Author Archives: Jacob Fortin

Rabbi says Gentiles exist only to serve Jews

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It normally doesn’t take long for some religious nutbag to say something that a) is tremendously racist b) is totally out of touch with reality or c) torpedoes the peace process. This week, the award for “worse religious representative ever” goes out to Rabbi Ovadia Yosef, who managed to prove decisively the divisive power of religion is as strong as ever.

In a sermon last Saturday he had this message for his flock:

Goyim were born only to serve us. Without that, they have no place in the world – only to serve the People of Israel. Why are Gentiles needed? They will work, they will plow, they will reap. We will sit like an effendi and eat…That is why Gentiles were created”

To be fair this bigoted piece of shit is 90 years old, so he’s quite naturally totally out of touch with reality. Still, it brings to mind the radical shit people say when they are convinced without a shadow of a doubt magical sky daddy picked them to be on their touch football team.

NOTE: Anyone who thinks I’m being unfair should also take note this old sack of shit said the following about the Holocaust:

The six million Holocaust victims were reincarnations of the souls of sinners, people who transgressed and did all sorts of things that should not be done. They had been reincarnated in order to atone.

Need I say more?

“Crystal Cathedral” megachurch files for bankruptcy

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You’d think collecting over 2 million dollars a month would be sufficient income for any religious organization, but apparently it simply isn’t enough money for the Crystal Cathedral in Garden Grove California to pay their bills. They’ve recently filed for bankruptcy after amassing an impressive 43 million dollar debt (a major chunk of it being the mortgage on this tacky monstrosity). MSNBC reported the amount might be as high as 100 million dollars.

The church owes all kinds of money to people, and it’s hard to determine what kind of economic impact their defaulting will cause:

Kristina Oliver, whose Hemet-based company provided live animals for the church’s “Glory of Christmas” manger scene, said she doubts she will recover in full the $57,000 she is owed. “The church never made any kind of advancement that they wanted to pay their debt, that they were willing to try to make it happen and every time we tried they told us, ‘You can’t tell us how to run our business,’” Oliver said. “I’m upset because I have a 30-year relationship with them and you need to be up front, put all your cards on the table.”

Odd are you’ve heard of their TV show, “Hour of Power” which is broadcast throughout the US and even Europe. Although you might think being so popular would actually generate them substantial income, the program seems to have been under-performing for quite some time. The Church has been having money problems dating back to at least 2009, when a family feud divided their congregation right down the middle. Since then, revenue has been plummeting faster than my looks.

I guess 2 million bones isn’t enough when you’re trying to pay the bills on the tower you leased from Saruman, even when it’s tax free. You have to wonder if the people who give them truckloads of money feel let down and betrayed; sure, you can blame the economy for a reduction in charitable giving, but when your church is literally a scary castle with a gigantic glass spire, you don’t get many sympathy points. This is doubly true when taxpayers end up having to pick up the tab for their stupid bullshit. Here’s an idea if you can’t pay your bills anymore, get the fuck out of a church you can’t afford! It’s not rocket science, but then again these aren’t the kind of people interested in such earthly notions as common sense and logic.

NOTE: The megachurch made an appearance in season nine of the Simpsons when Homer is dragged naked across the glass surface. If the Internet wasn’t such a twat regarding copyright, I could have shown it to you, but in the meantime you’ll need to use your powers of recollection to see it.

All religions are dumb

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Do you sometimes feel like Western religions have a monopoly on idiocy? Well, the good news is all beliefs based on superstition are equally dumb. Buddhist monks in China are currently undertaking a 500-mile pilgrimage that will have them crawling on their knees in prostration to whatever make-believe deity they’ve somehow managed to worship.

“They will crawl and then every third step they will stop and bow as a sign of respect to the goddess”

Here’s a better idea that won’t end up fucking your knees up forever: enjoy the wonders of modern science and take a goddamn chartered bus instead. You’ll get to enjoy the brilliant Chinese countryside without bleeding from your legs!

Australia gets their first Demi-God

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If you aren’t from down under, odds are you’ve never heard of Mary MacKillop, also known as Saint Mary of the Cross. A few days ago the Vatican canonized her, making Mary the first Australian to get this “demi-god” status. In order to receive that canonization, Mary had to have two miracles attributed to her, and as you’ve probably guessed by now, the supposed miracles were people being “cured” of cancer.

