Idaho creationists want their own monument to ignorance

Hey Idaho, were you feeling left out of this whole evolution-creation “debate”? Are you tired of scientists telling you that the earth is 4.5 billion years old instead of only 6000? Well, then you should donate every spare dollar you have to the Northwest Science Museum. Although they have yet to even raise enough money for their pathetic displays, it certainly hasn’t affected their enthusiasm for this project. They want people to donate land, time, resources, anything to make their dream of making Americans less capable of properly understanding the natural world. Their “statements of faith” tell you everything you need to know about them:

No apparent, perceived, or claimed interpretation of evidence in any field, including history and chronology, can be valid if it contradicts the Scriptural record.

The days in Genesis do not correspond to geologic ages, but are six [6] consecutive twenty-four [24] hour days of Creation. Therefore, the earth is a young earth, perhaps about 6000 years old.

The various original life-forms (kinds), including mankind, were made by direct creative acts of God. The living descendants of any of the original kinds (apart from man) may represent more than one species today, reflecting the genetic potential within the original kind. Only limited biological changes (including mutational deterioration) have occurred naturally within each kind since Creation.

We are opposed to the one-sided presentation of evolutionary views in public schools, colleges, and the news media. One of the basic functions of the Museum is to disseminate the abundance of scientific evidence in support of the Biblical account of creation and young earth history.

Yeah, isn’t evolution so “one-sided”? When are scientists going to stop relying on evidence and start relying on a Bronze Age book of fairy tales to tell them about the world? Surely studying the Bible can give you valuable information about the world, like the fact that rather than curve space-time, the Earth rests on pillars. It says so in First Samuel 2:8. You can also forget about such silly things as Kepler’s Law of planetary motion, since First Corinthians 16:30 says that the Earth stands still. Man, life is so simple when you rely on the Bible for everything, isn’t it?

If these clowns get their way, they’ll eventually build a Science Education Center, which they claim will help raise the science scores of American children (which they hilariously admit is deteriorating). Yeah, it’s a real fucking mystery why kids in your country are getting dumber, especially when you have quality museums that teach “No apparent interpretation of evidence of any field can be valid if it contradicts the Scriptural record”. Well, they might run into a problem since the following scientific disciplines all conflict with the Bible:

Geology, Cosmology, Astronomy, Chemistry, Modern Germ Theory, Evolutionary Biology, Embryology, Paleontology, Epidemiology, Physics, Anthropology, etc.

Yep, the future scientific leaders of America are in good hands here! If you don’t believe me, check out their only “research” paper so far (this behemoth is over 4 pages, double-spaced), explaining how DNA is so complex only a magical entity could have created it!

Apologist thinks atheism leads to sexual immorality

I’m feeling good this morning. According to Christian apologist Josh McDowell, the web is infested with atheists like me trying to spread their vile message of godlessness and pornography. While I certainly agree with the first part of the accusation, I wish to clarify that while TGA endorses pornography, I still think that there’s way too much of it that’s anal. What happened to the vagina, guys? And please, I’m begging you: no more ass-to-mouth. You’re fucking killing me.

McDowell is worried that as Christianity slowly goes the way of the dodo, sexual “immorality” is growing, and the only way to explain this is by blaming a group you dislike for ideological reasons:

The Internet has given atheists, agnostics, skeptics, the people who like to destroy everything that you and I believe, almost equal access to your kids as your youth pastor and you have… whether you like it or not.

Oh noes! Did you know that children are being exposed to other opinions besides Christianity? Overwhelmingly, the tech savviness of atheists have given us the advantage, and as a result, the whole world is becoming a giant cesspool of sexual permissiveness.

I made the statement off and on for 10-11 years that the abundance of knowledge, the abundance of information, will not lead to certainty; it will lead to pervasive skepticism. And, folks, that’s exactly what has happened. It’s like this. How do you really know, there is so much out there… This abundance [of information] has led to skepticism. And then the Internet has leveled the playing field

Not skepticism! Every crime in the history of humanity was the result of someone thinking for themselves, and not taking things based merely on authority, right?

