Being Black and Gay sucks

If you’re black and gay, you have my pity. I can’t imagine a minority group so vehemently opposed to homosexuality. They often make the sermons of white Alabama preachers seem almost tame by comparison. It’s no secret as a group, African Americans are more religiously conservative than the average American. Since many believe in the literal word of God, it doesn’t leave a lot of room for tolerance and understanding when it comes to homosexuality.

I read an interesting article on CNN discussing the issues of religious gay men who happen to have a darker skin pigmentation, and it made me sad for all those men and women who continue to live in the closet, convinced they have somehow been cursed and God can cure them of their same-sex attraction. But they can no more change this than they can their own skin color, or their height. The resulting theological conflict causes anxiety, fear, self-hatred and self-loathing, as well as completely retarding their sexual and emotional development. While they should be out enjoying themselves and finding loving same-sex partners to share their lives with, they often isolate themselves from others, terrified people in their community might find out about their secret.

It’s no secret a significant portion of African Americans voted yes on Prop 8 in California, and while they only make 10% of the population, it was enough to pass the law by a narrow margin (70% of them ended up voting for the amendment). On the eve of the historic vote that would see the first black president, the rights that gays and lesbians had fought so hard to gain were taken away. California became the first state to alter its constitution specifically to take away rights that had previously been granted. What I find tragic is the open bigotry of black preachers is no different than the open bigotry that had previously been preached from white pulpits some 50 years ago, warning of the dangers of interracial marriages. These “value voters” created special laws which prevented these unions. In their own way, they too were trying to preserve the “sanctity of marriage”. It’s only a historical accident this has fallen out of vogue with most people, due in no small part to the tireless effort of individuals who believe in the value of equal rights rather than skin pigmentation.

All of this nonsense and heartache can be avoided by simply declaring the principles espoused by a Bronze Age manuscript are dangerously out of date with modern society. Why any black man should be ashamed or angry over something as trivial as his sexuality is ludicrous. Only something as stupid as religion could cause such pointless misery.

NOTE: Here’s a confused article saying that Gay is not the “new black”. The author argues gays really haven’t had it as bad as black people, being only oppressed for a paltry 40 years. Even if this were true (which it isn’t), does it make their struggle for equal rights not as “worthy”?

Your favorite Bible passages

I’m back from taking a week off, and we’ll be recording a podcast tonight, and I thought it might be fun to get you guys to submit your favorite Bible passages; the ones you think best convey just how ancient, out of touch and barbaric it really is!

(Update: Here are the results below)

Gordon

Now therefore kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known man by lying with him.
But all the women children, that have not known a man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves.

Matt

But before they lay down, the men of the city, even the men of Sodom, compassed the house round, both old and young, all the people from every quarter:
And they called unto Lot, and said unto him, Where are the men which came in to thee this night? bring them out unto us, that we may know them.
And Lot went out at the door unto them, and shut the door after him,
And said, I pray you, brethren, do not so wickedly.
Behold now, I have two daughters which have not known man; let me, I pray you, bring them out unto you, and do ye to them as is good in your eyes: only unto these men do nothing; for therefore came they under the shadow of my roof.

Deuteronomy 21:18-21 (KJV)

If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother, and that, when they have chastened him, will not hearken unto them:
Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his city, and unto the gate of his place;
And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton, and a drunkard.
And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die: so shalt thou put evil away from among you; and all Israel shall hear, and fear.

Rimon

Deuteronomy 25:11-19

“When men fight with one another, and the wife of one draws near to rescue her husband from the hand of him who is beating him, and puts out her hand and seizes him by the private parts, then you shall cut off her hand; your eye shall have no pity.”

Simon Campbell

Man asks God to send two bears to maul 42 children to death because they mocked his bald head. God delivers.

Roger

Tony Robbins

‘The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides with the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who in the name of charity and good will shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon those with great vengeance and with furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know that my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.’

Tom

Exodus 31:15

“Whosoever shall work in the Sabbath day, he shall surely be put to death”

Exodus 21:17

“And he that curseth his father, or his mother, shall surely be put to death”.

Leviticus 20:10

“And the man that committeth adultery with another man’s wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall be put to death”.

J. N. Hudson

Happy [shall he be], that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones.

Roxanne R

Malachai 2:3

Behold, I will corrupt your seed, and spread dung upon your faces, even the dung of your solemn feasts; and one shall take you away with it.

Tyson

Matthew 10: 34- 37

Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword. For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law. And a man’s foes shall be they of his own household. He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.

