When is the Catholic Church going to learn their bullshit apologies aren’t enough, especially when pieces of shit like James Robinson were allowed to operate for over 4 decades. And then they wonder why people are leaving their fold in record numbers…
Author Archives: Jacob Fortin
Glenn Beck is shockingly ignorant
don’t consider myself an expert on evolution; however, I’ve devoted a considerable amount of time studying the matter, if for no other reason than to try and understand humanity. The answers to some of our most puzzling questions become obvious once you realize we are nothing more than apes that have evolved over millions of years from a common ancestor to other primates. While our chimpanzee cousin’s “evolutionary focus” was more on climbing trees and eating fruit we went a different route, which led to our large brains, our upright posture, and a significant loss of hair.
The evidence of our ancestry is so strong you cannot find a serious scientist who refutes the fact we are, in fact, just another branch of the ape family. Despite all this, scientifically illiterate morons like Glenn Beck continue to refute the obvious. Their arguments are so weak and stupid that attempting to answer them seems like a waste of time:
“I don’t think we came from monkeys. I think that’s ridiculous. I haven’t seen a half monkey / half person yet. Did evolution just stop? Did all of a sudden, there’s no other species that is developing into half-human..”
“Other species developing into half-humans”. What exactly does Beck think evolution is all about? Does he think all species eventually develop into upright primates or something? Even someone vaguely familiar with evolution would never make such an infantile assumption.
Luckily for Glenn he’s not the only moron on the show; his idiot cohost brings up Piltdown man in an attempt to refute the scientific evidence of our ancestry, as though mentioning a hoax which was exposed in the 1950′s somehow means evolution is wrong. These morons don’t understand science is a process, and individual scientists are human beings who make mistakes, and occasionally try to defraud people (yes, sometimes people suck). Luckily, the scientific method demands evidence and applies intense scrutiny to any claim. With this error correcting mechanism built in, it’s usually only a matter of time before hoaxes are exposed.
Think of how science and religion contrast with the simple example of The Shroud of Turin. This pathetic relic has clearly been identified as a 14th century pious hoax (which matches the date of the appearance of this supposed relic), and yet the Catholic Church continues to try and assert it is indeed the cloth that was placed on the body of Jesus when he was buried. They do this because the item serves as pathetic “proof” their God existed, and that’s the level of scrutiny they are willing to apply. That’s the real difference between religion and science; while hard working men and women probe the very fabric of the Universe, pious morons like Glenn Beck continue to disbelieve the evidence simply to maintain a belief a bearded super being created us in “his” image.
Evolution is kicking our ass
While dummies are still trying to refute evolution (they may as well try to disprove gravity at this point), science marches on. The latest evidence of evolution at work isn’t exactly welcoming news for us humans, however:
A strain of African mosquito that carries the deadly malaria parasite is splitting into two species faster than expected, according to a new study. The finding helps explain why the insect can survive in environments spanning from humid rainforests to arid savannas.
A speciation is occurring in Anopheles gambiae, which is not exactly good news. The mosquito is adapting to live in more arid environments, which means it puts even more humans at risk of contracting malaria. The key, according to scientists, is to understand the ecology of these mosquitos in order to develop better control and prevention methods (notice how it’s quite impossible to stop it entirely).
This is why understanding evolution is important; species are always changing and adapting, and the conditions we live in are by no means permanent. Praying to an anthropomorphic God will not save us from deadly pathogens, viruses and pest outbreaks. Even understanding the process doesn’t mean we can stop it, but it sure is better than the alternative, isn’t it?
Dolphins in Australia think they’re hot shit
Bloody dolphins! Don’t they know playing and having fun is strictly a human activity? Apparently no one bothered to tell them culturally transmitted behavior is not unique to upright primates, as a group of Australian dolphins appear to have learned and passed on a new trick: water walking. By furiously paddling their tails, they manage to pop out of the water and do a kind of “dolphin moonwalk”.
Richard Dawkins and Neil deGrasse Tyson on the poetry of science
Man, how awesome was it to be at that bloody lecture? Both Richard and Neil are two of the best at demonstrating the true beauty of the Universe. While robed clowns profess the wonders of their limited and myopic mythology, these intellectual giants help us to see the Universe for what it really is. If you’ve ever taken the wonders of science for granted (something we are all inclined to do), remember we are perhaps the luckiest generation yet born, who knows enough about the Cosmos to fathom our true place among the stars.