Of course, the only thing that seems to REALLY occupy his mind is the amount of pornography that’s available on the Internet. He should know: according to this article in New Scientist, States with a higher percentage of conservative voters watch more porn than their hippy counterparts. It’s not really all that surprising: for evangelicals, sin is some hot and nasty shit, bound to be entangled with feelings of guilt, remorse and shame. Throw in a little crystal meth and a gay prostitute in the mix, and you’re ready to be a minister!

The majority of all the 2.2 billion people who go to the Internet daily are between 15 to 25 years of age, he said. And there are 4.2 million pornographic sites. “Do you know how many pornographic emails would be circulated just today? 2.5 billion…just one click away.

I love how these guys seem to conflate atheism with pornography, as though the lack of belief in a 2000 year old dead Jewish carpenter (the first and the last I’m assuming) somehow means that kids are going to do hot and nasty things to one another. Newsflash, Josh: they already do that shit regardless of what you tell them. It’s kind of the reason why the human race has endured; if we didn’t like fucking so much, we’d be facing extinction like the modern panda.

IHOP calls Oprah Winfrey the Anti-Christ

Here’s what’s fucking scary about believers: some of them take it so seriously that concerns over their own well-being is secondary. For true believers, a tiny bunk-bed, barely enough food to subsist, and countless hours spent trying to recruit new zombies isn’t a chore; it’s a calling, baby!

It is how a pathetically small church, with the hilarious acronym of IHOP (International House of Prayer, not Pancakes) went from 20 members to tens of thousands in just 12 years. They recruit ferociously, and they aren’t afraid of using fiery rhetoric to get their point across. Take the sermon of their fearless leader, Mike Bickle, who is convinced the End times are upon us. And who is Anti-Christ in his “ready for Rapture” world? Why, it’s Oprah Winfrey, of course!

“The Harlot Babylon is preparing the nations to receive the Antichrist. The Harlot Babylon will be a religion of affirmation, toleration, no absolutes, a counterfeit justice movement. They will feed the poor, have humanitarian projects, inspire acts of compassion for all the wrong reasons. They won’t know it, beloved they will be sincere, many of them, but their sincerity will not in any way lessen the impact of their deception. The fact that they are sincere does not make their deception less damaging.

I believe that one of the main pastors, as a forerunner to the Harlot movement, it’s not the Harlot movement yet, is Oprah. She is winsome, she is kind, she is reasonable, she is utterly deceived, utterly deceived. A classy woman, a cool woman, a charming woman, but has a spirit of deception and she is one of the clear pastors, forerunners to the Harlot movement.”

I’m going to assume here he’s referring to the “Whore of Babylon” who is supposed to be riding a seven headed beast (remember the trippy shit that is the Book of Revelations?) Just a little word of advice for you, Mikey: can you pick someone that people actually want to sleep with? That is kind of the idea, dude.

Now the kingdom of Babylon has been extinct for over 2000 years, so in response to this, Christians believe that a “spiritual Babylon” still exists. As you might expect, this little word game helps them avoid having to deal with the fact the ancient Akkadian empire collapsed long after it failed to fulfill the prophesy. Hey, a little thing like reality isn’t going to stop them from feverishly anticipating the destruction of all mankind, right?

So, I guess the one thing we can know for sure is that if Oprah is the Antichrist, then EVERYBODY GETS A NEW CAR!!!!

Ben Stein is an idiot

Wow, he’s right: Evolution doesn’t explain how gravity works, and it certainly doesn’t explain the second law of thermodynamics. Did you also know Newton’s First Law (the velocity of a body is constant unless another force acts against it) doesn’t explain why Ben Stein thinks he understands what the fuck he’s talking about? It must mean the Theory has no real value. It’s much more logical to assume that God did everything slightly difficult to explain. Who wants to live in a world of quantum indeterminacy? If you’re Ben Stein, all you need to do is jam your fingers in your ears so tightly that it starts to effect blood-flow to your brain, and presto: no more pesky science that makes God look like an incompetent fool.

