I wonder if Pat Robertson remembers this little gem from back in January, when he claimed God told him in advance that Obama was going to lose the election…which he of course did not. If I was him, I’d just pull the same stunt Mohammed did whenever he was caught making a bullshit prediction: just blame it on the devil. He’s the go-to guy for all your lame excuses: did you cheat on your wife? The devil made you do it! Did you fail to pay your taxes? The devil’s work I tells ya! Man, why take personal responsibility for anything when you can blame some supernatural entity?
Author Archives: Jacob Fortin
Beck wants you to become a Pilgrim
With conservatives still freaking out over the fact their president is still black, you can expect some of the nuttier flavors of the Religious Right to step up their rhetoric. Glenn Beck, straight off his prediction God had promised the White House to a Mormon, has advised his aged listeners that the world will soon end, and their only recourse is to buy plenty of farmland and guns.
Inflation is coming, the fiscal cliff is coming, the dollar fell last night in the news… your health-care costs are going up [lie], your religion is going to come under attack [by reality maybe], gas, coal and energy is going to be more expensive [but please don’t buy a fuel efficient car, that’s un-American]…may I recommend that if you have a chance to buy farmland, you buy farmland… find a place where you are surrounded by like minded people [sounds like a cult]. Get your kids away from schools that are indoctrinating them with socialism [instead of Jesus]. May I highly suggest you get grandfathered in to the second amendment today [i.e. buy the biggest and most dangerous gun you can]. And don’t forget the ammunition.
I expect to see much more of this kind of reaction: conservatives becoming increasingly more isolated with the realization that they are no longer the majority. The solution? Move somewhere where everyone agrees with you and become even more extreme in your views. Sounds like a great plan, Glenn!
Maryland gets Marriage Equality
I know the big news story today is President Obama being re-elected, but I hope this bit of news doesn’t get buried under all the brouhaha: it seems as though the tiny state of Maryland has legalized same-sex marriage by approving “Question 6″ on the ballot. Now, before you celebrate this victory, you should know a few important details:
Establishes that Maryland’s civil marriage laws allow gay and lesbian couples to obtain a civil marriage license, provided they are not otherwise prohibited from marrying; protects clergy from having to perform any particular marriage ceremony in violation of their religious beliefs; affirms that each religious faith has exclusive control over its own theological doctrine regarding who may marry within that faith; and provides that religious organizations and certain related entities are not required to provide goods, services, or benefits to an individual related to the celebration or promotion of marriage in violation of their religious beliefs.
Can you imagine any civil rights legislation that still protected religious institutions from their blatant racism? I know I should be happy for gay couples finally getting the same rights as everyone else, but I can’t help but feel like this toothless referendum further legitimizes institutionalized homophobia. It’s no different than allowing churches the right to deny interracial marriages, since those too are specifically condemned by the Bible (remember when Lot’s daughters rape him in order not to have to take on foreign husbands?). I realize this was a necessary concession, but we should recognize the major barrier to marriage equality is still religion, and we shouldn’t be afraid to call it like it is.
Gary Cass is a hilarious bible-nut
Here are some of my favorite ridiculous tropes:
1) Harvard University is Jesus’ #1 enemy, because there’s learnin’ going on there.
2) America apparently elects people that like killing babies (he may be referring to abortion, but I think their ICBM’s do a better job.
3) You can’t be a good Christians unless you can instantly kill somebody with a gun.
4) Secular progressives have abandoned God (that’s why they’re called secular, genius).
5) Everyone who doesn’t believe in his version of Christ is a Marxist.
Contraception is a gateway drug to abortion!
Catholics are hilarious. It’s been 60 years since the invention of the pill, and these dinosaurs are still trying to argue that it’s the most evil invention since the guillotine.
Abortion and birth control are two sides of the same coin. The currency of which is the prevention and/or the destruction of nascent human life. While some forms of contraception, such as the condom or the diaphragm, are not themselves capable of destroying human life, (as are many chemical contraceptives, including forms of the Pill, the patch, and IUDs) they are a kind of “gateway drug” into the abortion mentality.
Ah yes, the gateway drug argument. If it worked to make a harmless drug like marijuana illegal, surely an illogical statement like this can prevent women from having full control over their reproductive cycles. The very fact that she’s even trying to prevent ovulation must mean she considers any potential child to be an enemy:
What I am saying is that the very act of using “birth control” (an oxymoron if ever there was one) pits prospective parents against prospective offspring.
