Cindy Jacobs “mobilizing” thousands of morons to do nothing

Mobilizing 10,000 people to pray! Wow, how amazing. Think of all the good you can do by sitting in a dark room and talking to yourself all day.

So, if you want God to interfere with human affairs (and apparently throw this whole “free will” idea out the window when it’s inconvenient), you just need to stop eating for several days, followed by imperceptibly mumbling to yourself. Sounds good to me!

“Imagine with me half a million people praying for a nation.”

Praying for what? The economy to recuperate? For the poor and indigent to finally get their due? Nope. She just wants to get rid of abortion and gay marriage. That’s the kind of priorities you can expect from someone who sits very still and begs their imaginary friend for shit they want.

If TV existed in Biblical Times

I love the way this video is put together: it combines sharp visuals with brilliant satire. Be sure to read some of the captions at the bottom. My favorite so far is “Paper Just a Fad says Scribe.” Classic.

Spread the word about this video!

Thanks for giving these morons a voice, Internet

Oh Twitter, sometimes you sap away the only remaining hope I have for humanity. The unfiltered garbage that’s excreted out of the mouths of cretins is enough to drive you mad. Eventually, you reach a threshold of tolerance where it all sounds eerily similar to bees buzzing around. Once in a while, you find a few hot topics that really make our species truly shine, in both verbosity and compassion that one is forced to dig deeper inside of this noise to find out what the fuss is all about. Today’s inanity comes as a reaction to hot hashtag #GodIsNotGreat trending, and some ignorant Christians losing their shit over it. The following is a sample of some of my favorites, with grammar left intact:

Whoever started dis #GodIsNotGreat I will personally beat yu da fuck asswhole…I jus prayed for yu thp

What a nice fellow. I wonder if he’ll also pray to his imaginary friend when he sends some poor kid to the hospital for having a different belief than him.

Whoever made this TT #GodIsNotGreat should burn in hell and yo whole family

So even if this person’s family is religious, this guy still wants them to burn in hell forever because someone dared to talk smack his to sky daddy. Totally reasonable.

#GodIsNotGreat who ever created that trending topic MUST die today!!wt sort of human beings r in here?geeeez

Geeeez, I was thinking the very same thing.

#GodIsNotGreat<——anybody this hateful got to have aids

Anybody that profoundly ignorant has to be a bigot

WHO EVA MADE THIS A TRENIN TOPIC…ILL PERSONALLY KILL EM MYSELF…GOD IS THE BEST THANG EVA MANE…AMEN

God is the best thing ever, therefore I’m going to kill someone in cold blood in his name. Amen!

I seriously wanna kill whoever started the #GodIsNotGreat”

I seriously want to call the fucking police right now

why the fuk is #GodIsNotGreat teending?! GOD IS EVERYTHING YOU SATANIC BITCHES, HE’S THE REASON YOUR BREATHING #ilovegod

If God is everything, does that mean he’s also this extremely hateful tweet? What are the rules in this strange cult of yours?

Good show, guys…

It’s terrible shows like this that give me hope that not every child is being indoctrinated particularly well. The damage done by these kinds of yahoos seems relatively easy to fix, especially since these clowns can’t manage to keep a bunch of kids interested in their shtick for more than 15 seconds.

If you’re trying to indoctrinate children in your cult, might I suggest the trying the following:

#1: Be prepared
Just because they’re kids doesn’t mean they are easy to entertain. Typically there’s a “tone” you have to strike to get their attention. Loud, wacky, animated, and “alive” tend to spring into mind. While this show was plenty noisy, it lacked a coherence that can only come from having actually bothered to write a proper show.
#2: Be animated
It can’t be easy entertaining kids when you’re a million years old. It’s why most pros are young enough to handle all the coke you need to stay energized. If you’ve already got a foot in the grave, this gig may not be right for you.
#3 Avoid creating comic characters with shrill, annoying voices.
Kids are people too, which means they equally hate shrill voices that sound like nails across a chalkboard. Try a friendly, reassuring voice instead of your best Wicked Witch impression.

