This fucking song is stuck in my head, and now it’s stuck in yours, sucka!
Author Archives: Jacob Fortin
Vatican wants Christians to “Get it on”
A senior official at the Vatican is urging Christians to have more children, in light of the fact Muslims have, on average, more kids than their Catholic counterparts. They are visibly nervous over the prospect of the religion overtaking Christians in terms of sheer numbers, and they believe more warm bodies are needed to counter this.
I actually have a simpler idea that will help everyone. It’s a well known fact if you want to stop people from breeding, you need to educate them; in other words, to get people to stop fucking, put a damn book in their hands. It’s not rocket science, people.
If the church is serious about this, I think they should offer some financial incentives to their flock. Give them a bunch of money for having kids, or offer some sweet prizes, like the finger of Francis of Assisi for anyone that has 20 kids or more! If you want people to face more poverty and strife just so your numbers look more impressive, you’re going to have to be creative!
So close, yet so far away…
Can you imagine being so right and still reaching the wrong conclusion? He’s absolutely correct in pointing out the fact Heaven and Hell (and religion) is merely a social construct made to control people. So if he gets it, why the hell does he still choose to believe in God? Why can he not see the concept itself as the construct, and not merely the institutions built around this idea? If he also felt churches keep people in a child-like state, why was he part of this tradition if it keeps mankind from growing up? And why am I so fucking mad right now?!
UNCG Atheists debate “Does the Christian God exist”
The guys over at the University of North Carolina Greensboro just finished having a debate on whether the “Christian God exists”, and it’s available online if you want to watch this. Needless to say their opponents get a nice trouncing. You can check out the rest of the debate here.
Irony, thy name is religion
So let me get this straight: this movie is claiming secular institutions are “indoctrinating” young people through the process of NOT forcing them to participate in mandatory religious service…Yeah, sounds like the proper definition there. Also according to some of these nutjobs, the “Fear of God” is what leads ultimately to wisdom. In other words, if you fear burning in Hell for eternity, you’re supposedly going to be a better person for constantly worrying about the threat of eternal damnation. Oh religion, will you ever stop being so fucking wacky?
Dr. Shook Has his facts wrong
The slander doesn’t seem to want to go away. If we aren’t being accused of dogmatically disbelieving, then we’re being mean or belligerent, and every other imaginable insult, all because we don’t share the notion a magical sky-man made the world. Now it looks as though organizations that were traditionally on our side have started taking potshots at us. Check out this article written by Dr. John Shook, who is the Director of Education and Senior Research Fellow at the Center for Inquiry. He claims many atheists are ignorant of religions and should do more study before berating them (this, by the way, is his strategy for selling his new book).
I’ll ignore for a moment the fact I see no reason why anyone should be an expert in nonsense in order to disbelieve (the burden of proof is on believers, not atheists). It seems that Dr. Shook is unaware atheists on average seem to know just as much, if not more about religion than believers do. How about this little survey from the New York Times? Atheists scored the highest of all the demographics. Is that not at least a partial clue perhaps we aren’t all as ignorant as Shook thinks?
The “know-nothing” wing of the so-called New Atheism really lives up to that label. Nonbelievers reveling in their ignorance are an embarrassing betrayal of the free-thought legacy.
A large portion of atheists I’ve met over the years had formerly been believers, and committed ones at that. They poured over the Bible hoping to find something compelling that could solidify their shaky belief, to no avail. The accusation we’re ignorant of fantasy is a slap to the face of every earnest atheist who came to their disbelief through study, careful thought, and intellectual integrity. Sure, there are plenty of loud, ignorant people who refuse to acknowledge the intellectual traditions of religion, but so what? If there was a “Higher Criticism” of the Santa Claus myth, would you need to be an expert theologian to argue the story is mere fantasy?
David Eagleman is confused
I have to imagine the confusion is caused by the mistaken idea religion has anything to contribute to the conversation about our existence and our place in the Universe. They’ve been making the claim for so long it’s considered “normal” to believe in God. They have it easy: they can make an infinite amount of baseless claims, and we’re seen as the bad guys for calling them on their bullshit. So when a group of individuals reject these claims as being entirely without merit, we’re the ones painted as dogmatic and close minded. “Science hasn’t yet found all the answers, and my God lives in the margins!”
How many pointless articles are going to be written about how “New Atheism” is dogmatic? I feel like the same old tired arguments are always being carelessly tossed around. “How can atheists claim with certainty there is no God? It’s more intellectually congruous to be an agnostic!”. Have any of these people actually bothered to think about what they’re saying before they say it?
