Author Archives: Jacob Fortin

Evangelical Pastor Smacked Wife For Getting Flight Upgrade

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If you ever hear someone say that it takes a special kind of person to be a pastor, try to respond in a calm and civilized manner that they are severely mistaken, instead of smacking them in the face. It may be tempting, I know, but violence towards others is wrong, and only the lowest of the low ever feel the need to engage in such tomfoolery.

Well, not just the lowest of the low. It appears that an evangelical pastor named Roger Allan Holmberg, aged 75, was arrested after he struck his wife on an airplane. The incident began when she was upgraded to First Class, which royally ticked off her husband, an impotent pastor who has a history of abuse.

Holmberg’s wife, who was not noticeably bruised or bleeding, told authorities that her husband “had a history of abusing her,” and recounted the story about Holmberg having broken her finger last September, the complaint states. She said that Holmberg “struck her in the head with the back of his knuckles” aboard the plane, adding that Holmberg “knew [she] had epilepsy and that contact to [her] head could cause a seizure,” the complaint continues.

Of course, Holmberg tried to defend his actions, saying that he has often been disrespected by his wife. He claims not to be a violent person, but this is the same typical bullshit spewed by abusers. They are never the source of the problem.

He now faces up to a year in jail. Considering that he’s done nothing to take responsibility for his actions, he may not get much mercy from the court. I hope that his wife gets some sense and divorces this asshat. It’s probably too much to expect his congregation to hold him accountable. We all know how quick evangelicals are at forgiving abuse, so long as it’s a woman getting the brunt end of it.

Pastor Gets Pathetic Fine for Using Church Donations to Run for Office

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What is the point of a law if it is never enforced? I ask this question because there is one law in America that is violated so often , that it might as well cease to exist. The law in question was created over half a century ago, as part of the rules enforcing a kind of political neutrality for churches. If they wished to maintain their tax-exempt status, the law says that you cannot endorse or coerce your flock into voting for a particular candidate. Violation of this law is supposed to be the removal of their tax exempt status. So, you might be wondering, how many times has the IRS actually bothered to enforce this law? How about zero?

Since 1996, Americans United for Separation of Church and State has reported 125 churches to the IRS because we believe that they engaged in partisan political activity. Throughout the 1990s and into the 2000s, the IRS Tax Exempt and Government Entities Division (TE/GE) appeared to be working hard to ensure that all houses of worship played by the rules. But it seems that since the IRS lost its case against the Living Word Christian Center in 2008, it has essentially abandoned enforcement of the no-politicking rule. Notwithstanding the “settlement” reached with another organization over this matter in 2014, I am unaware of any enforcement activity in the last eight years.

That’s right. The IRS has essentially abandoned the idea, even when the violations are so ludicrous that it should have been automatic. Take the case of West Texas pastor Scott Beard. Beard decided to run for public office, and it was discovered that not only was he preaching from the pulpit, but he actually embezzled church funds in order to do so. His penalty? A 3,500 dollar fine.

Beard, who was fined $3,500, showed a “lack of good faith” in accepting the donations and in posting campaign signs on church property for his unsuccessful Abilene City Council race despite the commission’s warnings against doing so, it found.

What is the lesson here? Considering that what he did is against the law, you would think that some serious repercussions would result. Instead, the IRS fined the pastor a pathetic 3500 dollars, which is the kind of ticket you get for pouring oil on your lawn. The IRS is within its power to revoke the tax-exempt status of the church, but instead, they issued a fine so small, it might as well have been a slap on the wrist. The message to other pastors wishing to obliterate the separation of church and state is clear: so long as you’re the right religion, no one in government will stop you from violating laws in order to push your political agenda.

Aussie Christians Threatens Violence Over Artwork

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If you thought that only Muslims react with threats of violence over the depiction of their religion, you would be mistaken. In Sydney, Australia, an artist by the name of Philjames was harassed after he painted a picture of Jesus and Mary with cartoon faces. The city council chose to act after it received over 60 calls from protesters, deciding that for the safety of everyone involved, the artwork would be taken down.

