Category Archives: Blog

Church of Ireland loses millions after collapse of AIB shares

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I don’t normally take pleasure in the failures of others, but I’m willing to make an exception when it comes to corrupt institutions. That’s why I cracked a little smile today when I read the Church of Ireland lost over 17 million dollars when the value of their shares in AIB plummeted.

Of course, what sucks here is the near collapse of this bank has ended up costing Irish taxpayers a bundle (since in today’s modern world, we can’t let “banks fail”), but if it’s any comfort, the Church now has less money to pay the pensions of retired priests that raped children. Small comfort, I know, but I try to take joy in the little things…

Chat it up with a Mormon, get a prize!

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If you listened to yesterday’s podcast, you may have heard we have 5 memberships to give out for free, and I decided the first contest is to see who can have the best conversation with a Mormon. Since they are working diligently to spread their hilariously dumb message, you can go and have an insta-chat with Mormons right now if it tickles your fancy!

Now, while I can’t win my own prize, I did try to see if I could get some interesting answers out of my Mormon hosts:

Me: what is the most convincing thing about mormonism to you

Merisa: That we know that this is Christ’s true church on the earth once more, restored by a prophet

Me: what do you find is the most solid piece of evidence for your belief.

Merisa: We don’t need evidence. We have faith and prayer and peace and happiness

Me: so prayer is a type of evidence for you?

Merisa: yes

Merisa: We have evidence in the way we feel God’s love in our life and since we are answering your questions will you answer ours?

Me: I want to understand people, what makes them tick, what makes them believe in certain ideas

Merisa: Ok well as missionaries we are here to teach people, so what we would like to do since you are so interested in learning is send local missionaries to help you better understand these things

Me: So far it seems as though there are two main reasons for your own belief: 1) an emotional reaction to premises you’ve accepted as true, and 2) seeing pattern or direct results of your prayer. Is that a good summary?

Merisa: No

Merisa: please come back when you are willing to answer our questions

That’s when they kicked me out of the chat, so I failed at my first attempt to get them to say something interesting, but it doesn’t mean one of you can’t pull it off!

(Update: The service has since been discontinued)

British Humanist Association launches “no religion” campaign

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Ok Brits, here’s the deal: a number of you nonbelievers have been filling in “Christian” in your census boxes, and this has to stop. The British Humanist Association has launched a campaign aimed at encouraging atheists and agnostics to fill in “no religion” in order to send a clear message religion is becoming increasingly marginalized in society.

With the growing confidence we’ve been feeling recently, I’m confident the supposed “37 million Christians” will shrink faster than the polar icecaps. And for those of you who think it doesn’t really matter what you fill out, consider the fact your country has thousands of faith schools funded by your taxes, all because of perceived religious needs of Britain.

So do your part and tell the government you have no religious affiliation, and faith schools are a waste of fucking time.

Christian Prof wants to disrupt atheist organizations

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Christians are sore losers. Every time they lose a court decision (say, like Roe v Wade), they continue to try to fight it with every ounce of their being. It would be admirable if it wasn’t inspired by the insipid fantasy of religion. A recent ruling from the Supreme Court has them all fired up again. It ruled Christian campus groups could not continue to benefit from equal access to school facilities if they practiced discrimination against gays. Although they said any healthy society must tolerate the existence of such groups (since it’s their legal right to exist), the government should not be in the business of helping these organizations in any way.

As you would expect, fundies aren’t too happy about this ruling, and one UNC Wilminton teacher by the name of Mike Adams has vowed to seek revenge on – wait for it – atheist organizations.

…when I get back to the secular university in August, I plan to round up the students I know who are most hostile to atheism. Then I’m going to get them to help me find atheist-haters willing to join atheist student groups across the South. I plan to use my young fundamentalist Christian warriors to undermine the mission of every group that disagrees with me on the existence of God.

That means an invading group can turn a smaller, weaker group into second class citizens on campus. That’s what I intend to do to those groups who do not believe in God.

I do not seek robust debate. I seek power over the godless heathen dissident.

