Author Archives: Jacob Fortin

Left Behind video game aims for major console market

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In Daniel Radosh’s funny and memorable book Rapture Ready, the author talks extensively about Christian literature and the willingness of evangelicals to buy their specialty products, no matter how shoddy or terrible they are. Hilariously enough, retailers who cater to Christian pop culture seem to be fully aware of just how tacky and terrible their own products are, so much so they refer to the vast majority of their merchandise as “Jesus Junk”.

On the list of terrible Jesus Junk is the “Left Behind” series: the most successful yet terrible novels to ever grace this green earth. Even reading it out of curiosity is not recommended, although there are quite a few sites that can help you gain a little perspective if you’re fortunate enough never to have read these awful books.

It turns out the success of the series prompted all kinds of ancillary products bearing the Left Behind moniker. Four years ago, the PC world was treated to the video game adaptation of the novel, a steaming pile of bugs and glitches allowing players to help convert unbelievers, thus saving their souls. Some notable “enemies” the player must face are secular college students armed with deadly logic, and rock musicians with saucy lyrics. Now, because evangelical pop culture takes care of their own, the game actually did surprisingly well considering how awful it was, and now the company responsible for this monstrosity wants to make the game available on the console markets. Yep, in a few months you might be able to enjoy saving souls on your very own Xbox 360!

The thought of it sends shivers down my spine.

Dictionary banned in elementary school

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Hey parents, may I ask you something? Do you ever fear that the degree to which you wish to protect your children from any kind of harm makes you absolutely batshit insane sometimes? The rest of us childless folks have to wonder what kind of effect having offspring has on your brain, because your behavior can often be described as utterly mental. Take this story involving parents banning the 6th edition of the Merriam-Webster dictionary at Southern California elementary school because it has a definition for “oral sex”.

The disappointing thing here is it took just one parent to complain before the school board freaked out, and you just know it was the parents of the kid who just needed to know what oral sex was. So rather than have to deal honestly with the question, their response was to have the dictionary banned. Now I realize the idiotic things parents do is usually motivated by the love they have for their children, but it doesn’t absolve them from insanity. Can you all chill the fuck out and relax already? Anyone with kids who thinks banning a dictionary will somehow prevent them from learning about the world outside the boundaries they’ve delineated is both naïve and stupid. Can you all stop banning or burning books you think will “warp” their minds? I assure you the only thing you achieve is looking both insane and out of touch with reality.

If you lie or trick your kids about stupid shit (like sex education), how will they ever believe you about stuff that really matters?

Superbowl to air anti-abortion ad starring Tim Tebow

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I hate football. I know that’s not a popular opinion to have, especially when about 70% of my visitors are Americans, but considering the average 3 hour game only has a total of about 11 minutes of actual play time, I find it both incredibly dull and utterly pointless. I can’t, however, deny there is something about the way it’s put together. They’ve even managed to make showing commercials something people look forward to (which in an average game accounts for 60 minutes of ads; no wonder it’s “America’s sport”), although CBS’s recent decision to air an anti-abortion commercial starring Florida quarterback Tim Tebow and his mother Pam may change that.

Focus on the Family, the nutjob institution that thinks gays are trying to ruin “traditional marriage”, is going to air the pair in a 30 second advert. You see, back in 1987, Pam Tebow became pregnant, but severe complications threatened both her life and that of the baby, so doctors recommended she terminate the pregnancy. She refused, and later fell into a coma for a while; the pregnancy was so hard she was completely bedridden almost the entire time. She decided to take a huge risk and keep the child, and that baby was Florida quarterback Tim Tebow. Now, you can imagine how they want to spin this fucking yarn.

Of course, the fact both Pam and Tim survived and are both healthy is a bit of a rarity, and it definitely sends the wrong message concerning the real risks some women face during difficult pregnancies. The fact that they are both alive is a testament to the power of medical science, not God. I doubt very much that the ad will put much focus on just how serious her medical problems were in the 30 seconds they have to play with. Besides, it’s like trying to prove smoking isn’t harmful by finding a 90 year old who smokes three packs a day. Yes, We EXPECT there will always be a few exceptions out there, but flaunting them is both dishonest and dangerous (read a great summary of the arguments here).

CBS used to have a policy of neutrality when it came to advertising during the Super Bowl, but inexplicably they’ve decided to break this rule. Are they going to leave out the fact Pam had the OPTION not to terminate her pregnancy? I don’t know what the ad will say, but people should be aware Focus on the Family’s real agenda is to make ALL abortions illegal, regardless of the consequences to the mother. When is America finally going to stand by the idea of freedom of choice when it comes to abortion? The fact this is still an issue is an embarrassment to a country that prides itself on being free.