Liverpool mayor Ned Mannoun called for the removal of the painting in the face of what he called “many complaints from numerous residents who were disgusted and offended that Liverpool Council was displaying this artwork”.

They were so disgusted, that they felt that death threats and other extreme reactions were fine. So fine, in fact, that one Christian leader congratulated everyone on a job well done:

Charlie Bakhos, the founder of conservative Catholic group, Christian Lives Matter, told supporters…“This is another attack on Christianity we have managed to put a stop to thanks to everyone’s support. Let’s keep defending our faith respectfully and we will get results as Jesus is on our side.”

Respectfully? These morons literally threatened violence over a cartoonish depiction of their messiah, and they consider this just another Sunday. Not only that, but they managed to pressure the city council into stifling free speech, simply with a few threatening phone calls.

My hope is that this will result in more unwanted attention for these assholes, who think that the best way to articulate their faith in their so-called loving god is to act like a bunch of violent thugs. It seems that the lessons they have learned from their Muslim counterparts is finally paying off. If you can’t justify your religion in the modern world, then just scream as loud as you can, and make sure to use any means necessary to stop people from making fun of you. If a few people have to get hurt or killed, that’s just the price of doing business. What a bunch of disgusting losers.

LifeWise Academy Using Copyright Claim to Silence Man

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In 2021, a man named Zachary Parrish was shocked when his daughter’s teacher enrolled her in a LifeWise “class” without his permission. Angered, he decided to volunteer with the organization to learn more about it. He was able to gain access to their core materials, which he promptly posted online for others to see.

“My view is that it’s a parental rights thing,” Parrish told The Dispatch. “I feel that any parent who wants to send their kids there should have access to this information.”

In response, LifeWise has decided to sue Parrish, claiming that they have suffered from “revenue loss” due to him publishing the material. They also feel that he is unjustly maligning them. Now, this butthurt organization, unhappy that people can actually read for themselves what kind of crazy bullshit they are peddling, is using copyright law to try and prevent this information from coming out.

Considering how powerful copyright law is, and how rich the organization is, Parrish is fighting an uphill battle. In my opinion, the solution here would be to write a detail summary of all the course material, complete with commentary and opinion. This would place it squarely into the realm of fair use, which would insulate him from their litigiousness.

I think it’s pretty telling how nervous LifeWise is at people finding this stuff out. In any case, now that it’s out there, I doubt they will be able to put a lid on it. This is the “Streisand Effect” that people often refer to: when trying to bury a story actually amplifies it. I think it’s time that people fight back against this sinister attempt to indoctrinate kids with their toxic bullshit.

Personally, I’d like to thank Parrish for all he’s doing to expose them. We need more people like him taking a stand and telling these religious zealots to leave our kids alone.

MAGA Pastor Thinks 10 Commandments Solves Everything

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The 10 Commandments is perhaps the most overhyped, and underwhelming list of “moral precepts” that the world has ever seen. I’ve mentioned this in the past, but it’s worth repeating here: Apart from the commandments not to murder, all the other “rules” are too rigid and useless to follow.

For example, we are told not to steal. But what is someone to do if their child is starving, and the only way to feed them is to steal a loaf of bread? As for not “coveting” their neighbors wife, let’s not forget that this is done under the guise of property, and not because of the “sanctity of marriage”, since this list was written when men had multiple wives and concubines. It would also fly in the face of American capitalism, which seems to be a favorite among evangelicals.

Moral absolutes do nothing to help navigate the complicated ways in which we live our lives. This is why humans have spent thousands of years agonizing over morality, and this has produced many fantastic works of philosophy that we are still trying to grasp today. So the 10 commandments isn’t about morality. It’s about control, as even religious morons are willing to openly admit.

Enter MAGA pastor Jack Gibbs. Gibbs is part of the Christian Nationalist movement, and believes will all his heart, and none of his brain, that when schools are forced to display the 10 commandments, everything will change in society:

“If [The 10 Commandments are] obeyed, everybody’s going to live, nobody’s going to get murdered, and kids are going to stop lying about what happened to their homework, and teachers are not going to be raping kids anymore,” Hibbs said in a recent broadcast.

