Author Archives: Jacob Fortin

Ethics Classes under fire in Australia

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A few month ago, the government had promised to introduce “Ethic Classes” for students in Aussie schools that refused to take the mandatory religious education lessons. Since that time, the government has been trying to cap wage increases for government employees, and a clever politician by the name of Fred Nile is using this opportunity to pressure the government into torpedoing the Ethics Classes in exchange for his help passing this bill. So far, he’s described the response from his own government as “very positive” (not a good sign). He’s also got a few of his own “wacky” bills he wants to pass as well:

While he would not say which were being discussed, they include bills to repeal legislation allowing same-sex adoption, to ban the possession of X-rated films and to ban alcohol advertising. ”That co-operative spirit is well and truly in place,” Mr Nile said.

So, if Nile gets his way, children will be forced to take religion classes even when they have no religious affiliation, gays will no longer have the same rights as everyone else, porn will be made illegal (how the fuck would that work anyways?), and advertising billboards get a lot less sexy.

Don’t you just love the way these old fuckfaces keep on sending us racing backwards? Forget about trying to make any progress when these dinosaurs are in power. You can’t even get classes about “ethics” without jackasses like Freddy-boy trying every trick in to book to destroy these kinds of initiatives. Good luck, my friends down-under. With guys like this in power, the future looks bright for Christian bigotry!

Scientists figure key to “Tipping Point” of ideas

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How do ideas spread? Well, that’s what a team of scientists at the Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute wanted to find out. Their experiments involved using social networks to see how opinions would spread and change over time. They discovered if 10% of the “population” (defined here as those involved within the network) held strong and intractable opinions, the rest of the group would eventually follow suit in order to avoid any disagreement with the group.

While the research is admittedly preliminary, the numbers make sense to me. I’ve always believed the opinions of the majority are in fact dictated by a small group of highly influential people who have no quandary about spreading their ideas to others. It’s interesting to note the authors suggest that ideas that fail to achieve higher than 10 percent, and believers who have too little conviction were doomed to being in the margins. There’s a lesson here somewhere for us. While we hate the idea of holding any belief too firmly (even a non-belief), it is nevertheless the primary way ideas are spread.

The good news is so long as we keep talking about our non-belief, and the better we get at dismantling the claims of religious people, the closer we get to the magical “tipping” number. Hey, we already know over 10% of the population thinks this religion bullshit is a waste of time. Now these people just need to start telling others a hell of a lot more.

Norway attacked by Christian extremist

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When innocent people are killed and the fog of war has yet to be lifted, it’s not uncommon for the press to assume that any terrorist actions must be the work of Islamic fundamentalists. As far as they are concerned, only the Muslim faith can indiscriminately kill innocent civilians. How easily they forget men like Timothy McVeigh or Scott Roeder; men motivated by their religion (in their cases, Christianity) to commit calculated murder. The Oklahoma City bombing was, until 9/11, the most devastating domestic attack on civilians, perpetuated by a home grown Christian fundy angry at the government for the slaughter of 76 people in Waco, Texas (he was not entirely unjustified for his anger. The Branch Davidians were massacred by the FBI). McVeigh saw the government as his enemy, and by extension, all those who had any connection with it were deemed enemies.

A similar angry brewed inside Anders Breivik, who viewed the left leaning political Labour Party as the enemy of European (i.e., white) hegemony. Multiculturalism – and in particular the Islamization of his country – were the enemy, and so he conjured a plan to attack a youth retreat organized by the party. He believed such an attack would act as a rallying cry for his fellow citizens to take violent action against their darker skinned citizens. In total, he (and perhaps an accomplice) killed 68 people and wounded 90 more.

Breivik counts Geert Wilders as one of his, a man recently acquitted of enticing violence against Islam (makes you wonder if perhaps there wasn’t something to the accusation. In any case, Norway is now deeply scarred by these events. It’s a reminder that terrorism is employed by all manner of religious fundamentalists. One does not the promise of 72 virgins to explode a car bomb: any old faith will do, so long as the principle tenants demand the destruction of unbelievers.

When will the headlines of such horrible tragedies finally read “Religious xenophobia (mixed with equally ignoble patriotism) claims more victims”?

