Author Archives: Jacob Fortin

I don’t have enough brains to be an atheist

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Where do I start with this ass clown? I feel like he’s trying to sell me a used car or something. Let’s quickly examine his claims, shall we?

1. Does Truth Exist?
I think you’ll find this is a loaded question when it comes to religion. For them, truth means only their specific beliefs are true, rather than admit an objective truth outside their schema is possible. This would involve the possibility of believers being wrong, and they just can’t accept that.

2. Does God exist?
Apparently they use 2 scientific arguments to “prove” there’s an all powerful loving God that created the Universe. How many of you are willing to bet it’s just more pointless “anthropic principle” shit they think they understand?

3. Are Miracles Possible?
This is where these clowns try and pretend there’s scientific evidence that Jesus was resurrected from the dead, and is therefore your Lord and master. Yeah, can’t wait to be blown away by this fucking science…

4. Is the New Testament true?
That’s your final question? Christians are hilarious sometimes, don’t you think? They want so desperately to have proof of their provincial, entirely unimpressive God. You have to love his slippery slope line of thinking: if I can prove truth exists, God exists, and miracles are possible, it must mean the NT is true! Actually, no it doesn’t. Even if the first three propositions were true, it certainly doesn’t mean a contradicting piece of mythology is. Sorry bro, but it turns out you’re just not smart enough to be an atheist.

Bigot Florist refuses to service same sex couple

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Canadians are usually described as “friendly” and “polite” by outsiders who have little experience dealing with our equally venomous religious citizens. While New Brunswick is a picturesque Atlantic province with rolling hills and a colonial flair, it has its fair share of nightmarish ignorance and bigotry thanks to the poisonous influence of religious indoctrination.

Riverview, N.B. is a large town by the province’s own standard, and having adopted the slogan “A great place to grow”, you would imagine a genial place to live where everyone is friendly. One decidedly unfriendly citizen, by the name of Kim Evans owns a business called Petals and Promises Wedding Flowers. She recently refused to outfit a gay couple about to wed in the region, and sent this friendly email:

“I am choosing to decline your business. As a born-again Christian, I must respect my conscience before God and have no part in this matter,” the email said.

The couple, whose names have not been released, are said to be shocked and dismayed their celebration is marred by the ignorance of this woman. In Canada, it is against the law for any business to deny service over matters of race, religion, or sexual preference. While I don’t think it’s necessary to use the long arm of the law to punish this douche, it is nevertheless our solemn duty to shame her for being a close minded bigot. Never underestimate the power of shame, people!

Al Qaeda releases women’s magazine

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Ladies, did you know napalm isn’t only useful for sending American G.I’s to hell; it’s also great for the skin! This and other great tips are yours with a subscription to al-Shamika, a women’s magazine being published by your favorite terrorist organization, al-Qaeda.

al-Shamika’s table of contents lists articles on “Marrying a jihadist,” “Sharia law that applies to you” and “Your house is your kingdom,” as well as a “meeting with a jihad wife.”

I can’t wait until they come out with more articles like “How to avoid beatings”, “10 ways to prevent your teenage daughter from being honor-killed”, and finally the classic “Learn to suffer in silence”. Get your subscription now, ladies!

Spain’s stolen babies

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If child rape wasn’t enough bad karma for you, try this one for size: Catholic run hospitals in Spain took part in a massive baby kidnapping campaign that lasted over 4 decades. When a fan of the show sent me the link I was too dumbstruck to believe it at first. I mean, how much evil shit can one organization do, and when will I stop being so naïve?

It turns out that during the regime of Francisco Franco, the government had a policy of taking babies away from political opponents in order for Franco to keep a tight leash on his country. After his death in 1975 (yeah, Spain was under the boot of a fascist dictator for a while after the war), the practice is said to have continued well into the 1980′s and perhaps even beyond.

Doctors, nurses, nuns and priests are all suspected of forming part of an organized network that told mothers their children had died during, or straight after, birth. Campaigners said they believed many thousands of cases of stolen babies would eventually come to light.

It’s hard to say how many babies got kidnapped. Estimates range from 30,000 to as many as 300,000, but I’m inherently suspicious of the latter. The government is still refusing to conduct an investigation, even as pressure mounts from hundreds of “stolen” babies. These victims have been politely told to make their own investigation into the matter, which is essentially a big “fuck off”. Spain is apparently still very sore about all the crazy shit that went on back in the day.

