Author Archives: Jacob Fortin

What a textbook in Louisiana looks like

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You all know by now that the educational system in Louisiana is rapidly deteriorating thanks to Governor Bobby Jindal and his relentless crusade to institute voucher programs that end up benefiting religiously run schools. He may have come out recently begging for the GOP not to become the ‘stupid party’, but he’s actively working to ensure his constituents are ever more ignorant about the real world.

The proof, as they say, is in the pudding. So let’s take a look at a sample curriculum that someone going to school in this state is exposed to. Let’s start with facts about evolution and creationism:

Fact or Theory?

Man makes judgments about the evidence of fossils based on his beliefs. A man who believes God’s record of Creation and history will look at fossils one way. A man who believes in evolution will view fossils in a different way…

Creationist Viewpoint: God created the heavens and the Earth
Evolutionist Viewpoint: Earth and space were the result of a sudden explosion

Magic man done it, as most of you are aware, is not actually a theory. It’s a claim without proof, made by people who are convinced the book of fairy-tales they call the Bible is a factual account of the history of the world. Yeah, and the Iliad is totally true too…

Creationist Viewpoint: The Earth is thousands of years old
Evolutionist Viewpoint: The Earth is millions of years old

It’s pretty sad when creationists can’t even be bothered to learn the actual arguments. No, ‘evolutionists’ don’t think the Earth is millions of years old. Maybe Lord Kelvin thought so in the 19th century, but since then, we’ve learned it’s actually BILLIONS of years old. Get your fucking facts straight if you’re going to try and disprove one of the most tested scientific theories ever devised, morons.

Creationist Viewpoint: Fossils are probably the result of the great flood in the Bible
Evolutionist Viewpoint: Fossils show the great geological ages of the earth

If I was a creationist, I would try to avoid fossils altogether. You can’t really help but create suspicion in your own worldview when your explanation for weird and alien bones in the ground is a catastrophic flood that happened only a few thousand years ago. Eventually people will start to ask why there’s a predictable pattern of where specific bones are buried in distinct strata (their answer is usually “Satan put them there to trick people”). In any case, fossils show geological ages, but more than that, they consistently show different animals buried in successive layers of rock, pointing to a pretty obvious succession of transitional forms over time (besides, if you want to know more about geological ages, you look at rocks for that, not fossils). It’s like a gigantic puzzle that only requires a little bit of thought to put together.

Creationist Viewpoint: God created all kinds of animals in the beginning
Evolutionist Viewpoint: Different kinds of life have gradually evolved over long periods of time

So here at least the choice is simple: either all the animals were created magically in the span of a few days by Super-Dad, or organisms gradually evolved over time to better adapt to their environment and the struggle for survival. One you have proof for, the other is stated plainly in a boring book most people can’t even finish reading through. What a tough choice!

Creationist Viewpoint: Man is God’s special creation. He is different from the animals because he is created in God’s image
Evolutionist Viewpoint: Man is the highest level of animal.

I don’t know what shitty scientists the authors of this joke of a textbook met, but I can tell you anyone worth his salt wouldn’t dare say something that dumb. No, man is not the “highest level of animal”. We may be smart and a dominant predator, but we pale in comparison to the awesome power of bacteria. Without these little power factories, we wouldn’t be able to digest food, or even have a functional ecosystem. I won’t deny that we certainly are the smartest, but when a bunch of us write this kind of stupid drivel in the Age of Information, it doesn’t make a strong case for it.

Pakistan sentences man to death for blasphemy

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The bravery of religion is yet again on display, this time in Pakistan where a man has been sentence to death for supposedly insulting the prophet Mohammed. There’s a familiar pattern that arises in these parts: the predominately Muslim population has a few altercations with other religious groups that are Christian, and suddenly the lone person is accused of blasphemy and is usually beaten, followed by the customary kangaroo court.

Hazrat Ali Shah, 25, was convicted of blaspheming against the Muslim Prophet Mohammed and the Koran during a quarrel in his village in northern Pakistan in March 2011.

Despite the fact that many in government are actually afraid of this law, no one has the balls to repeal it, since fundamentalists can easily stir up their violence base in order to execute anyone who opposes them. While it’s true that no one has actually been executed under this law (enacted in 1986), those sentenced are usually imprisoned and then forgotten about, only to be left in the hands of their Islamic fellow prisoners. It’s an invitation to daily beating and an unceremonious prison death.