Caveman73

Baby dies in pointless ceremony

I don’t want to sound overly dramatic and suddenly declare Baptisms are unsafe, but when a baby drowns from this pointless ceremony, you have to wonder what kind of safety precautions people take when doing this, especially when it’s not the first time people drown from this nonsense.

The baby’s dad Dumitru Gaidau, 36, said: “We all saw it, the priest didn’t put his hand over the baby’s mouth to stop water going in as he should have done and as they do at every other baptism.

“We couldn’t believe it that he just put his hand over his belly and over the head and submerged him three times in the water.”
The baby’s godmother Aliona Vacarciuc, 32, said: “The baby was crying as he went into the water.

The worst part about this whole story is everyone around the priest knew things weren’t going as planned, but Father Valentin assured them he knew what he was doing…even while the baby was turning blue and gasping for air. Nice job, everybody! Sure, they arrested this worthless idiot, but I’m sure it’s small comfort for the grieving family.

Hey, here’s an idea; if some guy wearing a fancy dress tells you he’s specially ordained by an invisible man in the sky to dunk your newborn in water a bunch of times, why don’t you think twice about handing him over?

Praying in the wrong direction

Indonesian Muslims are being told to adjust their prayer antennae to improve transmissions to Mecca:

Indonesian Muslims have been praying in the wrong direction, the country’s highest Islamic authority has said.

The Indonesian Ulema Council told the country’s Muslim populace in March to turn west when they offered their daily prayers. Muslims are supposed to face the Kaaba, the religion’s most sacred site in the city of Mecca in Saudi Arabia.

At the time, the council said the direction of Kaaba from Indonesia laid to the west.

Turns out, it didn’t. Africa did.

So, on Friday, the council issued a new edict: face northwest.

“After the first fatwa (edict) a few months ago that stated that the praying direction is west, we have announced the correct direction for praying is indeed northwest, and we have issued a new fatwa (edict) to correct it,” said Ma’ruf Amin, the head of fatwa division in the Indonesian Ulema Council.

“This is important because facing west will mean that people were facing Africa when they pray,” he said.

I hear that Sango, the African God of Thunder, is just happy he’s not going to keep getting five calls a day from several million confused Indonesians.

Spaceology is the future!

Have you ever looked up at the sky,
seen all the lights and wondered why?
Well my friend, ponder no more,
Spaceology is what you’re looking for!

Faith Healers exploit the sick and ignorant

You can always count on religious scumbags to exploit the poor and sick, especially in countries like Kenya where an estimated 2 million people have AIDS. Yeah, you heard right: 2 fucking million people are slowly dying as their bodies are incapable of fighting of even the simplest infections. And with all those desperate family members who love them, it’s doubtful there isn’t a Kenyan out there who wouldn’t give anything for even the chance to heal their loved ones.

Christians are scary

If you don’t like the violent rhetoric of modern day Christians, then you don’t know the Bible, baby! He hasn’t called you to debate. If this guy had his way, everyone would be equipped with breastplates and swords, fighting the unbelievers. If the Bible had been written today, would that be replaced with bulletproof vests and holy grenades? Hey, thanks for being uncompromisingly insane, Rod Parsley. You remind us all of the violent nature of religion.

Snap out of your delusion, gay dude

Are you seriously going on camera, with that scarf, and think we’re going to be fooled into thinking you’ve successfully “turned straight”? The way I see it, you can either learn to deal with your love for pole and recognize the Bible is just a bunch of nonsensical fairy tales, or you can continue to be miserable and feel like a sinful piece of shit for the rest of your life. Which one sounds the most fun, honestly?

What kind of God would destroy His Styrofoam son?

The San Francisco Chronicle’s website has a hilarious column detailing 19 reasons why God allowed Touchdown Jesus to burn last week. Here’s some of my favorites:

6) The real Jesus of historical record, being a grizzled, husky, musky, dark-skinned Jew with short, curly black hair who rarely showered and smelled of goat droppings and dried sweat, and who had a thing for screaming random prophesies in the streets and talking about doom, fire and the unbearable hotness of Mary Magdalene, well, the real Jesus’ spirit has been quite displeased with being eternally depicted as a pale, soft-focus blond European hippie in bleached-out robes who likes to give lots of there-there-now hugs while watching professional sports. Basta.

10) Word has it the Hustler Hollywood sign sitting atop the adult bookstore across the street from the torched Touchdown Jesus was left unscathed, thus proving (once again) that God really does like porn. And irony. Or just needs a new contact lens prescription.

12) Really, who doesn’t like to watch fundamentalists scurry about in a baffled frenzy, unsure what it all might mean, vowing to rebuild the tacky roadside hellbeast in honor of, well, of not really understanding much about divinity, or art, or how nature works? Not God, that’s who.