Not sure if this guy actually knows what an oxymoron is, but this definitely doesn’t qualify (my example of an oxymoron would be ‘honest religion’, but I digress). Does he honestly believe that every woman who tried to regulate her ovulation is at war with her own body?
What I do believe, however, is that people who choose to contraception are damaging their consciences and hardening their hearts in a very real way, whether or not they acknowledge or comprehend the sinful nature of their actions. Sin, you see, has consequences. Whether or not we acknowledge our actions as sinful … heck, whether or not we even believe in sin, reality stands. And the reality is, contraception and abortion are about as intrinsically linked as are sugar and cavities. One doesn’t always cause the other, but it sure as heck predisposes the midnight snacker to more frequent trips to the dentist’s chair.
Snacking on all those birth control pills have made you into coldblooded killers, ladies. Can’t you just feel the genocide inside your womb every time you take your medicine? Man, I wish there was some kind of study that might actually attempt to answer the question of whether or not birth control reduces rates of abortion. Oh wait, here’s one:
Free birth control led to dramatically lower rates of abortions and teen births, a large study concludes….There also were substantially lower rates of abortion, when compared with women in the metro area and nationally: 4.4 to 7.5 abortions per 1,000 women in the study, compared with 13.4 to 17 abortions per 1,000 women overall in the St. Louis region, Peipert calculated. That’s lower than the national rate, too, which is almost 20 abortions per 1,000 women. In fact, if the program were expanded, one abortion could be prevented for every 79 to 137 women given a free contraceptive choice, Peipert’s team reported in the journal Obstetrics & Gynecology.
So, not only is that jackass wrong, his very objection to birth control actually allows more abortions to take place, and it’s not an insignificant number: the rates of abortion are double for women who don’t take the Pill, regardless of what particular nonsense faith they belong to.
See, this is the problem when you allow non-thinking persons to try and dictate the health of our citizenry: their well meaning stupidity notwithstanding, health issues cannot be dictated by people who get their cues from the Bronze Age.
There’s a reason, after all, that Planned Parenthood is fighting so hard to keep Obamacare and its promises of subsidized hormones alive.
Their bottom line depends upon it.
To uninformed Americans, Planned Parenthood is a Henry Ford style abortion factory. Ignore for a moment that abortions are merely a fraction of the services the organization provides: if money is supposed to indicate an organization’s true motivation, where does that leave the Catholic Church in all of this?
Fundy Road Trip!
What do you get when you take a bunch of religious fundamentalists and take them on a tour of America while challenging their faith? Well, you get people even more determined to believe in silly bullshit while accusing everyone else of fabricating evidence of things they don’t understand. Worth a watch if you’ve got the 54 minutes of spare time to throw around.
This is what you get for mixing religion and politics
One of the most aneurysm-inducing quotes of 2012 had to be faux-atheist S.E. Cupp’s comment that she would never vote for an atheist president. Believing she had a point by saying she couldn’t trust anyone who didn’t have God as a moral compass, what Cupp and her similarly minded ilk fail to realize, however, is that beliefs predicated on violent nonsense have the tendency to reflect Bronze Age barbarism. Man, I wish I had some kind of super sweet example to illustrate exactly what I’m trying to say…like a the Republican candidate for Arkansas who believes rebellious kids should be put to death.
The maintenance of civil order in society rests on the foundation of family discipline. Therefore, a child who disrespects his parents must be permanently removed from society in a way that gives an example to all other children of the importance of respect for parents. The death penalty for rebellioius[sic] children is not something to be taken lightly. The guidelines for administering the death penalty to rebellious children are given in Deut 21:18-21:
I always laugh whenever people act shocked that some of their fellow human beings can believe in such dangerous absurdities, since so many of them have based so much of their own lives on similar idiocies. It’s only when the true stakes of belief are in play that they realize, often too late, that religious faith tends to mask serious social dysfunctions and psychopathic behavior. With the Republican party so desperate for votes, they’re too chicken shit to call this guy out on his crazy ideas, and that’s the really terrifying part.