The Church of England is dying

Man, once in a while you see a headline that just makes you want to smile. Today, my special little surprise was the Telegraph reporting if things don’t significantly improve for the Church of England, they will go the way of the Dodo bird. Of course, Church officials are scrambling to figure out what to do next:

“We are faced with a stark and urgent choice: do we spend the next few years managing decline, or do we go for growth?
In other words, do we accept the continual numerical decline of the Church of England as inevitable, or do we dare to believe a different future, that God might want his Church to grow, in holiness and in numbers?”

If your God wants his church to grow, he sure has a funny way of showing it. The decline is real, as opposed to their invisible friend who doesn’t have enough influence to keep his own followers from leaving in droves. The power of Christ compels you to leave! So, what do the numbers actually show? Are you ready to be in a good mood?

According to official figures, the number of worshippers attending church each week fell by 30,000 between 2007 and 2009, to 1.13 million.

Church of England officials argue that the decline partly reflects the nature of modern society, in which many kinds of membership organization – including political parties – have lost supporters.

Or it could be because people are tired of spending their free time being told by a clown in a dress that their ticket to magical-fun-playland is only good if it gets validated by Jesus. And if they think other organizations are losing 30k people a week, then I want the crack they’re smoking. Clearly, the Brits are saying “no thank you” to the Church of England, and why shouldn’t they?

The General Synod will also hear a call for an emergency debate on homosexuality. Church officials will be accused of “woeful” failure to protect the institution of marriage from erosion by the rise of civil partnerships and Coalition plans to allow same-sex couples to register their partnerships in religious settings.
A lay member of Synod, Andrea Minichiello Williams, will urge the Archbishops of Canterbury and York to call an “emergency” debate to discuss Church’s stance on marriage reforms.

Experts in sophisticated nonsense having a debate on the morality of homosexuality? And they wonder why people are fleeing in droves from the embarrassment that is the Church. While the rest of us are trying to ensure every person is treated with the same rights as everyone else, these morons are still stuck trying to figure out if their 2000 year old dead Palestinian carpenter would approve. I think they should take the fucking hint that a million departures in 2 years means an increasingly large segment of the population doesn’t really give a shit what Jesus thinks about who they decide to fuck, and in a few decades, no one will.

Pastafarian allowed to wear strainer in ID

I get annoyed every time there’s a news story about some religious rube trying to get dress codes changed in order to wear whatever ridiculous bullshit their faith forces them to wear. In response to this kind of nonsense, Niko Alm of Austria decided to do something about it. He petitioned to wear a spaghetti strainer on his head as a display of his “pastafarian” faith. It took 3 years of negotiations to make happen: at one point, he even had to submit himself to a psychological evaluation to prove he was ‘fit” to drive. But he finally got his wish, and I must say that I’m both impressed and extremely amused at the same time.

Niko isn’t done just yet: he promises to try and get Austria to recognize the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster as an official church. I’ve tried getting in touch with him and see if I can’t set up an interview (we’ll see if he knows any English). Hey, if he’s serious, Niko is going to need all the help he can get!

New Bible calls Jesus “The Human One”

In an effort to make the Bible more accessible to people, the United Methodist Church has released the Common English Bible. One of the major differences from the KJV is a new nickname: rather than calling him the “Son of Man” (which I guess was getting a little old), they chose instead to call him “The Human One“. I can’t figure out how this is supposed to be more accessible, but then again, I’m also not the kind of guy that bends down on one knee for his invisible friend. Perhaps they want to make him seem more like you and me. Take the word “God” out of it, and perhaps he seems less threatening or something. As far as I’m concerned, the new nickname makes me think they’re trying to make a statement about everyone else’s humanity. “Only Jesus was the Human One. You’re just a sinning piece of shit as far as we’re concerned”.

Why am I not the Human One? Is there something wrong with me?

Cult leader shoots 4 year old because he “might be gay”

What do you get when you take a violent, homophobic young man and combine it with the power of religion? You get two deaths, a slam dunk for the prosecution, and the feeling that all of this could have been prevented if people stopped being such gigantic suckers. The murderer in question, Peter Lucas Moses, had his followers call him Lord, and used fear and isolation to control them.

