Marco Rubio doesn’t know what a bigot is

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Lying is thirsty work, don’t you know!

The problem with most bigots is they have no idea what being a bigot entails. When you’re spoon-fed a bunch of bullshit lies your entire life that one can ‘respect’ a human being while still denying them the same rights as you, you’re bound to be confused when everyone is constantly pointing out that the things you say and do are unacceptable. Man, that must get annoying, right?

Take dead-on-arrival presidential ‘candidate’ Marco Rubio’s recent statements to the press expressing his own frustration for being called out as the bigoted piece of shit he is:

I respect people who disagree with me on certain things, but that means they have to respect me too. Just because I believe states should have the right to define marriage in a traditional way does not make me a bigot. Just because we believe that life, all human life, all life, all human life is worthy of protection in every stage of its development doesn’t make you a chauvinist. In fact, the people who are actually close minded in American politics are people who love to preach about the certainty of science in regard to our climate, but ignore the absolute fact that life begins at conception.

There’s a lot to unpack in that one statement: his false equivalency of comparing climate science with anti-choice rhetoric notwithstanding, the notion that denying your fellow human beings the same rights as everyone is a pretty clear sign of bigotry. Just as denying women the right to terminate unwanted pregnancy because of your unscientific view of conception does make you a chauvinist, suddenly claiming climate scientists are close minded and pro-lifers are the open-minded bunch (you know, the same asshats who ‘respectfully’ bomb clinics because they think their imaginary friend wants them to) shows you just how profoundly out of touch with reality this man is. Of course, that’s become the Republican narrative as of late, and these people are still confused as to why the American public is rapidly abandoning them. You know, there was a time when Republicans used to listen to facts, before they started to get too unpleasant…

Rubio can try to use double-speak to his heart’s content: it doesn’t really matter. Just like being over-saturated with ads has made most Americans immune to their influence, the same inoculation is happening against this sort of language tricks. People are becoming tired of the same reality-denying narrative that out of touch, rich white men (and their occasional exotic pets) are trying to shove down our throats. We’re mad as hell, and we’re not going to take it anymore.

New Pope elected and surprise, he’s a bigot

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After the first day of indecision, an old, antiquated bunch of clowns dressed in silly costumes finally elected their new infallible leader: Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio from Argentina. His new name, Francis the First, is in honor of St. Francis of Assisi, the guy who renounced wealth in order to feel more connected to the poor. Now you might think it’s a little ironic that a man sitting on 50 billion dollars and eating on gold plates should give himself such a name, but to be fair, Assisi did start out rich, so I’m sure this ‘humble’ servant of God will too, right?

Unsurprisingly, Cardinal Bergoglio is the kind of Pope you would expect a group of repressed, self-hating homosexuals to elect: despite his statements that gays should be treated with respect, he nevertheless is of the opinion that adoption by gay parents is child abuse. This kind of indefatigable respect notwithstanding, it was a brilliant move by the church to finally elect someone who comes from a country where people actually give a shit about Catholicism, and the Pope in general. Survey after survey in industrialized nations have shown no modern Catholic actually gives a flying fuck what the Pope says, since like every other religious believer, they simply pick and choose which parts of the Bible they like and want to follow.

As for the rest, we just need to wait a little longer until some other fucking scandal breaks and more insane news comes out, say, like the church owning one of Europe’s most prominent (and I’m assuming steamiest) bathhouses.

The Good Atheist Podcast: EP 311

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This week, Ryan joins me for a very special 2 part episode about Scientology. First up, we discuss the early history of the church, some of its scandals, and the way it operates. We also discuss what the different elements of a cult are, and I try to break Scientology down with it.

The Good Atheist
The Good Atheist
The Good Atheist Podcast: EP 311
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Kansas City atheists barred St. Patrick’s Day Parade

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Normally when you think of St. Patrick’s Day, images of green beer, girls in t-shirts that say “kiss me, I’m Irish”, and drunken revelers usually pop into your head. Over the decades since we’ve been ‘observing’ these liver destroying traditions, the religious elements of the holiday have generally fallen to the wayside, replaced instead with a party to celebrate the fact that Irish people exist. Hey, I’m part Irish, so I totally approve!