How fucking messed up is it that the Catholic Church in Spain not only participated in the crime under Franco, but continued long after he was dead? My head is still spinning here. Are these clowns still convinced that they are in a position to lecture humanity on morality?

Pastor Can’t keep track of his own bullshit

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Watch Robby as he attempts to dodge every pertinent question from a real journalist who isn’t content throwing him softballs. The best he can muster is this answer:

“Christians have built whole dogmas about what happens when you die and we have to be very careful that we don’t build whole doctrines and dogmas on what is speculation”

Umm, you wrote an entire book that is nothing BUT speculation, dude! Even some of your equally deluded buddies think you’re a heretic for suggesting it’s not necessary to convert to Christianity in the here and now.

Kudos to Bashir for asking him why he doesn’t believe in some of the different views of early Christianity. It’s a topic you won’t find many modern Christians willing to answer. Why do you believe in the specific dogma you do? Because morons like Rob Bell keep filling people’s mind with utter nonsense.

Sam Harris on the Afterlife

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I still have lots of people who visit the site and comment on an old article I wrote about Dr. Jeffrey Long, and his book claiming the afterlife is real. He based this on thousands of web interviews he conducted over the span of a decade, and he decided, rather unscientifically, the commonality of their experiences somehow proved there was life after death. The comments normally range from someone calling me close-minded for not accepting his pathetic “research”, to accusing me of being ignorant on the subject since I don’t have a PhD.

Well, here’s someone with a formal education who has something lucid to say on the afterlife. Hopefully it’ll shut up these morons that keep showing up on the site.

Sam Harris vs Deepak Chopra

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Sam Harris does his best to spank Deepak and his pathetic attempt to understand concepts he either fails to grasp or twists them for his own purpose. I actually think it’s the former; Deepak strikes me as more of a dummy than a scam artist. Watching him try to defend his knowledge was a great little fail moment I’ll be basking about all day.

“I want to address the human question” is another way of saying “I’m about to spew a bunch of rambling thoughts that sounds, to my ears at least, highly credible.” Jean Houston will make you want to pull the hair out of your head. Luckily for me it’s already mostly in my hairbrush.

A New Book on the Bible and Sex

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Yes, it’s true that like most men my age, I occasionally obsess about sex. I can’t help it really; it’s encoded in my genes. Try as I might, anytime a book comes out with the word sex in the title, I feel compelled to read it (well, at least the opening chapter usually).

So imagine my delight when a fan sent me a link to this article in NPR which featured a new book called “Unprotected Texts: The Bible’s Surprising Contradictions about Sex and Desire”. It’s got everything a growing boy needs: it exposes the hypocrisy of the Bible, AND it dissects the naughty parts of the “Good Book”. What more could you ask for?

If you’re reading the Hebrew Bible, we might have polygamy again. We might have not only polygamy with wives, we might have polygamy with concubines and slaves,” she says. “And if we’re reading the New Testament, we would avoid marriage. The overwhelming opinion of New Testament writers is that marriage is a waste of time and that we shouldn’t be doing it because we should be spreading the Gospel. … If you’re married, you’re totally distracted and not focusing on God. If we took the New Testament seriously, we would all stop being married.

We’ve been saying the same thing here at TGA; any Christian telling you that “God” commands that marriage be a union between only one man and one woman has obviously never bothered to read the Bible. How many concubines and slave girls get raped by the patriarchs of the Hebrews? You don’t even want to know, brother!

Arkansas OK’s bill to make Bible study an elective course

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Apparently legislators in Arkansas are convinced the ills of society can be fixed if they ensure students are brainwashed into Christianity. In order to do so, they’ve passed a Bill that would lay out “guidelines” for public schools who want to offer elective classes on the Bible.

Republican Rep. Denny Altes called the Bible the most accurate history book and says students could learn about its influence on literature, culture and politics in a nonreligious setting.

It’s highly doubtful these electives will be critical of the Bible, and the fact that Denny-boy thinks this book of mythology is the most accurate history book indicates he’s never actually bothered to study any other texts. He’s seeing the world through his “faith goggles”, and like their beer counterpart, they severely affect judgement.