What fantasy is this guy living in, where an outdated and frankly useless list of rules magically eliminates all crime and stops child abuse? Gibbs, like all his religious counterparts, seem to conveniently forget that countless pastors, deacons and bishops have been raping kids for thousands of years, and only recently has the scale of the abuse surfaced. Assuming that religion cures all ills is exactly why these abuses happened. All a pedo has to do is dress up in a religious outfit, say a few prayers, and bingo, he’s in candyland. Because of the status religious folks automatically give to these creeps, and because of how the churches shelter abusers, it’s the best gig in town if you’re a depraved human being.

Here’s the only thing you need to know about religious hucksters like Gibb: they will do everything in their power to destroy America as it is today, only to replace it with a confusing, contradictory and chaotic theocracy that eats itself from the inside. I have a question for supporters of Christian Nationalism: what type of Christianity is going to rule exactly? The number of denominations are too many to count, and let’s not forget that they tend not to get along very well. In fact, most theocracies are in a state of constant conflict.

Wow, that sounds amazing! Where do I sign up?

Oklahoma wants to force Bible Study from Grade 5-12

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Oklahoma Superintendent, and all around douchebag Ryan Walters has demanded that school in Oklahoma teach the Bible for grades 5-12, in a move that’s been condemned by civil rights group as an obvious violation of the separation of church and state. Because Republicans have no idea what this concept means, they are convinced that because many Americans have historically believed in the Bible, that it must mean that this book was vital in the development of the nation. This therefore justifies in their mind that the book must be imposed on people who do not share their pathetic faith.

“The Bible is an indispensable historical and cultural touchstone,” Walters said in a statement. “Without basic knowledge of it, Oklahoma students are unable to properly contextualize the foundation of our nation which is why Oklahoma educational standards provide for its instruction.”

Let’s get real for a moment here. Christians who have never really delved very deeply into this book are always told that it’s full of wisdom and moral lessons. In reality, it bares all the hallmarks of a book written thousands of years ago. It’s filled with superstitious nonsense (like the idea that women on their periods are unclean, or that curses can be put on people), violent and pointless stories of death, and literally hundreds of instances of rape. If it was made into a movie, it would resemble House of a Thousand Corpses.

You may recall that this is just the beginning of a nationwide assault on educational institutions by Christian Nationalists. Louisiana is forcing teachers to display the 10 Commandments, and Texas is also trying to get in on the action. Y’all ready to live under the American Taliban?

Rich Mega Pastor Is Hilariously Out of Touch

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If you’ve never heard of Joel Osteen, consider yourself lucky. In America, there exists a certain breed of hucksters called “prosperity pastors”, who claim that the secret to a good life is to give a ridiculous amount of money to the church (something they call “seeding” instead of “fleecing”). This, they claim, will be rewarded by God, who apparently counts every penny you give to these assholes.

When he isn’t busy turning away the needy, he’s on social media, saying dumb shit like this:

“It’s the simple things in life that bring us the most joy. You may not have a lot of resources, but if you have family, you’re blessed. If you have your health, you’re blessed. If you can look up at the stars at night, you’re blessed.”

The response has been pretty brutal. Many people are pointing out that his insane wealth is anything but simple, and were also quick to point out his hypocrisy.

Personally, I wouldn’t even mind guys like Osteen if they were preaching to the rich. God knows that some of those assholes could stand to lose a few bucks. However, most followers of prosperity gospels are disproportionally poor, and often, they seek the church as a way to potentially get rich, which they think can be done by giving money they could have otherwise used for other purposes. In reality, prosperity gospel have some of the poorest congregants, specifically because of how much they are taxed by the church.

Don’t just take my word for it. There are people out there that have escaped the clutches of these scam artists, and they have a lot of unkind words to say:

Missiologist Paul Borthwick tells of a trip to Ghana, where he witnessed a 300-pound preacher appeal to his body as proof that God had blessed him, and would bless his listener’s seed-money as well. “When you live in poverty” the missionary with Borthwick said, “you don’t want to feel loved. You want God’s power to make you prosper. . . . [T]hey have been taught [that] money is the way to release the power.”

The prosperity gospel isn’t just bad theology. It’s a form of oppression.