Eric Hovind gets his ass kicked by 6th grader

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So, what’s more embarrassing: not being able to properly answer the challenges of a 11 year old, or needing to try and bully your way out of answering his question? Here is Hovind’s argument in a nutshell:

1) If you don’t know everything, you can’t be sure of anything
2) God knows everything and tells me things
3) Therefore all true knowledge comes from God.

The kid’s response cuts through his second and third point and just re-iterates the first broken assumption:

1)If you can’t know anything without knowing everything, how do you know God exists

And what’s Eric’s response? Rolling up his sleeves and basically dodging the question to avoid answering it, belittling the kid for not being very old (making himself look even more pathetic), and shuffling around hoping this embarrassing moment will soon be over. The lesson here folks is creationists can be brought down easily. You just need to call them out on their dumb shit and watch them squirm.

The Atheist who stole Christmas

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Once upon a time there was a mean old atheist who didn’t like the fact his government was showing obvious favoritism to the dominant religion of his fellow citizens. He dared to ask that other holiday displays not affiliated with the mythology of Jesus also be allowed to be publicly displayed, and a more inclusive form of festivities could be added, so as to reduce the alienation of others.

Luckily, a lovable crank had a dream about what would happen if America didn’t shove Christianity in everyone’s face with a bunch of ghosts, and when he woke up the next morning, he gathered up all his strength and headed over to his little TV station and let the world know about that awful man trying to ruin 70% of the population’s good time. What a hero!

Marco Rubio doesn’t know how dumb he is

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f you weren’t already sick of the race to the White House, you’re going to hate the next 4 years of your life, as the media can’t help but trip over themselves trying to predict the possible candidates for 2016. One prospect for Republicans is a Hispanic Florida Senator by the name of Marco Rubio. He’s made the new recently for saying some profoundly dumb shit:

I’m not a scientist, man. I can tell you what recorded history says, I can tell you what the Bible says, but I think that’s a dispute amongst theologians and I think it has nothing to do with the gross domestic product or economic growth of the United States. I think the age of the universe has zero to do with how our economy is going to grow. I’m not a scientist. I don’t think I’m qualified to answer a question like that. At the end of the day, I think there are multiple theories out there on how the universe was created and I think this is a country where people should have the opportunity to teach them all. I think parents should be able to teach their kids what their faith says, what science says. Whether the Earth was created in 7 days, or 7 actual eras, I’m not sure we’ll ever be able to answer that. It’s one of the great mysteries.

It’s a great mystery how in the age of science someone could still be so profoundly ignorant about the age of the Earth. Maybe a few decades ago, before everyone had the Library of Alexandria in their fucking pocket, it would have been understandable not to know. Hell, we’ve only really known about the age of the universe for a few generations, and it can take time for something to really be known. But by now, not knowing is really an active choice one has to make. That ignorance must be embraced, since I doubt Rubio has never been confronted with the factual age of the Cosmos at some point in his life.

Sure, there are multiple ‘theories’ of how old the earth is, but only one of them is actually a scientific theory and not the dumb invention of ignorant sheep herders (keep in mind both definitions are entirely different as well). As for whether or not economies depend on knowing the age of the Earth, I would argue that a man who sits on the Senate Commerce, Science, and Transportation Committee should know by now you can’t actually have an economy without science, or its baby sister, technology. Knowing how old the Earth is should be a requirement if you’re on a committee with the fucking word ‘science’ in it, don’t you think?

Either two things are at play here: either Rubio is trying to a appeal to his science hating base, or he’s a fucking moron. And while all of this science denial is a part of the modern electoral strategy one has to employ, I wouldn’t be surprised if Rubio didn’t actually believe the evidence that the Earth is over 4.5 billion years old. That’s because this concept alone is terrifying to the provincialism of religious myths. How insignificant are humans if we represent but a blip in the history of Earth and the Cosmos, and what does it say about their unimpressive dead Jew?

Irish PM doesn’t want to feel rushed into changing abortion law

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Since I first blogged about this a few days ago, the death of Savita Halappanavar has caused a lot of understandable outrage in Ireland. It seems her highly avoidable passing has rudely awakened a generation of young people who are shocked their own health could be threatened due to the persistence of religious dogma.

