Pope Benedict XVI is on a mission; he’s decided to tour Europe to fight what he’s dubbed “atheist ideology” and “hedonistic consumerism” (this from the same man who quite literally eats off gold plate in a gigantic palace). His first stop is the European capital of unbelief: the Czech Republic. According to the latest polls, only about 19% of the population claims to believe in God, and those figures keep dropping every year. You’d figure the least religious place in Europe would be a stupid first place to visit, and you’d be right; Benny’s own advisors are telling him this is a stupid move, but hey, what’s the fun in having Papal Infallibility if you can’t do whatever the hell you want?

There’s no fanfare for his scheduled arrival, and most Czechs are more concerned with the mundane to really give a shit about the pontiff’s visit. Besides, he’s there to warn everyone of the “dangers” of secularism. Yeah, the world is such a messed up place in countries where religion and politics AREN’T intertwined, right? Oh wait, it’s completely the opposite. Silly me.

If the Pope really wants to do good, he should head over to Nigeria and try to put a stop to all the terrible shit that’s going on there in the name of Christianity. Hell, he could sanction the use of condoms and save millions of lives that way. What do you say Benny, ready to stop wasting your time and do some real good with your life? I didn’t think so.