Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. This is the lesson that Ottawa, Mich. Christians are beginning to learn. You see, a few months back, the Board of Commissioners was sued by an LGBT group for only allowing Christian prayers before the beginning of meetings. Because of that pesky First Amendment of their own Constitution, the Board was forced to allow other faiths the opportunity to spread their own religion. Enter the Satanic Temple, always there to freak out Christians.

A member call Luis Cypher (I mean, that’s just clever), began his evocation thusly:

“That must be destroyed by truth, should never be spared. It’s demise. It is done. Hail Satan. Thank you very much, we wish everyone a wonderful evening tonight.”

This of course outraged Christians, who still think that followers of the Church of Satan are somehow worshipping the devil. So naturally, they fail to understand that all of this is a reaction to their own unconstitutional practices.

“Tonight you all had failed miserably in your primary responsibility. You have out of the respect for a flawed custom of men allowed worship not only to a false ideal of man’s creation but to the greatest enemy of the all good God who allowed you to fill these positions,” one resident said at the podium while holding a cross.

Obviously that guy watched too many horror movies, thinking that his little torture device does anything at all. It’s the equivalent of clutching your pearls. Honestly, I am always grateful and delighted by the Satanic Church. Who else out there is shoving Christian hypocrisy in their faces like they do? Keep on truckin’, you hedonistic beautiful bastards!