Personally, it’s all a grift to me. Some are just more hard-core than others, that’s all.

 

 

Christians Face Political Division and Abandonment

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It always fascinates me the way that religious people try and justify the reasons for why their sales pitch isn’t landing anymore. Some say that it’s trust in institutions in general that has eroded people’s faith. Others point to the fact that the increasingly worrisome behavior of Christians Nationalists have turned people off to their religion.

Still, you can’t expect a person who’s livelihood is dependent on the continued existence of these man made religions to have much insight as to why people are leaving in droves. Keep in mind that religious organizations are some of the richest groups on earth, and they have a near unlimited amount of funds that they could use to set an example, and to attract people due to their good works. Instead, they all behave similarly: their greed and avarice is obvious to all. The Mormon church has a financial portfolio of over 100 billion dollars. They could literally end world hunger tomorrow. Imagine how many new converts they would have with such a move.

IT also seems telling that no one has answered that the decline of religion occurred at the same time that the Internet began to have more influence in our lives. This means that people were able to learn more about their religion, and in almost every case, this tends to make people less religious.

American Churches To Get Government Money to Arm Themselves

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Holy crap, does America ever have a galactic hard-on for gun. It’s not enough that the country owns more guns than actual people there, now the government wants people to have more, which is why there is a new grant that Churches can apply for if they wish to get free money to pay for armed security guards. I wish I was making this up.

Unfortunately, houses of worship can often be soft targets. By their nature, these locations are easily accessible to large numbers of people and have limited security measures in place, which can make them vulnerable to an attack. With the Houses of Worship Security Grant, eligible organizations can hire trained security professionals who, in an emergency, can mitigate or prevent a tragedy.

What problem are they trying to solve? Mass shootings? Forget about trying to reform their gun laws: instead, the public will need to pay out of pocket so that paranoid churches can have bodyguards. In 2024, there have already been over 200 mass shootings, but only one of them was at a church, which happens to be owned by one of the richest pastors in America: Joel Osteen. This has precipitated churches to ask for volunteers to arm themselves and stand guard, despite the fact that random gun violence is the rarity. Let’s not forget that the megachurch shooter had already made multiple threats before she acted. The fact that she was “taken down” by two off duty officers was all people needed to hear: the solution is more guns.

Keep in mind that the vast majority of these shootings appear to be at parks, birthday parties, and in people’s homes. Does that mean that every house party now needs government subsidies to hire bodyguards for the event? Surely this should instead be a wakeup call for Americans. Even your houses of worship aren’t safe, and the millions of dollars they want to spend to put a sleepy, poorly trained guard on watch is the equivalent of putting a band-aid on an arterial wound. The solution is simple: stop selling guns to mentally unstable people, and then maybe you won’t have so many dead from the world’s most preventable tragedy.

This Dude is Dumb

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Why is it that Christians who have never in their life studied evolution think that they know anything about it? I realize that there’s a cottage industry of hucksters that constantly pump into their deluded heads that Charles Darwin was a racist, and how this signifies that evolution is therefore wrong. Still, the Dunning Kruger effect is in full swing here, where this dude thinks he can undermine the most tested theory in science because its founder was racist.

First, it’s always tricky when discussing the views of people who lived in different times. Was Charles Darwin a racist? If we were to judge him by the standards of the time, he was no more prejudice than the average person. This meant that he believed the idea of the time that humanity was separated into different races. It’s not difficult to understand why. But this only means that he was unaware of the true extent of his theory, and it would be hard to imagine that any person living in the 1800’s would not carry with them the prevailing opinions of the time. This would be the equivalent of denying gravity because Newton drank mercury, fully aware of its dangers. Truths are not defined by the people who discover them. They exist independently of the individuals bold enough to discover them.

Secondly, it’s quite hilarious how out of touch with modern science Christians really are. Darwin’s contributions basically ended with his theory, and we have since moved far beyond his speculations. We now have a number of complementary sciences that corroborate this incredible discovery: genetics, fossil records, and geology to name a few. Each of these disciplines lends credence to the idea that we all share a common ancestor.

