Author Archives: Jacob Fortin

Muslim Heaven and other similar nonsense

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I love whenever people start making specific claims about their magical play-land in the sky. Did you know you’ll be able to finally drink all that wine your local mullah told you was forbidden? Good thing you never bothered to actually try the stuff when you were alive…better to wait until you’re dead to enjoy the little pleasures in life.

I think the Muslim concept of Heaven is by far the most provincial. It’s quite obvious that a group of repressed desert people made it up. The rest of us couldn’t give a rat’s ass about rivers of honey and wine that doesn’t make you drunk (what is it, Synthohol?). And if there’s no such thing as jealousy in heaven, why the fuck do you need all your women to be virgins? Sounds like some pretty serious sexual insecurity there…

Did anyone like the sexy lady who called believers “idiots”? What did you think of the religionists trying to argue that belief in God is the same as our trust in currency? Hilarious.

The “Dangers” of Crusading Atheism

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Could this guy be more wrong? Here are a couple of choice passages I couldn’t help but comment on (as I’m sure most of you will dissect the rest).

As crusading atheism is sort of a cause today, it is popular, I don’t want to say among scientists, I mean that’s too general and it isn’t so.

Is it ironic for a Christian to use the word “Crusade” when talking about atheism? I sometimes wish these clowns would study their own history. It would make them abandon such a word. The Crusades were one of the bloodiest, savage and murderous campaigns in human history. To compare men like Richard Dawkins or Sam Harris to Crusaders is a false equivalence. Comparing professional sectarian murderers with academic debaters is not only insulting; it’s just plain stupid.

I think human beings have faced hard challenges. The Second World War was a difficult a crisis as mankind ever will face. Fifty million people died, humanity teetered on the edge.

Actually, Steven Pinker has a fantastic presentation on the myth of violence, in particular this idea the Second World War was the bloodiest and most savage conflict in human history. Yes, many people did die, but compared to the mortality rates of other ancient conflicts, the odds of being killed by your fellow man in WWII was much lower. We are living in the most peaceful time in the history of mankind, and yet we’re constantly thinking the opposite.

State paganism was preached aggressively by Hitler-ite Germany, which despised Christianity as much as it hated Jews; didn’t hate Christians as people, but it hated Christianity.

Yeah, the Reichskonkordat seems to contradict your retarded statement, Dave. For anyone unfamiliar with this treaty, it was signed only 6 months after Hitler took power, and it’s still technically valid today. The Concordat made the Holy See of Rome the only official religion of Germany. Hardly sounds like paganism, does it?

The trial of Geert Wilders

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If you aren’t from the Netherlands, odds are you’ve never heard of Geert Wilders. In the fight against sectarian ideologies, Wilders is a bit of a wild card. While I applaud his efforts to combat the rising tide of irrationality and superstition in his country, this “champion of free speech” is the same man who wanted to ban the Koran. Let’s just say he’s a hard man to love.

He’s currently on trial for inciting hatred and discrimination against the Muslim religion and Moroccan immigrants. The judges overhearing his cases refused to allow Geert 15 of his 18 witnesses (which included the man who murdered Theo Van Gogh), arguing that fundamentalists would not adequately represent the religion.

Yeah, that sounds like a fucking fair trial to me. Be sure not to include anyone that actually takes their religion too seriously, otherwise you might frighten people!

I may not agree with everything that man has to say, but I can spot a bullshit trial when I see one. Hey, is anyone holding the fundamentalists accountable for inciting hatred of non-believers, honor killings, violence against women, and the host of other barbarities associated with this primitive faith? Why are the Dutch so afraid of someone speaking his mind?

UK secularists need to grow a pair

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As the UK continues to fund sectarian institutions, some politicians are beginning to warn officials that this trend will ultimately do more harm than good. Grassroots Liberal Democrats are “pressing” (whatever the fuck that means) the government to stop funding religious organizations, lest they be used as proselytizing tools.

In east London, a new website aiming to promote sex education for young people “using a faith sensitive approach” has been launched after receiving funding from health authorities. It follows a recent controversy in south-west London over Richmond council’s awarding of a £89,000 contract to the Catholic Children’s Society, which will be involved in advising pupils on issues including contraception and teenage pregnancy.

The government spent over 100,000 dollars spent on this bullshit? That’s insane! Don’t worry though, they totally got their money’s worth: just check out their website‘s pregnancy page for proof (it’s hilariously empty). Maybe they’re still trying to figure out how to gently tell expecting young mothers wishing to terminate their pregnancies that they’ll burn in Hell for eternity. Is there even a nice way to say that?