Rabbi says Gentiles exist only to serve Jews
It normally doesn’t take long for some religious nutbag to say something that a) is tremendously racist b) is totally out of touch with reality or c) torpedoes the peace process. This week, the award for “worse religious representative ever” goes out to Rabbi Ovadia Yosef, who managed to prove decisively the divisive power of religion is as strong as ever.
In a sermon last Saturday he had this message for his flock:
Goyim were born only to serve us. Without that, they have no place in the world – only to serve the People of Israel. Why are Gentiles needed? They will work, they will plow, they will reap. We will sit like an effendi and eat…That is why Gentiles were created”
To be fair this bigoted piece of shit is 90 years old, so he’s quite naturally totally out of touch with reality. Still, it brings to mind the radical shit people say when they are convinced without a shadow of a doubt magical sky daddy picked them to be on their touch football team.
NOTE: Anyone who thinks I’m being unfair should also take note this old sack of shit said the following about the Holocaust:
The six million Holocaust victims were reincarnations of the souls of sinners, people who transgressed and did all sorts of things that should not be done. They had been reincarnated in order to atone.
Need I say more?
“Crystal Cathedral” megachurch files for bankruptcy
You’d think collecting over 2 million dollars a month would be sufficient income for any religious organization, but apparently it simply isn’t enough money for the Crystal Cathedral in Garden Grove California to pay their bills. They’ve recently filed for bankruptcy after amassing an impressive 43 million dollar debt (a major chunk of it being the mortgage on this tacky monstrosity). MSNBC reported the amount might be as high as 100 million dollars.
The church owes all kinds of money to people, and it’s hard to determine what kind of economic impact their defaulting will cause:
Kristina Oliver, whose Hemet-based company provided live animals for the church’s “Glory of Christmas” manger scene, said she doubts she will recover in full the $57,000 she is owed. “The church never made any kind of advancement that they wanted to pay their debt, that they were willing to try to make it happen and every time we tried they told us, ‘You can’t tell us how to run our business,’” Oliver said. “I’m upset because I have a 30-year relationship with them and you need to be up front, put all your cards on the table.”
Odd are you’ve heard of their TV show, “Hour of Power” which is broadcast throughout the US and even Europe. Although you might think being so popular would actually generate them substantial income, the program seems to have been under-performing for quite some time. The Church has been having money problems dating back to at least 2009, when a family feud divided their congregation right down the middle. Since then, revenue has been plummeting faster than my looks.
I guess 2 million bones isn’t enough when you’re trying to pay the bills on the tower you leased from Saruman, even when it’s tax free. You have to wonder if the people who give them truckloads of money feel let down and betrayed; sure, you can blame the economy for a reduction in charitable giving, but when your church is literally a scary castle with a gigantic glass spire, you don’t get many sympathy points. This is doubly true when taxpayers end up having to pick up the tab for their stupid bullshit. Here’s an idea if you can’t pay your bills anymore, get the fuck out of a church you can’t afford! It’s not rocket science, but then again these aren’t the kind of people interested in such earthly notions as common sense and logic.
NOTE: The megachurch made an appearance in season nine of the Simpsons when Homer is dragged naked across the glass surface. If the Internet wasn’t such a twat regarding copyright, I could have shown it to you, but in the meantime you’ll need to use your powers of recollection to see it.
All religions are dumb
Do you sometimes feel like Western religions have a monopoly on idiocy? Well, the good news is all beliefs based on superstition are equally dumb. Buddhist monks in China are currently undertaking a 500-mile pilgrimage that will have them crawling on their knees in prostration to whatever make-believe deity they’ve somehow managed to worship.
“They will crawl and then every third step they will stop and bow as a sign of respect to the goddess”
Here’s a better idea that won’t end up fucking your knees up forever: enjoy the wonders of modern science and take a goddamn chartered bus instead. You’ll get to enjoy the brilliant Chinese countryside without bleeding from your legs!
Australia gets their first Demi-God
If you aren’t from down under, odds are you’ve never heard of Mary MacKillop, also known as Saint Mary of the Cross. A few days ago the Vatican canonized her, making Mary the first Australian to get this “demi-god” status. In order to receive that canonization, Mary had to have two miracles attributed to her, and as you’ve probably guessed by now, the supposed miracles were people being “cured” of cancer.
