Author Archives: Jacob Fortin

Kenyan man sacrifices own son for God

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Probably one of the scariest and most disturbing stories in the Bible (yeah, I know it’s hard to find one which isn’t fucked up) is of Abraham and Isaac. Commanded by God to kill his son, Abraham ties up the boy and is about to plunge his dagger in his chest when he is stopped at the last minute by Metatron (that’s a real angel name) and instead sacrifices an innocent animal in his stead. It’s some dark shit, people.

This story is generally debated as to it’s relative allegorical meaning, but I don’t think you have to look too hard to figure out what’s going on here: it’s not uncommon for jealous and ancient Gods to demand human sacrifice to appease their “anger” . In modern, civilized society this kind of act is exceedingly rare, but thanks to the delusion of religion, every so often, religious nutjobs kill their own children thinking God commanded them to do so. The latest case of religious infanticide comes all the way from Kitale, Kenya, where a father, convinced God was speaking directly to him, killed his own son as a blood sacrifice. He then sprinkled his blood around the house in some ludicrous and macabre ceremony. Your “what-the-fuck-o-meter” should be going off right about now.

He’s being held in custody and the locals have asked the “Ingrafted Fellowship Church”, which he’s been a member of for less than a month, be investigated to see if they are a cult (newsflash guys: all religions are cults, although admittedly, some are crazier than others).

Another sad tale of woe and misery brought to you by the “power” of religion! Isn’t it grand?

Pedophile Nigerian senator justifies himself through Koran

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If you’re a Muslim and you find the idea of child brides offensive, how do you respond to Senator Yerima’s claim since Mohammed married a 9 year old (Aisha), this justifies his recent “marriage” to a 13 year old girl? Muslims believe their prophet led a blameless life, and if the Koran is really supposed to be a guide for how to live one’s life, then he isn’t wrong in his assertion. This is precisely the problem lawmakers in Nigeria are having; there exists a culture of pedophilia because devoted Muslims in the country see nothing wrong with this practice. If it was good enough for Mohammed, they figure it’s good enough for them, no matter how disgusting and despicable the rest of the civilized world feels about it. It’s another example of the evil shit that happens when morons follow the edicts of a 6th century madman.

Greensboro mayor adds prayer to council meetings

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It seems as though the concept of the separation of church and state, made abundantly clear by the Establishment Clause of the constitution, is still something some Christians just can’t seem to wrap their head around. The latest bonehead is Mayor Bill Knight of the city of Greensboro, North Carolina. If that city sounds a little familiar to you, it’s because only a few weeks ago, I had the pleasure of being invited by the UNCG Atheist/Agnostic/Skeptic group to give a lecture at their school. Imagine my surprise to find them in the news trying to push back against the inclusion of prayer during city council meetings.

As is typical with this kind of story, a lot of ignorant, right wing conservatives are “angry” secularists are trying to prevent this kind of activity (just read the comments in the article I linked if you want to pull your hair out). They naively think this is some kind of attempt to prevent them from praying to their sky-daddy. In truth, all we want is for government to get out of the business of telling people when to pray. This very separation is what allows religious folks to have the freedom to pursue their superstitious rituals without fear or reprisal. The Establishment Clause is specifically designed to prevent religion and government from becoming intertwined. Why is this so fucking hard for some people to understand? If you want to pray, do it on your own damn time, and leave the business of religion to the private lives of citizens. It has no business in government, period.

Scumbag priest wants to keep his job

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In 1975, when Father Brendan Smyth was accused of molesting two young boys, Cardinal Sean Brady was present when the victims were coerced into signing oaths of silence. All told, Smyth went on to have a “prolific” career as a child rapist, abusing an estimated 100 kids. He died of a heart attack in 1997, after serving only one month in jail for his crimes. His victims were able to have the title “Reverend” removed from his gravestone, but apart from that, justice was never truly served.

Now, Cardinal Brady, the man who claims he did not have the authority to turn Smyth in to police, has refused to step down from his position even with mounting pressure from the public due to the rash of abuse scandals plaguing the Catholic Church. He seems to be under the impression he did nothing wrong, and he desperately wants to “maintain the momentum towards better child safeguarding” (cause it’s been working out great so far, buddy).

If you can’t even dismiss a guy who did nothing to stop a known child molester, how exactly is the Catholic Church on their way to help “purge” the plight of sexual predators from among their midst? It’s quite obvious no one is really taking this issue seriously. Brady should be in jail for what he did (or more specifically, what he didn’t do), but he won’t even do something as basic as stepping down as Cardinal. What makes people believe this corrupt institution will do anything to prevent these kinds of tragedies from happening in the future?

Missionaries in Haiti get off with time served

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Remember a few months ago, when people still cared about the plight of Haiti (you know, before the world lost interest and turned their attention to something else), and a group of missionaries were facing charges of child kidnapping? Well, it looks like despite breaking the law, they’ve been sentenced to time served (which amounts to roughly 3 months and 8 days), and they’ve been released.