In today’s modern world, it’s more and more difficult for the Vatican to canonize people, for the simple reason science has exposed supposed miracles as merely statistical inevitability. Some people who have cancer occasionally get better, and a small percentage of those attribute it to the superstitious activity they were engaged in at the time. Veronica Hopson, Mary’s first alleged miracle, claimed to have been cured when the nuns brought cloth that MacKillop had worn. It’s just gris-gris bullshit, but this weak-sauce was enough to convince religious rubes something amazing happened. Pretty shitty miracle if you ask me, but is there any other kind?

The really interesting element in this story is the one no one is talking about: During Mary’s own life, she was excommunicated for exposing a pedophile priest (who was sent back to Ireland). It was only later she was re-instated (when the guy who did it was on his death bed), but I think by now it should be pretty obvious why this part of the story only gets glossed over in most news stories. The Vatican is desperate for some good news, but as usual, the stench of pedophilia is everywhere.

Luckily not every Australian is happy about the news of this canonization, and a few bright people have been trying in vain to expose the ludicrous notion two cancer cures qualify as a miracle. As usual, the voices of rationality will always be silenced by the droning of the faithful who will always prefer comfort over the truth.

Sarah Palin uses Pat Tillman story to glorify war

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If there’s one thing Republicans like to boast about, it’s their “support” of the troops. We’ll ignore for a moment the fact that under their administrations, benefits to veterans have continually been slashed; if you really want to show your love for the troops, how about you DON’T send them into unnecessary combat?

A few days ago, Sarah Palin was on tour, and stopped by San Jose to give a speech about how much she loves soldiers, and in particular, how she felt Pat Tillman (who is from San Jose) should be God-thanked for his contribution:

“Remember to thank God every day for Pat, for his family and the thousands like him”.

Would that be his super atheist family who lambasted aging dinosaur John McCain and creepy giant-face Maria Shriver for doing exactly the same thing at his funeral? His brother Richard was particularly not amused by their comments Pat was “with God”, and said “He’s not with God, he’s fucking dead”.

It seems as though the religious right still can’t put it in their thick skulls the Tillman story was a cautionary tale of war, not a call to arms. Pat didn’t die defending his country; he died in a spray of friendly fire. Even the circumstances surrounding his death are deeply mysterious, and his family has been fighting for years (without success) to get the truth from the military that tried to use his death to sell their shitty war. They have been stonewalled ever since, a reminder like any institution, the military’s chief concern is maintaining their own power and influence.

New study sheds light on NDEs

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About a year ago, I wrote an article criticizing Dr. Jeffery Long for his terribly unscientific book about NDE’s, or Near Death Experiences. Long essentially collected nearly 1,300 stories of people’s traumatic experiences, and figured the similarities must somehow mean something supernatural was going on. He even went to far as to claim this was ultimate proof there is an afterlife.

It would be too easy to point out his web surveys don’t exactly meet the rigorous standards of evidence, and all too pointless to do so. True believers want justification for their beliefs, no matter how flimsy the evidence is. Even the article I wrote on Dr. Jeffrey Long still regularly gets comments from people convinced that I’m either terribly biased or close-minded regarding the possibility of there being life after death.

A new study on the effects of death on the brain has provided further evidence only physical explanations are at work here. Dr. Lakhmir Chawla monitored the brain activity of terminally-ill patients and found that shortly before death, the brain had a huge cascade of activity, lasting from 30 seconds to almost 3 minutes.

Dr. Chawla believes this may account for the vivid experiences people often describe during NDE’s, but the problem with this study is since all the patients died, it wasn’t possible to actually interview them. Still, since the activity in the brain is so similar to that of vivid dreaming, why do we continually refuse to abandon the unsupported belief something supernatural was happening.

Hey, I would love if death wasn’t the end, just like I would love to believe I’m an invisible sex-god who can shoot laser beams out of my eyes. Unfortunately, the fact is I must accept that I’m a simple ape, whose only super power is to offend people with the terrible things that come out of my mouth.

Man thinks my atheism is due to tragedy

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I received this email just a few days ago from a guy named Andy, and I thought you guys would get a kick out of it:

Hello Jake I know you must get some real harsh mail concerning your fate when you die and as a follow of Christ I want to apologize for that, I want to applaud you in your decision making for at least you have given it some thought and have come to conclusion, but what I do not understand is this, why do you spend so much time talking about a God you do not believe in, if I were you and did not believe there was a God there is so much more to do than waste my time on something that does not have any meaning. But the problem is Jake you have had your encounter with the I AM and have feel that He has let you down over the death of a love one and instead of trying to find the answer why you have chosen to go to war with him, spend some serious time again Jake just listen again to what he has to say, you may be surprised at the outcome. Well I do want to send you blessings to you and your family in the name of Christ.

