send a few natural disasters to “cleanse” the place, and allow me to start over. I’ve been waiting for the expansion pack that would include the crazy mouth-sword killer Jesus of Revelation, but so far it hasn’t come out yet.

So mark your calendars, people! Jesus is coming back, and he’s bringing a death sickle!

(Update: The site Family Radio has since been discontinued)