Thirdly, the reason why Christians are so scared of evolution is because of how it shows that there is no need for a creator for our existence. All of the diversity of life can be explained through the mechanisms of evolution, which includes, but is certainly not limited to, natural selection.

Lastly, I think it’s pretty disgusting to accuse black atheists of supporting racism by practicing intellectual integrity. Your “blackness” was supposedly a curse from God , if I recall the Bible correctly (Shem seeing his father naked and being cast out), and this is a truly grotesque and disgusting idea, far more than the fact that we all share a common ancestor.

I got bad news for you my man. You dumb. The good news is that if you read more than one book, you might actually start to learn something.

Terrorists Attack Orthodox Churches, Synagogues in Russian

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Russia has a lot of problems. Following their disasterous invasion of Ukraine, the country has faced a number of setbacks. First, the entire western world has essentially put a stranglehold on their economy, which despite their best efforts, is rapidly crumbling.

Russia is also a federation, which means that there are many “provinces” that have a huge variety of ethnic minorities, some of which are not exactly the biggest fans of the Russian Empire. With the army busy getting killed in another country, local militias have begun to make trouble, knowing that given enough time, they might win their independence.

In Dagestan, a territory that has a large Muslim pullulation, Orthodox Christian and Jewish minorities live there under a fragile peace, which was recently broken. A highly coordinated group of terrorists, acting as sleeper cells, launched attacks on several Churches and Synagogues simultaneously. Over a dozen police officers are dead, and the total count of injured is still being calculated.

This incident is similar to the one that happened in March, when Islamic fundamentalists attacked a concert hall, killing a total of 140 people, and burning down the historic building. Despite the fact that a jihadist group had claimed credit for the attack, Russia blamed Ukraine and the West, saying that this attack had been orchestrated to destabilize the country. Experts had predicted that by ignoring the very group that had claimed responsibility for the attack, Russia would only embolden the terrorists more. It seems as though this is a response to this, considering that the vast majority of casualties were police officers. Anxious to not learn any lesson from the past, Russia is again doubling down on its accusation that it was the West that organized it, despite the fact that American spy agencies had already sent warning to Russia about a possible attack. This warning was ignored, and hundreds of people paid the price for their stubbornness.

Anyone interested in reality will quickly see this for what it is: Russia wanting to refocus the population into hating the collective West. Still, for what little these lies galvanize the populous against the western world, it exacerbates the problems they already face at home. Chechnya and Dagestan have always been hotbeds for Islamic insurgency, and with the army occupied attacking another country, an opportunity to create instability in the region is opening up for these terrorists. The fact that Russia again ignores the threats from within their own territory, and tries to frame this as part of their own disasterous invasion of Ukraine only demonstrates how incapable they are of running their own country. The Rubble is tanking, their economy is in shambles, and Russia is even offering territory to China in return for aid. So much for the expansion of the Russia Empire! At this rate, China will own their asses, and the only thing that will be left will be empty vodka bottles and soldiers with PTSD.

Israel Wants Churches to Pay Property Taxes

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It’s hilarious the way that Christians overreact to everything. Take this recent story out of Israel. The small country is getting rather tired of all of these local Churches taking up valuable real-estate and paying nothing back in taxes. Well, that’s something they are planning on changing, and this threat to the Church’s pocketbook is sending all of their hucksters in a tiff.

“We believe these efforts represent a coordinated attack on the Christian presence in the Holy Land,” wrote the heads of the Catholic, Greek Orthodox and Armenian Orthodox churches. “In this time, when the whole world, and the Christian world in particular, are constantly following the events in Israel, we find ourselves, once again, dealing with an attempt by authorities to drive the Christian presence out of the Holy Land.”

First of all, I think we can all agree that it would take a lot more than paying for your fair share to drive Christians out of the “Holy Land”. The church claims that the money they save goes to pay for a number of different charitable services. I call bullshit. Like most faiths, they might devote a paltry sum to helping others, but it’s clear to everyone where the money is going: in giant coffers that continue to enrich religious weirdos. In fact, these churches never even bothered to properly register as charities, and instead just benefited from the blanket tax immunity that religions benefit by default.

