Category Archives: Blog

Brit Hume is a dick

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I guess to some Christians, believing in God is a bit like bargaining for a used car; you want to make sure you’re getting a good deal. Brit Hume, a FOX News regular, seems to think Buddhism offers too little in the way of redemption, and that Tiger Woods needs to convert to Christianity to feel better. It’s this kind of “wheeling and dealing” that I can’t fucking stand about this religion; it’s also why it’s a very popular choice for mobsters, criminals, and other moral deviants who are attracted to the “redemption no matter what terrible shit you’ve done” aspect of the faith. Jesus is the perfect “get out of jail free” card to people who most definitely don’t deserve it.

What Tiger needs to do is lay low and wait until some other celebrity makes an ass out of themselves.

Irish Atheists go on the offensive

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Remember Ireland’s blasphemy law “reform”? A few months ago I reported that the Irish government had proposed changing their existing Defamation Bill (which made blasphemy a crime punishable by jail time) into something a little more profitable. Irish atheists have decided to challenge this new law, which states that any blasphemy can be punished with a fine of up to €25,000. They published a number of quotes from notable artists Bjork, Salman Rushdie and Mark Twain. They hope by baiting the government, they can force them to repeal this insane law.

A person breaks the law by saying or publishing anything “grossly abusive or insulting in relation to matters held sacred by any religion, thereby causing outrage among a substantial number of the adherents of that religion.”

It’s a pretty badass move on their part, and I sincerely hope the government takes the bait. There’s no better way to expose this cowardly law for the free speech killer it is. If religions are so convinced they have the unalterable truth, why the fuck are they so scared of dissent? If they really do have the truth, wouldn’t they benefit from us challenging them if we’re so wrong?

Get ready for the Rapture!

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I take it for granted that every annoying Christian Evangelical believes the Rapture will somehow happen within their lifetime. It’s so pervasive I usually ignore anyone who claims this event is real and inevitable, but for once someone has come up with a date for it, and it’s too funny not to post.

Harold Camping is a civil engineer and amateur Biblical scholar who claims to have found a mathematical formula to allow him to work out “hidden” prophecies within the Bible, and he claims the world will end on May 21st, 2011. Better cancel your summer vacation plans people, since you’ll all be burning in Hell!

Back in September of 1994, this delusional idiot predicted Jesus would return on the 6th, and he had plenty of gullible fools who believed him. They all patiently waited, and when nothing happened, Camping went back to the drawing board.

You would think his “followers” would have learned their lesson the first time, but because they lack any critical thinking skills, many actually have more faith in his predictions than before:

Rick LaCasse, who attended the September 1994 service in Alameda, said that 15 years later, his faith in Camping has only strengthened. “Evidently, he was wrong,” LaCasse allowed, “but this time it is going to happen. There was some doubt last time, but we didn’t have any proofs. This time we do.”

I’m not sure this idiot understands what proof really means. Has Camping not proven how full of shit he is? What else do you need to stop believing in bullshit, moron?

Cartoonist attacked by Muslim fundamentalist

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You can’t start the New Year without a religious nutjob trying to murder someone they perceive as a threat to their way of life. Remember back in 2005 when the Muslim world was freaking out about a bunch of stupid cartoons depicting Muhammad as a terrorist? Turns out Kurt Westergaard, arguably the most high profile cartoonist involved, was attacked in his home yesterday by a radical Somali Muslim.

Kurt is thankfully alive, since he managed to flee inside his panic room and set off the alarm (guess he planned ahead). His axe wielding assailant (interesting choice of weapons I suppose) tried to then escape, attacking a police squad that later shot him in the shoulder and knee to bring him down.

I imagine Islamic apologists will say Kurt brought this kind of thing on himself by “insulting” their precious religion. Moderates may try and condemn the attack, but they still claim the cartoons are sacrilegious. It’s like an open invitation the more radical segment of their own faith to take drastic and murderous action against “offenders”; think of it as a bullshit “bad cop, good cop” routine where one guy beats the shit out of you while his partner begs you to confess for your own safety.

Westergaard was taken to a secret location while things cool off, but his defiance in light of threats on his life leads me to believe it’s only a matter of time before he gets iced by some radical Islamic madman for the crime of blasphemy. Isn’t religion grand?

Rick Warren wants $900,000 in 2 days

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Apparently God is broke, since in the news today Pastor Rick Warren called on his flock to donate an extra $900,000 to make up for a serious shortfall in the Church’s income. The recession hit everyone pretty hard according to Rick, which means regular tithers have opted to keep money for food rather than for the church. Warren has sent out a letter encouraging those who were not affected by the crisis to increase their regular donations to compensate, and to allow them to continue their programs.