The Bill now heads for the House to be voted on, and it’s my hope that people there have their heads screwed on right. This kind of indoctrination has no place in public schools. I’m not too hopeful for any sanity from equally moronic politicians, but a man can hope, can’t he?

Philadelphia archdiocese still rampant with pedophiles

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The archdiocese in Philadelphia is in serious trouble. Since 2005, they’ve been subject to 2 grand jury reports that found rampant sexual abuse on the part of over 100 priests. The first report, which found 63 priests have been involved in some form of ritualistic abuse, provided no convictions since the statute of limitations had run its course. Another recent report found another 37 priests who had either raped or acted inappropriately with minors, and while some steps have been taken to try and get convictions, most are still under the employ of the Church, and some are still in active duty.

The possibility that even one predatory priest, not to mention three dozen, might still be serving in parishes — “on duty in the archdiocese today, with open access to new young prey,” as the grand jury put it — has unnerved many Roman Catholics here and sent the church reeling in the latest and one of the most damning episodes in the American church since it became engulfed in the sexual abuse scandal nearly a decade ago.

Lots of Catholics in Philly are having problems reconciling their faith with the news the Church appears to have little concern for the well-being of their children. Had they bothered to actually study the thing, they would have found this behavior isn’t at all recent; we’re all just more aware now.

When the archdiocese learns of reports of sexual abuse, it is now supposed to report them to the district attorney, which is what led to the most recent grand jury investigation. Extensions on the statute of limitations also made prosecutions possible this time.

This, at least, is an encouraging sign. The Church’s policy of secrecy has always relied on the fact there is a 10 year statue of limitation on sexual abuse once the victim reaches adulthood. Personally I’ve never understood why it’s necessary to limit the amount of time a pedophile can be prosecuted, especially considering sex abuse victims are traumatized for years, sometimes decades. That’s slowly changing, and yet convictions for these bastards is moving glacially slow. Maybe it might go a little faster if their idiot sheep stopped giving them a bunch of money all the time. Just sayin’.

Bad Creationism debating tactics obliterated

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Are you an idiot who wants desperately to continue to believe in a supernatural entity despite no evidence to do so? Are you intimidated by science, and how it conflicts with your supernatural understanding of the world? Are you concerned evolution makes your Cosmogony seem infantile and basic by comparison? Then head on over to Creationtips.com*, where you can learn a whole slew of idiotic talking points, such as.

1. How did the Universe come about?
There is of course no scientific law or demonstrable process that would let something evolve from nothing. If there was nothing in the universe to begin with, obviously nothing could happen to cause anything to appear. [Jake’s Note: You’ll read this whole “there is no scientific law” rhetoric all the time on the site. Evidently these clowns have no real understanding of what scientific laws are all about.]

Translation: Something can’t come from nothing, therefore my Creator God who willed himself into existence did it.

In any case, this question is supposed to confuse non-believers who aren’t super familiar with astrophysics. How can a Universe come from nothing? Well, Laurence Krauss has some good answers to this question, but it’s still an argument I find quickly paints religionists into a corner. If it’s true you can’t get something from nothing, then why does this rule not apply to their Creator God?

2. How could living creatures come from Non-Life?
There are no provable mechanisms for how molecules could increase in complexity without cells to produce and utilize them. For example, you cannot assume proteins before you have the DNA that codes for them.

Translation: There are no provable mechanisms for life, therefore my improvable deity did it!

Creationists are always a little confused as to how non-living materials create living entities. While we cannot yet fully explain how the necessary proteins arranged themselves to create DNA, it’s important to remember this molecule is not “alive” in the same sense that we are. It’s simply a biological mechanism for replication, and there are other non-organic examples of this as well.

Any creationists using the word “DNA” is a fool; if they believe humans are separate from animals, they should choose a different molecule: this one suggests humans share a common ancestor with all animals. It’s a far cry from their Adam and Eve bullshit.

3. How could new genetic information arise?
The theory of evolution teaches that complex life-forms evolved from simple life-forms. There is no natural law known that could allow this to happen. The best that evolutionists can come up with to try to explain how this might have happened is to propose that it happened by mutations and natural selection.

