Category Archives: Blog

Chuck Norris is insane

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Before he can become “President of Texas”, Chuck Norris is on an anti-abortion campaign. He regularly blogs for the ultra conservative World Net Daily, and reading his posts is an exercise in both patience and a form of torture in some countries.

In his latest opus, Chucky takes on health care reform, lambasting Democrats for trying to provide abortion services to women in need. He’s not cool with that idea, since he argues if the Virgin Mary had access to such a system, baby Jesus would have never been born:

Lastly, as we sit on the eve of another Christmas, I wonder: What would have happened if Mother Mary were covered by Obamacare? What if that young, poor uninsured teenaged[sic] woman were provided the federal funds (via Obamacare) and facilities (via Planned Parenthood, etc.) to avoid the ridicule, ostracizing, persecution and possible stoning because of her out-of-wedlock pregnancy?

Actually, I rather like this question: here Chuck is introducing us to a moral dilemma that he seems blindly unaware of: what should a woman do if her life is threatened by a pregnancy (this being the fucking Bronze Age, the penalty was indeed stoning for being pregnant out of wedlock. Wow, what a moral bunch)? In Chuck’s world, you have the baby, no matter how dangerous such a propositions is for the both of you. Don’t like it? Too fucking bad.

Norris isn’t a particularly educated man, so I have to believe he has no idea the human body regularly aborts pregnancies if complications arise. It’s why until month three of your pregnancy, it’s best to be cautiously optimistic about the whole thing. But hey, if you’re not convinced all abortions are bad, that’s because you haven’t heard the best part of his wishy-washy philosophy of the consequences of legalized abortion:

Imagine all the great souls who could have been erased from history and the influence of mankind, if only they too would have been as progressive as Washington’s wise men and women!

If you can use that stupid reasoning, couldn’t this world also have been spared a few headaches if Stalin or Hitler had been operated on? Just sayin’.

Dairy farmer easily impressed by “Holy Cow”

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If you aren’t feeling particularly embarrassed at the state of human gullibility and stupidity today, that’s because you haven’t heard about this “story” in the news: Moses the calf (as he’s been dubbed by the local kids) was born with a birthmark on his head that vaguely looks like a cross. His owner, being a gullible idiot, thinks that it must be a sign from his all powerful God, who appears to want to communicate very mysteriously and indirectly. If it was my cow, I would have simply called him “Mr. T” and that would have been the end of it.

So now I have to wonder if they are ever going to slaughter this thing for meat eventually. Will Moses die for our sins and our hunger? I’m thinking when he becomes burger meat, it’ll be sacralicious.

Hasidic Jews are annoying

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You would think biking is so common these days no one would even think twice about it. But it turns out New York Hasidic Jews had the city sandblast cycling lanes in their Brooklyn neighborhood because they considered it a “religious hazard”. The problem, you see, is female cyclists are usually scantily clad in the summer, and Hasidic men are too sexually frustrated to deal with that shit. The city caved to their ludicrous demands, but a group of vigilantes have actually repainted the bike lanes in (can you still call yourself that when police see you do it and do nothing?.

Apparently it’s OK to be a segregationist when you’re religious, and like anyone trying to live by some insane orthodoxy, they often demand the rest of the world accommodate their ridiculous beliefs. I remember the Hasidic community in my city tried to force the YWCA to paint their windows in, claiming it was hard for their male members to avoid staring through them. I had a simple answer to this problem; how about not letting a bunch of delusional wackjobs tell everyone else how to live? Just a crazy idea, I know, but I think it might be a good one.

Science is cool!

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Evolution is so fucking cool. Check out this article and marvel at the power of natural selection in all its glory. For those of you interested in only the short version, it basically talks about how wide spread use of bird feeders in Britain has created evolutionary changes in the blackcap bird. These include more rounded wings and a smaller beak. What surprised scientists was how quickly the changes started to occur. Before the advent of bird feeders to provide them valuable calories in the winter, these blackcaps would have died out, but now they no longer travel to Spain to breed. Over time these new birds are adapting to take advantage of no longer having to migrate south. Is that awesome, or what?

