Category Archives: Blog

Tennessee Faith Schools excel at failure

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If you think reading, writing, and mathematics are tools of the devil, you should consider moving to Tennessee. It turns out a loophole in the state constitution allows faith schools to be exempt from mandatory testing, which means kids attending these schools tend to have terrifyingly low reading, writing and math comprehension skills. Parents who send their children to these dummy institutions often find out too late their offspring rank in the lowest percentile in all educational disciplines.

It gets worse; apparently the teachers themselves don’t even need a high school diploma to teach their special brand of nonsense, so there’s no telling what kind of “education” these kids are getting. There aren’t even any official numbers indicating how many children are getting the “shaft” going to these places.

One of the idiots trying to defend the fact faith schools have no government oversight is Rob Shearer, who is part of a private organization that oversees faith based schools in Tennessee (they seem to be doing a great job so far). He thinks that

“…the average home-schooled mom is as qualified to teach her children as the average public school teacher is to teach her class. I’m opposed to any sort of blanket requirement that teachers have to have some level of certification because nobody’s ever demonstrated that it makes any difference in teacher’s effectiveness.”

I hate this kind of bullshit appeal to “motherly wisdom”. No, the average mom is definitely not as qualified to teach when compared to real certified educators. There’s a reason teaching is a job and not a fucking hobby.

If guys like Shearer are so convinced of the effectiveness of their own curriculum, why are they afraid of the possibility of government oversight? All they would be required to do is have their students tested the same way kids all over the country are. Put your fucking money where your mouth is, Robby! I’d be willing to bet money most of the students at these faith schools would perform so terribly the public would have a collective freak-out. Better to be invisible, right?

French Muslims demand state schools make changes

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France has a problem; it seems as though Muslims are not integrating well in their country, and many are making unrealistic demands of secular schools, including adding halal to the cafeteria menus, sizing down courses that teach about other world religions, and an opt-out option for classes about the evolution, the Holocaust, or France’s war in Algeria. In other words, they want an education that matches their anti-Semitic, revisionist, and creationist point of view.

Anti-Semitism … surfaces during courses about the Holocaust, such as inappropriate jokes and refusals to watch films” about Nazi concentration camps, it said. “Tensions often come from pupils who identify themselves as Muslims.”…Teachers found they could discuss the transatlantic slave trade but met criticism from pupils when they brought up the history of slavery within Africa or in the Middle East. Reflecting the promotion of anti-Darwinist thinking in Muslim countries, “evolution is challenged by pupils who posit divine or creationist action without any argument for it.

The country is desperate to figure out how to integrate Muslims which now number over 5 million. This problem isn’t limited to France; other countries are also feeling frustrated over the fact even second generation Muslims are refusing to properly integrate into the culture. The backlash, of course, is all Muslims are seen as potentially subversive and viewed with suspicion, something that’s likely to be returned in kind. So what’s to be done?

I’d suggest any student who has a problem with secular curriculum can simply stay home and remain ignorant; there’s no reason to allow the kind of inappropriate distraction to continue, and students who are there to actually learn and benefit from a free education are the ones really losing out. Attempting to humor the ridiculous demands of religionists only makes them want more power and control. Despite the fact moderates are convinced their specific religion is only interested in helping people with spiritual issues, the real M.O. of organized religion has always been to dominate the lives of everyone here on Earth. We live in a historically unique time where we’ve managed to marginalize their political influence here in the West (mostly), but there’s no reason to assume it’ll be like that in the future, especially if we humor their ludicrous demands. If you give them an inch, they’ll take a mile.

Baby Dies after group jumps out of window

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Another tragedy in the name of superstition:

A four-month-old baby is dead and 10 other people are injured in the small town of La Verriere, west of Paris, France after they jumped out of their apartment’s third-storey window after believing to have seen the devil.

The story is still a bit of a mess, but it goes something like this: in a crowded apartment, a bunch of naïve superstitious dummies mistook the baby’s father for the devil (who was naked at the time), and they all jumped out of a 3rd story window to get away from him, baby in hand.

What the hell is wrong with people?

No sympathy for murdered Pop Star

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In most Muslim countries, it’s impossibly hard to be a woman. For starters, men have all the power, relegating women to the role of caretakers and not much else. Men also absolve themselves from any crime or misdeeds; if a husband beats his wife, she is to blame for not having been servile enough or not having been mindful enough of his moods.