If you dig a little deeper, you’ll also find some false facts meant to persuade individuals abstinence teaching is effective. For instance, they claim that:

  1. Teens living in two-parent homes are less likely to have sex earlier than teens living in single-parent or step-parent homes [Me: “see, you shouldn’t have divorced your abusive husband. Now your daughter is a whore!”].
  2. Perceived parental disapproval of sex has a strong delaying factor throughout adolescence.[Me: “yes, because no one likes to rebel against their parents”].
  3. Teens who are more religious are more likely to delay sex. [Me: “while the average religious person may wait longer to have sex, it usually leads to more pregnancy and STI’s than their secular counterparts].
  4. The combination of academic achievement and sports participation (for girls only) have the strongest delay effect in early and middle adolescence. [Me: “yeah, it’s pretty much the opposite for guys, so how is this helpful for half the population?”].
  5. In late adolescence, girls with high self-esteem are less likely to engage in premarital sex than girls with low self-esteem. [Me: “what better to teach a girl self-esteem than inculcating her with a faith that considers all women sinners and the ruin of mankind?”].
  6. The more religious the teen and their family, the less likely they were to start having sex early. [Me: “and the more likely she’ll have an STI or a baby on the way!”].

Isn’t it great when you can cherry pick facts to make your side sound so much better? I will admit that at the very least, this site does encourage people to use contraception (bad Catholic alert). This, however, is their “last resort” in case you happen to be a human being and love getting shagged.

Here’s the problem in a nutshell: kids are going to fuck each other whether or not you want them to. If fact, the less you want them to, the hotter it is. The last thing we need is a bunch of religious rubes confusing kids with dumb messages about sin and how their invisible friend only wants sanctioned sex. What’s worse, it also seems as though the result of their “sex education” is an adult with a less enjoyable sex life. Do religions ever get anything right?

The point is, religions are scarred by the misogynistic, ignorant, barbaric and primitive mores of the people who wrote their holy texts. Sure, some of their cults have embraced the values of the Enlightenment rather than follow their own code, but it doesn’t take away from the fact that the basis of their beliefs are still predicated on utter nonsense. In other words, foundationally, they poison the very notion of intellectual integrity and reason. This, at the very least, must bar them from sharing or overtaking secular programs.

So what’s next? I guess we’ll continue to act like pussies and complain about this while money is slowly diverted away from secular programs and into the pockets of proselytizing organizations. At a time when the government is slashing spending, do you really think putting a bit of “pressure” is going to do anything at all? Religions are going to find ways to siphon money to themselves unless you expunge them all from your government. Get rid of the House of Lords. No more faith schools. Get your fucking secularist act together, England. It’s beginning to be an embarrassment.

Muslim men jailed for religiously motivated attack

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Gary Smith was a friendly and popular religion teacher with a promising career, until four thugs, incensed by their fundamentalist interpretation of Islam, decided to beat him to within an inch of his life to teach him a “lesson” for educating women about their nonsense religion.

Gary Smith, 38, was beaten as he walked to Central Foundation Girls’ School in Bow, east London, last July.

The gang left him unconscious after attacking him with a metal rod and a brick, Snaresbrook Crown Court heard.

The attackers, Azad Hussain, Akmol Hussein, Sheikh Rashid, and Simon Alam were each given a mandatory 5 year jail sentence for the attack. The Judge was also quick to reprimand these psychos for having been motivated by religious dogma, believing (not unreasonably) that they would continue their life of crime if they continued down this path.

The court heard how the men were only caught because Hussein’s car was being bugged on an unrelated matter.

Normally I might be a little freaked out at the idea of citizens being “bugged”, but it looks as though this was the right call with these psychos. If you read the amount of emotional and physical trauma the victim had to go through, you realize these guys weren’t fucking around. Turns out they were terrorism suspects, and considering the fact they were willing to attack an innocent man guilty only of educating young women, that doesn’t seem too far fetched.

The Security Service had placed a listening device in a car driven by one of the men as part of an investigation into a suspected terrorist network in East London, sources told the Daily Telegraph.

Evidently these morons have a problem living in a society where women are treated as equals. Luckily for them, they’ll be in an environment of only men now. Wonder how that’ll work out…

Hot nun gets the shaft

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I have to admit I’ve always wanted to write this headline, but do you have any idea how long I had to wait before a super hot nun got fired? But boy, was this girl worth the wait. Turns out that a former lap-dancer turned dancing Nun was a bit too much for the Vatican to handle, and so Benedict XVI shut it down.

The Santa Croce in Gerusalemme church is being closed because of rumours of a lack of liturgical, financial and moral discipline, La Stampa reports.