To compound their little scam, these religious organizations open up cafes and other businesses, still claiming thax exemption for these for profit enterprises. This grift is one of the favorite tactic for American religious groups like Mormonism, which now boasts riches in excess of 100 billion as a result of these financial shenanigan’s. Israel is obviously looking for money to pay for their little war, and I’m sure they are tired of seeing these Christian organization benefit from their largess. I personally welcome the move. There is no universal law that demands that all religious organizations benefit from not paying their fair share. Considering how much money flows through some of these groups, it’s actuall perverse to continue to allow them operate with such impunity.

It’ll be interesting to see what happens. Israel’s government had already proposed this, but backed down after pushback. Now, things are different. They are engaged in a conflict with no end in sight, and I’m sure money is getting real tight. That alone means there will be more pressure to make churches financially accountable, like the rest of us.
https://apnews.com/article/israel-christians-taxes-church-palestinians-ac106bb1d49dd3d0d96613af53d4fcf7

More Bibles in Schools, Less Free Lunches

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What happens when you interview the coauthor of an insane bill designed to force the 10 commandments in schools? You get one of the more unhinged and deranged individuals yet! And let’s not forget this dangerous idiot is just getting started!

This woman is against programs that would help children from poorer families to benefit from a meal program. That kind of charity is not in the 10 commandments, so it can promptly go to hell I guess.

You know, when claiming that America is a Christian nation, I think that this religiosity should be pointed at whenever we see the legacy of racism. After all, the Bible condones slavery, and was one of the main documents used to justify it. That’s history folks, and if they insist on accuracy, I say we oblige them. “Introduction to Christian Atrocities 101” sounds about right, doesn’t it?

Man Set on Fire for Blasphemy in Pakistan

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In yet another display of compassion from the religion of peace, a man in Pakistan was burned to death by a mob after being arrested for supposed blasphemy. The man, identified as Mohammad Ismail, who appears to have been a tourist, was ganged up by a group of people at the local market and brought over to police, claiming that he had desecrated the most useless book in history, the Koran. Shortly after, the local mosque decided that this was not enough, and quickly radicalized their followers into deadly action.

According to witnesses, the mob asked police to hand over the suspect to them, and on their refusal, forced their way into the police station. Police officials had to flee to save themselves, while more reinforcements were called in to deal with the tense law and order situation.

So, to recap, we have absolutely no idea what this man’s supposed crime was, or the names of the people who actually incited this violence. In other words, everyone is going to walk away scott free, and an innocent man is dead because the feelings of the world’s most insecure religion were offended.

In Pakistan, blasphemy accusations abound, and while it can carry a death sentence, the government doesn’t actually need to carry out the sentence: their insane citizens will usually do it for them. All one needs to do is make an accusation. This is not unlike the burning of witches in Europe. People used the obsessiveness of the church to easily kill of their hates rivals, using the blunt instrument of faith as their instrument of murder. It seems very little has changed.

Heat Kills Over 500 Visiting Mecca

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In ancient times, the city of Mecca was a place in the middle of nowhere, notable only for the fact that a temple existed there, where many different idols of gods resided. People of all different kinds of faith would visit it, if only to show piety to their chosen gods.

When Islam came along, these other idols were destroyed. The only thing that was preserved was a black Onyx rock, and in order to make it fit within this new religion, Islam claimed that the rock had been found by one of their early church fathers: Abraham.

The site became what is now called the Kabba, and ever year, tens of thousands of Muslims make the dangerous trek to this hellhole presumably to impress their creator god. Over the years, there have been many deaths. Some were due to tramplings, and a few were the result of fires. This year, because of an intense heat wave, you can add heat stroke to the list of ways their supposed loving god rewards them for turning around in circles for “his glory”. So, just how hot was it?

Saudi state TV said temperatures rose on Monday as high as 51.8 degrees Celsius (125.2 Fahrenheit) in the shade at the Grand Mosque in Mecca.

That’s 51 degrees…in the shade! No wonder people were dropping like flies! Over 500 people are now dead thanks to this useless tradition. Folks, here’s an idea: stay home and pray to your invisible friend in the comfort of your air conditioned homes! No god is worth dying in the middle of nowhere for.