The weird thing here is Warren wants to raise this money in two days, which seems sketchy. The Church doesn’t release their financials, so you have to take Rick at his word that the money is needed. Now before you start thinking he’s probably just using the money to buy himself new suits or golden Bibles, consider the fact the guy actually gives 90% of his income to the church since the success of his book. At least he puts his money where his mouth is. If it wasn’t for his raging homophobia, I might actually like the guy.

My problem lies in the fact he refuses to explain exactly WHY he needs the money so quickly, and where it will all go. Imagine a friend of yours called you up out of the blue and started pressuring you to give him thousands of dollars without specifying exactly how he would be using it. Odds are you might be a little suspicious, even if your friend was a “man of God”. Did Ricky have some crazy losses in the stock market? Maybe he borrowed a bunch of money from mobsters and needs to pay them back or something; my point is unless you tell people why the fuck you need so much money in a short amount of time, it’s pretty damn sketchy.

Another honor killing in Germany

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A few hundred years ago, when the world was a vastly different place, the slaughter of young women for the preservation of honor was a common occurrence. In strongly patriarchal societies, women were seen as disposable, and for cultures obsessed with their honor and reputation, honor killings became a way for families to regain social currency. If you had the stones to murder your daughter for almost no reason, you gained a lot of respect.

In Germany the problem is still pretty rampant, despite the best effort of police to clamp down on it. A young woman identified by the courts as “Gulsum” was murdered when her Kurdish father learned that she had lost her virginity and had an abortion. She was lured to a secluded location where she was strangled and clubbed to death. According to the court, her face was smashed to a pulp.

A judge has given the father a life sentence in jail, though it’s a small comfort in light of the fact this beautiful woman with an enchanting smile has ceased to live because of a stupid and inhumane tradition. Honor killings have a long history, which is precisely why they are so awful and barbaric; besides, how many practices from the ancient world do you know of that are pleasant and friendly? Can we all please stop living like we’re in the 3rd century? It’s fucking embarrassing.

LAPD no longer affiliated with Boy Scouts

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According to the Boy Scouts of America, you can’t camp in the woods with their little troop if you’re gay, agnostic or an atheist. That was kosher 20 years ago, but now that these groups are “out of the closet”, the BSA is starting to look like the bigoted small minded institution it really is. The Los Angeles Police Department, which had a program with the group since 1962 to help encourage kids to explore policing as a career, have disassociated themselves from the organization, saying that the values of tolerance and acceptance are too important to simply ignore.

The LAPD will now be designing their own program that won’t discriminate based on sexual orientation or religious belief. It helps that the police commissioner is openly gay himself (it’s LA people), and I hope the move prompts other government organizations to drop them like a bad habit. Don’t forget that the BSA gets to use public funds and government property despite failing to meet basic requirements of civility and good citizenship. It’s time for the organization to change; if they don’t, they may find themselves on the wrong side of history. Good for the LAPD for standing up for the little guys; it almost makes me like the police for once (I said almost).

Father Tim Jones is crazy

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I’ve been poor my whole life, and there have definitely been times when I’ve been tempted to steal shit when I was desperate. Luckily, I’ve always had good friends to help me out, and I never made any terrible mistakes. Of course, I also never had this guy as a priest, Father Tim Jones who has recently caused controversy when he told his parishioners that it was OK to shoplift.

Father Jones is very specific when he refers to who you can and cannot steal from; big business is OK, since according to him the cost of the theft would be passed on to other more wealthy customers. I guess to him it doesn’t matter that for many people on a tight budget, ballooning costs from shoplifting might exacerbate their problems. Then again, he’s not exactly the brightest guy in the world:

He said he offered the advice “with a heavy heart”, and wished society would recognize that bureaucratic ineptitude and systemic delay had created an “invitation and incentive to crime for people struggling to cope”.

Now I admit there are some people who are really in dire straights, and perhaps to these poor people the temptation to simply take what they need is overwhelming. My worry is that this douchebag is forgetting shoplifting isn’t without consequence, and this bad advice could lead his flock astray. To you and me, Father Jones is really only an expert in nonsense, but to his parishioners he is a man with a direct line to God, and this weighty position comes with a few responsibilities. One of these should be their protection, but I guess he’s too busy “raging against the man” to worry about that.

Why don’t you entice your wealthier congregants to help out the less fortunate instead, sir? It certainly would be better advice, since no one will need to spend Christmas in jail.

Chuck Norris needs a history lesson

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I should probably be resigned to the fact Chuck Norris is insane and leave it at that. Unfortunately, his cult like status in society, helped largely by “Chuck Norris facts” which were an Internet phenomenon, seems to allow him a soapbox to preach his insane gospel.