“An inquiry found evidence of liturgical and financial irregularities as well as lifestyles that were probably not in keeping with that of a monk,” Father Ciro Benedettini, a Vatican spokesman, is reported as telling the Guardian newspaper.

So, on the same day where one of their own Cardinals is accused of trying to get a Moroccan drug dealer to find him some young boys to rape, the Vatican decides that the real problem is a bunch of hot nuns getting their groove on. Look, I’m no fan of their stupid bullshit, but what the fuck is the danger in just letting people have some good old clean fun? Just because Sister Nobili used to lap dance doesn’t mean she’s an immoral person. Last time I checked, lap-dancers don’t rape underaged children, so they’re OK in my books! My lap needs some lovin’ too, you know!

Catholic Church’s latest scandal

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Whenever I hear the words Vatican and “reform”, I can’t help but laugh. Here’s an institution that, for a greater part of Western history, has benefited from unchecked powers. It wasn’t until the 19th century the Papal States were annexed, and even then, fascist dictator Mussolini allowed the organization “statehood” in exchange for cooperation in his new government. Now, this archaic and evil organization gets all kinds of perks, like a seat in the UN.

Imagine for a moment a tiny country (with a population of less than 1000) was systematically protecting child rapists for decades. Not only that, but their powerful influence was also making people have riskier sex, forcing young rape victims to have back-alley abortions, and placed women under the dictatorship of men. Who would allow such a dangerous and vile state a voice in world affairs?

Pope Benedict has promised to clean up his organization, but considering the fact this same man who, when heading the renamed Inquisition (now called Covenant of the Doctrine of the Faith), sent out a memo telling archbishops not to divulge information to the cops. Clearly, the man has no interest in actually doing anything about this abuse. Still don’t believe me? How about yet another scandal involving his right hand man?

The latest sex-abuse case to rock the Catholic Church is unfolding in the archdiocese of an influential Italian Cardinal who has been working with Pope Benedict XVI on reforms to respond to prior scandals of pedophile priests.

Investigators say that in tapped mobile-phone conversations, Seppia asked a Moroccan drug dealer to arrange sexual encounters with young and vulnerable boys. “I do not want 16-year-old boys but younger. Fourteen-year-olds are O.K. Look for needy boys who have family issues,” he allegedly said. Genoa Archbishop Angelo Bagnasco, who is the head of the Italian Bishops Conference, had been working with Benedict to establish a tough new worldwide policy, released this week, on how bishops should handle accusations of priestly sex abuse.

See, you can tell Father Seppia is an old hand at this whole “abuse racket”. He wants his boys young, needy, and in a difficult and vulnerable family situation.

According to investigators, Seppia told a friend — a former seminarian and barman who is currently under investigation — that the town’s malls were the best places to entice minors. In tapped phone conversations the two cursed and swore against God.

Need any more proof that none of these clowns actually believe in the shit they profess to preach? It’s simple really: the power of their institution has, for hundreds of years, allowed these douche-bags to do anything they wanted. Turns out a significant portion of these sick bastards actually desire the innocent flesh of young children to satiate their perverse sexual needs. It’s only been a few decades since their power has waned enough for us to expose their sick and twisted shit. Look what we find when we look under a few rocks. Can you even imagine what kind of twisted shit we aren’t hearing about?

Driving by women is the road to hell!

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What do you get when you mix the backwardness of theocracy with the progressiveness of modern technology? Why, you get Saudi Arabia, of course!

Authorities detained a Saudi woman on Saturday after she launched a campaign against the driving ban for women in the ultraconservative kingdom and posted a video of herself behind the wheel on Facebook and YouTube to encourage others to copy her.

Saudi Arabia is the only country in the world to ban women – both Saudi and foreign – from driving. The prohibition forces families to hire live-in drivers, and those who cannot afford the $300 to $400 a month for a driver must rely on male relatives to drive them to work, school, shopping or the doctor.

Women are also barred from voting, except for chamber of commerce elections in two cities in recent years, and no woman can sit on the kingdom’s Cabinet. Women also cannot travel without permission from a male guardian and shouldn’t mingle with males who are not their husbands or brothers.

Honestly, I’m counting the days before this women either gets gang-raped or somebody throws acid in her face. A few years ago, when one of the Saudi princes tried to reform their sexist laws a little, there were riots. Clearly this country isn’t ready to join the rest of humanity at the grown-up table…

Camping changes date, awaits more failure

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After posting that video of a shocked Harold Camping refusing to give an interview, I was beginning to feel sorry for him. He seemed confused and crestfallen at the idea his buddy Jesus didn’t come down to slaughter 99.9999% of the human race. Truly, a sad day for all of us.