What I don’t approve of, however, is this recent story: an atheist group in Kansas City has been denied permission to participate in the parade for the simple reason that they aren’t religious. Here’s the statement they released to the press:

Kansas City’s parade celebrates the Feast Day of St. Patrick, the patron saint of Ireland, and the Christian teachings and beliefs that he lived and suffered for. The Atheist Coalition’s published mission is to advance godlessness through activism, and its stated intent regarding the 2013 parade was to carry banners with phrases such as “positively godless” and “morals without mythology.” It was with respect for the legacy of St. Patrick that the parade committee turned down the Atheist Coalition’s application to participate in this year’s procession. “

Is this the new excuse to prevent us from participating in public activities? Out of ‘respect’ for dead saints that have almost nothing to do with the modern, secular version of the holiday? If they somehow have a problem with the fact that St. Patrick was a Christian, why are those Christ-killing Jews allowed to come? I would think St. Patrick would have a pretty big problem with those guys. And what about Protestants? Do they count? Should Italians not be allowed in the parade because ancient Romans enslaved the poor guy?

So, despite assurances from organizers that this isn’t a state sponsored religious event, they seem intent on not allowing any ‘godless’ messages to be seen or heard, and that should tell you all you need to know about whether or not it is a religious celebration to these people.

Here’s hoping the kind of national attention they receive teaches them a lesson about messing with atheists. We own the Internet, bitches!

Another stupid Ark being built, this time in Texas

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They say everything is bigger in Texas: this probably also applies to the insanity of the populace there. How else can you explain this church deciding to build their own version of Noah’s Ark at the cost of a cool 5 million bucks?

You might recall that there’s a similar project out of Florida that’s been trying to get funding from Kickstarter. After almost a month, they’ve managed to snag an impressive $520 through 21 backers, which means to accomplish their financial goals, they only need to make about $37,000 a day for the next 40 days. Looks like someone could sure use a miracle!

The obvious popularity of such a project notwithstanding, the Cornerstone Church in San Antonio – the group responsible for this monument to ignorance – is inviting the public to see just how gullible human beings can be. For those parishioners who perhaps felt like their hard-earned money could have been spent doing something useful, here’s a soundbite that’s sure to ease their fears:

If casinos can build opulent buildings to incentivize gamblers to want to come and enjoy their weekend, how then can you justify not building something that would incentivize people to come and hear about the Word of God?” Hagee said. “I don’t have any problem with somebody saying it’s over the top.”

He’s right: there’s nothing I love more than watching ridiculous human beings waste their money on expensive, useless religious propaganda. Who are they trying to impress with this monstrosity anyway? Other Christians who already buy into this bullshit? Certainly it isn’t anyone with half a brain, or with a working knowledge of biological science.

Here’s hoping that the cost of running this thing becomes a boondoggle that ends up bankrupting their dumb asses.

Lawrence Krauss walks out of UCL debate over segregation of sexes

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During a scheduled debate between Lawrence Krauss and Muslim apologist Hamza Andreas Tzortzis (he’s the clown I spanked a few days ago over his supposed arguments for God), a fundamentalist group called the “Islamic Education and Research Academy” forced the students to segregate themselves according to their sex. A few students, who had decided not to observe this ridiculous custom, were being ejected for failing to comply with the misogynistic seating arrangements. Single women were being forced to sit in the back (so as not to tempt men who apparently lack any form of self control), despite previous assurances from the organizers that this would not occur.

After his courageous walkout, students were again allowed to sit wherever they wanted, and apart from this disruption, it seems as though the debate went smoothly (despite some objections from culturally backward assholes, that is). Thanks Dr. Krauss for standing up for what you believe in!

Office of Religious Freedom: non-believers don’t matter

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As much as we Canadians make fun of Americans (yes, I am a Canuck, people), the truth is that our own country isn’t really that much better when it comes to religious interference in government. With the Conservative party in power, it seems as though they are intent on copying the American model: in other words, they wish to turn this country into a mini-sectarian state in order to please their highly religious base. They’ve tried (rather unsuccessfully I might add) to re-open the abortion debate, until most Canadians flipped out and it was quietly dropped.