Texas is now the “Prophet State”

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It looks like Governor Rick Perry and his religious posse are getting a little bit crazier every day. You might recall that Perry is organizing a massive prayer rally at Reliant Stadium with the intent of begging God to fix all of America’s financial problems. You see, rather than actually bother to come up with real solutions (like making sure companies like Exxon or General Electric actually pay taxes), Ricky and his theocratic buddies feel as though this is the beginning of an exciting new government that puts the focus on their favorite invisible friend, and to celebrate the unconstitutional marriage of religion and politics, they’ve declared Texas to be the “Prophet State“.

The movement’s top prophets and apostles believe they have a direct line to God. Through them, they say, He communicates specific instructions and warnings. When mankind fails to heed the prophecies, the results can be catastrophic: earthquakes in Japan, terrorist attacks in New York, and economic collapse. On the other hand, they believe their God-given decrees have ended mad cow disease in Germany and produced rain in drought-stricken Texas.

These religious nutjobs are hoping that Perry eventually runs for president in order to “restore” Christianity and make America a theocracy. Although you might think I’m being overly rhetorical (I am guilty of this on countless occasions), their mandate really is to fundamentally change the way government functions:

The new prophets and apostles believe Christians—certain Christians—are destined to not just take “dominion” over government, but stealthily climb to the commanding heights of what they term the “Seven Mountains” of society, including the media and the arts and entertainment world. They believe they’re intended to lord over it all. As a first step, they’re leading an “army of God” to commandeer civilian government.

You know how some people think that it doesn’t matter what you believe in so long as you keep it to yourself? Well, these people have no interest in keeping their insane beliefs private; they want everyone else to tow the same theocratic line. They have power, money, influence, and (worst of all), a fucking plan. And what do we have? A bunch of disorganized Internet keyboard warriors that can’t even agree as to what constitutes appropriate behavior at conferences.

We are so screwed…

Jesus and Mary-Magdalene are Aussies

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A couple living in Australia believe that they are Jesus and Mary Magdalene, and they’re taking donations! AJ Miller and his girlfriend Mary want you to know that the long wait for the Messiah is over! Rejoice, believers, for the Son of Man (also called “The Human One” now) has returned, and he lives down under.

I know what you’re thinking: what proof does AJ Miller have that he’s the messiah? Get ready to be blown away, people:

There’s probably a million people who say they’re Jesus and most of them are in asylums. But one of us has to be. How do I know I am? Because I remember everything about my life.”

Ah, well, that makes perfect sense to me. They can’t all be lying, right? One of them has to be an all powerful, all knowing creator of the Cosmos. Sure, he looks a little pedestrian with his flowery shirt and his super tired-looking girlfriend, but that’s because he’s been living off the donations of some 40 followers, so the money hasn’t seriously started rolling in just yet! Give him a few more years and he’ll have enough sheep shoveling him money to buy a really swinging wardrobe.

Your skeptical mind might be wondering why he’s chosen to come back now. Well, it’s obviously because every other church on this planet got his message wrong, and now he has to give seminars explaining how souls work. If you’re too busy to show up, then you can always download his shitty recordings for free (you can donate, but he’ll probably spend all that money of more ugly shirts) .

The main reason why I have returned to earth is to teach the Divine Truth that was lost, and to present to mankind the choice that we all have in front of us now, and this choice is: continue to follow the Natural Love path of progression until the 6th sphere state, or, learn and follow the Divine Love path of progression which will result in our infinite expansion.

Um, ok…So if you’re wondering what exactly the Divine Love Path is all about, picture the most annoying hippy bullshit and then infuse it with Christianity. The result is a confusing mess of platitudes and make-believe nonsense that will make your brain hurt. Can you believe how insanely gullible his followers are? They have “no reason” to doubt his claims? Honestly folks, I think you need to learn a little skepticism in life. It might save you precious time and money…

Idaho creationists want their own monument to ignorance

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Hey Idaho, were you feeling left out of this whole evolution-creation “debate”? Are you tired of scientists telling you that the earth is 4.5 billion years old instead of only 6000? Well, then you should donate every spare dollar you have to the Northwest Science Museum. Although they have yet to even raise enough money for their pathetic displays, it certainly hasn’t affected their enthusiasm for this project. They want people to donate land, time, resources, anything to make their dream of making Americans less capable of properly understanding the natural world. Their “statements of faith” tell you everything you need to know about them:

No apparent, perceived, or claimed interpretation of evidence in any field, including history and chronology, can be valid if it contradicts the Scriptural record.