Prosecutors said the case came to police’s attention in February when a young woman escaped from a house at 2109 Pear Tree Lane house, where she had lived with McKoy, Jadon, eight other children and three women charged in connection with the two slayings – Jadon’s mother, Vania Rae Sisk, 25, Lavada Quinzetta Harris, 40, and Larhonda Renee Smith, 40.

One of the two deaths was a 4 year old child, killed because Moses was convinced he was gay. An incident where young Jadon “slapped” another child in the buttocks was all the gusto Moses needed. He made his “wives” set up sound equipment in the garage, and with the music blasting in the background, he shot poor Jadon in the head.

He snuffed the life out of Antoinetta Yvonne McKoy a few months later for an equally arbitrary and stupid reason: she apparently lacked the ability to conceive, and expressed a desire to leave. At first, he tried to strangle her to death with an extension cord, but once that failed, he used the same gun he shot Jadon with to finish the job.

What’s even more messed up about this story is Antoinetta had managed to escape to a neighbor at first, who didn’t call the police because she thought the woman may have been mentally deranged. How I pity the false hope McKoy must have had as she was dragged (literally) back into the house. I bet she was really hoping the police would show up. They did, but months later after an escaped cult member told them about the murders. It kind of makes you wonder how many cults out there have similar skeletons in their closet, eh?

Michele Bachmann vows to stay crazy

The election may be far away, but American politicians seeking the highest office usually spend months, sometimes years trying to get the support and (more importantly) the funding to make it happen. Michele, aware that the list of presidential candidates is weak enough to allow her a chance of victory, is busy making pledges she hopes will attract that massive segment of the American population that still hates gay people.

To facilitate this, she’s signed a pledge by an ultra-conservative organization called “The Family Leader” to fight against the “evils” of man on man love.

Here’s a breakdown of her pledges.

  1. Slavery was bad, but at least those black kids born back then were raised in two parents homes [NOTE: are they suggesting things were better for black kids back then?].
  2. Kids of single parents are more likely to be criminals [NOTE: Especially in Michele’s safety-net free future].
  3. Divorces are on the rise, and all those shattered families are costing make-believe number 112 billion dollars
  4. The social safety net of women and children is eroding due to homosexuality [NOTE: Isn’t this the party that wants to destroy all social programs?].

So as a result of these “facts”, Michele has vowed to do the following if the American people collectively lose their minds and elect her president. Those vows include:

  1. She vows to be faithful to her husband.
  2. She promises to respect the marriages of others, so long as it’s heterosexual [NOTE: She didn’t before?].
  3. She vows to be faithful to her own unique interpretation of the Constitution.
  4. She vows to oppose gay marriage and other non-traditional unions.
  5. She promises to get rid of marriage benefits to “quicky” divorces.
  6. She vows to protect soldiers from the unwanted advances and potential raping by their fellow gay soldiers.
  7. She wants all married heteros to have as many kids as possible.
  8. She rejects Sharia Law.
  9. Make all porn ILLEGAL [NOTE: She must be destroyed…].
  10. She promises to “downsize” government where it suits her to save money, but makes no mention of reducing the nearly 1 trillion dollars spent annually on defense [NOTE: Say goodbye to any social program of merit if she’s elected].
  11. She promises to “fiercely” defend a person’s religious freedom against “attack” [NOTE: She probably means criticism].

There you have it folks: for a segment of your population, this bigot is the next president. Does it matter that she represents everything that is wrong with America [poor understanding of history, extreme religiosity, latent bigotry, racism, jingoism, and hyper conservative]?

It’s all about sex, baby!

Here’s some cool news: scientists are a little closer to understanding how sex evolved. Apparently, the answer “because it feels fucking awesome” wasn’t good enough for a few eggheads, and they decided to try and figure out some clever experiments to test out a few theories. A group of researchers at the University of Indiana found if they manipulated the sex of the round worm Caenorhabditis elegans, those that reproduced asexually were less likely to be resilient to parasites, and therefore less likely to pass on their genes.

It may come as a shock to most of you, but the development of sex as a reproductive strategy is still a little bit of a mystery. We know it’s incredibly useful, but until now we’ve lacked solid evidence demonstrating effectively why such a survival strategy is beneficial.