Christopher Hitchens, we will miss you

We all knew it was coming, but somehow we had managed to ignore the cruelty of reality for a little while. For a moment there, it almost seemed as though Hitch had managed to defeat his cancer. Unfortunately, life is a cruel bitch that kills your heroes prematurely (it’s true that Jack Daniels and Phillip Morris had done most of the damage, but still). Now, the world is a little duller, a little dumber, and a lot less interesting as a result.

Truthfully, I would be more upset if I hadn’t read his last article. In it, he mentioned that had he known of the pain he would have had to endure to survive the cancer, he would have opted against it. It may sound trite, but there is some evidence to suggest that a person having a REASON to live is often a significant indicator of health. I think it wasn’t the cancer but the pain of the treatment that ended him. That’s the sad truth about cancer; the cure is sometimes worse than the disease.

Don’t plan on being sad for very long though. Your grief will soon turn into anger once you read the inane tweets of men like Rick Warren:

My friend Christopher Hitchens has died. I loved & prayed for him constantly & grieve his loss. He knows the Truth now.

That’s just the tip of the iceberg, folks. That tweets comes from an actual friend (despite their obvious differences, they seemed to have gotten along well). How many times are you going to overhear some religious jackass gloating that Hitch is burning in Hell for not believing in their specific nonsense?

Even more frustrating is the fact that there is no simple way to demonstrate the obvious stupidity of their assertion. The specter of death haunts us all equally, but our mortality is the only solid proof Christians need of their sadistic fantasies. It’s like arguing with children.

On a selfish note, I never got to cross “having a conversation with Christopher Hitchens” off my bucket list. I hoped perhaps that some of his brilliance might rub off on me. Now the unique arrangement of neurons that comprised his mind have ceased to function, and this pattern is lost forever. Damn you entropy. Why must you rob us of everything we love?

Just when you thought things couldn’t get worse in Africa

I’ve written countless articles denouncing these Christian preachers in Nigeria for accusing innocent children of witchcraft; it’s one of the few times I’ve taken a subject so seriously. It isn’t only because of the images of these poor children -victims of a toxic mix of ancient superstition and organized religion – are seared into my brain. No, my passion comes mainly from the fact that this issue has been completely ignored by the mainstream media because of the obvious question it poses concerning Christianity’s influence in the Third World.

These videos are extremely hard to watch. The situation appears to be getting worse as Christianity’s influence grows. When that little girl starts crying when a person nearby admits to wanting to kill her, you’ll find it difficult to wake up happy tomorrow morning.

Atheists on Reddit get it done

Most of you know that I’m often critical of our community in terms of our charitably, as I’ve complained in the past that many of us are not willing to compete with financially supported organized religions yet. I’m convinced that the only way to fight the evils of religion is to play their game, to some degree. Part of that includes giving money to organizations that make an actual difference rather than offer food, comfort and medical services with strings attached.

Over the years, the Atheism sub-reddit has been growing by leaps and bounds (outnumbering many of the religious sub-reddits many times over), and are over 300,000 subscribers and counting. Compare that to the Christian sub-reddit that has a paltry 19k, and you realize the strong secular leaning of the site. Anyone who visits TGA realizes that I often troll these forums, looking for the latest happenings, rage cartoons and funny pictures from the web (that’s putting it mildly; I’m practically a content thief).

The group will probably grow even more after knocking one out of the park:

Atheist bloggers have shown their charitable side by swarming to donate money to Doctors Without Borders…Thousands more clicked through from the atheism sub-reddit, a site normally given over to finding holes in religions and picking fights with creationists, and headed for a dedicated site at firstgiving.com, where they have so far given $180,000.

Sure makes me look like a jackass for claiming we’re a bunch of cheapskates! I’ve never been so happy to be wrong in my life.