It’s so nutty that when a rich Egyptian real estate tycoon paid $2 million to have his former lover killed, public opinion was still on his side. Suzanne Tamim was a Lebanese pop star who caught the attention of Hisham Talaat Moustafa, and when she decided to leave him, he had her killed. For many Egyptian women, her story is a cautionary tale of what happens when you defy the will of a husband:

She made him kill her, and she deserves it,” said Sherine Moustafa, a 39-year-old Egyptian corporate lawyer, an opinion that was echoed by every woman of dozens interviewed. “If he killed her, this means she’s done something outrageous to drive him to it,” reasoned Ms. Moustafa, who has no relation to the convicted businessman. Both her sister and mother, who sat next to her, agreed.

It obviously doesn’t help that Tamim dressed less than modestly and had taken a career most conservative women would disapprove of. Still, this level of callousness is shocking to our Western sensibilities, mostly because we can’t imagine feeling sympathy for the murderer rather than the victim. This is the power and control men have in the Middle East, and it’s not something that will change overnight. Considering how much Iran fears human rights and women’s studies (because these are supposedly “western” ideas that are incompatible with Islam), we can’t expect the situation to change in that part of the world for a long time to come. Fun, isn’t it?

Don’t go hiking with religious nutjobs

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Imagine you fall down a ravine, and as you lay unconscious, slowly dying, your companions decide that instead of calling for medical help, they need to pray you back to health. If you’re anything like me, you’d will yourself out of your coma and strangle them with your own entrails. Of course if that doesn’t work, you could always try suing them (it’s less messy anyways).

As it turns out, this actually happened (well, minus the strangling part) about two years ago, when Jason Michael Carlsen fell (or was pushed; no one seems to be sure) down a ravine, his companions decided to try and pray for him to come back to life. Once that inevitably failed, they contemplated for hours whether they should call the police. He was left a total of 6 hours out in the open before being rescued, and spent a month in a coma. Now a paraplegic, he’s suing Sarah Elisabeth Koivumaki and Zachary Gudelunas, the two Bethel School loons who actually thought prayer could save him.

The Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry sounds like it wants to be the Xavier Institute for Higher Learning, minus any actual super powers:

Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry (BSSM) is committed to the truth that God loves people, gave Himself for them and has given His Church supernatural power to bring individuals and nations into wholeness. BSSM is a Holy Spirit driven ministry school where students of all ages come to learn how to live in the Kingdom of God and extend its borders through a supernatural lifestyle

If you’re wondering what a “supernatural lifestyle” is, it basically boils down to teaching students prayer has the power to heal and even bring back people from the dead. It’s difficult to know if these deluded idiots actually thought they could solve the problem by wishing it away, or if they had simply panicked after their companion fell.  That’s the problem when dealing with people who have crazy beliefs; you never really know their true intentions. Koivumaki and Gudelunas claimed they waited for hours to call police out of fear they would be kicked out of school, but because they are accused of actually pushing him off in the first place, it’s equally plausible they were merely trying to get their stories straight.

I think the lesson here is pretty simple: if you go out drinking near the edge of a cliff (something profoundly stupid to begin with), don’t go with anyone who believes they have the power to heal you by wishing to their sky-daddy.

Glenn Beck is shockingly ignorant

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don’t consider myself an expert on evolution; however, I’ve devoted a considerable amount of time studying the matter, if for no other reason than to try and understand humanity. The answers to some of our most puzzling questions become obvious once you realize we are nothing more than apes that have evolved over millions of years from a common ancestor to other primates. While our chimpanzee cousin’s “evolutionary focus” was more on climbing trees and eating fruit we went a different route, which led to our large brains, our upright posture, and a significant loss of hair.

The evidence of our ancestry is so strong you cannot find a serious scientist who refutes the fact we are, in fact, just another branch of the ape family. Despite all this, scientifically illiterate morons like Glenn Beck continue to refute the obvious. Their arguments are so weak and stupid that attempting to answer them seems like a waste of time:

“I don’t think we came from monkeys. I think that’s ridiculous. I haven’t seen a half monkey / half person yet. Did evolution just stop? Did all of a sudden, there’s no other species that is developing into half-human..”