Even more shocking, they’re about to realize change is impossibly slow, given the ones holding the reins of power have no interest in making necessary change, lest it upset the old guard:

“This is a matter that has divided Irish society now for a great number of years, and I am not going to be rushed into a situation by force of numbers on any side,” Prime Minister Enda Kenny told state broadcaster RTE.

I don’t give a damn if you feel abortion is wrong. That’s your own personal opinion, and as uninformed as it is, it doesn’t for one second change the fact they need to happen. Making them illegal or inaccessible places the lives of actual sentient beings at risk, whether it be from botched street abortions, or from countless medical complications caused by pregnancies. I don’t have to bring up the fact women were dying all the time before abortion was legal in America, do I?

Like drug prohibitionism, making something illegal doesn’t actually solve anything: it in fact compounds both the risk and the cost to society by making them the realm of black markets and underground economies. These are the real consequences of a confused sense of moral responsibility towards unborn fetuses (which tragically seems to end once they’ve taken their very first breath of air), and should not be ignored. Unlike our religious counterparts, it’s the material world we are concerned with, and the individuals who make up that physical realm. The supposed concerns of a make believe troll or bearded entity in the sky has absolutely no bearing on the procedures we undertake to save the lives of other human beings.

If there is any debate, it boils down to this: medical decisions should be pretty obvious considering one is based on simple logic, the other is based on the interpretation of a fairy tale about a guy pulling out on her brother’s widow, and getting killed by a vengeful deity.

It’s divided society alright: one side thinks people should have the ability to be treated for a medical condition based on science, and not religion. The fact some people are mad that abortions happen is irrelevant to their actual real need. And the victims of all this stupidity are women. Now, I wonder how a society still under the spell of a misogynistic, male dominated cult will react to the news there’s no real rush to ensure their well being is preserved so the feelings of superstitious ignoramuses can be spared?

“This is something that has to be dealt with rationally, and openly and truthfully and that is what will happen,” said Kenny.

Dealt with rationally? Do you honestly think the reason for these insane restrictions are logical and reasonable to begin with?

FFRF sues IRS for failing to enforce tax-exempt rules

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Now that the election is over and President Obama no longer has to be afraid of Evangelicals bent on his destruction, it’s time to put aside petty politics and enforce the law in regards to religious institutions and their supposed neutrality when it comes to politics.

We all know countless religious organizations have been violating the rules of their tax-exempt status, which stipulates pastors are not allowed to specifically endorse a political candidate. The logic behind this rule is simple: religions hold a lot of sway and power, and the last thing you want is for that power to be used to dictate who their followers should vote for. It makes an implicit statement about the role of church in politics: kindly stay the fuck out of it, or we’ll take away your privileges.

Unfortunately, the IRS has gone out of its way to ignore any attempts to challenge it, even when over 1500 pastors openly defied them in the hopes they could then turn around and take this issue to the courts (and ultimately end up costing everyone a lot of money to determine they don’t have a legal leg to stand on). If you thought there might be some kind of reasonable explanation from the IRS as to why they’ve so consistently failed to uphold the law, you’ll be shocked by how much they are tripping over one another trying to get their bullshit story straight:

“We are holding any potential church audits in abeyance,” IRS official Russell Renwicks said.

The IRS later disavowed the statement, insisting the agency intended to investigate the many complaints it had received once it revised its regulations.

“The IRS continues to run a balanced program that follows up on potential non-compliance, while ensuring the appropriate oversight and review to determine that compliance activities are necessary and appropriate,” IRS spokesman Dean Patterson clarified.

Talk about backtracking; in the past three years, there hasn’t been one single investigation, despite the fact thousands of pastors continually violated this law like it was Jodie Foster in The Accused.

Dissatisfied by the lack of balls in the organization, the Freedom From Religion Foundation is suing the IRS for its failure to comply with their own law. If you think this is a worthy cause and want to support them (hint: I think we all should), then go to their site and make a donation. Let’s hit these religious fuckers where it hurts the most: the pocketbook!

