It’s terrible shows like this that give me hope that not every child is being indoctrinated particularly well. The damage done by these kinds of yahoos seems relatively easy to fix, especially since these clowns can’t manage to keep a bunch of kids interested in their shtick for more than 15 seconds.

If you’re trying to indoctrinate children in your cult, might I suggest the trying the following:

#1: Be prepared
Just because they’re kids doesn’t mean they are easy to entertain. Typically there’s a “tone” you have to strike to get their attention. Loud, wacky, animated, and “alive” tend to spring into mind. While this show was plenty noisy, it lacked a coherence that can only come from having actually bothered to write a proper show.
#2: Be animated
It can’t be easy entertaining kids when you’re a million years old. It’s why most pros are young enough to handle all the coke you need to stay energized. If you’ve already got a foot in the grave, this gig may not be right for you.
#3 Avoid creating comic characters with shrill, annoying voices.
Kids are people too, which means they equally hate shrill voices that sound like nails across a chalkboard. Try a friendly, reassuring voice instead of your best Wicked Witch impression.

Can you believe the nerve of these Hollywood people? They dare to brainwash our kids with movies depicting oil executives as evil people. Why, that’s just not true! Did you know all oil executives are cuddly teddy-bears that care deeply for the environment and for the future of children? Sure, you might think that these people are leveraging our future in order to make record profits, or that corporations like Shell aren’t afraid of getting mixed up with brutal military juntas that kill anyone that gets in the way of the oil flowing. Those are just nasty rumors propagated by bearded hippies who make sock puppets in an attempt to moralize to our youth.

I love this idea that the Hollywood movie industry “hates” big corporations, despite the fact that the place is run by some of the largest companies on the planet. These are the same people that want to stifle the creativity of the Internet because they are afraid of people downloading their shitty movies for free. Yeah, clearly these guys hate money.

Not only does his name sound like a bad-ass metal band, but he is also the “Co-Prophet of the End Times”. That’s nutjob for “I think Jesus chose me to deliver you the good news about his planned mass slaughter”. He’s so crazy that one scary sounding name fantasizing about the death of countless human beings was not enough.

Priceless moments include:
– Referring to “withdrawal” as a Planned Parenthood form of birth control.
– Objection to having the Pope tell us what to do is the devil talking.
– God invented the “Game of Sex”
– God punishes you with STD’s in this life and eternal torture in the next.
– Dude admits to own lack of popularity due to harshness of message

Wow, did you know that Satanic cults are everywhere?

Did you know they they were raising children specifically for sacrifice, and that an effective way to spot these miscreants is to first target any business that has Halloween decorations?

Did you know any idiot can appear in front of a camera and say shit that makes everyone else’s brain hurt?

It’s amazing what you can learn in an afternoon, isn’t it?