Translation: I’m confused about evolution, therefore God did it.

Creationists are always confused about how evolution works. They have to be, otherwise it kills their little delusion that Earth was spawned by an invisible deity. They always claim you can’t see evolution in action, even though you can with something as mundane as using anti-bacterial soap. It’s even clearly spelled out for you on the label: if they kill 99.9% of all bacteria, the 0.1% that survived have developed a greater resiliency to this particular soap. Over time, these traits make their way into the population and your soap becomes increasingly ineffectual as we slowly train bacterium to resist us through our germophobic habits. Tada!

More sophisticated creationists (Intelligent Design) admit this kind of evolution exists, but somehow these types of changes can’t possibly lead to different traits leading to separate species over long periods of time. Even if evolution were wrong, it would not make their magical-spontaneous-sky-man hypothesis any more correct.

…mutations and natural selection do not show gain in information, just rearrangement or loss of what is already there — therefore there may be beneficial mutations without an increase in genetic information.

There’s a wonderful video explaining how a kind of “loss of information” was responsible for humans branching off into a separate species, and you need to check it out.

4. Where is the proof that apes turned into humans?
Thousands of fossils and fossil fragments of apes and humans have now been found — and they don’t show a steady progression from apes to humans at all. Fossils have been found in the wrong time-frames, put into the wrong categories before all the evidence was in, and what was once thought to be the ape-human family tree now actually has no trunk — just unconnected branches.

Translation: I don’t even understand the notion that human beings ARE apes!

This one makes me the saddest, because it reminds me we’re still a long ways away as a species from admitting what we are. You’d think the fabric of society would collapse like a balloon as soon as we all realized we are animals like any other. The fact that we are offended by the notion of being apes goes to show we have little appreciation for the truth, and even less appreciation for how extraordinarily fortunate we are to be alive.

As for debunking this claim the “fossil record keeps changing”, keep in mind the chance of actually finding human fossils is already a rarity (land species always leave less evidence of their existence, and we haven’t been around for long). Our entire collection of ancient hominid bones could fit in the back of a pickup truck, for God’s sake! But to say there’s no evidence we share a common ancestor with apes is simply a pious lie. The evidence is overwhelming (one of the proofs is in the video I mentioned before), and keep in mind so far, the best alternative explanation these creationists offer is the equivalent of magic. How are they so endlessly impressed with themselves?

*(Update: The site no longer exists)

Christians protest Muslim fundraiser for homeless shelter

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Now all of you are acutely aware of how disdainful I am of religion in general, but I have the common courtesy not to yell either obscenities or jeers at Muslims just going about their business. These Tea Party racist jackasses are upset because people of a different flesh tone are praying to an equally ridiculous God, and they can’t stand the idea.

Them chanting “USA, USA” during a hate rally is the cherry on top of this shit sundae, isn’t it?

The story of Lot

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The messed up thing in all of this seems to me to be the fact that rather than head to the nearest town to find some eligible guys (non-Jews), Lot and his daughters decided to “keep it in the family”. Oh, Biblical incest: you have so much to teach the world!

The price of free speech

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Whenever I hear some stupid rhetoric about soldiers dying in a foreign land for our “freedom”, I’m reminded that we really aren’t accustomed to the kind of actual sacrifices we have to make to maintain our liberties. In truth, freedom isn’t about the kind of conflicts that involve bombs and bullets: it’s about the right to say what you want, even when it happens to be horribly offensive.

The Supreme Count recently ruled in favor of the Westboro Baptist Church’s right to picket the funerals of men and women that die in combat. You may remember these tasteless fuckwads who show up with signs so vile they normally get censored by TV stations covering their exploits.

The court ruled 8-1 in favor of Phelps, with Chief Justice John Roberts writing the opinion. Roberts said that despite the pain the protests can inflict upon families and friends, “On the facts before us, we cannot react to that pain by punishing the speaker.”

A lot of people are outraged by the decision, which is why the rights of individuals aren’t decided democratically. If we could, most of us would vote our fundamental rights away. As much as I hate the WBC, I’m glad the Supreme Court isn’t catering to the whims of easily offended citizens. If you have a problem with free speech, and all that entails, I suggest you try one of the countries where such options are more in tune with your precious sensibilities.