13) Thor had had just about enough.

14) Correction: Zeus.

Pakistan authorities want Facebook founder’s head

You may not like some of the things Mark Zuckerberg has done to Facebook (especially their fucked up lack of privacy), but I doubt most of you are seriously considering hurting this dude. Then again, you aren’t the government of Pakistan, which seems intent on trying to prosecute the goofy CEO for his involvement in hosting the “Everybody Draw Muhammad Day” Facebook page.

It’s become pretty clear the West’s concept of free speech is in direct opposition to Islam’s powerful insecurities about itself. The whole point of the exercise was to show exactly how intolerant, stupid, and violent this religion is. So far, it’s succeeded brilliantly.

If you think I’m making this shit up, just check out Pakistan’s Section 295-C of their penal code:

Use of derogatory remark etc, in respect of the Holy Prophet, whoever by words, either spoken or written, or by visible representation, or by any imputation, innuendo, or insinuation, directly or indirectly, defiles the sacred name of the Holy Prophet Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him) shall be punished with death, or imprisonment for life, and shall also be liable for fine.

Wait, they kill you AND fine you for disparaging their prophet? Are they going to come and collect the money posthumously, or are you expected to pay for your own execution? That’s cold, man!

Touchdown Jesus hit by lightning, burns to the ground

It’s a miracle! The One True God has finally revealed himself to us, and has decided to show his complete disapproval of idolatry by burning the effigy of some 2000 year old Jewish hippie with his Zeus lightning. It’s clear from this random disaster that “He” would much prefer his proper form to be represented by a thin, partially charred stick figure. Truly his form is both magnificent and thankfully easy to draw!

Oh shit, apparently they’re rebuilding that Jesus monstrosity this summer. Do they not see the writing on the wall? If I believed that natural disasters were the result of an anthropomorphic deity’s anxieties, would it not be normal to conclude that perhaps remaking this gaudy eye-sore isn’t entirely wise? Hey, here’s an idea: make the next version fireproof!

People need alternatives to shitty religions

Ayaan Hirsi Ali has written a new book out called Nomad, which picks up where Infidel left off and covers Hirshi Ali’s move to the United States from Europe. She’s been on a book tour for the past few weeks, and I recently caught her on Real Time with Bill Maher and the Colbert Report. She didn’t get to say much on Real Time but she did mention something on Colbert about offering up more moderate religions as a cure for Islamic fundamentalism.

Obviously when you’re dealing with Stephen Colbert you don’t get many opportunities to explain ideas past their surface, but the above video goes into her argument again that many people are going to believe in a higher power regardless of what the evidence says, and it’s important to have options for these people that don’t skew heavily towards the psychopathic. She says Christianity is a good alternative because basically most Christians are pretty lax about their religion’s specifics and just believe in a nebulous lovey-dovey God / Jesus entity who just wants us to be good. I don’t know if I agree with that, but I figure after spending half your life getting subjugated and the other half terrorized by Islam, Christianity would indeed seem lightyears more moderate and less problematic.

Bed & breakfast uses God to discriminate against gays

Another day, another case where people are trying to use their religious beliefs as a legal shield for their bigotry:

The owners of a B.C. bed and breakfast will argue at a B.C. Human Rights Tribunal hearing in Kelowna on Wednesday that their right to freedom of religion permitted them to turn away a homosexual couple.

According to the complaint filed with the tribunal, the gay couple, Shaun Eadie and Brian Thomas, booked a room in June 2009 at the Riverbend Bed and Breakfast in Grand Forks. Owner Susan Molnar received the call and immediately told her husband and co-owner, Les Molnar, that the man making the booking had asked for just one bed, the complaint said. Moments later, Les Molnar called Eadie back and asked if he and Thomas were a gay couple. Eadie said they were. The complaint said that Molnar then cancelled the booking.

Eadie and Thomas later filed their complaint with the tribunal.

In an application to have the complaint dismissed, Les Molnar said “to allow a gay couple to share a bed in my Christian home would violate my Christian beliefs and would cause me and my wife great distress.” He said that to have allowed the booking would be “encouraging something which I believe to be wrong according to my religious beliefs and my understanding of scripture.”

The Molnars also argued in their response that their charter rights to freedom of religion and association protected their decision not to do business with the gay couple.

Just to prove America and the Middle East don’t corner the market on anti-gay sentiment, this story is from my country of Canada. And while we’re lucky enough to have a Human Rights commission that will deal with this issue properly, it doesn’t mean our citizenry is very enlightened … if you want to lose faith in humanity, the comments sections of articles like this are always great for that.