It geeks me out to this day we can actually see evolution at work, but it also boggles my mind how some people still choose to deny reality in favor of the non-explanation that “God did it”. Why don’t you read a few books other than the Bible and marvel at the power of the natural world for a change. Trust me, it’s a lot cooler.

Absolve yourself through prostitution

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I love whenever a new church appears that includes sex as one of their primary rituals. There was the awesome Madonna of Orgasm church, which rightly put the female climax in its place as sacred and holy (what can I say, everyone has that thing they “covet”), and now there’s a new one that goes even further, by helping men absolve themselves of sin by having sex with a high priestesses, and giving them money.

Now you might be confusing this ancient practice with prostitution, as is everyone else. Judge W. Matthew Byrne has allowed Wilbur Tracy and his wife, Mary Ellen Tracy a chance to demonstrate that the Church of the Most High Goddess really does worship Isis “legitimately”.

It seems a little unfair that they have to prove they legitimately qualify as a religion; after all, if the Catholic Church had simply popped into existence yesterday, it’s doubtful anyone would take their insane claims very seriously (turning wine into blood, what’s that about?). It seems religions have an instant advantage if they can prove ancient gullible idiots believed in it too. At least with this church, you know the high priestesses had to think about whether or not they wanted the job, since you can’t even qualify unless you’ve slept with over 1,000 men.

Ok, so the truth is you could argue this couple is trying to use religion to basically sell sex, but how is that different from any other “spiritual” institution? All churches crave power and money, and yet no one is suspicious about their motivation. This hideous couple is just trying to make a living doing the only thing they seem capable of doing: fucking. I really don’t see anything wrong with that, and as long as Isis also encourages her followers to wear a goddamn rubber, they can go around trying to “absolve” as many dudes as they want as far as I’m concerned.

Mother starves kids waiting for God to provide

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Man, am I glad neither of my parents were religious. We were quite poor when I was young, and it wasn’t always easy to make ends meet; luckily, unlike this woman, my parents worked hard to provide for me rather than wait around for some invisible friend in the sky to fix their problems.

Estelle Walker is facing a total of 40 years in prison for child endangerment. It seems Walker had been staying at a cabin owned by a local church and refused to leave, find work, or do anything other than just pray for God to fix everything. At one point, her kids went 11 days without eating. When they were rescued, they apparently looked gaunt, malnourished and weak. Should she win Mother of the year, or of the century?

She’s even refusing to participate in her own defense. The prosecution offered her a pretty sweet deal: if she agreed to get psychiatric help, she would serve no additional time in jail. She refused, saying “God is my defense”. If this is the same God who failed to provide her with a job or food, I wouldn’t exactly hold my breath for him to swoop down during the court proceedings to whisk her away to magic land.

I detest how obviously mentally deranged people can so easily refuse psychiatric help when they mask their illness behind the protective veil of religion. This woman is quite obviously a loon, but because of her conviction even a judge found her competent enough to stand trail. This woman should be in an institute, not prison. When are people going to realize a belief like that is a sign of mental illness, not religious piety?

(Update: Estelle was eventually convicted and sentenced to an anemic 8 years)

Stop staring at the sun, morons

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In 1879, a housekeeper named Mary McLoughlin was walking past her church in Knock, Ireland when she suddenly saw an apparition. The images, like any bullshit visual trick our eyes play with us, took on a shape she was familiar with: the Virgin Mary (and would have probably looked like Vishnu had she been a Hindu, but I digress). A number of other people saw it, and because human beings blindly believe the testimony of eyewitnesses over more rational interpretations,  the Catholic Church decided that it was indeed a miracle, and since then the site has been a regular pilgrimage for believers hoping in some kind of desperate miracle.

Recently, a crazy fucker named Joe Coleman has claimed since having a near death experience in 1986, he’s been in regular contact with the Virgin Mary, and he’s told pilgrims coming to the site they would be able to catch a glance of her by staring directly at the sun. To be fair, the Bishop of Killaloe and the Archbishop of Tuam have both tried to warn Catholics not to attend the event, but it wasn’t enough to stop a bunch of people from getting serious eye injury.