Well, at the very least he’s honest about his intentions. It’s surprisingly refreshing when religionists stop pussyfooting around and correctly point out that they seek to have power and dominion over others who don’t see the world the way they do. So at the very least, I’d like to officially thank Mikey for his honesty.

Before you panic at the thought of your group being taken over by religious fundamentalists, Daylight Atheism points out that if Adams and his religious posse really want to join these secular groups, they’ll need to pay the fees and abide by the charters of these specific groups. If things got really bad, these atheist groups could openly discriminate against non-believers and suffer the same timid penalties that their religious, discriminatory counterparts do.

I actually have a pretty simple solution that would ensure that these religious wackos would think twice about joining: just make it so anyone who joins has to take a specific pledge that they deny the Holy Spirit. It might not mean much to us non-believers, but the Bible is pretty clear anyone who specifically denies the Holy Spirit is condemned to Hell (no take-backs). That should be enough to keep these fundies at bay, honestly. Remember these morons know very little about us, but we know how they operate, and more importantly, how they think (since so many of us used to be religious at one time). Advantage atheists!

Tennessee Faith Schools excel at failure

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If you think reading, writing, and mathematics are tools of the devil, you should consider moving to Tennessee. It turns out a loophole in the state constitution allows faith schools to be exempt from mandatory testing, which means kids attending these schools tend to have terrifyingly low reading, writing and math comprehension skills. Parents who send their children to these dummy institutions often find out too late their offspring rank in the lowest percentile in all educational disciplines.

It gets worse; apparently the teachers themselves don’t even need a high school diploma to teach their special brand of nonsense, so there’s no telling what kind of “education” these kids are getting. There aren’t even any official numbers indicating how many children are getting the “shaft” going to these places.

One of the idiots trying to defend the fact faith schools have no government oversight is Rob Shearer, who is part of a private organization that oversees faith based schools in Tennessee (they seem to be doing a great job so far). He thinks that

“…the average home-schooled mom is as qualified to teach her children as the average public school teacher is to teach her class. I’m opposed to any sort of blanket requirement that teachers have to have some level of certification because nobody’s ever demonstrated that it makes any difference in teacher’s effectiveness.”

I hate this kind of bullshit appeal to “motherly wisdom”. No, the average mom is definitely not as qualified to teach when compared to real certified educators. There’s a reason teaching is a job and not a fucking hobby.

If guys like Shearer are so convinced of the effectiveness of their own curriculum, why are they afraid of the possibility of government oversight? All they would be required to do is have their students tested the same way kids all over the country are. Put your fucking money where your mouth is, Robby! I’d be willing to bet money most of the students at these faith schools would perform so terribly the public would have a collective freak-out. Better to be invisible, right?

French Muslims demand state schools make changes

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France has a problem; it seems as though Muslims are not integrating well in their country, and many are making unrealistic demands of secular schools, including adding halal to the cafeteria menus, sizing down courses that teach about other world religions, and an opt-out option for classes about the evolution, the Holocaust, or France’s war in Algeria. In other words, they want an education that matches their anti-Semitic, revisionist, and creationist point of view.

Anti-Semitism … surfaces during courses about the Holocaust, such as inappropriate jokes and refusals to watch films” about Nazi concentration camps, it said. “Tensions often come from pupils who identify themselves as Muslims.”…Teachers found they could discuss the transatlantic slave trade but met criticism from pupils when they brought up the history of slavery within Africa or in the Middle East. Reflecting the promotion of anti-Darwinist thinking in Muslim countries, “evolution is challenged by pupils who posit divine or creationist action without any argument for it.

The country is desperate to figure out how to integrate Muslims which now number over 5 million. This problem isn’t limited to France; other countries are also feeling frustrated over the fact even second generation Muslims are refusing to properly integrate into the culture. The backlash, of course, is all Muslims are seen as potentially subversive and viewed with suspicion, something that’s likely to be returned in kind. So what’s to be done?