The days in Genesis do not correspond to geologic ages, but are six [6] consecutive twenty-four [24] hour days of Creation. Therefore, the earth is a young earth, perhaps about 6000 years old.

The various original life-forms (kinds), including mankind, were made by direct creative acts of God. The living descendants of any of the original kinds (apart from man) may represent more than one species today, reflecting the genetic potential within the original kind. Only limited biological changes (including mutational deterioration) have occurred naturally within each kind since Creation.

We are opposed to the one-sided presentation of evolutionary views in public schools, colleges, and the news media. One of the basic functions of the Museum is to disseminate the abundance of scientific evidence in support of the Biblical account of creation and young earth history.

Yeah, isn’t evolution so “one-sided”? When are scientists going to stop relying on evidence and start relying on a Bronze Age book of fairy tales to tell them about the world? Surely studying the Bible can give you valuable information about the world, like the fact that rather than curve space-time, the Earth rests on pillars. It says so in First Samuel 2:8. You can also forget about such silly things as Kepler’s Law of planetary motion, since First Corinthians 16:30 says that the Earth stands still. Man, life is so simple when you rely on the Bible for everything, isn’t it?

If these clowns get their way, they’ll eventually build a Science Education Center, which they claim will help raise the science scores of American children (which they hilariously admit is deteriorating). Yeah, it’s a real fucking mystery why kids in your country are getting dumber, especially when you have quality museums that teach “No apparent interpretation of evidence of any field can be valid if it contradicts the Scriptural record”. Well, they might run into a problem since the following scientific disciplines all conflict with the Bible:

Geology, Cosmology, Astronomy, Chemistry, Modern Germ Theory, Evolutionary Biology, Embryology, Paleontology, Epidemiology, Physics, Anthropology, etc.

Yep, the future scientific leaders of America are in good hands here! If you don’t believe me, check out their only “research” paper so far (this behemoth is over 4 pages, double-spaced), explaining how DNA is so complex only a magical entity could have created it!

Apologist thinks atheism leads to sexual immorality

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I’m feeling good this morning. According to Christian apologist Josh McDowell, the web is infested with atheists like me trying to spread their vile message of godlessness and pornography. While I certainly agree with the first part of the accusation, I wish to clarify that while TGA endorses pornography, I still think that there’s way too much of it that’s anal. What happened to the vagina, guys? And please, I’m begging you: no more ass-to-mouth. You’re fucking killing me.

McDowell is worried that as Christianity slowly goes the way of the dodo, sexual “immorality” is growing, and the only way to explain this is by blaming a group you dislike for ideological reasons:

The Internet has given atheists, agnostics, skeptics, the people who like to destroy everything that you and I believe, almost equal access to your kids as your youth pastor and you have… whether you like it or not.

Oh noes! Did you know that children are being exposed to other opinions besides Christianity? Overwhelmingly, the tech savviness of atheists have given us the advantage, and as a result, the whole world is becoming a giant cesspool of sexual permissiveness.

I made the statement off and on for 10-11 years that the abundance of knowledge, the abundance of information, will not lead to certainty; it will lead to pervasive skepticism. And, folks, that’s exactly what has happened. It’s like this. How do you really know, there is so much out there… This abundance [of information] has led to skepticism. And then the Internet has leveled the playing field

Not skepticism! Every crime in the history of humanity was the result of someone thinking for themselves, and not taking things based merely on authority, right?

Of course, the only thing that seems to REALLY occupy his mind is the amount of pornography that’s available on the Internet. He should know: according to this article in New Scientist, States with a higher percentage of conservative voters watch more porn than their hippy counterparts. It’s not really all that surprising: for evangelicals, sin is some hot and nasty shit, bound to be entangled with feelings of guilt, remorse and shame. Throw in a little crystal meth and a gay prostitute in the mix, and you’re ready to be a minister!