Religious whacko stabs husband because Jesus told her to

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A few days ago, I debated two religious dudes on a show called “Faith and Skepticism” (they might as well call the show oil and water considering how incompatible those two things are), and the one thing they couldn’t seem to grasp is the idea that “hearing the voice of God” is usually a sign of insanity. Obviously, the degree of this insanity can be measured by analyzing what is being communicated. If the little voice inside your head is telling you that you’re a good person and need to donate more money to whatever religious institution you’re part of, we would rank this as fairly low on the nut-job scale (though medical treatment should still be sought). If the voice tells you to stab your husband because Jesus and Mary told you he’s Satan spawn, you’ve probably reached the point where serious medication is your only “salvation”

A woman who allegedly stabbed her husband said she did it after, “Jesus and Mary told me to kill him because he is Satan’s spawn!” according to a police report… Horry County Police deputies were called to [Tammy] Estep’s residence at approximately 6:45 a.m. on the day of the incident. When they arrived, Estep told officers that “She was sent to save the world,” according to a police report.

What better way to save the world than by stabbing your partner repeatedly? My question is how long had she been over the deep end, and were there any other signs people ignored up until that point, convinced that her scary nonsense was just religious fervor. It’s kind of hard to tell sometimes, isn’t it? Yeah, that’s not a coincidence…

Cindy Jacobs thinks wishful thinking stops terrorists

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Thank the dead Palestinian Jew who probably never even existed that Cindy Jacobs and her group of whackjobs were around in 2011 to protect us with her ‘prayer cover’ that’s been actively thwarting terrorist’s attempts. Also in more personal news, I have a rock that can protect you from being mauled by a tiger. I’m currently selling it for the low-low price of $999.99, so you better move if you want my useless piece of shit talisman to protect your loved ones from dangerous man-eating tigers! How do I know it works? Well, I’ve never once suffered a tiger attack, so it’s obviously doing something right! Who knows how many tiger attacks it’s prevented over the years?

Pedophile priest blames God for making him this way

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I’ve heard a lot of tortured explanations from the Catholic Church over the years as to why so many priests are sexually abusing children. Pope Benedict XVI claimed it was increased secularization that somehow made their theists behave so immorally. Homosexuality has also been blamed, despite the fact that as many female children are abused as males. Finally, though, one pedophile priest by the name of David Edwin Rapson in Australia has finally used a novel defense I think makes a bit more sense: He blamed God for making him that way:

A former Catholic priest accused of molesting boys at a Victorian school said, “God made us this way and it’s his fault” when a fellow priest urged him to resist

When he was finally confronted by a fellow priest, he responded to his accuser with “You’re one to talk. You’re the same as me….You know what we do here”, prompting me to think this must be yet another way these bastards get away with abuse for so long. Who’s going to report them? Their fellow molesters? Yeah, that fucking seems likely.

Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard has recently OK’d a royal commission to look into the abuse after a police detective named Peter Fox wrote a letter to his premier begging him to open up an investigation. Fox felt both the police department and the Church had actively sabotaged any investigation into the matter, and an independent body needed to look into the matter. Surprisingly, it didn’t take long for the government to spring into action (yeah, I know how weird it is to even write that down). Now we only need to sit back and watch the horror unfold before our eyes. I hope you have a strong stomach, Aussies, because you’re about to be put to the test in the coming months.

Doctors refused abortion because “it’s a Catholic country”

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Ireland may be quickly de-converting to atheism faster than any other country, but that certainly doesn’t mean the fight against superstition and religious indoctrination is over. If anything, the stakes have gotten higher, especially when it comes to certain key issues which don’t seem to go away. A young woman by the name of Savita Halappanavar was told she was miscarrying, and after one day in severe pain, asked for a medical termination. This was refused, her husband says, because the fetal heartbeat was still present and they were told, “this is a Catholic country”.

She spent a further 2½ days “in agony” until the fetal heartbeat stopped.

By the time the fetus’ heart had finally stopped, many of Savita’s organs had already begun to shut down. When they began operating on her, it was already too late, and she died.

the hospital extended its sympathy to the family and friends of Ms. Halappanavar but could not discuss the details of any individual case.

Somehow, a “sorry your wife died because our bullshit doctors think life begins at conception” doesn’t cut it. How about a “we’ll make sure no other woman has to die needlessly because we still think we’re living in the 18th century”. Ireland, I think it’s time for you to clean house and prove why you’re in the Top 10 atheist countries. Do it for the future Savitas’ of the world.