His latest tirade is directed against President Obama, who he feels has failed to put enough emphasis on Jesus during Christmas time. It seems that unless you are telling everyone Jesus is the Lord of the Universe every ten seconds, you’ve failed as a President.

As with many of you, I still remember a day even in Washington when Christ was central to Christmas. It was an America that was far less politically correct – an America that wasn’t afraid to stand up for its belief in the babe who was born in Bethlehem.

When was this Chuck? Presumably also back in the day when it was OK for black people to have their own drinking fountains too, eh? Norris likes to point to the fact that George Washington and Thomas Jefferson loved Christmas, which he believes means they must have loved Jesus as well. He’s blind to the fact Jefferson was accused by his opponents of being an atheist, and Washington, well, his parties seemed to be a lot more fun than the kind Chuck is probably used to. Here’s a testimony from one of his escaped slaves:

She says that the stories told of Washington’s piety and prayers, so far as she ever saw or heard while she was his slave, have no foundation. Card-playing and wine-drinking were the business at his parties, and he had more of such company Sundays than on any other day.

I’m sure in his mind, the Founding Fathers were men of God. He believes this because he needs it to be true (how devastating would it be if he ever admitted many founding fathers had a disdain for religion?); he’s not a particularly smart man, and the concept of intellectual integrity is no match for his roundhouse kicks!

Prosperity Gospels makes me sick

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When economic times are rough, Prosperity Gospels flourish. Prosperity churches preach that faith in God ultimately leads to material wealth for those he favors. The charismatic preachers who espouse this philosophy are usually dressed in fine clothing, despite in America, members of these types of churches are typically much poorer than other congregations. That’s because most of these preachers equate faith to amount donated to the church. It’s a brilliant scam really; give me more money, says the preacher, and God will favor you more in the future (just don’t fucking hold your breath).

Joel Osteen (who looks like the bad guy in Shanghai Knights) is the latest jackass to try this routine, and here he is interviewed on CNN telling people to have more faith in the economy, and this will somehow fix it. According to this Atlantic article written shortly after the financial crisis, Prosperity Gospel was actually one of the reasons people had taken on loans for houses they could not afford, being assured by their ministers that God would “find a way” for them to be prosperous.

Think of it as people being dangerously and foolishly positive when it comes to their finances. Now this fucking jackass is trying to revive this movement, and he’s filling up stadiums with desperate people seeking answers and the promise of more wealth. I just hate the fact that anyone allows these kinds of charlatans to tell them how to live their lives, despite the reality members of prosperity churches are typically poorer than their counterparts.

Boy has 42 needles stuck in body during bizarre ritual

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I’ve been trying to wrap my head around this story for hours, and I still can’t figure it out. It seems as though a 2 year old boy was the victim of a bizarre religious ritual which involved sticking “blessed” sewing needles into his body, some of which punctured his heart, his lungs, and other vital organs. His stepfather, Roberto Carlos Magalhaes, claims he did this while under a supposed trance from his secret lover, a woman named Angelina Ribeiro dos Santos. Dos Santos paid to have all 42 needles blessed by a priestess of a religion called Candomble, which I won’t go in detail about (it’s like any other form of animism: stupid and pointless). Over the span of a month, all of them were shoved in various places in his body. Fucking horrible, no?

The most annoying part of this article has to be when the director of Afro-Brazilian studies at the University of Brasilia, Nelson Inocencio, expressed concern that this incident might lead people to be prejudiced against other Afro-Brazilian religions, which he argues do not have a history of harmful rituals. I think any belief that allows you to simply make shit up is harmful, regardless of its history. I’m sure once upon a time plenty of religions didn’t have violent or harmful practices; they just evolved naturally over time (you start to sacrifice simple shit to your gods, and next thing you know you’re throwing virgins into a volcano). It’s not like Candomble is based on objective reality anyways, so why are we surprised when some of its practitioners start doing crazy shit? It would be such a shame if people stopped believing in nonsense, right Nelson?

Christians have no sense of humor

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When I originally saw this billboard, I assumed it was actually the work of some clever atheist group wanting to poke fun at Christians; imagine my surprise to find out that it was actually commissioned by an Anglican church called “St Matthew’s in the City”. The billboard was up for a total of 5 hours before someone defaced it, proving once more that Christians have a poor sense of humor concerning their own ridiculous beliefs. I suppose if I believed in something so fantastically silly as a virgin birth, I might also be a little insecure myself.

Church spokesperson Clay Nelson was surprised people reacted so negatively, especially considering the billboard was the least provocative ad they had brainstormed about. They had turned down a sperm coming down with “Joy to the World” written above. I’m not even sure that one makes any fucking sense, but they sure are a ballsy bunch.