“Other species developing into half-humans”. What exactly does Beck think evolution is all about? Does he think all species eventually develop into upright primates or something? Even someone vaguely familiar with evolution would never make such an infantile assumption.

Luckily for Glenn he’s not the only moron on the show; his idiot cohost brings up Piltdown man in an attempt to refute the scientific evidence of our ancestry, as though mentioning a hoax which was exposed in the 1950′s somehow means evolution is wrong. These morons don’t understand science is a process, and individual scientists are human beings who make mistakes, and occasionally try to defraud people (yes, sometimes people suck). Luckily, the scientific method demands evidence and applies intense scrutiny to any claim. With this error correcting mechanism built in, it’s usually only a matter of time before hoaxes are exposed.

Think of how science and religion contrast with the simple example of The Shroud of Turin. This pathetic relic has clearly been identified as a 14th century pious hoax (which matches the date of the appearance of this supposed relic), and yet the Catholic Church continues to try and assert it is indeed the cloth that was placed on the body of Jesus when he was buried. They do this because the item serves as pathetic “proof” their God existed, and that’s the level of scrutiny they are willing to apply. That’s the real difference between religion and science; while hard working men and women probe the very fabric of the Universe, pious morons like Glenn Beck  continue to disbelieve the evidence simply to maintain a belief a bearded super being created us in “his” image.

Evolution is kicking our ass

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While dummies are still trying to refute evolution (they may as well try to disprove gravity at this point), science marches on. The latest evidence of evolution at work isn’t exactly welcoming news for us humans, however:

A strain of African mosquito that carries the deadly malaria parasite is splitting into two species faster than expected, according to a new study. The finding helps explain why the insect can survive in environments spanning from humid rainforests to arid savannas.

A speciation is occurring in Anopheles gambiae, which is not exactly good news. The mosquito is adapting to live in more arid environments, which means it puts even more humans at risk of contracting malaria. The key, according to scientists, is to understand the ecology of these mosquitos in order to develop better control and prevention methods (notice how it’s quite impossible to stop it entirely).

This is why understanding evolution is important; species are always changing and adapting, and the conditions we live in are by no means permanent. Praying to an anthropomorphic God will not save us from deadly pathogens, viruses and pest outbreaks. Even understanding the process doesn’t mean we can stop it, but it sure is better than the alternative, isn’t it?

Dolphins in Australia think they’re hot shit

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Bloody dolphins! Don’t they know playing and having fun is strictly a human activity? Apparently no one bothered to tell them culturally transmitted behavior is not unique to upright primates, as a group of Australian dolphins appear to have learned and passed on a new trick: water walking. By furiously paddling their tails, they manage to pop out of the water and do a kind of “dolphin moonwalk”.

Rabbi says Gentiles exist only to serve Jews

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It normally doesn’t take long for some religious nutbag to say something that a) is tremendously racist b) is totally out of touch with reality or c) torpedoes the peace process. This week, the award for “worse religious representative ever” goes out to Rabbi Ovadia Yosef, who managed to prove decisively the divisive power of religion is as strong as ever.

In a sermon last Saturday he had this message for his flock:

Goyim were born only to serve us. Without that, they have no place in the world – only to serve the People of Israel. Why are Gentiles needed? They will work, they will plow, they will reap. We will sit like an effendi and eat…That is why Gentiles were created”

To be fair this bigoted piece of shit is 90 years old, so he’s quite naturally totally out of touch with reality. Still, it brings to mind the radical shit people say when they are convinced without a shadow of a doubt magical sky daddy picked them to be on their touch football team.

NOTE: Anyone who thinks I’m being unfair should also take note this old sack of shit said the following about the Holocaust:

The six million Holocaust victims were reincarnations of the souls of sinners, people who transgressed and did all sorts of things that should not be done. They had been reincarnated in order to atone.

Need I say more?

“Crystal Cathedral” megachurch files for bankruptcy

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You’d think collecting over 2 million dollars a month would be sufficient income for any religious organization, but apparently it simply isn’t enough money for the Crystal Cathedral in Garden Grove California to pay their bills. They’ve recently filed for bankruptcy after amassing an impressive 43 million dollar debt (a major chunk of it being the mortgage on this tacky monstrosity). MSNBC reported the amount might be as high as 100 million dollars.