The problem with even these religious leaders telling people not to stare at the sun is they seem to have as much authority as anyone else who claims to have divine visions. How can you mandate and control the imaginary (I suppose this is what religious institutions wrestle with all the time)? This is coupled with the problem the so called visions people are having are actually being caused by solar retinopathy, which is to say the slow damage to their retina is mistaken as a vision of the divine.

So far many people have been hospitalized, and it’s only bound to get worse, since Coleman is claiming there are more apparitions to come. While he should be put in a lunatic asylum, he’s instead free to tell other gullible idiots to stare directly at the sun for extended periods of time. Meanwhile, his more reasonable but equally deluded counterparts can’t even convince their own flock to stop listening to the rantings and ravings of a loony. Don’t you just love religion?

Creationists are confused about science

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Here’s a little comic from the creationist hub that is Answers in Genesis, and as you can see, the cartoonist seems deeply confused as to what believing in science actually means. He seems to think so long as you use technology in your every day life, you must somehow be a strong believer in the principles of science. By that logic, even a caveman using a lighter is “pro science”.

For most modern creationists, science is a relationship of convenience; they like things like antibiotics, automobiles, lasers, and computers, even though they reject any scientific findings which contradict their pre-supposed conclusions. As soon as they hear something they don’t like, or that puts their paper thin arguments to the test, they instantly reject/ignore  it. This is precisely WHY they are accused of not believing in science, they pick and choose what they like, and attack any findings that question their stupid beliefs about the origins of the Universe.

This comic highlights the serious difficulty secularists face when trying to argue the merits of science with creationists: they have absolutely no idea the science needed to create things such as antibiotics or microwaves instantly disproves their childish idea God created the Earth and all the animals some 6000 years ago.

Meanwhile, these people enjoy the luxuries of our ever increasing scientific understanding of the natural world while simultaneously undermining it with the annoying insistence that only the supernatural can explain the complexity of life. It’s not necessary to “believe” in science to benefit from it; after all, the vaccines I got as a child to protect me from measles and other deadly viruses worked, despite my ignorance.

So don’t pat yourselves on the back for benefiting from the advances in science, dear creationists, and don’t start thinking simply because you live in the information age, you’re automatically well informed. You aren’t, and it shows.

Lesson 9 is driving California bigots crazy

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I’m going to make no bones about this; if you find homosexuality repulsive, wrong, unnatural, weird, disgusting, freakish or sinful, you are a bigot. Now, the good news is all of us are a little bigoted in a bunch of usually unconscious ways, so you’re not alone. In all honesty, before my buddy Jeff came out of the closet, I have to admit to having been a bit of a bigot myself. As is often the case with us stubborn apes, it takes someone you care about to experience something in order for you to empathize with their struggle. I felt that after his coming out, it was time to do a little self auditing. Once I got over how awkward it was to admit some of my homophobic attitudes, the rest was actually kind of easy.

So imagine how impossible it must be for this fucking guy to realize just what a piece of shit human being he really is: Terry L. Brown is the proud owner of a website called “Whispers of the Spirit” (you’re kind of revealing your cards here, sport), and he’s written a deliciously bigoted article*  that I think is worth a look, if not to ponder the merit of our ancestors bothering to breed at all.

The whole thing revolves around Lesson 9, an initiative by the State of California to include a 45 minute lesson once a year designed to stop anti-gay bullying. More specifically, some narrow minded parents were fighting for their right to pull their kids out of health education classes (it’s actually pretty fucked up that they can already do that), but now a judge ruled that this lesson isn’t a health class. Now parents can’t say no, and they are freaking the fuck out. Meanwhile, guys like Terry are making sure everyone believes this whole catastrophe is government indoctrination.