Student suspended over racist Christmas Facebook rant

Once upon a time, before Facebook and the Internet, your stupid racist opinions used to only be your own. Because you lacked the ability to instantly communicate with 500 million people, it was unlikely that some poorly constructed half-thought would find its way into the minds of your peers. That’s all changed now, and it seems as though when given a soapbox to express themselves, many human beings are choosing to display their real colors, and the process isn’t always pretty.

Take the recent suspension of young Natasha Burge from her high school in Windsor, Ontario for these comments she posted on her profile:

Natasha Burge, 19, reposted a comment Nov. 3 saying those who feel offended by Christmas celebrations and the singing of the national anthem at school should “please feel free to go back to your own f—–g country.”

Burge goes on to suggest walking through Kennedy Collegiate dressed up as Santa and “screaming merry christmas to the arabs, pakis, towel heads and whatever other race that doesn’t like it.”

“It’s ridiculous. I get suspended over something I believe in — we should be allowed to say, ‘Merry Christmas,’

Yeah, you might have gotten in trouble for saying “Merry Christmas”, although I have this crazy suspicion that your “arab/paki/towel head” comment might have been the real clincher. I guess this racist teen from Ontario doesn’t even realize that telling immigrants that they can go fuck themselves if they don’t like Christmas isn’t the kind of talk that promotes school spirit. Who would have guessed!

Now, some of you might be upset that this girl’s right to free speech has been violated, and feel that what a person writes on their own profile should remain a private matter. I’m inclined to agree, although it’s becoming increasingly clear that our online identities are quickly merging with our physical reality. If the school decides that bigoted, racist or otherwise disparaging comments on Facebook can affect the way their institution operates, it’s rather difficult to argue against it. Kids use Facebook to advertise their interests, their beliefs, and their thoughts. When you choose to make public what you believe, this can have profound consequences. All I can tell you for certain is this perception that your online life is private is quickly evaporating. There may come a time when all that shit talk you’ve been slinging on the Internet might come back to bite you in the ass. Post at your own risk, people!

Michele Bachmann is worried about bestiality

Remember how American elections are never about issues that are actually relevant to the health of the nation in general? Even while your economy continues to tank, politicians seem totally unconcerned that The Federal Reserve gave American banks over 7 trillion dollars with a negligible interest rate, or that the protracted War in Afghanistan and Iraq has cost them another 1.29 trillion. No, the most important thing for moronic politicians like Michele Bachmann is Congress deciding to remove an outdated military Code of Conduct that forbids uniformed officers from sodomy (that’s non vaginal sex) and fucking animals.

So naturally, everyone without a brain is up at arms that this repeal would suddenly send a message to kids that it’s ok to bang Fido. Here’s Michele’s brilliant argument as to why this issue is so important, and not at all a complete fucking distraction from shit that actually matters:

It’s absolutely abhorrent, reprehensible and you think, this is the kind of thing parents try to keep from their children because parents want to have their children enjoy innocence. Children need that latency period, they need innocence and your own government legalizes this? … Are we really going to say ho hum and laugh and go back to sleep?

I don’t think this woman knows how laws are passed. Repealing an outdated and clearly bigoted code of conduct isn’t the same as drafting legislation to make something legal. That’s alright, though: she’s only running for the highest office in the land! She doesn’t really need to learn any of this legal mumbo-jumbo, does she? Wait, what’s her current job?

The Muppets are brainwashing your kids!

Can you believe the nerve of these Hollywood people? They dare to brainwash our kids with movies depicting oil executives as evil people. Why, that’s just not true! Did you know all oil executives are cuddly teddy-bears that care deeply for the environment and for the future of children? Sure, you might think that these people are leveraging our future in order to make record profits, or that corporations like Shell aren’t afraid of getting mixed up with brutal military juntas that kill anyone that gets in the way of the oil flowing. Those are just nasty rumors propagated by bearded hippies who make sock puppets in an attempt to moralize to our youth.