I’d suggest any student who has a problem with secular curriculum can simply stay home and remain ignorant; there’s no reason to allow the kind of inappropriate distraction to continue, and students who are there to actually learn and benefit from a free education are the ones really losing out. Attempting to humor the ridiculous demands of religionists only makes them want more power and control. Despite the fact moderates are convinced their specific religion is only interested in helping people with spiritual issues, the real M.O. of organized religion has always been to dominate the lives of everyone here on Earth. We live in a historically unique time where we’ve managed to marginalize their political influence here in the West (mostly), but there’s no reason to assume it’ll be like that in the future, especially if we humor their ludicrous demands. If you give them an inch, they’ll take a mile.

Baby Dies after group jumps out of window

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Another tragedy in the name of superstition:

A four-month-old baby is dead and 10 other people are injured in the small town of La Verriere, west of Paris, France after they jumped out of their apartment’s third-storey window after believing to have seen the devil.

The story is still a bit of a mess, but it goes something like this: in a crowded apartment, a bunch of naïve superstitious dummies mistook the baby’s father for the devil (who was naked at the time), and they all jumped out of a 3rd story window to get away from him, baby in hand.

What the hell is wrong with people?

No sympathy for murdered Pop Star

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In most Muslim countries, it’s impossibly hard to be a woman. For starters, men have all the power, relegating women to the role of caretakers and not much else. Men also absolve themselves from any crime or misdeeds; if a husband beats his wife, she is to blame for not having been servile enough or not having been mindful enough of his moods.

It’s so nutty that when a rich Egyptian real estate tycoon paid $2 million to have his former lover killed, public opinion was still on his side. Suzanne Tamim was a Lebanese pop star who caught the attention of Hisham Talaat Moustafa, and when she decided to leave him, he had her killed. For many Egyptian women, her story is a cautionary tale of what happens when you defy the will of a husband:

She made him kill her, and she deserves it,” said Sherine Moustafa, a 39-year-old Egyptian corporate lawyer, an opinion that was echoed by every woman of dozens interviewed. “If he killed her, this means she’s done something outrageous to drive him to it,” reasoned Ms. Moustafa, who has no relation to the convicted businessman. Both her sister and mother, who sat next to her, agreed.

It obviously doesn’t help that Tamim dressed less than modestly and had taken a career most conservative women would disapprove of. Still, this level of callousness is shocking to our Western sensibilities, mostly because we can’t imagine feeling sympathy for the murderer rather than the victim. This is the power and control men have in the Middle East, and it’s not something that will change overnight. Considering how much Iran fears human rights and women’s studies (because these are supposedly “western” ideas that are incompatible with Islam), we can’t expect the situation to change in that part of the world for a long time to come. Fun, isn’t it?

Don’t go hiking with religious nutjobs

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Imagine you fall down a ravine, and as you lay unconscious, slowly dying, your companions decide that instead of calling for medical help, they need to pray you back to health. If you’re anything like me, you’d will yourself out of your coma and strangle them with your own entrails. Of course if that doesn’t work, you could always try suing them (it’s less messy anyways).

As it turns out, this actually happened (well, minus the strangling part) about two years ago, when Jason Michael Carlsen fell (or was pushed; no one seems to be sure) down a ravine, his companions decided to try and pray for him to come back to life. Once that inevitably failed, they contemplated for hours whether they should call the police. He was left a total of 6 hours out in the open before being rescued, and spent a month in a coma. Now a paraplegic, he’s suing Sarah Elisabeth Koivumaki and Zachary Gudelunas, the two Bethel School loons who actually thought prayer could save him.

The Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry sounds like it wants to be the Xavier Institute for Higher Learning, minus any actual super powers:

Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry (BSSM) is committed to the truth that God loves people, gave Himself for them and has given His Church supernatural power to bring individuals and nations into wholeness. BSSM is a Holy Spirit driven ministry school where students of all ages come to learn how to live in the Kingdom of God and extend its borders through a supernatural lifestyle

If you’re wondering what a “supernatural lifestyle” is, it basically boils down to teaching students prayer has the power to heal and even bring back people from the dead. It’s difficult to know if these deluded idiots actually thought they could solve the problem by wishing it away, or if they had simply panicked after their companion fell.  That’s the problem when dealing with people who have crazy beliefs; you never really know their true intentions. Koivumaki and Gudelunas claimed they waited for hours to call police out of fear they would be kicked out of school, but because they are accused of actually pushing him off in the first place, it’s equally plausible they were merely trying to get their stories straight.