In today’s modern world, it’s more and more difficult for the Vatican to canonize people, for the simple reason science has exposed supposed miracles as merely statistical inevitability. Some people who have cancer occasionally get better, and a small percentage of those attribute it to the superstitious activity they were engaged in at the time. Veronica Hopson, Mary’s first alleged miracle, claimed to have been cured when the nuns brought cloth that MacKillop had worn. It’s just gris-gris bullshit, but this weak-sauce was enough to convince religious rubes something amazing happened. Pretty shitty miracle if you ask me, but is there any other kind?
The really interesting element in this story is the one no one is talking about: During Mary’s own life, she was excommunicated for exposing a pedophile priest (who was sent back to Ireland). It was only later she was re-instated (when the guy who did it was on his death bed), but I think by now it should be pretty obvious why this part of the story only gets glossed over in most news stories. The Vatican is desperate for some good news, but as usual, the stench of pedophilia is everywhere.
Luckily not every Australian is happy about the news of this canonization, and a few bright people have been trying in vain to expose the ludicrous notion two cancer cures qualify as a miracle. As usual, the voices of rationality will always be silenced by the droning of the faithful who will always prefer comfort over the truth.
Sarah Palin uses Pat Tillman story to glorify war
If there’s one thing Republicans like to boast about, it’s their “support” of the troops. We’ll ignore for a moment the fact that under their administrations, benefits to veterans have continually been slashed; if you really want to show your love for the troops, how about you DON’T send them into unnecessary combat?
A few days ago, Sarah Palin was on tour, and stopped by San Jose to give a speech about how much she loves soldiers, and in particular, how she felt Pat Tillman (who is from San Jose) should be God-thanked for his contribution:
“Remember to thank God every day for Pat, for his family and the thousands like him”.
Would that be his super atheist family who lambasted aging dinosaur John McCain and creepy giant-face Maria Shriver for doing exactly the same thing at his funeral? His brother Richard was particularly not amused by their comments Pat was “with God”, and said “He’s not with God, he’s fucking dead”.
It seems as though the religious right still can’t put it in their thick skulls the Tillman story was a cautionary tale of war, not a call to arms. Pat didn’t die defending his country; he died in a spray of friendly fire. Even the circumstances surrounding his death are deeply mysterious, and his family has been fighting for years (without success) to get the truth from the military that tried to use his death to sell their shitty war. They have been stonewalled ever since, a reminder like any institution, the military’s chief concern is maintaining their own power and influence.
New study sheds light on NDEs
About a year ago, I wrote an article criticizing Dr. Jeffery Long for his terribly unscientific book about NDE’s, or Near Death Experiences. Long essentially collected nearly 1,300 stories of people’s traumatic experiences, and figured the similarities must somehow mean something supernatural was going on. He even went to far as to claim this was ultimate proof there is an afterlife.
It would be too easy to point out his web surveys don’t exactly meet the rigorous standards of evidence, and all too pointless to do so. True believers want justification for their beliefs, no matter how flimsy the evidence is. Even the article I wrote on Dr. Jeffrey Long still regularly gets comments from people convinced that I’m either terribly biased or close-minded regarding the possibility of there being life after death.
A new study on the effects of death on the brain has provided further evidence only physical explanations are at work here. Dr. Lakhmir Chawla monitored the brain activity of terminally-ill patients and found that shortly before death, the brain had a huge cascade of activity, lasting from 30 seconds to almost 3 minutes.
Dr. Chawla believes this may account for the vivid experiences people often describe during NDE’s, but the problem with this study is since all the patients died, it wasn’t possible to actually interview them. Still, since the activity in the brain is so similar to that of vivid dreaming, why do we continually refuse to abandon the unsupported belief something supernatural was happening.
Hey, I would love if death wasn’t the end, just like I would love to believe I’m an invisible sex-god who can shoot laser beams out of my eyes. Unfortunately, the fact is I must accept that I’m a simple ape, whose only super power is to offend people with the terrible things that come out of my mouth.