The majority of all the 2.2 billion people who go to the Internet daily are between 15 to 25 years of age, he said. And there are 4.2 million pornographic sites. “Do you know how many pornographic emails would be circulated just today? 2.5 billion…just one click away.

I love how these guys seem to conflate atheism with pornography, as though the lack of belief in a 2000 year old dead Jewish carpenter (the first and the last I’m assuming) somehow means that kids are going to do hot and nasty things to one another. Newsflash, Josh: they already do that shit regardless of what you tell them. It’s kind of the reason why the human race has endured; if we didn’t like fucking so much, we’d be facing extinction like the modern panda.

IHOP calls Oprah Winfrey the Anti-Christ

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Here’s what’s fucking scary about believers: some of them take it so seriously that concerns over their own well-being is secondary. For true believers, a tiny bunk-bed, barely enough food to subsist, and countless hours spent trying to recruit new zombies isn’t a chore; it’s a calling, baby!

It is how a pathetically small church, with the hilarious acronym of IHOP (International House of Prayer, not Pancakes) went from 20 members to tens of thousands in just 12 years. They recruit ferociously, and they aren’t afraid of using fiery rhetoric to get their point across. Take the sermon of their fearless leader, Mike Bickle, who is convinced the End times are upon us. And who is Anti-Christ in his “ready for Rapture” world? Why, it’s Oprah Winfrey, of course!

“The Harlot Babylon is preparing the nations to receive the Antichrist. The Harlot Babylon will be a religion of affirmation, toleration, no absolutes, a counterfeit justice movement. They will feed the poor, have humanitarian projects, inspire acts of compassion for all the wrong reasons. They won’t know it, beloved they will be sincere, many of them, but their sincerity will not in any way lessen the impact of their deception. The fact that they are sincere does not make their deception less damaging.

I believe that one of the main pastors, as a forerunner to the Harlot movement, it’s not the Harlot movement yet, is Oprah. She is winsome, she is kind, she is reasonable, she is utterly deceived, utterly deceived. A classy woman, a cool woman, a charming woman, but has a spirit of deception and she is one of the clear pastors, forerunners to the Harlot movement.”

I’m going to assume here he’s referring to the “Whore of Babylon” who is supposed to be riding a seven headed beast (remember the trippy shit that is the Book of Revelations?) Just a little word of advice for you, Mikey: can you pick someone that people actually want to sleep with? That is kind of the idea, dude.

Now the kingdom of Babylon has been extinct for over 2000 years, so in response to this, Christians believe that a “spiritual Babylon” still exists. As you might expect, this little word game helps them avoid having to deal with the fact the ancient Akkadian empire collapsed long after it failed to fulfill the prophesy. Hey, a little thing like reality isn’t going to stop them from feverishly anticipating the destruction of all mankind, right?

So, I guess the one thing we can know for sure is that if Oprah is the Antichrist, then EVERYBODY GETS A NEW CAR!!!!

Ben Stein is an idiot

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Wow, he’s right: Evolution doesn’t explain how gravity works, and it certainly doesn’t explain the second law of thermodynamics. Did you also know Newton’s First Law (the velocity of a body is constant unless another force acts against it) doesn’t explain why Ben Stein thinks he understands what the fuck he’s talking about? It must mean the Theory has no real value. It’s much more logical to assume that God did everything slightly difficult to explain. Who wants to live in a world of quantum indeterminacy? If you’re Ben Stein, all you need to do is jam your fingers in your ears so tightly that it starts to effect blood-flow to your brain, and presto: no more pesky science that makes God look like an incompetent fool.

The Church of England is dying

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Man, once in a while you see a headline that just makes you want to smile. Today, my special little surprise was the Telegraph reporting if things don’t significantly improve for the Church of England, they will go the way of the Dodo bird. Of course, Church officials are scrambling to figure out what to do next:

“We are faced with a stark and urgent choice: do we spend the next few years managing decline, or do we go for growth?
In other words, do we accept the continual numerical decline of the Church of England as inevitable, or do we dare to believe a different future, that God might want his Church to grow, in holiness and in numbers?”