Pope’s butler gets 18 months in jail for leaked memos
So, what do you get for exposing the corruption of an organization like the Vatican? Well, how about an 18 month prison term handed down by the very institution you were trying to expose? Oh, and you can add the cost of the trial to the list of his expenses:
The pope’s former butler, Paolo Gabriele, was convicted Saturday of aggravated theft for leaking confidential papal documents and sentenced to 18 months in prison.
He was also ordered to pay the costs of the trial at the Vatican City courthouse.
Well, he could have spent a full three years in jail, but the judge felt there were ‘extenuating circumstances’. Like what, the fact that your organization is so corrupt it would rather jail tattle-tales than actual child rapists? Or how about the fact you aren’t legally your own state, having achieved ‘independence’ from Italian fascists in the 1920′s?
I suppose you could argue that it’s Paolo’s fault for getting involved in a creepy cult that seems to be able to create its own laws, jail its own adherents for daring to expose corruption, and do so as the rest of the world watches on.
Get ready for some free energy!
When I was a teen, I bought into the bullshit that is Qi (sometimes spelled ‘chi’). I couldn’t help it: if you’ve ever watched the Shaolin Monks do their thing, you might understand why I thought their impressive physical feats were only made possible because of some superhuman element. Fueled by the mythology of comic book heroes, I desperately wanted it to be true (which I was to later learn is the first and most important reason to doubt any dubious claim). I wanted ‘super-powers’ to be a real, so that if any harm ever came to me, I thought perhaps I would simply learn their ‘tricks’ and I would be immune from the dangers of the world.
Like most childhood fantasies, they eventually crumbled under the full weight of rude criticisms, and I came to understand Qi as a method for ancient ignoramuses to differentiate living things from non-living things. In a sense, Qi was a magical invention that could supposedly account for life, and like all nonsense, over time it grew into an increasingly complex form of bullshit. Fast forward to today, where the evolution of Qi continues.
You can join this free distant energy healing session by using your intention to be included. If you wish to join, just close your eyes for a minute when you read this and mentally say that you intend to join the session and want to be included. That is all you have to do to connect with the energy and you don’t have to do anything else. Healing energy can begin to flow to you once you do this as many people who have done this before have reported.
How does it all work, you ask?
Many spiritual traditions teach that we are all connected and now some Quantum Physicists are saying the same thing.
Ah yes, the “We are all connected” trope that hippy weirdos love to throw around like it means something it doesn’t. Sure, it’s amazing that there is no functional differences between the atoms which make up a rock and the ones that make up my body, except perhaps I like mine better. This doesn’t mean, however, that the rock and I share a special connection. If someone threw it at my head, that ‘connection’ might not really be that great for my prolonged existence.
This annoying idea that ‘energy’ heals ignores the fact that most forms of energy in the universe produce violent reactions that forge new elements, turn regular matter into super hot gases, or blast unsuspecting, cooling balls of rock with deadly radiation. I doubt anyone is basking in the oneness of the universe when they get hit by a gamma ray burst, but I digress.
So, who is up for sending ‘positive’ vibes by sitting in your kitchen and having wishful thinking be your guide to reality? Not this fucking guy, I can tell you.
Mother kills infant by stuffing Bible verses in her mouth
And the mother of the year award goes to…
Christian fundamentalist Julia Lovemore, 41, killed daughter Faith by stuffing her mouth with paper then dousing her in white spirit and jumping up and down on her body.
She also poured wine all over her young daughter as well, before her husband finally showed up at the hospital with her dead baby in hand.
So, were there any signs that she was going to do something terrifying? You bet your sweet ass there were.
Lovemore’s aunt had reported her to authorities after becoming concerned over her ‘religious fervor’, saying she had distanced herself from her family, branding them ‘heathens’.
What can you do in a society that gives religion a free pass? The British press wants to blame the National Health Service for having failed to anticipate this woman’s actions, especially in light of the fact that she had already tried to kill her first child three years prior with a pillow.
I argue that it must have been difficult for them to properly diagnose her obvious mental illness for fear of interfering with her religious beliefs. How can one differentiate mental illness from religious piety? You can’t, really. The two have almost the exact same symptoms. I wouldn’t be surprised, in fact, if a large percentage of fundies have some sort of untreated mental illness. So long as religion continues to mask serious mental health problems, these kinds of tragedies will continue to be fairly routine.