It’s not just dumb religious people chiming in their two cents, accusing us non-believers of being dogmatic. Smart people can also be profoundly confused as to the nature of disbelief. Take this article written by David Eagleman. He seems to think we’re being intellectually disingenuous, and he feels being a “possibilian” (possibly the dumbest new word I’ve heard all year) is the better position. But I have to wonder what’s to be done with the millions of people who simply don’t find the argument for God compelling? Are they dogmatic for having never been convinced something supernatural created the natural world? Should we all sit them down and berate them for being dogmatic?
So it seems we know too little to commit to strict atheism, and too much to commit to any religion. Given this, I am often surprised by the number of people who seem to possess total certainty about their position.
How many times do we have to clarify our position the absence of evidence for God is our only real conviction? If there was suddenly compelling evidence to suggest “He” was real (I still giggle at religionists giving their God a sex), do you think the majority of atheists would continue to be disbelievers? It demonstrates only a profound ignorance of the concept of atheism. We are all, to some degree, agnostics, and open to evidence about the supernatural. We’re just fucking sick and tired of people telling us atheists are the ones in the wrong. Last time I checked, the most “compelling” evidence for God was we hadn’t found him yet. Wow, I’m totally convinced now! I’ll have to sell all my atheist related books and get on this whole “possibilian” bandwagon! Yeah, I’ll get right on that…
Being Black and Gay sucks
If you’re black and gay, you have my pity. I can’t imagine a minority group so vehemently opposed to homosexuality. They often make the sermons of white Alabama preachers seem almost tame by comparison. It’s no secret as a group, African Americans are more religiously conservative than the average American. Since many believe in the literal word of God, it doesn’t leave a lot of room for tolerance and understanding when it comes to homosexuality.
I read an interesting article on CNN discussing the issues of religious gay men who happen to have a darker skin pigmentation, and it made me sad for all those men and women who continue to live in the closet, convinced they have somehow been cursed and God can cure them of their same-sex attraction. But they can no more change this than they can their own skin color, or their height. The resulting theological conflict causes anxiety, fear, self-hatred and self-loathing, as well as completely retarding their sexual and emotional development. While they should be out enjoying themselves and finding loving same-sex partners to share their lives with, they often isolate themselves from others, terrified people in their community might find out about their secret.
It’s no secret a significant portion of African Americans voted yes on Prop 8 in California, and while they only make 10% of the population, it was enough to pass the law by a narrow margin (70% of them ended up voting for the amendment). On the eve of the historic vote that would see the first black president, the rights that gays and lesbians had fought so hard to gain were taken away. California became the first state to alter its constitution specifically to take away rights that had previously been granted. What I find tragic is the open bigotry of black preachers is no different than the open bigotry that had previously been preached from white pulpits some 50 years ago, warning of the dangers of interracial marriages. These “value voters” created special laws which prevented these unions. In their own way, they too were trying to preserve the “sanctity of marriage”. It’s only a historical accident this has fallen out of vogue with most people, due in no small part to the tireless effort of individuals who believe in the value of equal rights rather than skin pigmentation.
All of this nonsense and heartache can be avoided by simply declaring the principles espoused by a Bronze Age manuscript are dangerously out of date with modern society. Why any black man should be ashamed or angry over something as trivial as his sexuality is ludicrous. Only something as stupid as religion could cause such pointless misery.
NOTE: Here’s a confused article saying that Gay is not the “new black”. The author argues gays really haven’t had it as bad as black people, being only oppressed for a paltry 40 years. Even if this were true (which it isn’t), does it make their struggle for equal rights not as “worthy”?
Your favorite Bible passages
I’m back from taking a week off, and we’ll be recording a podcast tonight, and I thought it might be fun to get you guys to submit your favorite Bible passages; the ones you think best convey just how ancient, out of touch and barbaric it really is!
(Update: Here are the results below)
Gordon
Now therefore kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known man by lying with him.
But all the women children, that have not known a man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves.
Matt
But before they lay down, the men of the city, even the men of Sodom, compassed the house round, both old and young, all the people from every quarter:
And they called unto Lot, and said unto him, Where are the men which came in to thee this night? bring them out unto us, that we may know them.
And Lot went out at the door unto them, and shut the door after him,
And said, I pray you, brethren, do not so wickedly.
Behold now, I have two daughters which have not known man; let me, I pray you, bring them out unto you, and do ye to them as is good in your eyes: only unto these men do nothing; for therefore came they under the shadow of my roof.