Still, it doesn’t mean the government is done trying to spend our valuable tax dollars spinning their wheels for the sake of religion. Enter the newly created “Office of Religious Freedom”, a kind of Orwellian sounding institution with a mandate so foggy, no one is actually sure what the fuck it’s actually supposed to do. Everyone seems to agree, however, that atheists are not invited to the freedom party:

A particularly bizarre media preoccupation was what the ORF would do for atheists. It is an interesting intellectual exercise — like how the minister of sport might serve the aggressively sedentary — but rather beside the point when actual mosques are bombed, or when Christians have to hold midnight Mass in the daytime where it is too dangerous to go to Mass after dark. People are being killed for their faith, Canada’s government is sounding the alarm, and the national media is preoccupied with questions only relevant in the highly secular circles that consider religious liberty akin to the freedom to choose one hobby over another.

In other words, he says if you aren’t into God, you can’t be part of his little reindeer games. Never mind that there are at least 7 countries in the world where being an atheist is a crime punishable by death: Mosques are being bombed, so obviously, non-believers don’t matter! It’s this kind of false dichotomy that makes my blood boil. It’s not as though any non-believers are denying the fact sectarian conflicts occur. In fact, we anticipate they will, given that religions are inherently incompatible with one another and tend to violently disagree about which imaginary friend is the real one.

There’s a pretty strange irony here, to say the least. While the ORF claims its aims are to help protect people who are being persecuted for their religious beliefs, no one seems to be motioning the fact that the persecution is being done primarily by OTHER BELIEVERS! It’s kind of an important point when the purpose of your organization is apparently so focused on religion. Hey, you know what helps people have their own beliefs? Not having the fucking state promoting one particular faith over another!

Religion is playing an increasingly important role in foreign affairs, and the defense of religious liberty will be a critical means for Canada to promote both pluralism and democracy abroad.

Even if that statement were true (which it isn’t), that’s not encouraging. Religion and politics are a dangerous mix, which is why we tend to push so hard to have them separated at all costs. You’ll notice countries where this has occurred have happier, safer citizens than in countries with state sanctioned religions.

Congratulations, Conservative Government, on showing us again why you’re so poorly suited to run this country. Now, if only we could convince all the old farts in this country to stop voting for these assholes, then we’d finally get somewhere.

How to annoy your coworkers, Jesus style

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You know what I love? I love it when I’m at the office, and someone vaguely familiar with their religion decides that it’s their duty to try and convert me to whatever bullshit they believe in at the time. Yes, there’s nothing in this world I love more than watching these people squirm when you start asking them questions their priest never really prepared them for. What’s the deal with Jesus and his intense racism? Why did he say he would return before his followers died, only to be a literal no show for over 2000 years?

Of course, most Christians have never met a guy like me. They’re convinced the message of Jesus is so good, that all you need to do is show up with a smile, a Bible, and a friendly “let me tell you about my pal Jesus” and presto, instant Christian.

How else can you explain this rather trite bit of advice on how to witness to coworkers, courtesy of Focus on the Family. The problem is, the act of proselytizing in the age of information is not an easy task. You see, the Internet is filled with annoying things like facts which tend to contradict fairy tales made up by ancient desert nomads.

Let’s examine just how helpful their advice really is, shall we?

1. Believe that God wants to save your co-workers.

In other words, convince yourself that your meddling in other people’s lives is something your imaginary friend wants, no matter how annoyed and angry they might be.

2. Be a good employee.

Does that count not spreading your nonsense bullshit to coworkers who know a lot more about your own stupid religion than you do? Usually, good workers don’t invite conflict by bringing religion in the fucking workplace, but I digress.

3. Think like a missionary.

In other words, be relentless about your message. Even if you’re on vacation, at work, hanging out with friends. Hell, you should even witness to someone peeing next to you in the urinal, because there’s nowhere Christ doesn’t want you to be pimping his totalitarian message, regardless of the general hostility towards it.

4. Fill in the gaps.

That means witnessing to people during what little time they have to take a break and relax from having to listen to annoying people talking to them all day long about shit they don’t really care about.

5. Put the Gospel to work for you.

Do you wonder why you don’t share the Gospel more than you already do? If every word out of your mouth isn’t serving Jesus, what fucking good are you?