This is why you should never just “trust” every dumb feeling that you have Andy; I haven’t lost any loved ones, and my atheism has really nothing to do with any feelings of bitterness towards your anthropomorphic God. Perhaps you fail to understand when I make fun of “Him”, I’m not actually acknowledging the fact a God exists. If I spent my time trying to disprove the existence of demonic space Unicorns, would you also accuse me of believing in the very thing I seek to expose as mere fantasy? As for your statement I should stop wasting my time since “He” doesn’t exist, I seriously wish it were that easy, but even your barely comprehensible email is proof religion facilitates ignorance. Do you have any serious proof a 2000 year old Jew was the creator of the Universe outside your barbaric and outdated book of Bronze Age mythology?

Christian woman destroys blasphemous artwork

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I guess Muslims don’t have a monopoly when it comes to over-reacting to cartoons depicting their religious leaders. A Montana woman was recently charged with first degree criminal mischief after she entered a Colorado art gallery with a crowbar and destroyed a series of prints depicting a she-male Jesus receiving oral sex from another man. It’s actually a lot more milquetoast than it sounds.

The artist had been receiving so many death threats that he stopped opening his mail altogether, proving once again religious people are murderously sensitive when it comes to their indefensible beliefs. Kathleen Folden, 56 was wearing a “My savior is tough as nails” (which actually reminds me of a pretty blasphemous ad), but apparently this all powerful entity is incapable of defending himself, and needs crowbar-wielding thugs to do his bidding. His power is truly astounding, is it not? Here’s what her lawyer had to say:

Folden’s attorney, Cliff Stricklin, commented today, “The focus has been on Ms. Folden here today and yesterday, but I think the focus should probably be changed a little bit and we should be asking why the City of Loveland would have deliberately endorsed such a provocative, insensitive depiction and display.”

Yeah, that’s really the important question to ask: why would a museum put up art that was controversial? Artists should just cater to our aesthetic tastes; their creative expression be damned! After all, you might accidentally offend intolerant truck drivers with nothing better to do than be a thug for Jesus.

What really pisses me off about this whole story is in response to this outburst of violence, the gallery no longer offers the print for sale. Mission accomplished everybody! That’s how you silence artistic expression; one act of vandalism at a time.

Irreducible Complexity’s Michael Behe has an atheist son

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Apparently, the fact his offspring don’t believe in the same thing he does has made life pretty unbearable for everyone:

Q: How is your relationship with your family? From what I remember from his talk, you have many siblings.
A: Bad. And I do confidently blame religion for this. I certainly don’t think it always turns out this way, but my stubbornness in maintaining and voicing my beliefs conflicted with my parents’ policy of keeping the rest of my family shielded from alternate viewpoints. “Indoctrination”, unfortunately, is really the word that describes it best, and I do believe that my younger brothers (the members of my family I am closest to) are truly being hurt by this. So my parents and I are in perpetual disagreement. I have,  for the most part, stopped talking to my parents, and I am not allowed to speak to my little brothers at all. I don’t want to complain, but this has been very painful for both them and me. Hoping to move out soon.

Wow, who would have guessed failing to believe in the same dogma as everyone else would be alienating? I find it sad and telling they refuse to have him speak to his other siblings. I guess Behe is worried these secular ideas might just spread to the rest of his offspring; better to keep them isolated and sequestered from reality. Here’s a wacky idea: why don’t you let people think for themselves, Mike? After all, is it not the desire of every parent to raise their own children to be critical thinkers? I guess that goes out the fucking window when it comes to your invisible friend in the clouds…

How to debate with an atheist

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Yeah, that’s pretty much the only kind of debating tactic which tends to work for theists who desperately want to defend their Invisible Sky Patriarch. Apparently he’s all powerful but still needs his slave monkeys to beat the shit out of anyone who doesn’t believe. Good times…

Brisbane man gets charged for wearing offensive t-shirt

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A couple of months ago, Alexsei Vladmir Nikola was walking down the street with his “Jesus is a Cunt” t-shirt and was spotted by police officers, who immediately took offense to the hot masturbating nun on the front. He’s been charged with public nuisance, and faces up to six months in jail if found guilty.

How exactly is wearing a t-shirt public nuisance? Well you see, old Christian ladies might get all worked up over their favorite deity getting mocked, and that just won’t do. Better to lock his ass up in jail and teach him expressing your opinions in shirt form is a serious crime, especially if it hurts the feelings of religious rubes! Keep locking up your citizens for speaking their minds, Australia; you truly are a bastion of freedom.