If your God wants his church to grow, he sure has a funny way of showing it. The decline is real, as opposed to their invisible friend who doesn’t have enough influence to keep his own followers from leaving in droves. The power of Christ compels you to leave! So, what do the numbers actually show? Are you ready to be in a good mood?

According to official figures, the number of worshippers attending church each week fell by 30,000 between 2007 and 2009, to 1.13 million.

Church of England officials argue that the decline partly reflects the nature of modern society, in which many kinds of membership organization – including political parties – have lost supporters.

Or it could be because people are tired of spending their free time being told by a clown in a dress that their ticket to magical-fun-playland is only good if it gets validated by Jesus. And if they think other organizations are losing 30k people a week, then I want the crack they’re smoking. Clearly, the Brits are saying “no thank you” to the Church of England, and why shouldn’t they?

The General Synod will also hear a call for an emergency debate on homosexuality. Church officials will be accused of “woeful” failure to protect the institution of marriage from erosion by the rise of civil partnerships and Coalition plans to allow same-sex couples to register their partnerships in religious settings.
A lay member of Synod, Andrea Minichiello Williams, will urge the Archbishops of Canterbury and York to call an “emergency” debate to discuss Church’s stance on marriage reforms.

Experts in sophisticated nonsense having a debate on the morality of homosexuality? And they wonder why people are fleeing in droves from the embarrassment that is the Church. While the rest of us are trying to ensure every person is treated with the same rights as everyone else, these morons are still stuck trying to figure out if their 2000 year old dead Palestinian carpenter would approve. I think they should take the fucking hint that a million departures in 2 years means an increasingly large segment of the population doesn’t really give a shit what Jesus thinks about who they decide to fuck, and in a few decades, no one will.

Pastafarian allowed to wear strainer in ID

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I get annoyed every time there’s a news story about some religious rube trying to get dress codes changed in order to wear whatever ridiculous bullshit their faith forces them to wear. In response to this kind of nonsense, Niko Alm of Austria decided to do something about it. He petitioned to wear a spaghetti strainer on his head as a display of his “pastafarian” faith. It took 3 years of negotiations to make happen: at one point, he even had to submit himself to a psychological evaluation to prove he was ‘fit” to drive. But he finally got his wish, and I must say that I’m both impressed and extremely amused at the same time.

Niko isn’t done just yet: he promises to try and get Austria to recognize the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster as an official church. I’ve tried getting in touch with him and see if I can’t set up an interview (we’ll see if he knows any English). Hey, if he’s serious, Niko is going to need all the help he can get!

New Bible calls Jesus “The Human One”

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In an effort to make the Bible more accessible to people, the United Methodist Church has released the Common English Bible. One of the major differences from the KJV is a new nickname: rather than calling him the “Son of Man” (which I guess was getting a little old), they chose instead to call him “The Human One“. I can’t figure out how this is supposed to be more accessible, but then again, I’m also not the kind of guy that bends down on one knee for his invisible friend. Perhaps they want to make him seem more like you and me. Take the word “God” out of it, and perhaps he seems less threatening or something. As far as I’m concerned, the new nickname makes me think they’re trying to make a statement about everyone else’s humanity. “Only Jesus was the Human One. You’re just a sinning piece of shit as far as we’re concerned”.

Why am I not the Human One? Is there something wrong with me?

Cult leader shoots 4 year old because he “might be gay”

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What do you get when you take a violent, homophobic young man and combine it with the power of religion? You get two deaths, a slam dunk for the prosecution, and the feeling that all of this could have been prevented if people stopped being such gigantic suckers. The murderer in question, Peter Lucas Moses, had his followers call him Lord, and used fear and isolation to control them.

Prosecutors said the case came to police’s attention in February when a young woman escaped from a house at 2109 Pear Tree Lane house, where she had lived with McKoy, Jadon, eight other children and three women charged in connection with the two slayings – Jadon’s mother, Vania Rae Sisk, 25, Lavada Quinzetta Harris, 40, and Larhonda Renee Smith, 40.