It’s funny the use of that word, indoctrination, don’t you think? I mean, it’s fine when they do it to impressionable kids (usually scaring the shit out of them in the process), but the minute you try and teach something as basic as biology or civil rights they get all uppity, and basically accuse you of the worst offense imaginable: being just like them.

Terry and his ilk NEED homosexuality to be a lifestyle choice; the logic of their belief system is mired in Bronze Age views of sexual appropriateness (with their vaunted appreciation for monogamy being added as a new component), and there is no room for modern ethics. People like Terry frame their arguments indirectly, arguing for something rather than against it. So, he fights FOR his perceived liberties rather than AGAINST the liberties of others. Makes it pretty easy for some to justify their own intolerant behavior by believing in some grander goal, even if they are chasing windmills.

I’m sick of the way guys like Terry mask their obvious bigotry under the guise of individual freedom. Lesson 9 is like any other government program you’ve ever experienced as a child; long, tedious, and of zero consequence. The only thing of note is how paranoid parents are that their children won’t share the same prejudice they do. Truth is, like most children, they will reject the values you have that no longer fit with accepted norms (homosexuality is now one of these norms we understand very well now). Welcome to the future, morons.

* (the article has since been take down)

Uganda and “The Family’s” anti-LGBT agenda

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If you’ve never heard of the not-so-secret-anymore “Family”, I might suggest you look them up before continuing to read this post. In a nutshell, these guys are a group of powerful and influential individuals who believe the true message of Christianity isn’t about charity, forgiveness or any of the other typical conventions; they covet power, and believe firmly that Jesus came to Earth to take over, not pick sides. They’re essentially the worst nightmare of any secularist, since many of these members are currently in government.

Jeff Sharlet, the guy who exposed this secret organization in his best seller: The Family: The Secret Fundamentalism at the Heart of American Power, was doing a little digging and found the Family is behind a proposed bill in Uganda that would make Homosexuality a crime punishable by death. The so called crime of “aggravated homosexuality” even includes punishment for not indicating to authorities suspected gay activity. It’s essentially one of the worst human rights offenses in recent memory, and it’s expected to pass.

The list of scumbags who are supporting this bill include adulterer Mark Sanford (hey, isn’t adultery a crime punishable by death in the Old Testament?), Sen. Sam Brownback (who supports the Discovery Institute and is a creationist), Sen. Jim DeMint (who wants abortions to be illegal, even if the mother’s life is at risk), Sen. Chuck Grassley (who claimed that Americans need to fear government “death panels”, despite him being a part of that same government ), Sen. John Thune (who supported the invasion of Iraq as a way of getting Christianity in there), and Sen. Joe Pitts (the co-founder of the amendment to the health care reform bill that would make it so abortions wouldn’t be covered). That’s just the tip of the iceberg, I’m sure.

How insane is it that they are allowed to do this? Where is the outrage from everyone? I feel a deafening silence from the American public who elected these jerkoffs. Regardless of how you feel about the “homosexual lifestyle” (a term I have come to revile), you cannot sit idly by as members of your own government seek to facilitate the murder and torture of other human beings. Even the very existence of this secret organization violates the principles outlined in your Constitution. Do something about it, people, before it’s too late.

Iron Jesus, or Led Zeppelin?

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Get ready to be humiliated once more, humanity, as some of your brethren believe that a burn mark on a shitty clothing iron is divine proof that an illiterate dessert nomad was the creator of the Universe. Mary Jo Coady lives in Methuen, Massachusetts, and she’s been Catholic all her life, and feels this is a sign God listens to her prayers. I think it’s just a sign she’s either cheap or poor and using rusted old equipment to iron her delicates, which is just insane. I agree with one of the commenters on Boing-Boing who said that it looked like Robert Plant. Is it a sign of Led Zepplin getting back together and touring?

Murphy report buries Catholic Church

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I get emails from Catholics all the time asking me why I’m “picking” on their religion. It’s true they certainly aren’t the only game in town, but they are perhaps the most influential and financially wealthy religious organization in the world. It must be strange for them to hear so much criticism. It’s only been recently that any of us have actually been allowed to speak ill of the church without having to worry about being put on a rack, so my dear Catholic friends, you’ll forgive me if I take the opportunity to stretch my legs a little.

