If you were ever naïve enough to believe that religion is anything more than a giant money grab, I have a few magic beans I’d love to sell you. When it comes to money, there’s one thing that’s always been consistent with the Catholic Church: they will go to any length to make sure that they get what they want.

In the great state of Texas, a group of nuns fought to retain their independence from the Vatican, and failed spectacularly. It seems as though their property is a bit too lucrative to leave it to a bunch of sexless nuns to run, and so a bunch of allegations magically surfaced about one of them, accusing Rev. Mother Teresa Agnes Gerlach of breaking her vow of chastity by engaging in phone sex. She was forced to leave the church forever for her sin. The priest who engaged in this same activity with her, on the other hand, was given a slap on the wrist.

This smokescreen was all the pretext needed for a hostile takeover. Bishop Michael Olson and other cronies with the “Association of Christ the King”, at the behest of the Vatican, were ordered to take over the monastery. Coincidentally, it just happens to sit on some very sweet real-estate that was being managed by a bunch of girls. This would not stand.

At first, the nuns attempted to take out a restraining order against them, saying that they were operating independently already, and that despite the forced departure of their head nun for having phone sex, they were already governed by a board in any case. They argued that only an order from the Pontiff would change their mind. This was probably due to their naivete, thinking that the Holy See cares for anything other than cold hard cash.

It didn’t take long for the Pope to respond that the nuns should accept the new management, but they tried in vain to keep their independence. The courts told them they had no legal standing, since they were associated with the larger church, and presto, the monastery is now theirs, courtesy of a nice legal loophole that allowed them to pretend than the forceful expulsion of one of their members deserved a complete takeover.

This has all the hallmarks of a 80’s merger and acquisition style movie, with the only difference being that everyone is a sexually repressed weirdo in ridiculous outfits. The comment section in the Catholic Register is filled with angry people pointing out not only the greedy takeover, but also the blatant hypocrisy in the treatment of the nun compared to the priest. What these well meaning fools fail to realize is that this is the intended purpose of their faith. This is not a corruption of the edicts of the church: this is a fulfillment of them. One can only hope that the remaining followers of this powerful and sinister organization will rescind their support. Until then, they will continue to act with impunity and grab more money and power whenever it suits them best.