So rather than admit he’s an old fuddy-duddy with a bullshit math formula, Harold instead suggests that the “spiritual” Apocalypse has already begun, but the date of the physical end of the world will come about on October 21st, 2011.

…[H]e insisted 21 October had always been the end-point of his own chronology – or at least his own latest chronology, as a previous prophecy that the apocalypse would strike in 1994 also failed to come to pass.

I guess Harold wants to strike out now, and if you’re in for a penny, you’re also in for a pound with this guy. You might be wondering what kind of advice Camping has for all those followers who are feeling betrayed after having spent their life savings on his failed prediction. Well, he has some “comforting” advice for them:

Asked if he had any advice to offer those who had given away their material wealth in the belief the world was about to end, Mr. Camping said they would cope.
“We just had a great recession. There’s lots of people who lost their jobs, lots of people who lost their houses… and somehow they all survived,” he said.

I think “just cope with it” is the same advice you’d give a person after raping them. Honestly, I doubt this moron feels bad about deceiving folks, since he’s worked so diligently to deceive himself. That’s the problem with guys like Harold: they want their nonsense to be so real they lure the infantilized and gullible peons of religion into their web. So long as religion continues to endorse ignorance, stupidity and superstition, people will lose their money, their family and their lives over this bullshit.

Harold Camping still in shock over dumb prediction

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Well, for the cynics out there that thought Harold was just trying to bilk people out of their money, I think you can see from his expression that he really did believe in his own nonsense. That’s what makes people like Harold so dangerous! The best way to lie to others is to first lie to yourself! If Harold really wants to understand what’s going on, he’ll need to understand the Bible is just fairy tale bullshit that has no bearing on reality, and is clearly for a different time in our history as a species. It’s cruel, capricious and violent God is better suited for the Bronze Age than the Age of Reason.

What Camping doesn’t realize is the externalities of his own beliefs. The fear and anxiety he created with his May 21st idiocy cannot easily be measured, and let’s not forget the financial devastation he brought on to his followers as well. It’s probably all too much for a broken old man to fathom.

Are you done, Harold? Can we count your second failed attempt to predict the “End times” to be your last?

Email question

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I received an email from a fan, and I thought his question was too important for me to answer on my own. I thought I would put it up to have the rest of the community on TGA give their own advice as well:

My mother is a big church lady and heavy devout Christian, her inner ties with high church officials have given her connections in many places all over town. If you live in this area, chances are you know my mother.

Now I know you don’t like preface to questions, but this is important. I am a vocal performer, and it is important to note that classical vocal pieces (songs) and such have heavy religious ties due to the influence of the church during the Renaissance, now to pursue my studies in music I have performed with several church groups and hundreds of religious songs for concert performance and education. I am planning on going to community college as a vocal performance major.

A friend of my mother’s, a pastor at a local church, offered to have the church pay for one half of my college tuition, if I go to this one religious university.

Here is the question. (if you skipped the last paragraph, at least read the line above)
Should I take the money and go to this school, or deny the church’s money and go to a secular college at full cost to me?

I’m probably the wrong person to ask about college advice, since I didn’t go myself. With that said, you’re in a tough spot I’m sure many others have been in. You have a chance to go to school without having to pay a large portion of it. Student debt has reached about 1 trillion dollars (it surpassed credit card debt recently), and it’s quickly becoming clear that personal debt is a new form of economic slavery. To do anything worthwhile, you often have to enter into a vicious cycle of debt, and I can appreciate people’s effort to avoid this vicious trap.

According to a College Board report issued last fall, median earnings of bachelor’s degree recipients working full time year-round in 2008 were $55,700, or $21,900 more than the median earnings of high school graduates. And their unemployment rate was far lower.

Indeed, some economists worry that all the news about unemployed 20-somethings mired in $100,000 of college debt might discourage some young people from attending college.

With that said, you might find compromising your school choice for purely financial reasons might make you unhappy and miserable. I don’t know what this religious school is like, but my guess is that you’ll find yourself meeting too few like minded peers, an important part of not only your college experience, but also a chance for you to make new friends that will influence you for a long time to come. A person’s environment has a huge impact on their wellbeing, their happiness, and their general life satisfaction, so never forget that.

I haven’t really given you an answer, but my guess is that there’s still a lot more research on your part that must be done before you make up your own mind. There is so much about your situation that is unknown to me, and as a result, any advice I give would be grossly incomplete, and probably bad. So what does everyone else think of his dilemma?

