Author Archives: Jacob Fortin

Bahamas divided over Sexual Offenses Act

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You have to wonder what century we’re living in sometimes. The Bahamas is currently a hotbed of controversy as men and women are passionately debating about the amendment of a Bill intended to protect women against marital rape. It seems some don’t believe rape is ever possible once the couple is actually married, and you can guess what ‘historical’ document they are using to prove their claim: yep, it’s the Bible!

The craziest thing about this debate is how many women actually oppose the Bill.

“I disagree with the bill because I disagree that a man can rape his wife. The Bible tells me that a man’s body is his wife’s and her body is his. How could he rape her?”

“If a man wants to have sex with his wife he is supposed to [have sex with her] regardless of what the circumstances [are]. I don’t see why he should be charged with raping his own wife, she is never supposed to say no”

“If I were married and my husband wanted to have sex with me I wouldn’t stop him, [because] I’m not supposed to, even if I was tired or feeling sick, I wouldn’t tell him no”

Ladies, if you don’t think that a husband can ever rape you, then why would this Bill affect you in any way? Since you obviously feel that you are his property, the law doesn’t apply to you. It’s supposed to be used by people who actually don’t like the idea of being forced into sex. I know it’s weird, but not every woman out there feels it’s kosher to be held down and forced into intercourse. Crazy, huh?

Wait, Christians need proof of their religion now?

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You know the word “faith” that religious people keep throwing in your face every time their arguments for the existence of God falls flat? They use the word so often it’s lost almost all meaning. It’s really just a cop out; a word that allows them to avoid having to answer difficult questions.

Whether or not Christians admit it, their beliefs are more than just faith; they are convinced the evidence for the divinity of Jesus is overwhelming, and the Bible is a literal account of the history of the Earth. It’s why people can release these kinds of books and sell thousands of copies to anyone desperate enough to try and reconcile science with religion (a very futile effort).

The Proof that God Exists and the Bible is True doesn’t sound like a book that places much emphasis on faith. Its purpose is to “arm” Christians with enough false or misleading science so they can convince themselves they have examined all the evidence for their belief. It just goes to show that simply having “faith” is not enough. All humans need proof of something, whether they admit it or not. Here’s the pitch for this book:

Scientific proof of a young universe and a young Earth (as the Bible says)

How all proven supernatural occurrences (that is, where the laws of nature are broken) that have been verified by a number of scientists are tied to Christianity, and there are no proven ones outside of Christianity.

Wow. Just wow.

Rabbit Jesus!

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I actually think I prefer this version of the story to the Christian gospel (it also involves chocolate, which is awesome). It finally made me understand why all my old pets are burning in hell. I should have told them about Rabbit Jesus!

Hitchens laments the appeasement of fundamentalists

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Here’s an article from Christopher Hitchens on Yale University Press and their decision to censor their own book out of fear of Islamic violence.

Yale University Press announced last week that it would go ahead with the publication of the book, but it would remove from it the 12 caricatures that originated the controversy. Not content with this, it is also removing other historic illustrations of the likeness of the Prophet, including one by Gustave Doré of the passage in Dante’s Inferno that shows Mohammed being disemboweled in hell. (These same Dantean stanzas have also been depicted by William Blake, Sandro Botticelli, Salvador Dalí, and Auguste Rodin, so there’s a lot of artistic censorship in our future if this sort of thing is allowed to set a precedent.)

More pandering to religious extremism. When are we going to stop being so gutless when it comes to [updated] threats of violence for expressing our freedom of speech?

Don’t rush to conclusions

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I received a message to check out a story floating around the blogosphere about a huge wedding involving hundreds of child brides in Gaza (I thought it a bit weird that the mainstream media had missed that big story). Naturally I wanted to know more, but as I dug a little deeper, I realized the real story was the deep distrust of Muslims in general, and powerful Islamophobia that exists on the web.

OK, maybe I’m partly to blame here; after all, I’m not exactly the biggest fan of the religion. I consider Mohammed a morally reprehensible character, but then again I think the same thing of Moses, David, Noah and all the men of old world religions. These guys are normally genocidal maniacs interested only in their own flock, content to murder the world to make their ideologies the only truth. But Mohammed’s 9 year old wife Aisha is not something you can ignore very easily, and child brides are not isolated incidents.

Still, the “webs” had a gigantic freak out, with rumors of hundreds of little girls being wed simultaneously floating around, all from a bunch of pictures that seem, at least in hindsight, to be fairly innocent (although the moms need to go a little easy on the damn makeup). Everyone is so ready to jump on the hate bandwagon that any amount of impropriety invariably leads people to assume the very worst. There was a wedding and little girls were there? They must have been all sex slaves I tell you!

Can we all calm down and take the time to check our facts people? And this is “The Good Atheist” talking here; I don’t exactly have the most stellar reputation when it comes to fact checking (hey, you try recording funny podcasts without going out on a few limbs), but even I can smell a rat that big. Let’s not look like total bigots, shall we?