Of course this doesn’t prove anything just yet; like all good science, we will need to wait and see if the experiments, once repeated, have the same outcome. Still, it’s encouraging to know we might be a lot closer to answering the mystery that is sex.

Nothing is new

For those of us not living in the Bronze Age, homosexuals and gender-benders aren’t really a big deal. You kind of expect it, actually. I mean, sexual variability is to be expected in nature, and sex is such a subtle thing with humans I’m beginning to think that the words are adjectives rather than nouns. In any case, we know same sex attraction has been around for a long time, even though I’m sure most religious folks are convinced it’s the work of some evil and nefarious intelligence. So I doubt any of them will care about the recent discovery of a “gay caveman“.

The guy was found with all the accouterments normally reserved for women, and considering how meticulous our ancestors were about burying people, archeologists are convinced it’s evidence of a possible ancient transsexual male.

Women would be buried with necklaces made from teeth, pets, and copper earrings, as well as jugs and an egg-shaped pot placed near the feet.

“What we see here doesn’t add up to traditional Corded Ware cultural norms…None of the objects that usually accompany male burials -such as weapons, stone battle axes and flint knives- were found in the grave.

“We believe this is one of the earliest cases of what could be described as a ‘transsexual’ or ‘third gender grave’ in the Czech Republic,” archaeologist Katerina Semradova told a press conference on Tuesday.

Sometimes a dude just wants to be a lady, even when he lives in a moldy cave, and there ain’t nothin’ wrong with it!

Man shot over Rapture teasing

You never know how some religious nutjobs are going to react. That’s a life lesson Jerry Andrews is still pondering about, having recently been shot by his co-worker Dale O’Callaghan. Seems as though Dale may not have had much of a sense of humor about his faith. His sore spot happened to be a certain Harold Camping failed Rapture prediction that was greatly anticipated (and like with most believers, probably continually mentioned). No doubt the inevitable failure presented Jerry with the opportunity for a good laugh. Instead he got a bullet in the shoulder.

After being wounded, Andrews recalls being called “one of those Satanic people” by O’Callaghan. I’m inclined to believe that he may have in fact been referring to us, the non-believers. The concept is probably so shocking to his fragile, child-like understanding of the Universe that he thinks we’re all tools of the devil or something. If you think I might be exaggerating, take a look at this recent Pew poll. It found the #1 fear of Evangelical Christians is the growing influence of secularism. Is it a stretch to imagine perhaps some of them might characterize us as literal agents of Satan?

Scary to think eventually, this bozo is going to be out on the street again. And you know, if he’s there for at least ten years, there’s going to be a whole lot more of those “Satanic people” around, that’s for sure. He and his Evangelical ilk better start getting used to it.

Feticide laws used to prosecute women, not men

I’ve written in the past on the dangers of having fetal homicide laws. While originally intended to help prosecute any man whose violent assault causes a still birth. As you might have guessed, the law has yet to actually be used on any guys. Only one dude was ever facing charges, and they were dropped. Meanwhile, hundreds of women have been charged, including a 15 year old whose coke habit is being blamed on a stillbirth. She’s facing fucking LIFE IN PRISON for the crime of being a stupid teenager.

…anti-abortion groups were trying to amend the Mississippi constitution by setting up a state referendum, or ballot initiative, that would widen the definition of a person under the state’s bill of rights to include a fetus from the day of conception.

In Alabama, a women is facing jail time after her Downs Syndrome baby died only 20 minutes after birth. The prosecutor charged her with “chemical endangerment”, even though she flatly denies taking anything leading up to the delivery.

This type of behavior isn’t at all surprising. The Religious Right has a pretty big issue with the fact that abortion is legal, and they’ve found a clever way to bypass the legality of it by prosecuting women they feel need to be punished. What’s surprising is how cozy people are with this law. It seems totally irrelevant that we’re relegating women to the roles of baby ovens, and not much else. Their rights apparently end as soon as you impregnate them.

Ladies, if you need another reason for you to move the fuck out of this bat-shit insane country of yours, how about the fact that in at least 38 states, if anything happens during your pregnancy you could go to jail for the rest of your natural life. Does that sound reasonable to you?