Of import is the latest report on clerical abuse straight out of what was perhaps the Church’s last great stronghold: Ireland. You might recall a few months ago the bombshell that was the Ryan report; it was only the tip of the iceberg, and now the Murphy report is outlining the exact extent of the conspiracy of silence and aid for pedophiles from both the Archdiocese of Dublin and the Vatican. Here’s one of the conclusions outlined in the report:

The Dublin Archdiocese pre-occupations in dealing with cases of child sexual abuse, at least until the mid 1990s, were the maintenance of secrecy, the avoidance of scandal, the protection of the reputation of the Church, and the preservation of its assets. All other considerations, including
the welfare of children and justice for victims, were subordinated to these priorities. The Archdiocese did not implement its own canon law rules and did its best to avoid any application of the law of the State.

Did you expect anything less? The Archdiocese actually took out insurance in the 80s expecting trouble, proving once more that they were more than aware something terrible was going on, and it’s doubtful everyone wasn’t aware at least on some level of the serious issue of pedophilia in their organization.

You might recall that the current Pope also wrote a secret memo (which has since been leaked) urging the Diocese to put the interest of the Church ahead of the welfare of children. He was also granted immunity from prosecution in the US by President Bush, so you can thank Dubya for that one too. The Catholic Church has never been particularly interested in stopping the plague of child abuse (or more specifically rape).

Naturopaths strike back!

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The National Post let a quack naturopath write an op-ed, and as you might have guessed, it’s pretty terrible (the article has since been taken down). Here are some highlights:

Many Canadians aren’t aware of how safe, scientific and effective naturopathic medicine is…Naturopathic doctors are likely to undertake additional diagnostic testing to understand what else might be going on, and take the time to talk to patients about lifestyle and environmental factors, all in the interest of identifying the potential underlying causes of a patient’s complaints.

The only reason naturopathy can be considered safe is it literally has no discernible effect. And how exactly do you and your deluded ilk perform your “diagnostic testing”? It’s not revealed in the article, but a simple visit over at the Vancouver Naturopathic Clinic gives us a a glimpse into their methods:

Electrodermal Testing: Electrodermal testing combines Traditional Acupuncture theory and Classical Homeopathic theory. It enables an experienced practitioner to quickly obtain information about many of these stress factors that come from the environment and which are not usually considered in normal medical testing but which can be responsible for many conditions. Unexplainable conditions, conditions in which conventional testing finds nothing wrong, vague or unusual symptoms and failure to respond to treatment. Electrodermal testing is useful in assessing the following:

  • Food sensitivities and intolerances
  • Environmental insensitivities and intolerances
  • Organ weaknesses
  • Mineral deficiencies
  • Vitamin deficiencies
  • Potential harmful reaction from medications

Ok, now you might be wondering what the hell “Electrodermal testing” is (I’m curious about “organ weakness”), since even the site doesn’t go into much detail about it. It’s a device similar to Scientology’s e-meter;  it measures the skin galvanic response (in other words, how conductive it is). They claim these devices can be used to test for allergies, and are more effective than regular skin prick tests (which I presume look less exciting). Man, wouldn’t it be great if someone had done a scientific study to see the efficacy of Electrodermal testing…oh wait, someone already has!

Results: …The results of the electrodermal tests did not correlate with those of the skin prick tests. Electrodermal testing could not distinguish between atopic and non-atopic participants. No operator of the Vegatest device was better than any other, and no single participant’s atopic status was consistently correctly diagnosed.

Conclusion: Electrodermal testing cannot be used to diagnose environmental allergies.

See, this is the essential problem with bullshit treatments; the people practicing them are convinced they are effective, despite the best scientific evidence that shows quite clearly they aren’t. This is precisely why they are  likened to magic or other superstitious nonsense. If their diagnostic tools fail to detect something as basic as an allergy (which is quite easy for real doctors to test), then what the fuck is the point?

