Christians love to ban things. For them, the idea that people should be allowed to make up their own minds is ludicrous. Their god is in charge, and he hates fun things like sex, music, and people who aren’t constantly going on about how amazing he is. This is why they are always trying to make sure that you are as miserable as they are.
In Florida, governor Ron DeSantis has been trying to score points with his religious base for a while. He’s desperate to have the same popularity among evangelicals that his political rival, the giant Orange Turd, benefits from. In a desperate attempt to “be cool”, he’s introduced laws that allow parents to ban books they deem offensive. Since Florida is full of crazies, the broad language of the law does little to clarify what kinds of materials are deemed inappropriate.
Luckily, the Bible is one of the most offensive books ever written. It contains countless examples of rape, genocide, baby killing, human sacrifice, and extreme sexual content that would make any other novel pale in comparison. So much so, in fact that when local agitator and all around amazing named Chaz Stevens started to try and ban the Bible, and even the Thesaurus to point out the absurdity and vagueness of the book banning law, DeSantis declared that the problem was not with his law but with people who abuse the system:
“The idea that someone can use the parents rights and the curriculum transparency to start objecting to every single book to try to make a mockery of this is just wrong,” DeSantis said the day before the bill signing. “That’s performative. That’s political.”
The irony of a career politician accusing someone else of engaging in performative politics is incredible. Sure, Stevens would be the first to admit that he’s a provocateur’s, but his point is to show just how useless and performative DeSantis’ own laws are. So far, he’s doing a bang up job, and it’s driving his governor crazy. He’s a wild idea: why doesn’t Florida just accept that people should be allowed to make their own minds and not try to use the power of the state to impose your own beliefs? It’s something called “freedom”. You should try it!