Woman left handicapped after exorcism

In the slums of Khanewal, Pakistan, the poor and indigent who suffer from treatable illnesses are sent, often by physicians wishing to unload their patients, to the Islamic equivalent of exorcists. They are called Pirs (or Peers), meaning “old man”, and these “saints” often perform barbaric torture rituals they believe can clean people of djinns, or demons.

One victim of their archaic stupidity was a woman suffering from asthma by the name of Zakia. She was taken to a famous local Pir called Safdar Khan, who proceeded to tie her up, sticking a hot poker through her wrists and feet while she howled in agony. He then beat her mercilessly until she stopped moving. This, to Safdar, was proof that the demon had been driven out.

Zakia is now bed ridden and can no longer walk. Her brother Zain – outraged that his superstitious idiot parents would take her to such a charlatan – knows that the police will do nothing to help him. As far as everyone is concerned, Safdar is a respected holy man whose words carry much weight. Zain, on the other hand, is just another unimportant peasant whose story will be forgotten in a few days.

The police know there was no other way which is why they haven’t said anything and the doctors come to us regularly for such things,” he said. Shani said that Safdar often ‘treated’ patients who had been referred to him by hospital officials.

“They always send us the cases that they know are for us. The possessed people are treated here. That is why the doctors will never go against us. Safdar is one of the most famous healers in this city,” he said.

Of course, if you think that’s the worst thing that can happen to you when going to get “exorcised”, you’re in for a horrible surprise:

In Notak Nasheb Sainghar, Pir Javed Shah broke into Shehzadi Bibi’s house late at on Friday night and told her that her house was haunted by ‘evil’ djinns who were causing her daughters to fall sick.

Shah gave Shehzadi and her daughters glasses of water that had been drugged and the family fell unconscious. Javed Shah repeatedly raped Shehzadi the entire night. When the family woke up the next day and went to the hospital doctors refused to treat her for fear of the djinns.

What a fucking shithole of ignorance, all thanks to the power of faith.

Kent Hovind gets spanked

If you don’t remember Kent Hovind, it might be because you’ve come into the atheism scene a little late. He’s currently in jail for failing to pay taxes on a number of his enterprises, including a religiously themed amusement park called “Dinosaur Adventure Playland“. This bastion to ignorance features not only depictions of humans and dinosaurs co-existing, but also a replica of the Loch Ness Monster. It’s to be expected when your “scientific” claim is these animals lived during the dawn of man some 6 millennia ago, and a few are still alive today.

Kent’s “education” includes a doctorate from a diploma farm that fancies itself a University. His hilariously unoriginal, grammatical nightmare dissertation has been the subject of some scrutiny. When Wikileaks obtained a copy of it from Patriot Bible University, they denied it was the completed version, and since then neither Patriot or Hovind have responded to critics demanding to see his thesis. I suspect some of this zeal may have partially to do with the fact that he insists on being listed as “Dr. Hovind” in the phone book. I imagine it’s insulting to anyone who actually bothered to get the real deal.

If you’re wondering about his conviction, it was a result of his fringe beliefs taxes are unconstitutional and therefore wrong. It didn’t even seem to matter to him that all he needed to do was “play ball” and bother to register as a church, thereby avoiding this pesky tax nonsense. Nope, he chose instead to declare total autonomy from the United States, and when the government came knocking on the door asking where their cut of the bread was, Hovind claimed the various enterprises were the property of God, and therefore exempt. This novel defense would later secure the guy 10 years in jail.

What I find hilarious about the whole thing is even in creationism circles, Hovind is considered a total hack. Answers in Genesis – the same brilliant minds that brought you the Creation Museum – thinks his arguments are so bad they’re actually harmful to “the cause”. It’s a nice reminder that creationism nonsense – mainly fueled by religious evangelicals – still comes loaded with all the divisive trappings of theology. There’s no unity there. Even Ken Ham, who started AIG in the US, was forced out of the parent organization in Australia. These Young-Earth Creationists are similarly vilified by Old-Earth Creationists who feel “the cause” is disservice by such literal interpretations of scripture. See the trend here?