Can you make it through the whole song?

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Your challenge for today is to make it through the whole song here without losing your sanity. If I did it, so can you. For those of you who are gluttons for punishment, you can go visit Billy Wayne here.

I think the most interesting line in this terrible song is this: “He sent his only son to bear my shame”. I really have to wonder what shame he’s talking about. Is it possible this former Broadway actor has some kind of deep, dark (and possibly sexy) secret, and only Jesus can admonish him for such a shameful sin? I wonder what it could be…

Catholic League Freaks out over Penn and Teller

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I love listening to this guy. In case you haven’t heard of Bill Donohue, he’s the president of the Catholic League; an organization devoted to trying to get everyone to stop being mean to Catholics. Bill’s not a big fan of Penn and Teller (especially after getting totally ass-raped during the show they did on Mother Tereasa), and he’s now freaking out about their season finale.

It sounds like P&T made their last show about the Vatican, and I can guarantee there is a scene involving a Darth Vader uniform and a gigantic dildo light saber (that’s all I know as of now). Sounds like a pretty kick ass show, but old Bill is having none of it:

Just recently, Jillette took after me again in his usual foul way. That doesn’t matter, but what matters greatly is his pathological obsession with bashing Catholics and their religion. There is no legitimate place for this kind of frontal assault on any demographic group.

CBS/Showtime needs to send Penn & Teller a message and let them know that they have crossed the line for the last time. This should be their final season. We know that they’ve been told before to drop the Catholic bashing, and yet they persist. By doing so, Penn & Teller have effectively stuck their middle finger right in the eye of CBS.

Well, I think exercising your right to free speech is a lot less frightening than burning people alive for witchcraft, don’t you think? Oh, and if you don’t think that’s something Christians do anymore, you might want to take a trip to Africa. And by that, I mean stay the fuck away from there!

More nonsense in Texas

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In case you were wondering, the answer is yes, Texas is now the craziest state in America. It seems like every day Texans are pushing back on separation of church and state, and now that they are requiring schools to teach the Bible, I have to wonder when they are going to officially declare themselves a theocracy.

It’s your typical reactionary response to modernism. Parents believe their children are immoral and corrupt because they refuse to read or follow the Bible (which is probably a good thing), and so they foolishly believe creating mandatory courses on the “Good Book” will fix everything.

I have to wonder what kind of shit storm this is going to create. The founding fathers specifically called for the Establishment Clause in the Constitution to avoid this kind of pandering to religion; as soon as one becomes the “official” religion of the state, the whole democratic process is threatened. The problem is these Christians are so busy trying to force their religion down everyone’s throat they are forgetting why this separation is so important. As a Christian how they would feel if their children were forced to study and learn the Koran, or the Upanishads?

Ken Ham thinks he knows something

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If you’re not familiar with Ken Ham, then you are officially a fly by night atheist. How could you not know about this crazy Aussie? He’s the man behind the Creation Museum, perhaps the largest and most expensive temple to ignorance ever created. With a 27 million dollar budget, and over half a million visitors since it opened in 2007, the Creation Museum is a snapshot in time, a reminder the human race still has a long way to go before being able to officially call itself “enlightened”.

Ken commissioned a study recently. Turns out young evangelicals are abandoning their faith in droves, and Ken thinks he knows why. He believes Christians are allowing secular values to poison the minds of children, and the only solution is a literal interpretation of the Bible. If kids are rigidly taught the Earth is only 6000 years old, then they are less likely to be negatively influenced by pesky things like science and logic.

Ironically, I think the reasons so many evangelicals are leaving their faith is actually BECAUSE of all the deception on the part of evangelical ministers. Once young adults realize they have been lied to and deceived, why would they stick around? The truth is, Ken, with today’s modern technology people are becoming more and more informed, and it’s almost impossible to keep kids ignorant. Don’t you think they’ll be bitter when they realize your creationist “science” is a bunch of bullshit nonsense?

Thanks for the study though, Ken. You confirmed something I’ve always believed; that evangelism is on it’s way down. The future looks bright, Ken; just not for you and your ilk.

Woman dies after botched waterboard exorcism

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You hear this kind of news all the time; an independent or strong willed woman is deemed to be possessed, and an exorcism ceremony is performed, usually resulting in tragedy. Here is such a tragic tale, this time coming out of New Zealand. Five people were arrested and found guilty of the manslaughter of Janet Moses, but not one of these people will be facing any jail time. They were given 300 hours of community service (what, so they can do more fucking waterboarding?), and are being supervised for the next 12 months.

The accused are all Maori, the indigenous natives of Polynesian descent who first settled in New Zealand. According to their religious traditions, the existence of demons and witchcraft is thought to be real. They were convinced that the victim, Ms Janet Moses, was possessed by a whanau (demon), and that she had a makutu (curse) after stealing a statue from a local hotel. The five exorcists decided to pour water down her nose and mouth in an effort to banish it. She drowned as a result.