Scientologists arrive in Haiti

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Looks like John Travolta is a man of his word; a few days ago he spoke about flying a bunch of his weirdos in yellow shirts to this devastated country, and a news report has surfaced stating a “private donor” has sent 80 volunteers (along with 50 real doctors) down there.

The problem right now is the huge influx of volunteers in the country has actually slowed down aid relief. Some are just showing up without a plan, and simply end up having to leech off aid that would otherwise be going to Haitians. They need money, not volunteers (especially not the proselytizing kind).

Right now the only thing they’ve done is gone around “touching” people, claiming this has healing properties. This bullshit practice is so ludicrously stupid, I’ll have to let one of their zombies describe it for me:

“We’re trained as volunteer ministers, we use a process called ‘assist’ to follow the nervous system to reconnect the main points, to bring back communication,” she said.

“When you get a sudden shock to a part of your body the energy gets stuck, so we re-establish communication within the body by touching people through their clothes, and asking people to feel the touch.”

You know, Haiti is one of the poorest countries in the world; the last thing they need is a “religion” that charges exorbitant amount of monies to become “clear” of thetans. The 400,000 it costs to send these clowns there could have been better spent on food and water, honestly. When are people going to learn that sometimes, the best way to help is to get the fuck out of the way?

British military bans useless “bomb detectors”

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If you’re not a regular visitor to randi.org (that’s famous skeptic James Randi’s website), you might not know about their fight against dangerous quackery; more specifically, their attempts to expose bogus “bomb detectors” that are nothing more than dowsing devices. The device in question, called the ADE-651, has no electronic components to speak of and has a rather unimpressive looking antenna on it. This didn’t stop the Iraqi military from dishing out a massive $85m dollars on the piece of junk. If you’re wondering how they could spend such an exorbitant amount of cash on a handle with a TV antenna on it, it’s because each device costs about $40,000.

I can’t imagine how many people have died as a result of using this expensive piece of shit. Not only does it fare worse than random chance at detecting anything (the only thing I would venture to say it detects is complete gullibility), it’s based entirely on dowsing “principles”. You might remember dowsers as the old fogies who run around with a stick thinking it leads to water that you used to point at and laugh as a child. Well, laugh no more, as its use has put hundreds and thousands of peoples lives at risk. There’s no telling what kind of damage this thing has done, or how many deaths can literally be attributed to it.

The CEO of ATSC who produces the ADE 651 was recently arrested on suspicion of fraud, but he continues to defend his product, claiming the only reason people don’t like it is it looks crude:

Mr McCormick told The Times that his device was being criticised because of its crude appearance.
He added: “We have been dealing with doubters for ten years. One of the problems we have is that the machine does look a little primitive. We are working on a new model that has flashing lights.”

Is this fucking guy for real? No, we don’t need flashing lights on your piece of junk; we need you to give all the money back, followed immediately by your long incarceration, where I hope you’ll be beaten senseless on an almost daily basis for the terrible pain you’ve inflicted.

Vanity Fair reviews the Creation “Museum”

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About 3 years late, the people over at Vanity Fair decided it was time to visit this mausoleum of ignorance, a testament to the strong desire of the faithfully ignorant to have their beliefs strengthened by any means necessary. The pictures in the article, strangely enough, were taken by actor Paul Bettany, the atheist actor who portrayed Charles Darwin in the movie “Creation”. Watching it is on my to-do list, but finding a copy hasn’t exactly been easy, thanks largely to the fact it struggled mightily to find a distributor. That, of course, is it’s own story.

The article in question provides a good overview for those of us disinclined to give Ken Ham and his ilk our hard earned money. He’s not pulling any punches here; he considers the “museum” to be complete and utter cheese. To the author, this gigantic effort to marry the literal interpretation of the Bible into a messy and childish science seems utter insanity, but it may be because he has so little experience actually interacting with these people. If he did, he wouldn’t be so confused; rather he would be horrified with what Ham and Answers in Genesis are doing to young minds curious about ancient things like dinosaurs. The Museum is nothing more than a poisonous mix of ignorance and supreme arrogance; in thinking myth should be translated into reality, they may appeal to their sheep-like and uneducated base, but for the rest of the world they remain a 27 million dollar embarrassment to America.

Anyways, it’s an entertaining read, and if you have some time to kill I strongly urge you to check it out!

Trijicon to remove Bible codes from “Jesus Rifles”

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It’s nice to know the American military hasn’t completely lost their minds; they’ve  successfully pressured the morons at Trijicon into removing Biblical references on their scopes. I guess the whole “Jesus Rifles” moniker actually caught on, and there was no doubt to everyone with half a brain that this kind of practice would be putting soldier’s lives at risk for no good reason.