The church owes all kinds of money to people, and it’s hard to determine what kind of economic impact their defaulting will cause:

Kristina Oliver, whose Hemet-based company provided live animals for the church’s “Glory of Christmas” manger scene, said she doubts she will recover in full the $57,000 she is owed. “The church never made any kind of advancement that they wanted to pay their debt, that they were willing to try to make it happen and every time we tried they told us, ‘You can’t tell us how to run our business,’” Oliver said. “I’m upset because I have a 30-year relationship with them and you need to be up front, put all your cards on the table.”

Odd are you’ve heard of their TV show, “Hour of Power” which is broadcast throughout the US and even Europe. Although you might think being so popular would actually generate them substantial income, the program seems to have been under-performing for quite some time. The Church has been having money problems dating back to at least 2009, when a family feud divided their congregation right down the middle. Since then, revenue has been plummeting faster than my looks.

I guess 2 million bones isn’t enough when you’re trying to pay the bills on the tower you leased from Saruman, even when it’s tax free. You have to wonder if the people who give them truckloads of money feel let down and betrayed; sure, you can blame the economy for a reduction in charitable giving, but when your church is literally a scary castle with a gigantic glass spire, you don’t get many sympathy points. This is doubly true when taxpayers end up having to pick up the tab for their stupid bullshit. Here’s an idea if you can’t pay your bills anymore, get the fuck out of a church you can’t afford! It’s not rocket science, but then again these aren’t the kind of people interested in such earthly notions as common sense and logic.

NOTE: The megachurch made an appearance in season nine of the Simpsons when Homer is dragged naked across the glass surface. If the Internet wasn’t such a twat regarding copyright, I could have shown it to you, but in the meantime you’ll need to use your powers of recollection to see it.

All religions are dumb

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Do you sometimes feel like Western religions have a monopoly on idiocy? Well, the good news is all beliefs based on superstition are equally dumb. Buddhist monks in China are currently undertaking a 500-mile pilgrimage that will have them crawling on their knees in prostration to whatever make-believe deity they’ve somehow managed to worship.

“They will crawl and then every third step they will stop and bow as a sign of respect to the goddess”

Here’s a better idea that won’t end up fucking your knees up forever: enjoy the wonders of modern science and take a goddamn chartered bus instead. You’ll get to enjoy the brilliant Chinese countryside without bleeding from your legs!

Australia gets their first Demi-God

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If you aren’t from down under, odds are you’ve never heard of Mary MacKillop, also known as Saint Mary of the Cross. A few days ago the Vatican canonized her, making Mary the first Australian to get this “demi-god” status. In order to receive that canonization, Mary had to have two miracles attributed to her, and as you’ve probably guessed by now, the supposed miracles were people being “cured” of cancer.

In today’s modern world, it’s more and more difficult for the Vatican to canonize people, for the simple reason science has exposed supposed miracles as merely statistical inevitability. Some people who have cancer occasionally get better, and a small percentage of those attribute it to the superstitious activity they were engaged in at the time. Veronica Hopson, Mary’s first alleged miracle, claimed to have been cured when the nuns brought cloth that MacKillop had worn. It’s just gris-gris bullshit, but this weak-sauce was enough to convince religious rubes something amazing happened. Pretty shitty miracle if you ask me, but is there any other kind?

The really interesting element in this story is the one no one is talking about: During Mary’s own life, she was excommunicated for exposing a pedophile priest (who was sent back to Ireland). It was only later she was re-instated (when the guy who did it was on his death bed), but I think by now it should be pretty obvious why this part of the story only gets glossed over in most news stories. The Vatican is desperate for some good news, but as usual, the stench of pedophilia is everywhere.

Luckily not every Australian is happy about the news of this canonization, and a few bright people have been trying in vain to expose the ludicrous notion two cancer cures qualify as a miracle. As usual, the voices of rationality will always be silenced by the droning of the faithful who will always prefer comfort over the truth.

New study sheds light on NDEs

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About a year ago, I wrote an article criticizing Dr. Jeffery Long for his terribly unscientific book about NDE’s, or Near Death Experiences. Long essentially collected nearly 1,300 stories of people’s traumatic experiences, and figured the similarities must somehow mean something supernatural was going on. He even went to far as to claim this was ultimate proof there is an afterlife.