Deuteronomy 21:18-21 (KJV)
If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother, and that, when they have chastened him, will not hearken unto them:
Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his city, and unto the gate of his place;
And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton, and a drunkard.
And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die: so shalt thou put evil away from among you; and all Israel shall hear, and fear.
Rimon
“When men fight with one another, and the wife of one draws near to rescue her husband from the hand of him who is beating him, and puts out her hand and seizes him by the private parts, then you shall cut off her hand; your eye shall have no pity.”
Simon Campbell
Man asks God to send two bears to maul 42 children to death because they mocked his bald head. God delivers.
Roger
Tony Robbins
‘The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides with the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who in the name of charity and good will shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon those with great vengeance and with furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know that my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.’
Tom
Exodus 31:15
“Whosoever shall work in the Sabbath day, he shall surely be put to death”
Exodus 21:17
“And he that curseth his father, or his mother, shall surely be put to death”.
Leviticus 20:10
“And the man that committeth adultery with another man’s wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall be put to death”.
J. N. Hudson
Happy [shall he be], that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones.
Roxanne R
Malachai 2:3
Behold, I will corrupt your seed, and spread dung upon your faces, even the dung of your solemn feasts; and one shall take you away with it.
Tyson
Matthew 10: 34- 37
Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword. For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law. And a man’s foes shall be they of his own household. He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.
Caveman73
Baby dies in pointless ceremony
I don’t want to sound overly dramatic and suddenly declare Baptisms are unsafe, but when a baby drowns from this pointless ceremony, you have to wonder what kind of safety precautions people take when doing this, especially when it’s not the first time people drown from this nonsense.
The baby’s dad Dumitru Gaidau, 36, said: “We all saw it, the priest didn’t put his hand over the baby’s mouth to stop water going in as he should have done and as they do at every other baptism.
“We couldn’t believe it that he just put his hand over his belly and over the head and submerged him three times in the water.”
The baby’s godmother Aliona Vacarciuc, 32, said: “The baby was crying as he went into the water.
The worst part about this whole story is everyone around the priest knew things weren’t going as planned, but Father Valentin assured them he knew what he was doing…even while the baby was turning blue and gasping for air. Nice job, everybody! Sure, they arrested this worthless idiot, but I’m sure it’s small comfort for the grieving family.
Hey, here’s an idea; if some guy wearing a fancy dress tells you he’s specially ordained by an invisible man in the sky to dunk your newborn in water a bunch of times, why don’t you think twice about handing him over?
Praying in the wrong direction
Indonesian Muslims are being told to adjust their prayer antennae to improve transmissions to Mecca:
Indonesian Muslims have been praying in the wrong direction, the country’s highest Islamic authority has said.
The Indonesian Ulema Council told the country’s Muslim populace in March to turn west when they offered their daily prayers. Muslims are supposed to face the Kaaba, the religion’s most sacred site in the city of Mecca in Saudi Arabia.
At the time, the council said the direction of Kaaba from Indonesia laid to the west.
Turns out, it didn’t. Africa did.
So, on Friday, the council issued a new edict: face northwest.
“After the first fatwa (edict) a few months ago that stated that the praying direction is west, we have announced the correct direction for praying is indeed northwest, and we have issued a new fatwa (edict) to correct it,” said Ma’ruf Amin, the head of fatwa division in the Indonesian Ulema Council.
“This is important because facing west will mean that people were facing Africa when they pray,” he said.
I hear that Sango, the African God of Thunder, is just happy he’s not going to keep getting five calls a day from several million confused Indonesians.
Religion brings hateful people together
Spaceology is the future!
Have you ever looked up at the sky,
seen all the lights and wondered why?
Well my friend, ponder no more,
Spaceology is what you’re looking for!
Faith Healers exploit the sick and ignorant
You can always count on religious scumbags to exploit the poor and sick, especially in countries like Kenya where an estimated 2 million people have AIDS. Yeah, you heard right: 2 fucking million people are slowly dying as their bodies are incapable of fighting of even the simplest infections. And with all those desperate family members who love them, it’s doubtful there isn’t a Kenyan out there who wouldn’t give anything for even the chance to heal their loved ones.
Christians are scary
If you don’t like the violent rhetoric of modern day Christians, then you don’t know the Bible, baby! He hasn’t called you to debate. If this guy had his way, everyone would be equipped with breastplates and swords, fighting the unbelievers. If the Bible had been written today, would that be replaced with bulletproof vests and holy grenades? Hey, thanks for being uncompromisingly insane, Rod Parsley. You remind us all of the violent nature of religion.