Now you just need to remove references of a creator from your fucking money already. Remind me why that’s kosher again?

Steve Doocy thinks “Muslims started it”

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So let me get this straight, Doocy; you’re no longer claiming the rifles are merely a private company putting innocent Bible codes on rifle scopes, but rather arguing “Muslims started it”? Yet another reason why religious pandering nutbags at FOX News need to stop yapping on about issues they have no clear understanding of. Do they think this argument will dissuade fundamentalist sympathizers who are arguing this is a religious war? Shut your fucking mouth already, idiot!

Prayer device scares the crap out of airline passengers

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I have to admit I got a bit of laugh over this bit of news. Apparently, flight 3079 out of LaGuardia was diverted to Philadelphia after security personnel mistook a Jewish prayer device, called a Tefillin, for some kind of home made bomb. A Tefillin is a set of small leather boxes painted black which contains passages from the Torah, and the leather strap is supposed to go around various parts of your body. It’s another weird and pointless tradition that is supposed to symbolize something important, but ends up merely looking weird and pointless; it’s just crappy sheep leather and bits of fucking paper.

It probably didn’t help that the 17 year old was also praying fairly loudly; people tend to freak out when they see a weird device being strapped on someone’s body by someone praying nervously. I don’t really blame airport security or the FBI for their lack of familiarity with Jewish traditions: with all the crazy shit religionists consider sacred and divine, it’s hard to keep track of it sometimes. The one thing I love from this story is it just goes to show people really aren’t afraid of atheists like you and me. When push comes to shove, it’s the individuals with strong religious convictions that scare the shit out of us, and for good reasons; they’re usually the ones blowing shit up in the name of their imaginary friends, not us.

Adam Carolla on religion and atheism

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Here we have comedian Adam Carolla on why he’s an atheist. Listening to this guy, I’m actually somewhat reminded of my own podcast (hopefully he won’t do this too often, or else I’m out of a job!)

Who needs food and medicine when you have “The Proclaimer”?

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Haiti is still suffering  from the aftermath of a devastating earthquake, and by all reports, there still isn’t enough food, water, and medicine to go around. Luckily, an organization called “Faith Comes By Hearing” has a solution for these desperate people; they are sending them 600 audio Bibles. The Proclaimer, as it’s called, is a solar powered / crank operated device that can blast out 15 hours of the New Testament for everyone to hear.

Peoples’ houses are crumbled, their families are shattered and they are living in ruins. Haitians will need that long-term hope and comfort that comes from knowing God has not forgotten them through this tragedy,” said Wilke

If you feel sick to your stomach from the fact that this organization is effectively using this tragedy to proselytize their stupid religion, you aren’t the only one. Aid delivery is by all accounts painfully slow, so these morons are taking up people’s valuable time delivering radios to people who need blankets, food and medicine rather than “the good word”.

There will be plenty of time for them to try and convince a population devastated by continual earthquakes that an invisible deity did this for some fucking reason (“He” works in some pretty mysterious ways, don’t you know), but now is not the fucking time. Stay the hell out of the way and let organizations that are actually helping people do their jobs properly. If you still think they need your stupid radios, this quote might help you gain some perspective on the situation down there:

“We were forced to buy a saw in the market to continue amputations,” the group’s Loris de Filippi told the Reuters news agency in Cite Soleil.

Does your fucking radio play loud enough to drown out the sound of screaming?

Which one is worse?

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The ironically named “Truth Ministry” is a homophobic organization which focuses on trying to brainwash homosexuals into thinking their sexual identities are an abomination. They claim they aren’t trying to tell anyone else how to live, and only offer an “alternative” for any gays and lesbians that hope to live a gigantic lie. A few months ago they were the “victims” of a prank, with someone photoshopping one of their billboards and posting it on a number of blogs and forums. It was such a hit the ministry actually had to post about it on their site to debunk it. The whole purpose behind the prank was to make fun of their idea of “changing” people from their obvious natural state into something they are not. Their response, as is typical with these kinds of delusional bigots, does a great job at showing just how tolerant and level headed they are:

Just as the ad said–if you “don’t want to be”–if you want help, great. If you don’t want help, then our ministry is not for you. We are not here to slam those that are happy being gay. Now, many feel that we are filled with hate saying that there is hope for change. I would say that scripture says otherwise in 1 Cor. 6:11–”and that is what some of you were, but you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified, in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.” If you or others have a problem with scripture, then your or their issue is not with Truth Ministry but with God.