6. Don’t forget to actually share the Gospel.

Yeah, don’t forget to read only the parts that you think they will enjoy, like this one from the Gospel of John:

“He that believeth on the Son hath everlasting life: and he that believeth not the Son shall not see life; but the wrath of God abideth on him.”

Who isn’t going to listen to a positive, loving message like that, right?

7. Trust God with the results.

You might get a little discouraged as you continue to alienate your coworkers, but fear not, for you must trust, without any evidence whatsoever, that what you are doing is for their benefit. After all, some guy told you that same shit a long time ago before you really knew any better. These people may not have had the chance to have their minds properly shackled to whatever limited ideology you espouse. Poor them!

That’s it folks; all you need to know to spread ignorance, fear, and submission to authority is contained right there. So, what are you supposed to do when someone throws an uncomfortable fact in your face, like the lack of consistency in the Gospels, the provincialism of their supposedly all powerful deity, or even the fact that their God couldn’t even fucking read or write? Trust that the problem lies with you, and not the fact that a bunch of ignorant sheep fuckers felt it was their divine right to slaughter the indigenous people of ancient Palestine. But hey, the stories make you feel all fuzzy and warm inside, so they must be true, right?

Don’t use Pro-Lifers as surrogate mothers, people!

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Let me give you a nightmare scenario: because of medical complications, you and your spouse decide to employ a surrogate mother to bring your baby to term. After the massive contract fees and the cost of in vitro fertilization, the pregnancy takes and everything is hunky-dory. For a while. Then, in the 2nd trimester, an ultrasound reveals the baby is having serious development problems. The doctor concludes there is a 75% chance the baby could die at an extremely young age, and an almost 100% certainty that if it survives, it will need to be in the hospital most of its life, having dozens of costly surgeries to repair whatever organs came out all fucked up.

Unfortunately for you, your surrogate is a ‘right to lifer’, and despite your insistence that she terminate the pregnancy, she decides instead to bring it to term. The baby is born with all manner of defects and genetic problems, and now, as the biological parents, the responsibility of caring for the child is entirely up to you, not the surrogate. Sounds like a nightmare situation, right?

Well, unfortunately for a couple in Connecticut, that’s exactly what happened. When the doctor discovered their unborn child would be born with a serious medical condition that would affect her internal organs, her brain, and even her physical features, they desperately offered 10K to the surrogate, which she refused, and instead tried to extort them for an extra 5K (the surrogate claims this was a moment of weakness). Realizing the situation was lost, the couple moved to Michigan, since in Connecticut, they would have been legally obliged to take care of the infant. Michigan state, however, considers the surrogate to be the biological parent.

When the baby was born, it was worse than the doctors had feared. Her myriad medical complications, ranging from a brain disorder where the left and right hemisphere failed to split, to having organs in the wrong places, the baby has to be fed via a tube in her stomach. Doctors estimate there’s a 50% chance she will never walk. Her tiny face also has a serious cleft palate, and her ears are deformed and mostly non-functional. The baby, in other words, will spend the rest of her life in the hospital.

In the end, the baby was given to adoptive parents, with the biological parents making the occasional visit. It’s a nightmare scenario brought to you by the self righteous assholes who think every unborn life is somehow more sacred than living, breathing human beings. These people – who live in a bubble of delusion – think their actions are mandated by God, when in fact their sanctimonious, reality-denying ideals imprison the rest of us to a life devoted to the infirm. How else can you explain the relentless efforts of the right to prevent all forms of abortion, even when the life of the child will undoubtedly be more miserable and painful?

You can check out the surrogate’s sanctimonious blog here

‘Don’t Ask Don’t Tell’ should return…this time for religion

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I’ve always found America’s obsession with the military disturbing. First and foremost, it is heavily populated by the poorest, least educated members of society who often have little choice in joining if they hope to have an education, or even a future outside of Walmart. You always hear on TV how much respect they should be given, due to their sacrifice in ‘protecting freedom’. In reality, the military is usually involved in efforts to control strategic resources, and while many of them do make the ultimate sacrifice of their lives, or even their health, as soon as they return home, they are ignored, marginalized, and forced to go back to the job market without the ability to export their new-found skills to the private sector. To make matters even worse, the military is slowly becoming a Fundamentalist stronghold. Ever since 9/11, recruitment efforts have been underway, as well as attempts to marginalize officers that do not fall in line.