Of course the Catholic Church was dismayed, saying the images were disrespectful. Yeah, seeing Mary and Joseph naked together is shocking! Considering Jesus had siblings, they had to have fucked at some point, so I have no idea why Christians are so upset over the thought of their saints “shagging”. It’s probably the only half decent human thing I’ve ever seen these two characters do, since most of the time they’re depicted as hapless idiots trying not to get in the way of their supposed deity of a son.

Somali man stoned to death for adultery

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I’ve written a few articles in the past about how fucked up Somalia is, including how Sharia Law is quickly becoming the order of the day. The latest disgusting act of cruelty was the recent stoning of Mohamed Abukar Ibrahim for the crime of adultery. He was buried up to his torso, and the local residents of Afgoye, a small village 20 miles from Mogadishu, were forced to watch as members of the radical group Hizbul Islam stoned him to death.

Normally, this kind of insanity is performed by the even crazier al-Shaabab, but I guess they were too busy amputating thieves to bother.

Africa is the new battleground for religion, and the bodies are starting to pile up. Rationalism and common sense can’t compete against superstition, irrationality, fear, and cohesion. Is everyone in that country crazy? Of course not, but the crazy ones are obviously in control, and they won’t be happy until everyone sees the world in the same twisted way they do.

Where did all the cults go?

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If you haven’t listened to the podcast recently, you might have missed a subject I briefly talked about last show. I was talking about a little known organization called the Cult Awareness Network, and their ties with Scientology. It’s a bit of a complicated story, so you’ll have to bear with me while I explain it.

In 1978, the tragedy of Jonestown led to the creation of an organization dedicated to identifying and combating cults. It was dubbed the Cult Awareness Network, and it became the largest organization of its kind in the US. One of their big opponents was Scientology, which they correctly identified as being a dangerous cult of greed.

In 1995, a young man named Jason Scott was kidnapped by a deprogrammer named Rick Ross, and because Jason’s mother had been referred to Mr. Ross by CAN, they were sued successfully for US$1 million. Around the same time, the Church of Scientology organized a massive litigation campaign, convincing 50 of their members to sue the organization simultaneously. The suits crippled the organization, which had to declare bankruptcy.

But this was not the end of the Cult Awareness Network. Shortly after they went bankrupt, Steven Hayes, a Scientology attorney and the man behind the suits, bought CAN in bankruptcy court for $20,000. Now, the “New” CAN puts all of its focus on fighting for “religious tolerance” (go visit their website; it’s fucking creepy). What was once a thriving organization fighting against destructive cults has ironically enough been commandeered by one of the most aggressive cults in the world. It’s no joke that if you call them up, you’ll probably be talking to a Scientologist.

This is just one small example of how Scientology uses the court system to try and bully, intimidate, silence, and occasionally destroy their opponents. They are simply following the advice and edict of their pseudo-god, L. Ron Hubbard:

The purpose of the suit is to harass and discourage rather than win. The law can be used very easily to harass, and enough harassment on somebody who is simply on the thin edge anyway . . . will generally be sufficient to cause his professional decrease. If possible, of course, ruin him utterly.

The usurpation of CAN is a sad testament to the fact that so far, these scumbags are winning. Feeling depressed yet? I know I am…

North Carolina city councilman has atheist controversy

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Last podcast I talked about Cecil Bothwell, a North Carolina city councilman who is center of the latest effort by religious jackasses to impose their beliefs on others. Bothwell is an atheist, and his political opponents have seized on this to try and get him fired. You see, the NC constitution says no one shall hold office if “they deny the being of Almighty God”.

The whole thing should be a non story. There’s a Supremacy Clause in US Constitution that basically says that if there’s a conflict between a state constitution, it automatically wins. Since the US Constitution strictly forbids the kind of clause present in the North Carolina Constitution barring non-religious people from holding office, it’s basically unenforceable.

The only reason this clause is still in there is because no one wants to bother actually reforming it. Every state has a bunch of laws it can’t possible enforce, all mainstays from a time when things were a little different (who wants to arrest people in NC for spitting on the ground?). Lawmakers feel that their time can be better spent focusing on making new laws rather than bothering to get rid of old ones. I tend to agree with them.

Fox News, being the infinitely wise and bipartisan media outlet that it is, put up a poll asking people if he should stay or resign. I find it actually kind of insulting that they would even bother with this bullshit, but hey, it’s Fox; they have a knack for pissing me off. If you have some time, feel free to crash the fuck out of this bullshit poll. As for Bothwell, he doesn’t seem nervous at all, and I even think he might invite his opponents to try their luck. It could force North Carolina to make an amendment to their obviously flawed constitution, and bring to light the fact atheists are still a reviled minority.