So far you haven’t said anything to dispel the idea you’re full of hate, guys. In fact, you’ve painted every single religious person into a corner; you’re either with Truth Ministry, or you’re against God. Don’t you just love the way crazy people can justify any kind of hatred and bigotry by simply finding an appropriate passage in the Bible?

 

(Update: The website is abandoned and now for sale, so there is some hope in the world.)

More religious scumbags think Haiti is full of evil

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It’s not enough religious wackos like Pat Robertson claim Haiti is suffering because the country made a pact with the devil; now other morons are coming out and saying similarly insensitive and terrible shit. The latest scumbag is Dr. Wesley Stafford, who had this to say:

Haiti … has been a disaster in almost every way long before this ever struck. And it is a nation, between you and me, I guess, that Satan has had absolutely free reign in that nation. And while the missionary effort and the church effort has been enormous, this is a nation that you can literally feel the evil in it. But then as the church lives out its faith, having come through this deep, deep valley, my great prayer is that there will be a great wave of healing and change in the nation of Haiti … that could only come about through an interruption like this and only happen through the glory of God.

Here’s the thing: Stafford’s organization is apparently on the up and up (receiving a high rating by an independent charity watchdog), and beyond teaching kids their idiotic beliefs, they seem to do good work. That doesn’t mean, however, he can say such hateful shit without consequence. He’s blaming Haitians for being so poor, suggesting the reason that country lost 200,000 people in a tragic natural disaster is because God is punishing them in some way.

This is what I detest about American Christians; they equate prosperity as God’s way of rewarding good people. They can’t seem to fathom that there may be far more complicated geopolitical reasons for poverty; mainly, their own country supported terrible dictatorships that only exacerbated the poverty and desperation of Haiti. Sure, his organization helps desperate people in the third world, but this could also be done without his smug hubris that these same impoverished nations are cursed by his sky deity for not “following the Lord’s words properly”. I feel embarrassed for the human race when such ignorance is so rampant.

Dr. Jeffrey Long thinks his book proves afterlife

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Dr. Jeffrey Long is a doctor who helps terminal cancer patients deal with their illness. He’s been fascinated with Near Death Experiences for a long time, and he’s recently written a book about them called Evidence of the Afterlife: The Science of Near-Death Experiences. He has interviewed thousands of people, and because of the remarkable similarity of their experiences, he’s concluded it must be proof there is an afterlife. I think it just proves he’s a fucking idiot.

Dr. Long has obviously decided to abandon his objectivity, and I find his use of the word “Science” in his title extremely misleading. When you do science, you have to explain how even your own theories might be disproved; in his case, all that is necessary is evidence that the reason we experience similar effects during death is because of the way the brain reacts when it dies.

The effects of NDEs have been recorded for a long time, and most serious scientists compare them with what we experience during lucid dreaming (this is where people are aware they are dreaming, but still have very realistic experiences). Dr. Long is either unaware of these studies, or has already concluded that the only viable explanation must be there is a supernatural world that people escape to during death. It’s a pretty weak conclusion, and it’s obviously not very scientific. Perhaps he’s never heard of Occam’s Razor; is it more logical to assume people’s brains are freaking out and releasing a potent cocktail of chemicals to calm them down, or that a spiritual world beyond our comprehension exists so our minds can live forever in some fantasy land paradise? I feel fucking stupid just proposing the latter, and so should he.

He claims he’s a better physician now that he’s written this book. I would disagree, since he now foolishly believes he has enough proof to tell his patients they don’t need to feel frightened about death since they will live forever in a magical playland created by a loving sky daddy. Maybe not everyone feels it’s very healthy to endorse obvious wishful thinking. Sounds to me like he’s actually gotten worse.

Desperate Haitians need e-meters, stat!

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I complain about Christian charity organizations all the time, but since most of the population in Haiti actually believes in the same religion (with a few added voodoo rituals), I’m not really worried about their incessant need to proselytize. What I AM concerned about, however, is John Travolta and his merry band of Scientologists making a surprise flight to the devastated country. I guess Haiti is in desperate need of e-meters or something, and the yellow shirted weirdos will be going around giving vitamins and “touch assists” to people in need.

Why don’t you stay out of everyone’s way John? The last thing they need is another religious organization trying to peddle their ridiculous beliefs; they need water, food, and most importantly, money. Instead of spending all that dough to send your thetan peddling zombies to the country, why don’t you write the Red Cross a big fat check and stay the fuck out of Dodge. Of course, I’m forgetting the possibility that perhaps his plane might crash into the Ocean on the way there…a man can dream, can’t he?