It would be too easy to point out his web surveys don’t exactly meet the rigorous standards of evidence, and all too pointless to do so. True believers want justification for their beliefs, no matter how flimsy the evidence is. Even the article I wrote on Dr. Jeffrey Long still regularly gets comments from people convinced that I’m either terribly biased or close-minded regarding the possibility of there being life after death.

A new study on the effects of death on the brain has provided further evidence only physical explanations are at work here. Dr. Lakhmir Chawla monitored the brain activity of terminally-ill patients and found that shortly before death, the brain had a huge cascade of activity, lasting from 30 seconds to almost 3 minutes.

Dr. Chawla believes this may account for the vivid experiences people often describe during NDE’s, but the problem with this study is since all the patients died, it wasn’t possible to actually interview them. Still, since the activity in the brain is so similar to that of vivid dreaming, why do we continually refuse to abandon the unsupported belief something supernatural was happening.

Hey, I would love if death wasn’t the end, just like I would love to believe I’m an invisible sex-god who can shoot laser beams out of my eyes. Unfortunately, the fact is I must accept that I’m a simple ape, whose only super power is to offend people with the terrible things that come out of my mouth.

Man thinks my atheism is due to tragedy

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I received this email just a few days ago from a guy named Andy, and I thought you guys would get a kick out of it:

Hello Jake I know you must get some real harsh mail concerning your fate when you die and as a follow of Christ I want to apologize for that, I want to applaud you in your decision making for at least you have given it some thought and have come to conclusion, but what I do not understand is this, why do you spend so much time talking about a God you do not believe in, if I were you and did not believe there was a God there is so much more to do than waste my time on something that does not have any meaning. But the problem is Jake you have had your encounter with the I AM and have feel that He has let you down over the death of a love one and instead of trying to find the answer why you have chosen to go to war with him, spend some serious time again Jake just listen again to what he has to say, you may be surprised at the outcome. Well I do want to send you blessings to you and your family in the name of Christ.

This is why you should never just “trust” every dumb feeling that you have Andy; I haven’t lost any loved ones, and my atheism has really nothing to do with any feelings of bitterness towards your anthropomorphic God. Perhaps you fail to understand when I make fun of “Him”, I’m not actually acknowledging the fact a God exists. If I spent my time trying to disprove the existence of demonic space Unicorns, would you also accuse me of believing in the very thing I seek to expose as mere fantasy? As for your statement I should stop wasting my time since “He” doesn’t exist, I seriously wish it were that easy, but even your barely comprehensible email is proof religion facilitates ignorance. Do you have any serious proof a 2000 year old Jew was the creator of the Universe outside your barbaric and outdated book of Bronze Age mythology?

Christian woman destroys blasphemous artwork

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I guess Muslims don’t have a monopoly when it comes to over-reacting to cartoons depicting their religious leaders. A Montana woman was recently charged with first degree criminal mischief after she entered a Colorado art gallery with a crowbar and destroyed a series of prints depicting a she-male Jesus receiving oral sex from another man. It’s actually a lot more milquetoast than it sounds.

The artist had been receiving so many death threats that he stopped opening his mail altogether, proving once again religious people are murderously sensitive when it comes to their indefensible beliefs. Kathleen Folden, 56 was wearing a “My savior is tough as nails” (which actually reminds me of a pretty blasphemous ad), but apparently this all powerful entity is incapable of defending himself, and needs crowbar-wielding thugs to do his bidding. His power is truly astounding, is it not? Here’s what her lawyer had to say:

Folden’s attorney, Cliff Stricklin, commented today, “The focus has been on Ms. Folden here today and yesterday, but I think the focus should probably be changed a little bit and we should be asking why the City of Loveland would have deliberately endorsed such a provocative, insensitive depiction and display.”

Yeah, that’s really the important question to ask: why would a museum put up art that was controversial? Artists should just cater to our aesthetic tastes; their creative expression be damned! After all, you might accidentally offend intolerant truck drivers with nothing better to do than be a thug for Jesus.

What really pisses me off about this whole story is in response to this outburst of violence, the gallery no longer offers the print for sale. Mission accomplished everybody! That’s how you silence artistic expression; one act of vandalism at a time.