Rob Schneider is a dangerous moron
Have you ever stopped and considered just how stupid we are as a species sometimes? If we aren’t relentlessly polluting our own inescapable environment, we’re putting our lives at risk by failing to take antibiotics properly, or not bothering to vaccinate our children out of some stupid notion that this life saving invention causes completely unrelated disorders. Part of the reason we’re as dumb as we are is because we allow famous people – who are otherwise completely ignorant of reality – to dictate how we should live our lives.
The most recent addition to this dangerous new group of celebrities who talk about shit they have no knowledge of is Rob Schneider. You might remember him as Adam Sandler’s unfunny lapdog, whose famous catchphrase “You can do it”, obviously never referred to getting yourself an education.
by far the most insidious of all Government intrusions is the one happening right now in America by Big Pharma in their collusion with our representatives in Government. Government coercion to force parents to make their children take any invasive medical procedures (vaccination of their children) is something out of an Orwellian nightmare or Nazi Germany. Just remove the word vaccine and replace it with an other medical procedure and you will begin to see how regressive and criminal this is.
You know what should be criminal? Giving medical advice to people when you don’t know the first thing about medicine. Trying to paint such a vital public health issue as some freedom violating, Big Brother tactic, shows you need to actually do your homework: since morons like Schneider and McCarthy keep encouraging other idiots not to vaccinate their children, Measles and Rubella, diseases that were previously under control, are making a huge comeback, and putting the lives of children and adults in real danger.
Vaccines, unlike any other drug, is a one size fits all nightmare. The Vaccine makers insist ALL VACCINES MUST BE TAKEN BY EVERY ONE IN THE SCHEDULE THAT WE DECIDE! Name one other drug that is given such impunity. Every person is different and their precious immune systems don’t react the same way. 49 doses of 14 different Vaccines before the age of 6 is mandated by Doctor convenience and Big Pharma profits not patient wellness or sound scientific reasoning.
While it’s true everyone’s immune system doesn’t work exactly the same way, it’s similar enough that a rubella vaccine will work on just about everybody. The reason it’s on a schedule is to ensure the vaccine actually works: since children are given a weakened or dead form of the virus, the body’s immune system doesn’t always kick in. Multiple shots are the norm to ensure a higher probability of immunization. As for the scheduling of these shots, they tend to coincide with the level of social interaction the child is engaged in. So, if a kid is about to go to primary school, it’s pretty vital that he/she be properly immunized, otherwise they could put other lives in danger.
Schneider thinks he’s fighting for people’s freedom, but all he’s doing is helping to ensure these treatable illnesses spread to individuals who don’t benefit from a strong immune system. If someone could put a fucking muzzle on this little Chihuahua, you’d be doing this world a giant favor.
Islam’s outrage industry causes more destruction
With the glory days of Islamic enlightenment a long and distant memory, the only thing it seems this religion can muster is violent outrage these days. If it isn’t a piece of shit Imam claiming that all freethinkers should be prosecuted and jailed, it’s a bunch of religious thugs stirring up violence in order to remove any rivals. In Bangladesh, a country of some roughly 140 million Muslims, the outrage caused by the non-movie The Innocence of Muslims has given people an excuse to act out their violent opposition to other religious faiths. They’ve traded hurt feelings for burnt temples, as thugs set fire to 40 Buddhist temples, injuring 20 people (though luckily it appears that no one was killed). All they needed was the accusation of a Buddhist child having desecrated a Qur’an for the violence to erupt. It really is that easy to get them riled up.
Of course, it’s irrelevant the accusation turned out to be complete garbage: the fact remains their religious insecurities and insanity are a potent enough combination that one only needs to create a spark for this pile of rubber tires soaked in gasoline to be set ablaze. And rather like this noxious combustion, Islam seems poised to continue this campaign of terror, all under the false pretense of ‘hurt feelings’.
As some of you might remember back in 2006 with the Dutch cartoon controversy, the images of Muhammad had been out for some time before violence erupted. It was only when a few influential mullahs got their hands on them that the problems really began. And just like that situation was merely an opportunity for certain individuals to gain more power (and for others to gain an early ticket to oblivion), so too will the outrage industry of Islam continue to oppress other minorities, masking their systematic attack on other faiths as expressions of humiliation or marginalization. It’s time to see through this deception, and hold the people who exploit the insanity of this fucking religion accountable.