The Best of Hitchens

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In case you haven’t seen this video floating around the webs, check out this highlight of Christopher Hitchen’s best verbal bitch-slaps. It fills me with sadness we may soon lose this intellectual giant.

The AAI Montreal Conference in a nutshell

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A few fans asked me if I could share my thoughts about the Atheist Alliance International Conference that took place last weekend. As some of you know (and most of you will once you listen to the last podcast), we were asked to do the live podcast for the event. Considering there was no valid excuse NOT to do it, I accepted, even though I had never actually stepped foot in a conference before, let alone an atheist one.

Luckily, I had my trusty co-hosts Ryan and Jeff along for the fun, which eased the stress of doing a show in front of a live audience. We knew going in we’d be relative unknowns, but considering the usual tone of the podcast, I was nervous the reaction from the crowd might be utter shock or dismay. The average age of that audience was about 50, but luckily, everyone seemed to have a good sense of humor and the show went a lot better than I had imagined (or was it feared?), with Ryan overhearing positive comments from some of the attendees.

After the show I was approached by Larry over at Sandwalk who invited all of us to have diner with PZ Myers and a couple from the Center for Inquiry Ottawa. The hotel bar, which had already stolen 40 dollars from us with their overpriced beers (at 10 bucks a pop), managed to take more of our money, although this time we ordered the cheapest thing we could on the menu. The meal was completely ordinary, although the service itself was probably even more atrocious than their prices. It took forever to get our damn bills.


Daniel Dennet was speaking the next morning at 8, but we were all too zonked to make it. Instead we headed out after lunch, catching the tail end of the day’s talks. Jeff and I stuck around waiting for the big dinner, which was supposed to play parts of my interview with Susan Jacoby, but due to technical difficulties it ended up being scrapped. They then showed a movie, “The Evangelist” which cleared the room faster than a dirty-bomb scare, and by the time of the dance party, everyone had vamoosed. I tried doing a few break-dancing moves for laughs, and Jonathan Jerry (the AAI’s photographer) took a few pictures of us striking a pose. After working up a sweat, we headed out with some patrons from Saskatoon and drank till the wee hours of the morning. I was so hung over I missed the entire Sunday lineup. Yep, I suck something fierce.

All in all, it was a great first experience, but I have to say something in the format left me with the impression conferences aren’t really designed to attract a younger crowd. I could count on one hand the amount of people who were in their early 20′s. It made me realize if we’re going to make an impact on the next generation, we have to find a way to entice young people. The hard-core supporters aren’t getting any younger, and we need new blood!

Gullible woman sees Jesus in MRI

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Sure, it looks like Jesus, if he had his face re-arranged by a crowbar. Hey, I don’t want to seem like a bummer for pointing out blurry images are hardly proof of the existence of a deity, but shit this dumb makes my head hurt. Why does the media ALWAYS answer the call every time some gullible idiot claims to see their chosen god in a taco, grill-cheese sandwich or a dog’s butt-hole? Surely there are more interesting stories than “highly impressionable rube is tricked by pareidolia“.

Shoot the Devil in the face, and you’ll stop being afraid

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I’ve never been able to fully appreciate the kind of fear mongering religions are well known for, mostly because I was never influenced by their terrifying dogma. It’s easy for many of us non-believers to scoff at the claims devils casually walk the earth, looking for souls to devour. But for millions of impressionable children, these kinds of messages often create fear and panic over the thought of being possessed or even destroyed by supernatural forces.

The Escapist has an interesting article about how a young man found the courage to face his fear of the Devil by playing Doom and Diablo II. Since his church filled his head with vague stories of demons waiting around every corner without shape or substance, he found shooting their physical manifestations, even if they were in video game form, was therapeutic. For the first time in his life he was able to confront the imagery that had so terrified him:

Satan, as presented in my religious indoctrination, haunted me because I could never truly perceive him. He was an invisible being that could strike at any time and turn me into the head-spinning, bile spitting torture victim from The Exorcist. In Doom, supernatural evil had corporeal bodies, ones that I could puncture with a full arsenal of weaponry found lying around like discarded trash. They had the ability to return the hurt, sure, but that’s what picking up med kits and new suits of armor were for.

It kind of makes me wonder if that isn’t the best way to get young people to stop being so afraid of the “monsters under their beds”. Preachers are often notorious when it comes to drumming up fear to terrify their flock, but they can’t contend with the entertainment value of a good video game. And rather than being a passive observer, the player is an integral part of the story, leading the charge against demon hordes. Have video games helped more kids get over their fear of the supernatural? Maybe not, but would you stop playing them even if they didn’t?