Rapture failure, Harold Camping a no-show

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Well, the 21st of May has come and gone, and as we all predicted, nothing happened. Now, a number of Harold Camping‘s followers are trying to cope with having been duped.

Some believers expressed bewilderment or said it was a test from God of their faith, after the day passed without event.

Meanwhile, the evangelist at the center of the claim, Harold Camping, has not been seen since before the deadline.

I would lay low for a little while if I was Harold too. I mean, it can’t feel good to fail AGAIN, and there’s only so many times you can cry “Rapture” before none of the other shepherds believe you. It also doesn’t help when some of your followers also spent their entire life savings advertising your stupid shit:

Robert Fitzpatrick, a retired transportation agency worker in New York, said he had spent more than $140,000 (£86,000) of his savings on advertisements in the run-up to 21 May to publicize the prediction.

It’s difficult to ascertain the financial devastation wrought on these poor fools, especially so soon after their little failed End of Days. How many families will lose their homes because of this? How many kids have lost their college fund, and their hope for a better future?

So, did anyone learn a lesson from all this?

…followers said the delay was a further test from God to persevere in their faith.

What a big surprise.

Kirk Cameron thinks Stephen Hawking has “absurd Ideas”

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Guess who managed to weasel his way into the news? It’s everyone’s favorite “ex-atheist”, Kirk Cameron, criticizing Hawking for declaring that Heaven is a fairy-tale. He posted this on his Facebook page:

to say anything negative about Stephen Hawking is like bullying a blind man. He has an unfair disadvantage, and that gives him a free pass on some of his absurd ideas.

That’s not passive aggressive in the slightest. He’s right: science must seem absurd to someone as ignorant as Cameron. Black Holes deteriorating over time? The Universe not needing a prime mover in order to exist? It’s enough to make anyone’s head explode, especially when that head happens to be jam packed with crazy bullshit.

What really irritates me is when clowns like Kirk are given a spotlight for regurgitating the same old tired non-arguments. Faith is not evidence. Belief is not evidence. Yet the likes of Cameron would dilute objective truth to fit their narrow world views, and the media gladly provides them a platform to accomplish this. How many gullible fools have been lured by their promises of eternal life and a paradise awaiting the obedient? Presumably a few more now.

This other passage really irritates me:

(Hawking) says he knows there is no Heaven. John Lennon wasn’t sure. He said to pretend there’s no Heaven. That’s easy if you try. Then he said he hoped that someday we would join him. Such wishful thinking reveals John and Stephen’s religious beliefs, not good science.”

What the fuck does he know about good science? This is the same brilliant mind behind the “crocoduck” anti-evolution argument for god’s sake. And if he thinks Lennon’s “I hope some day you’ll join us” message is religious in nature, he’s only proven how hollow his “ex-atheist” claim is.

No Time for a Party at Rapture

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Saturday is just about to roll around, and as many of you know, the failed prophet Harold Camping has been gathering a following of unbelievably gullible idiots, all of whom look forward to being teleported up into the clouds. Since his beliefs are so fringe, it’s invariably led to family members having strained relationships. This one story, about a Mom losing her fucking mind and dragging her teenage kids all around to tell others about their make-believe bullshit, made me particularly angry.

The three teenagers have been struggling to make sense of their shifting world, which started changing nearly two years ago when their mother, Abby Haddad Carson, left her job as a nurse to “sound the trumpet” on mission trips with her husband, Robert, handing out tracts. They stopped working on their house and saving for college.

I can’t imagine what it must be like to have a parent turn all “fundy” on you., ignoring your future in the hopes that the End of the World will take care of all their problems.

My mom has told me directly that I’m not going to get into heaven,” Grace Haddad, 16, said. “At first it was really upsetting, but it’s what she honestly believes.”

It should still be upsetting, girl! You’ve just done what everyone else in your position would have done: you decided to ignore the hateful and stupid beliefs of your mother in order to save the relationship. you’re braver than I am, I’ll tell you what.
I love my parents to death, but if they suddenly turned extremely religious, dragged me all over the country trying to “spread” the message about Armageddon, we would invariably have to part ways. Religious dogma is so incompatible with my life. I have no time for such ignorance and blatant stupidity, and have no interest in watching my loved ones get caught up in this kind of dangerous nonsense.

Kevin Brown, a Family Radio representative, said conflict with other family members was part of the test of whether a person truly believed. “They’re going through the fiery trial each day,” he said.

Yeah, don’t forget that Jesus preached that you should abandon your family and friends if they failed to believe that he was in fact a God, so this whole “family division” is something Christians are more than familiar with. After this whole mess is over and a new “End Times” date shows up, will this family again experience more insanity? Let’s hope not…