I can’t imagine anyone else getting off with such a light sentence for such a crime. The judge must have felt that since their intent was not to harm the woman but rather to “cure” her, this extenuating circumstance merited such an anemic sentence. Personally, I wish the judge had thrown the book at them. We don’t need more uneducated and superstitious idiots running around exorcising people against their will. We also don’t need these same morons getting a slap on the wrist for killing a fellow human being.

Let the man kill his goats in peace!

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In America you hear a lot of talk about why religious freedoms are important, and people should have a right to practice their faith as they see fit. Usually when someone says this, it’s their particular rights that are being infringed, often by other religious folks who find certain cultures and practices to be both alien and disturbing. Here is an interesting article about a Texas man named Jose Merced who believes in a very unpopular religion called Santeria, and his rituals includes the live slaughter of goats, turtles, lambs and birds (dozens of them at once) in his home. The whole thing is a bloody mess, although it seems like this guy at least eats everything he kills (so there’s not too much waste).

It appears his Texan neighbors aren’t too happy with his slaughterfest, and the city is trying all kinds of tactics to prevent him from doing this within city limits. Mr. Merced fought back, citing his Constitutional right to practice his religion as he sees fit. Besides, he says, Texas isn’t exactly the safest state for animals; people regularly hunt and fish, and no one is bugging them.

I find the slaughter of animals to be a disgusting remnant of a more primitive time, but I eat meat, so who the hell am I to judge? I love it when Christians are faced with the reality of what “freedom of religion” really means. Is it surprising most people actually don’t really believe all religious customs should be respected and allowed? I’m inclined to agree with them many should not, but at the same time, how do you distinguish which ones should and shouldn’t be allowed? Here’s an idea: educate people so they stop thinking cutting the throats of small animals to appease an angry and jealous god is a huge waste of time, energy, and is utterly senseless. Once you’re done with that, also teach them that the belief in God was a way for our ignorant ancestors to explain the forces of nature in a way they could understand. If you’re not willing to do that just yet, I suggest you let that crazy bastard kill and eat all the damn goats he wants!

The Bible is not a book for all seasons

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I don’t read the National Post very often. I find their brand of economic and social conservatism makes them the “Fox News” of Canadian newspapers. In keeping with their conservative roots, an article was recently published called The Bible: a book for all seasons, where the author argues that “The Good Book” is a timeless tome suitable for all ages. He suggests which parts of the Bible to read (depending on your age), with the flawed assumption that there is anything to really learn from reading this dusty, morally ambiguous tome.

I think his funniest suggestion is for teenagers to read the story of Job. In case you’ve never read it, the story goes something like this: God’s favorite human is Job, who is a great worshiper (making the necessary sacrifice of innocent animals to appease his jealousy), but the Devil and he disagree as to how loyal Job really is. So, for the purposes of settling a cosmic bet, God allows the Devil to completely fuck Job over. His house is destroyed, his wife and children are all killed, he loses all his belongings and his physical health deteriorates. Job is not angry about this, but asks God why he has done such a thing. His (supposedly) wise response is “Where wast thou when I laid the foundations of the earth?”.

I guess if you have some rebellious teenagers, the story of Job represents every parents’ response whenever confronted with a question they can’t answer: I made you, and you’d better listen to everything I say. That’s right kids, your parents are vengeful gods that you must eternally listen to and admire. Yeah, truly this is a book for all ages!

I think with all the millions of great books humans have written over the many centuries since the invention of the printing press, we can do a little better than that, wouldn’t you agree?

Science is wicked!

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The majority of religions are convinced their vision of the universe is beautiful and inspired, but you really need to turn to science for the good stuff. Not even the most clever religion can grasp the true size and scope of the cosmos. For some, the scope of the universe may be overwhelming, and it may convince them that without the notion of gods, our existence is random and meaningless. But what does that matter? Does one need meaning to get up in the morning and enjoy the pleasures of being alive? You live in a universe with billions of other galaxies, all retreating away from one another at astonishing speed. Is that not mind-blowing?

Rabbis fight swine flu with prayer

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Whenever there is an outbreak of a disease, you can always count on a bunch of loud religious people to break out in spontaneous fits of prayer. Here we have a group of Rabbis praying and blowing their ceremonial horns in an effort to ward off the Swine Flu, which they call H1N1 to avoid the insult of mentioning swine. If I was in that plane, I probably would have flipped out at all the yelling, chanting and loud horn blowing going on. If you want to pray in your private places of worship, you can chant your nonsense until the cows come home. Once I’m in a plane with you lunatics, however, I don’t take too kindly to all your insane noise making. Any of these morons aware prayer does absolutely nothing? If you want to fight off the disease, how about a comprehensive vaccination campaign for the young and elderly? Turns out that science is AWESOME at preventing outbreaks.