“Jesus Rifles” still in circulation
Back in 2010, the American Army got busted for having rifle sites with Bible verses engraved on the side. The company responsible, Trijicon, got in enough shit that they promised to not only remove the offending verses, but also replace the scopes to avoid the appearance that the Army was some kind of invading Christian aggressor.
Well, it’s been over 2 years, and these fucking things are still in circulation. The Army claims it’s made good progress in having the verses removed, but from the reports of actual soldiers in the group, it looks like no action has actually taken place. This is a fairly low priority for the Army, and considering the company has been doing this for 20 years, there’s every chance that the initial effort was simply a PR move by the Army to get everyone off their backs and they proceeded to return business as usual when the news cycle had died down.
You can’t even get the fucking Army to respect the separation of church and state. Kind of gives you an idea of the uphill battle we have to fight, doesn’t it?
Churches double down on political involvement
As election day approaches, religious institutions are taking advantage of the uncertainty and religious resurgence to attempt to undo a law prohibiting them from participating in the political process. Now, we all know the IRS is a toothless organization when it comes to this issue: only once have they ever bothered to enforce this law, despite blatant violations (such as when the Mormon Church spent 30 million dollars trying to ban gay marriage).
Confident in the current political climate that no administration would dare take them on, a group of roughly 1000 pastors and religious leaders are gathering to endorse Mitt Romney (which isn’t stated but using my amazing detective skills, I decoded their intent).
The Conservative group “Alliance Defending Freedom” has scheduled what they are calling “Pulpit Freedom Sunday” for October 7th, when church leaders across America will devote their sermons to the election and campaign on behalf of a political candidate.
Nice try attempting to make this whole affair seem bipartisan. With Obama playing extra nice to religious groups not to appear anti-religious, you have to wonder if there is anyone with enough guts and interest in maintaining their Republic who will take these guys on. This shit is so blatant, they’re even planning on baiting the IRS with videos of themselves violating this law. Their hope is this will cause a political quagmire that can be exploited by conservative media and allow them even more power in the political process. Parker Louis can’t lose.
Feeling depressed yet?
Did this mythological character really have a wife?
I dislike religious historians. I can’t for the life of me fathom how any of these men and women can take their profession seriously when they have so much invested in their beliefs. Who among them is willing to question the historicity of their own God? Even if they are, can we trust the blinders of faith won’t simply make it impossible for them to be objective?
For an example of what I’m talking about, take this recent finding from Harvard professor Karen L. King: she claims to have found a 4th century note from Coptic (Egyptian) Christians that make mention of Jesus having a wife. There’s yet to be any actual testing on the piece of papyrus, but already King and her team are convinced of its authenticity.
Even if it did originate from that time period, so what? This is yet another example of third, fourth accounts being taken as fact. If you’ve ever spent 5 minutes analyzing human behavior, you quickly realize most of us aren’t really interested in facts or truth. We’re all too busy trying to make the world fit into OUR vision, and that means the inconvenience of reality often means it’s entirely left out of our conversations. I don’t see much scholarly debate over whether or not Amon Ra had a wife, and he too came to Earth to help the poor and oppressed. There’s a trend to all legends, you see, and the fact that people try to inject this Jesus guy into real history only proves how poor their scholarship actually is.
What I find frustrating in all of this is even people skeptical of this new ‘finding’ fail to apply the same level of skepticism to everything else. Take a quote from this Christian who seems entirely confused abut what ‘attested historical figure’ actually means:
Jesus may be one of the best attested figures in the ancient world, but we still know hardly anything about him. And because he is the key figure in the largest religion in the world, we are keen to fill in the blanks…
The truth of the matter is that we don’t know what Jesus looked like. We don’t know where he was or what he was doing when he turned 18. And we don’t know if he was ever married or divorced.
What he looked like or if he had a wife is only the tip of this ignorance iceberg. When was this supposed messiah born? When did people start writing about him? Does it not seem suspicious to these folks that even many early Christians believed he was simply an allegory? The author admits there were plenty of religious frauds all too happy to fabricate evidence. Why is it so difficult to think the same is true for his historicity?
How many more times do we have to read dubious articles about finding Jesus’ tomb or some supposed piece of his actual cross. You might as well claim you found Hercules’ resting place as far as I’m concerned.