Despite strong evidence she knew the children she took all had at least one parent, and despite repeated warnings she received concerning the legality of what she was about to do, it seems as though the fact that she was motivated by religious charity has somehow absolved her and her group of this serious crime. Personally, I think they should have spent a lot more time in jail for it, but I’m sure the country just wants to move on and put this whole thing behind them (they are also probably still busy trying to rebuilt their shattered capital).

In a predictable fashion, Laura Silsby, the “brains” of the group praised God for the ruling. Was this the same God who commanded you to go down to a foreign country and kidnap children to whisk them away to “white people land” to save them from the evils of Haiti (who according to Pat Robertson made a pact with the devil)?

You have to wonder what kind of message the Haitian government sent with this weaksauce ruling. For a country which has a serious problem with children being kidnapped and sold into sexual slavery, this doesn’t make them look very strong on the issue of child endangerment. You also have to wonder: if the people who had done this weren’t religious missionaries, would the court have been so lenient?

Blaise Pascal gets schooled

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Now just because Blaise Pascal was a brilliant man, it certainly doesn’t mean he wasn’t occasionally staggeringly ignorant. Pascal’s Wager always struck me as the shallowest, and least convincing argument for belief that mysteriously continues to persist. He completely dismisses the countless religions out there a person could also choose to believe simply because of his own preference towards Christianity. Had he been honest, he would have had to admit there was an equal chance any single other belief system could be true rather than his own (or more likely, that they are all equally wrong). I like how this video also includes all the FUTURE religions which might pop up in the future in their rebuttal. Brilliant!

Isn’t it just easier to keep track of all this nonsense when you just stop believing in the supernatural world? Sure saves me the headache of trying to wager what religion I should be pretending to believe in (and why did Pascal think that was a good idea anyways?).

Top American in Vatican implicated in abuse scandal

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So let me get this straight: the Vatican’s top American cleric was exposed in an abuse scandal, and they punished the guy who ousted him by canning him? Yeah, there is not conspiracy to conceal and protect child rapists in the Catholic Church… In other news, up is down, and wet is dry!

Homeopathy gets spanked by British Medical Association

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It looks like science is finally pushing back hard against the pseudoscience that is homeopathy. The British Medical Association has come out publicly and stated it’s nothing more than “witchcraft”, and the National Health Service should cease to fund this quackery.

Homeopathy is witchcraft. It is a disgrace that nestling between the National Hospital for Neurology and Great Ormond Street [in London] there is a National Hospital for Homeopathy which is paid for by the NHS”.

Already strapped for cash, the NHS is looking for ways to trim the fat, and there’s no bigger dead weight than the ineffectual vials of water that pass as medicine. Of course, there’s always some idiot trying to argue even if homeopathy is no different than a placebo, the mental health of patients is vastly improved by its consumption. This, homeopaths argue, somehow justifies the public paying for it, even when no measurable effect has ever been demonstrated.

Homeopathy helps thousands of people who are not helped by conventional care. We don’t want it to be a substitute for mainstream care, but when people are thinking about making cuts to funding, I think they need to consider public satisfaction, and see that homeopathy has a place in medicine

“Public satisfaction” is not the way you measure the relative success of medical treatment. It either works or it doesn’t, and if it doesn’t, it has no business calling itself “medicine” in the first place. I’m sick and tired of the argument because helpless morons feel better after consuming sugar pills, that somehow “alternative medicine” is just as effective as conventional treatments (did I mention how ridiculously expensive nonsense can be?).

If you want to call yourself “medicine”, you have to pass the rigors of the scientific method, and since homeopathy has utterly failed every single attempt to show a demonstrable effect, it should be tossed aside like so many of its quack predecessors, like phrenology, iridology, and crystal healing. Would any other of these failed treatments be considered effective if people claimed it helped them?

Pope calls Gay Marriage “Insidious and Dangerous”

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In an attempt to try and divert attention away from the fact he knowingly conspired to protect child rapists from prosecution, Pope Benedict XVI called out abortion and same sex marriage as being “insidious and dangerous”, two adjectives which actually effectively describe his OWN organization (but of course that’s a different rant altogether).

He came close to admitting some sort of culpability for the actions of the church (admitting to “sins within the church), but he was smart enough not to be specific about what that entailed exactly. Actually, Ratzinger, there was more than just “sinning” going on; child rape is actually a crime, which is why the rest of the world who doesn’t buy into your bullshit religion is so angry at you. If you were the CEO of any other institution, you’d be on the receiving end of a beating in a “pound me in the ass” style prison. But because millions of delusional idiots think you’re God’s special little avatar, the rest of the world is reluctant to do what’s right.

I’m looking forward to the day when needlessly blaming gays for society’s problems will be correctly seen as blatantly bigoted and wrong. Until then, these cross-dressing, reality denying fuck-faces will continue to fill our airwaves and newspapers with their evil rhetoric. Isn’t life grand?

GOP candidate attacks opponent for believing in evolution

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What’s wrong with this particular story: a GOP candidate gets “accused” of supporting the teaching of evolution in classrooms, and of saying the Bible is not the infallible word of God, and his reaction to the ad is to re-affirm his commitment to the idea the Earth is only 6000 years old.