I love this idea that the Hollywood movie industry “hates” big corporations, despite the fact that the place is run by some of the largest companies on the planet. These are the same people that want to stifle the creativity of the Internet because they are afraid of people downloading their shitty movies for free. Yeah, clearly these guys hate money.

Christian Barber-Shop

What the hell is this song about? Why are they all dressed like gay candy-stripers? Is one of them incredibly short or is everyone else just super tall? So many questions, so few answers…

Michele Bachmann just doesn’t get it

“Every American has the same rights”

Is that so? It certainly doesn’t feel that way, especially when your government makes laws specifically designed NOT to allow gays and lesbians to marry. Well, to be fair, she claims they are allowed to get married: but it must be to someone of the opposite sex. See, we’re all equal! We all get to conform to what Christian nutjobs like Michele wants us to be.

You can feel some sympathy for her though. I mean, she did marry a gay guy, so she must know what she’s talking about!

Woman held captive by Scientologists for 12 years

Scientology is messed up. What else do you expect from a “religion” created by a poor science-fiction writer with delusions of grandeur? There’s so much wrong with it, it’s hard to know exactly where to start the list of fucked up shit they do. Convince people with mental disabilities or brain imbalances that drugs are bad, vitamins are the answer and psychiatry is evil? Check. Find a way to take more and more money from your members from bogus auditing that costs more and more cash? Check. Have “work-camps” where people essentially do slave labor in exchange for more stupid auditing, and refuse to release people who want to leave? Oh, you better believe that’s a check.

A former Church of Scientology member has claimed she was held against her will aboard the Church’s cruise ship, The Freewinds, for 12 years.

Valeska Paris, an Australian resident, said she was forced onto the ship by the Church’s leader, David Miscavige, when she was 17 after her mother tried to dissociate her from the organization.

Yeah, totally not creepy at all: They effectively hold a young woman captive for a decade, and then claim she was there of her own free will. Too bad some of her fellow members actually have the guts to back up her story, or that there are loads of similar complaints. I’m beginning to wonder if any prosecutor with a set of balls is going to bother to try and bring this evil organization to justice. Here is a clear group of deranged psychos with a shit-ton of money doing anything they want with impunity since given the magical status of religion. Why is it we’re always willing to suffer the worst offenses against people if it’s done by an organized body of nonsense?

Master of nonsense thinks Harry Potter and yoga are evil

The Catholic Church has been playing at nonsense so long, they think their own bullshit doesn’t stink. How else can you explain how an octogenarian master of fantasy can say something as idiotic as this:

Practising yoga is Satanic, it leads to evil just like reading Harry Potter,” he told a film festival in Umbria this week, where he was invited to introduce The Rite, a film about exorcism starring Sir Anthony Hopkins as a Jesuit priest.

The Rite, as you may recall, is a movie staring Anthony Hopkins that claims to be based on a true story. Father Gabriele Amorth is the founder of International Association of Exorcists, a kind of deadly Dungeons and Dragons club that takes itself way too seriously. Amorth and his gang of weirdos think the devil is real, that science is bullocks, and finally that everything they didn’t come up with is evil:

“Satan is always hidden and what he most wants is for us not to believe in his existence. He studies every one of us and our tendencies towards good and evil, and then he offers temptations.” Science was incapable of explaining evil, said Father Amorth, who has written two books on his experiences as an exorcist. “It’s not worth a jot.

A jot, for anyone born after The First World War, means something tiny and insignificant, not unlike his pathetic opinions. Seriously, you have to shake your head in disbelief; here is a man who makes a living by pretending to exorcise demons from people claiming that Harry Potter and yoga is evil, simply because it wasn’t thought up by a 2000 year old dead Palestinian Jew. It would be sad if exorcism wasn’t so fucked up: there are countless stories of dumb people killing their friends and family doing this shit. I’ve yet to see anyone seriously fucked up after watching “Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban”, I can tell you that.