Christoga is as annoying as it sounds

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I have some fond memories of the TV show Northern Exposure. It might have something to do with the fact Alaska looks a lot like rural Quebec in the winter (complete with wood shacks, small town politics, and some adorable wackos). Janine Turner was in my spank bank for several years after the show had ended, but then again, I didn’t have the Internet to tell me what a bat-shit crazy bitch she is. When she isn’t supporting Sarah Palin as a political candidate, she’s helping teach people the secrets of ‘Christoga’, an exercise routine for aging Christian hags who want to spend as much time working out as the do praying to their invisible friend.

Is it a complete bastardization of another faith’s exercise routine? Sure, but to be fair, yoga had been watered down by white people for decades, so we’ll assume this is just yet another example of the pathetic cash-grab Christians are so famous for. “Watch us do ineffectual movements while vaguely mentioning Jesus.” Fun times…

Shocking: Atheist kids dare to express themselves

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If you’ve never heard of The Blaze (like probably 99% of the population), it’s a creation of Glenn Beck and his conservative production company, Mercury Radio Arts (the irony of naming your production company after a metal that makes one insane is probably lost on these people). If the site isn’t regularly scaring people into buying gold, it feeds them pseudo information that plays into people’s fears and prejudices. Their latest fear mongering article is about the American Humanist Association’s new website, KidswithoutGod.com, which they think aims at “converting kids over to the secular religion of atheism“

The atheist activist community in America has taken an increasingly-active role in trying to convince citizens with doubts about their faith to fully evolve into non-believers and to “come out,” publicly proclaiming their anti-theism. Think of it as a form of secular evangelism. Already, non-believers have attempted to reach clergy who are in doubt through The Clergy Project. Additionally, there’s a humanist church service each week in Tulsa, Oklahoma (and these are only two examples). Now, in addition to reaching adults, atheist activists have their eyes set on converting kids and teens.

The website, which dares to encourage kids to be nice to other people, eat well, tell the truth, take responsibility for one’s actions, to take care of the environment, and to think for themselves, probably seems to ignorant theists as some kind of effort to ‘indoctrinate’ kids (funny how they don’t seem to mind at all when it’s their shit they are trying to inculcate). In reality, it’s merely a place for kids who weren’t brainwashed at an early age to realize they aren’t the only disbelievers out there. One article is even entitled “No Name Calling” when referring to believers. You can’t get more milk-toast than that, folks.

Their over-reaction is kind of hilarious, don’t you think?

Italians want to finally tax the Catholic Church

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With all the belt tightening happening in Italy, the general population is putting into motion a plan to tax the Catholic Church’s many holdings and tax exempt businesses. The total amount of revenue this would generate for the country is estimated to be about a billion dollars annually.

Following their government’s latest austerity measure package, more than 130,000 people signed an online petition calling for the Church’s tax exempt status to be revoked. Since 2005, church-run groups and organizations have not been classed as official commercial bodies and have been exempt from paying property tax.

Now, before you go jumping for joy, keep in mind Italy would only be taxing property that doesn’t have a specific religious intent. Tax authorities will need to scrutinize all of the Church’s holdings to determine which category they fit in.

So, it’s still pretty weak-sauce, but it’s a step in the right direction. Here’s hoping Italy’s austerity measures (another nice way of saying “fuck the poor”) continue to drive the idea that the Church has been getting a free ride for way too long. Enjoy your privilege while you can, Vatican. Eventually, they’ll be coming for your gold plates and jewel encrusted cutlery.

All Uganda wants for Christmas is to kill the gays

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It was only a matter of time before Uganda – oblivious to international pressure – would pass their notorious ‘kill the gays’ bill. Claiming homosexuals pose a ‘serious threat’, the government has decided to pass the law by the end of December. The speaker of the Cabinet, Rebecca Kadaga (seen above waving a fucking Bible, what else?), said this would be a Christmas present for her constituents. This barbaric bill is divided into two parts:

‘Aggravated homosexuality’ is defined as gay acts committed by parents or authority figures, HIV-positive people, pedophiles and repeat offenders. If convicted, they will face the death penalty.

The ‘offense of homosexuality’ includes same-sex sexual acts or being in a gay relationship, and will be prosecuted by life imprisonment.

So, it’s either the death penalty or life imprisonment, depending on just how ignorant the prosecution is. Kadaga even suggested that the whole of Africa, a continent in the grips of religious revival, should pass similar laws to needlessly torture, imprison, and murder individuals whose only crime is to have same sex attractions.

American Evangelicals must be jumping for joy at the thought of all the anti-gay shit they keep spewing is being taken seriously by some people.