I think the lesson here is pretty simple: if you go out drinking near the edge of a cliff (something profoundly stupid to begin with), don’t go with anyone who believes they have the power to heal you by wishing to their sky-daddy.

Glenn Beck is shockingly ignorant

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don’t consider myself an expert on evolution; however, I’ve devoted a considerable amount of time studying the matter, if for no other reason than to try and understand humanity. The answers to some of our most puzzling questions become obvious once you realize we are nothing more than apes that have evolved over millions of years from a common ancestor to other primates. While our chimpanzee cousin’s “evolutionary focus” was more on climbing trees and eating fruit we went a different route, which led to our large brains, our upright posture, and a significant loss of hair.

The evidence of our ancestry is so strong you cannot find a serious scientist who refutes the fact we are, in fact, just another branch of the ape family. Despite all this, scientifically illiterate morons like Glenn Beck continue to refute the obvious. Their arguments are so weak and stupid that attempting to answer them seems like a waste of time:

“I don’t think we came from monkeys. I think that’s ridiculous. I haven’t seen a half monkey / half person yet. Did evolution just stop? Did all of a sudden, there’s no other species that is developing into half-human..”

“Other species developing into half-humans”. What exactly does Beck think evolution is all about? Does he think all species eventually develop into upright primates or something? Even someone vaguely familiar with evolution would never make such an infantile assumption.

Luckily for Glenn he’s not the only moron on the show; his idiot cohost brings up Piltdown man in an attempt to refute the scientific evidence of our ancestry, as though mentioning a hoax which was exposed in the 1950′s somehow means evolution is wrong. These morons don’t understand science is a process, and individual scientists are human beings who make mistakes, and occasionally try to defraud people (yes, sometimes people suck). Luckily, the scientific method demands evidence and applies intense scrutiny to any claim. With this error correcting mechanism built in, it’s usually only a matter of time before hoaxes are exposed.

Think of how science and religion contrast with the simple example of The Shroud of Turin. This pathetic relic has clearly been identified as a 14th century pious hoax (which matches the date of the appearance of this supposed relic), and yet the Catholic Church continues to try and assert it is indeed the cloth that was placed on the body of Jesus when he was buried. They do this because the item serves as pathetic “proof” their God existed, and that’s the level of scrutiny they are willing to apply. That’s the real difference between religion and science; while hard working men and women probe the very fabric of the Universe, pious morons like Glenn Beck  continue to disbelieve the evidence simply to maintain a belief a bearded super being created us in “his” image.

Evolution is kicking our ass

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While dummies are still trying to refute evolution (they may as well try to disprove gravity at this point), science marches on. The latest evidence of evolution at work isn’t exactly welcoming news for us humans, however:

A strain of African mosquito that carries the deadly malaria parasite is splitting into two species faster than expected, according to a new study. The finding helps explain why the insect can survive in environments spanning from humid rainforests to arid savannas.

A speciation is occurring in Anopheles gambiae, which is not exactly good news. The mosquito is adapting to live in more arid environments, which means it puts even more humans at risk of contracting malaria. The key, according to scientists, is to understand the ecology of these mosquitos in order to develop better control and prevention methods (notice how it’s quite impossible to stop it entirely).

This is why understanding evolution is important; species are always changing and adapting, and the conditions we live in are by no means permanent. Praying to an anthropomorphic God will not save us from deadly pathogens, viruses and pest outbreaks. Even understanding the process doesn’t mean we can stop it, but it sure is better than the alternative, isn’t it?

Dolphins in Australia think they’re hot shit

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Bloody dolphins! Don’t they know playing and having fun is strictly a human activity? Apparently no one bothered to tell them culturally transmitted behavior is not unique to upright primates, as a group of Australian dolphins appear to have learned and passed on a new trick: water walking. By furiously paddling their tails, they manage to pop out of the water and do a kind of “dolphin moonwalk”.