One of the two deaths was a 4 year old child, killed because Moses was convinced he was gay. An incident where young Jadon “slapped” another child in the buttocks was all the gusto Moses needed. He made his “wives” set up sound equipment in the garage, and with the music blasting in the background, he shot poor Jadon in the head.

He snuffed the life out of Antoinetta Yvonne McKoy a few months later for an equally arbitrary and stupid reason: she apparently lacked the ability to conceive, and expressed a desire to leave. At first, he tried to strangle her to death with an extension cord, but once that failed, he used the same gun he shot Jadon with to finish the job.

What’s even more messed up about this story is Antoinetta had managed to escape to a neighbor at first, who didn’t call the police because she thought the woman may have been mentally deranged. How I pity the false hope McKoy must have had as she was dragged (literally) back into the house. I bet she was really hoping the police would show up. They did, but months later after an escaped cult member told them about the murders. It kind of makes you wonder how many cults out there have similar skeletons in their closet, eh?

Michele Bachmann vows to stay crazy

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The election may be far away, but American politicians seeking the highest office usually spend months, sometimes years trying to get the support and (more importantly) the funding to make it happen. Michele, aware that the list of presidential candidates is weak enough to allow her a chance of victory, is busy making pledges she hopes will attract that massive segment of the American population that still hates gay people.

To facilitate this, she’s signed a pledge by an ultra-conservative organization called “The Family Leader” to fight against the “evils” of man on man love.

Here’s a breakdown of her pledges.

  1. Slavery was bad, but at least those black kids born back then were raised in two parents homes [NOTE: are they suggesting things were better for black kids back then?].
  2. Kids of single parents are more likely to be criminals [NOTE: Especially in Michele’s safety-net free future].
  3. Divorces are on the rise, and all those shattered families are costing make-believe number 112 billion dollars
  4. The social safety net of women and children is eroding due to homosexuality [NOTE: Isn’t this the party that wants to destroy all social programs?].

So as a result of these “facts”, Michele has vowed to do the following if the American people collectively lose their minds and elect her president. Those vows include:

  1. She vows to be faithful to her husband.
  2. She promises to respect the marriages of others, so long as it’s heterosexual [NOTE: She didn’t before?].
  3. She vows to be faithful to her own unique interpretation of the Constitution.
  4. She vows to oppose gay marriage and other non-traditional unions.
  5. She promises to get rid of marriage benefits to “quicky” divorces.
  6. She vows to protect soldiers from the unwanted advances and potential raping by their fellow gay soldiers.
  7. She wants all married heteros to have as many kids as possible.
  8. She rejects Sharia Law.
  9. Make all porn ILLEGAL [NOTE: She must be destroyed…].
  10. She promises to “downsize” government where it suits her to save money, but makes no mention of reducing the nearly 1 trillion dollars spent annually on defense [NOTE: Say goodbye to any social program of merit if she’s elected].
  11. She promises to “fiercely” defend a person’s religious freedom against “attack” [NOTE: She probably means criticism].

There you have it folks: for a segment of your population, this bigot is the next president. Does it matter that she represents everything that is wrong with America [poor understanding of history, extreme religiosity, latent bigotry, racism, jingoism, and hyper conservative]?

It’s all about sex, baby!

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Here’s some cool news: scientists are a little closer to understanding how sex evolved. Apparently, the answer “because it feels fucking awesome” wasn’t good enough for a few eggheads, and they decided to try and figure out some clever experiments to test out a few theories. A group of researchers at the University of Indiana found if they manipulated the sex of the round worm Caenorhabditis elegans, those that reproduced asexually were less likely to be resilient to parasites, and therefore less likely to pass on their genes.

It may come as a shock to most of you, but the development of sex as a reproductive strategy is still a little bit of a mystery. We know it’s incredibly useful, but until now we’ve lacked solid evidence demonstrating effectively why such a survival strategy is beneficial.

Of course this doesn’t prove anything just yet; like all good science, we will need to wait and see if the experiments, once repeated, have the same outcome. Still, it’s encouraging to know we might be a lot closer to answering the mystery that is sex.