Man thinks my atheism is due to tragedy
I received this email just a few days ago from a guy named Andy, and I thought you guys would get a kick out of it:
Hello Jake I know you must get some real harsh mail concerning your fate when you die and as a follow of Christ I want to apologize for that, I want to applaud you in your decision making for at least you have given it some thought and have come to conclusion, but what I do not understand is this, why do you spend so much time talking about a God you do not believe in, if I were you and did not believe there was a God there is so much more to do than waste my time on something that does not have any meaning. But the problem is Jake you have had your encounter with the I AM and have feel that He has let you down over the death of a love one and instead of trying to find the answer why you have chosen to go to war with him, spend some serious time again Jake just listen again to what he has to say, you may be surprised at the outcome. Well I do want to send you blessings to you and your family in the name of Christ.
This is why you should never just “trust” every dumb feeling that you have Andy; I haven’t lost any loved ones, and my atheism has really nothing to do with any feelings of bitterness towards your anthropomorphic God. Perhaps you fail to understand when I make fun of “Him”, I’m not actually acknowledging the fact a God exists. If I spent my time trying to disprove the existence of demonic space Unicorns, would you also accuse me of believing in the very thing I seek to expose as mere fantasy? As for your statement I should stop wasting my time since “He” doesn’t exist, I seriously wish it were that easy, but even your barely comprehensible email is proof religion facilitates ignorance. Do you have any serious proof a 2000 year old Jew was the creator of the Universe outside your barbaric and outdated book of Bronze Age mythology?
Christian woman destroys blasphemous artwork
I guess Muslims don’t have a monopoly when it comes to over-reacting to cartoons depicting their religious leaders. A Montana woman was recently charged with first degree criminal mischief after she entered a Colorado art gallery with a crowbar and destroyed a series of prints depicting a she-male Jesus receiving oral sex from another man. It’s actually a lot more milquetoast than it sounds.
The artist had been receiving so many death threats that he stopped opening his mail altogether, proving once again religious people are murderously sensitive when it comes to their indefensible beliefs. Kathleen Folden, 56 was wearing a “My savior is tough as nails” (which actually reminds me of a pretty blasphemous ad), but apparently this all powerful entity is incapable of defending himself, and needs crowbar-wielding thugs to do his bidding. His power is truly astounding, is it not? Here’s what her lawyer had to say:
Folden’s attorney, Cliff Stricklin, commented today, “The focus has been on Ms. Folden here today and yesterday, but I think the focus should probably be changed a little bit and we should be asking why the City of Loveland would have deliberately endorsed such a provocative, insensitive depiction and display.”
Yeah, that’s really the important question to ask: why would a museum put up art that was controversial? Artists should just cater to our aesthetic tastes; their creative expression be damned! After all, you might accidentally offend intolerant truck drivers with nothing better to do than be a thug for Jesus.
What really pisses me off about this whole story is in response to this outburst of violence, the gallery no longer offers the print for sale. Mission accomplished everybody! That’s how you silence artistic expression; one act of vandalism at a time.
Irreducible Complexity’s Michael Behe has an atheist son
Apparently, the fact his offspring don’t believe in the same thing he does has made life pretty unbearable for everyone:
Q: How is your relationship with your family? From what I remember from his talk, you have many siblings.
A: Bad. And I do confidently blame religion for this. I certainly don’t think it always turns out this way, but my stubbornness in maintaining and voicing my beliefs conflicted with my parents’ policy of keeping the rest of my family shielded from alternate viewpoints. “Indoctrination”, unfortunately, is really the word that describes it best, and I do believe that my younger brothers (the members of my family I am closest to) are truly being hurt by this. So my parents and I are in perpetual disagreement. I have, for the most part, stopped talking to my parents, and I am not allowed to speak to my little brothers at all. I don’t want to complain, but this has been very painful for both them and me. Hoping to move out soon.
Wow, who would have guessed failing to believe in the same dogma as everyone else would be alienating? I find it sad and telling they refuse to have him speak to his other siblings. I guess Behe is worried these secular ideas might just spread to the rest of his offspring; better to keep them isolated and sequestered from reality. Here’s a wacky idea: why don’t you let people think for themselves, Mike? After all, is it not the desire of every parent to raise their own children to be critical thinkers? I guess that goes out the fucking window when it comes to your invisible friend in the clouds…
How to debate with an atheist
Yeah, that’s pretty much the only kind of debating tactic which tends to work for theists who desperately want to defend their Invisible Sky Patriarch. Apparently he’s all powerful but still needs his slave monkeys to beat the shit out of anyone who doesn’t believe. Good times…