Rabbi says Gentiles exist only to serve Jews

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It normally doesn’t take long for some religious nutbag to say something that a) is tremendously racist b) is totally out of touch with reality or c) torpedoes the peace process. This week, the award for “worse religious representative ever” goes out to Rabbi Ovadia Yosef, who managed to prove decisively the divisive power of religion is as strong as ever.

In a sermon last Saturday he had this message for his flock:

Goyim were born only to serve us. Without that, they have no place in the world – only to serve the People of Israel. Why are Gentiles needed? They will work, they will plow, they will reap. We will sit like an effendi and eat…That is why Gentiles were created”

To be fair this bigoted piece of shit is 90 years old, so he’s quite naturally totally out of touch with reality. Still, it brings to mind the radical shit people say when they are convinced without a shadow of a doubt magical sky daddy picked them to be on their touch football team.

NOTE: Anyone who thinks I’m being unfair should also take note this old sack of shit said the following about the Holocaust:

The six million Holocaust victims were reincarnations of the souls of sinners, people who transgressed and did all sorts of things that should not be done. They had been reincarnated in order to atone.

Need I say more?

“Crystal Cathedral” megachurch files for bankruptcy

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You’d think collecting over 2 million dollars a month would be sufficient income for any religious organization, but apparently it simply isn’t enough money for the Crystal Cathedral in Garden Grove California to pay their bills. They’ve recently filed for bankruptcy after amassing an impressive 43 million dollar debt (a major chunk of it being the mortgage on this tacky monstrosity). MSNBC reported the amount might be as high as 100 million dollars.

The church owes all kinds of money to people, and it’s hard to determine what kind of economic impact their defaulting will cause:

Kristina Oliver, whose Hemet-based company provided live animals for the church’s “Glory of Christmas” manger scene, said she doubts she will recover in full the $57,000 she is owed. “The church never made any kind of advancement that they wanted to pay their debt, that they were willing to try to make it happen and every time we tried they told us, ‘You can’t tell us how to run our business,’” Oliver said. “I’m upset because I have a 30-year relationship with them and you need to be up front, put all your cards on the table.”

Odd are you’ve heard of their TV show, “Hour of Power” which is broadcast throughout the US and even Europe. Although you might think being so popular would actually generate them substantial income, the program seems to have been under-performing for quite some time. The Church has been having money problems dating back to at least 2009, when a family feud divided their congregation right down the middle. Since then, revenue has been plummeting faster than my looks.

I guess 2 million bones isn’t enough when you’re trying to pay the bills on the tower you leased from Saruman, even when it’s tax free. You have to wonder if the people who give them truckloads of money feel let down and betrayed; sure, you can blame the economy for a reduction in charitable giving, but when your church is literally a scary castle with a gigantic glass spire, you don’t get many sympathy points. This is doubly true when taxpayers end up having to pick up the tab for their stupid bullshit. Here’s an idea if you can’t pay your bills anymore, get the fuck out of a church you can’t afford! It’s not rocket science, but then again these aren’t the kind of people interested in such earthly notions as common sense and logic.

NOTE: The megachurch made an appearance in season nine of the Simpsons when Homer is dragged naked across the glass surface. If the Internet wasn’t such a twat regarding copyright, I could have shown it to you, but in the meantime you’ll need to use your powers of recollection to see it.

All religions are dumb

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Do you sometimes feel like Western religions have a monopoly on idiocy? Well, the good news is all beliefs based on superstition are equally dumb. Buddhist monks in China are currently undertaking a 500-mile pilgrimage that will have them crawling on their knees in prostration to whatever make-believe deity they’ve somehow managed to worship.

“They will crawl and then every third step they will stop and bow as a sign of respect to the goddess”

Here’s a better idea that won’t end up fucking your knees up forever: enjoy the wonders of modern science and take a goddamn chartered bus instead. You’ll get to enjoy the brilliant Chinese countryside without bleeding from your legs!