As a Christian and as a public servant, I have never wavered in my belief that this world and everything in it is a masterpiece created by the hands of God. As a member of the Alabama Board of Education, the record clearly shows that I fought to ensure the teaching of creationism in our school text books. Those who attack me have distorted, twisted and misrepresented my comments and are spewing utter lies to the people of this state.

This fucking moron is actually proud he’s fought to ensure students in Alabama will be grossly under-prepared for the realities of the world outside their precious religious bubble. Now I know what you’re thinking: that Alabama is full of chicken-fuckers who don’t know their ass from their elbows, but you’ve got to figure there are at least a few reasonable people who object to the fact the biggest controversy in this Governor race is whether or not a candidate blindly follows his Christian teachings. Please tell me there are, otherwise I’m going to have to start drinking heavily…

Ted Haggard is back in the preaching business

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I feel sorry for Ted Haggard. After being exposed as a crystal meth smokin’ closeted homo, the church he helped build forced him out of the state, and totally disowned him. With his friends and support network having abandoned him, he’s spent the last few years trying to figure out what to do with his life. Turns out being a preacher doesn’t give you a lot of marketable skills, so he’s gone back to his bread and butter, opening a small church in his home he calls “St. James” (a nod to a Book of James passage that says “faith without works is dead”).

Rather than accept the fact he’s hungry for rock hard man cock, he’s come back to the religious fold to continue preaching a gospel that quite clearly states that these feelings are an abomination. It reminds me how people can often create their own private kind of Hell by refusing to accept reality. If Haggard is deluded enough to think this is the life he wants, he’s forgotten his constant craving for man-sausage will cause him an unbelievable amount of internal conflict and pain.

Why don’t you stop living a fucking lie and just succumb to your biological urge to have sex with other men? There’s really nothing wrong with it; the only reason you feel this way is because of a primitive book that was written long ago by a bunch of primitive, ignorant sheep fuckers who thought the earth was flat and diseases were caused by demons. Do you really want to base your life on their bullshit “insights”?

Religion makes old fart act like a child

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Is it just me or does this guy look like he took a couple “poppers” before heading off to his tiny hole-in-the-wall church? How is this any different than a 4 year old child having a little freak-out with their imaginary friend? You need to stop giving this guy sugar in the morning!

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Lars Vilks attacked by Muslims at free speech lecture

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Dear Islam,

We’re sick and tired of your shit. Your followers can’t seem to get it through their primitive, 7th century minds the freedom to speak our minds (no matter how offensive it may be) is one of our most treasured rights. It permits anyone to denigrate your precious religion and its prophet if they feel the desire to do so. We don’t care if you believe blasphemy is a crime punishable by death: you are not in charge here, and the government and its citizens have no obligation to protect you from having your little feelings hurt.

If you think it’s acceptable to use violence as a way of silencing dissension, then the real possibility exists you simply won’t be allowed to participate in this little experiment we call “freedom” anymore. If you want to live in a world where even the slightest mention of Mohammed in a less than flattering light results in a vicious beating or even execution, you are more than welcome to immigrate to a country where this barbarism is acceptable. I might suggest Saudi Arabia; I hear they love to punish infidels there.

Your religion, like all the others, is a slow cancer on the human race. You pretend you are a religion of peace, but I find no great charity in your incessant need to harm anyone who hurts your fragile ego. Your imams are experts in nonsense, as are all other religious figures. If the best you can muster when someone is being attacked for making a few drawings of Mohammed is “Allah Akbar”, then you seriously have nothing good to contribute to this world. The only thing that saddens me about your pathetic excuse for a religion is you’ll never get the opportunity to realize your ignorant beliefs are all bullshit.

Sarah Palin makes my head hurt

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By now I’m sure you’ve seen this video, or at the very least heard others talk about the fact Sarah Palin seems to think the Bible (and in particular the 10 commandments) is an excellent resource for the crafting of modern laws. It’s what her religious zombies want her to say, even though there isn’t one person alive who can tell you exactly HOW you’re supposed to use this ancient, primitive text to prescribe laws in this complex and modern world. What are you supposed to do about issues of slavery, genocide, infanticide, murder, and animal sacrifices, all of which are condoned in this supposed “holy” text.

So which Commandment does Sarah Palin want laws made from? Would she try and make adultery a crime? Presumably you’d probably need to jail close to half of the adult male population if extra-marital sex was suddenly against the law. What about a law against making false idols, or working on a Sunday? Are you doubly screwed if you worked one weekend at a chocolate bunny factory? These “crimes”  are all punishable by death; does that mean we would need to issue the death penalty for single mothers who need to work 7 days a week to provide food for their families? The “big guy” also doesn’t seem very enthusiastic about the whole “coveting your neighbor’s ass” thing also, so I wonder how a modern capitalist society is going to enforce that one…

Luckily, all of these questions can be answered by turning to the Bible for guidance in this matter. Let us turn to First Timothy, chapter 2 verse 11:

A woman must quietly receive instruction with entire submissiveness. But I do not allow a woman to teach or exercise authority over a man, but to remain quiet

Phew, and here I thought we’d have to keep listening to this crazy bitch!