You might recall that these are the same douchebags who undermine current accepted medical treatments. Naturopaths are against vaccination, and this is no joke folks; in many countries around the world, previously eradicated diseases like the measles are back with a vengeance because of consorted efforts of snake oil salesmen to question the validity of vaccines while simultaneously espousing their nonsense. What guys like Scott Maniquet don’t understand is we’re sick and tired of their stupid bullshit, and we aren’t afraid to get in their faces. Fuck your bullshit therapy, and fuck you for trying to pass your quackery off as real medicine. When you’re sick and tired of being a living joke, you’re more than welcome to come to the grown-up table where we use the scientific method to treat illness rather than magic.

By the way, if you still don’t think there’s any harm in this shit, check out this guy’s site.

Cry me a river

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So, according to Greg Craven, atheists are a plague; a bunch of unimaginative accountants of rationalism, unable to appreciate the beauty of a Picasso because we have yet to surrender our reason to dogma. Likewise, the audience that Greg Craven tries to appeal to (disgruntled Catholics who feel attacked by “new atheists”) believe every single nonbeliever is a crusty curmudgeon hell bent on ruining everyone’s “good times”.

One thing I find particularly irritating is the baseless claim we nonbelievers are unimaginative; lacking poetic resolve and supposedly unable to appreciate the beauty of the natural world. I would argue the exact opposite; we don’t feel any need to invoke the supernatural to appreciate the power and subtle elegance of nature. The very fact that we are able to appreciate this beauty fills me with awe, but it doesn’t suddenly make me foolish enough to credit an imaginary friend for its existence.

The author no doubt feels as though his specific religion (Catholicism) is being targeted, but I assure you most atheists are equal opportunity anti-theists. Sure, we may seem like party poopers once in a while, but you haven’t exactly had the best record, religion. Just look at African countries like Nigeria, where deadly traditions of witchcraft and Old Testament dogma have resulted in the death and torture of thousands of children suspected of being witches. Do these tortured children worry about the poetic virtues of faith, or are they more consumed with the business of escaping from religious wackos?

Be sure to check out the comment section, where Greg is taken to task for being yet another Catholic crying foul. So sorry we think your religion is total bullshit, Greg. It’s nothing personal, I assure you. Your beliefs are antiquated, embarrassingly base, and have no foundation in reality. Catholicism is nothing more than primitive mythology taken literally, and so long as you continue to believe in miracles, transubstantiation, and the infallibility of the Pope, “crusty” atheists like myself will be there to remind you that an illiterate Jew 2000 years ago was not a God, and was certainly not the final authority of mankind. I might also need to remind you Santa Claus is also a myth. Man, I’m such a bummer!

Witch trial in Saudi Arabia

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You know that argument you’re always having with religionists over whether or not religion is a force for good in the world? It seems like no matter how much misery, pain and suffering is caused in the name of religion, someone is always on hand to tell you that if it wasn’t for Bronze Age tribalism, the world would collapse into chaos (I’m so worried about that, you should see how nervous I am about that possibility…).

Tell that to Ali Sibat, a Lebanese man who made the “mistake” of appearing on television to give general life advice and make predictions about the future. The Saudi government has arrested him on charges of witchcraft, and plan to execute him shortly. Yeah, you read me correctly, and this isn’t the first person to be convicted of the “crime of witchcraft”. Others have also suffered similar fates; one guy brought in a phone book in a different language and was sentenced to 20 months and 300 lashes.

What else can we expect from 6th century platitudes? If you happen to be religious in this modern area, realize your civility and morality is a product of our modern values, not your religious texts. In fact, people who take a literal approach to religion usually act in completely barbaric and stunningly cruel fashion. It’s further proof no human being has a privileged line to the divine. The fact that people are still being prosecuted for witchcraft in the 21st century makes me want to shut myself off from the rest of humanity. When will we stop being so stupid and ignorant?

(Update: As of 2012, there were reports that he was allowed to return to Lebanon, but this has yet to be confirmed as of 2023)