According to a terrifying report released by the Center For Inquiry that details the ways America’s military force is slowly being Evangelized, the situation is only getting worse. According to the author of the report, James Parco – a retired Air Force lieutenant colonel, things are looking grim:

If this problem persists,” he continues, “members of the military will continue to face hostility and indoctrination, and the U.S. government will continue to experience public relations problems in future military missions. If it is addressed, the U.S. military could become a neutral and safe space for members of all religious backgrounds, and none at all, and the image of the America, as seen through its military forces abroad, could change from one of Christianity to one of a diverse people united for liberty and justice for all.”

America has an addiction to War. It’s why every struggle, regardless of what it is, will be called a ‘war’ on something: The War on Drugs, the War on Poverty, the War on Terror. All of these are rather telling abstractions that provide a window into America’s soul.

Now the article does make some suggestions for improving the situations, and I’m sure like most recommendations, it will fall to the wayside. The real problem, however, is the fact Americans are crack-addicts when it comes to conflict. How else can you explain the actions of a debt riddled country continuing to spend 700 billion dollars on weapons of war to fight an non-existent enemy? This is the same country which would reduce grants for education, money for food stamps, and welfare for the poor in order to build more cluster-bombs. If that doesn’t give you a clue to how fucked you are, I don’t know what will.

Who wants to fund a monument to ignorance?

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Remember last year when I put up Bible Stories on Kickstarter? I remember being nervous that I would have to live down the embarrassment of failing to attract enough potential buyers for the book. That’s why I tried to come up with a conservative estimate of how many people would buy it. Luckily, it ended up being a huge success (after an initial moment of sheer panic when we moved the campaign to Indiegogo). Unfortunately, funding is proving elusive to these clowns, who decided the best place to seek a million and a half dollars worth of funding for a Biblical themed animal reserve would be online. Called Hidden Ark, the only thing that seems to evade detection is any real interest on the part of the online community, but I digress.

The project – which has already begun – looks like the kind of epic boondoggle that is likely to lead to many bankruptcies, broken dreams, and a gigantic piece of construction slowly rotting in the sun. It could be that their sales pitch, mainly that donating to their stupid cause somehow proves God is real, isn’t striking the right chord online. Let’s face it: the Internet is dominated by non-believers. Sure, religious folks like to post up their garbage, but the problem is their nonsense gets drowned out in the sea of other similar bullshit. How can you tell whether Jesus, Zoroaster, or Buddha are the real deal if each one makes the same baseless claims?

After 2 weeks of solid campaigning, they’ve managed to wrangle an incredible $214 through 14 backers. With only 47 days to go, it means they only need to average around 31K a day in to achieve their goal. So doable! All they need to do is prove the story of Noah’s Ark – a tale ripped from the ancient Assyrians and Sumarians – actually happened, and I’m sure they’ll have no trouble convincing the rest of us the diversity of life on earth was preserved by a 500 year old drunk and his family.

(Update: The campaign ended up only raising 1k of the 2 million they needed)

So close, yet so far away

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Mother Nature can be a cruel, nasty bitch. Hurricanes, tornadoes, floods, earthquakes, volcanoes, asteroids; honestly, I could spend the whole day listing the many ways humans can be crushed, burned, drowned, blown away, or fall to their deaths. When these kinds of senseless tragedies occur (well, senseless to us as natural forces interact), people who still cling to Bronze Age beliefs can often find themselves wondering: if there is a God, what’s the deal with all this horrible shit that happens?

Enter the apologist*. His job is to convince you that your Omniscient deity, the one who supposedly is controlling this thing, isn’t the one who set in motion the long series of events that lead to your loved one’s demise. So, how do you square the round peg of religion? Why, you smash it with the hammer of faith, of course!

In short, it says that God is a god who apparently delights in suffering. It says that God is the sort of god who sends drunk drivers to kill babies, who burns down people’s homes, and afflicts random people with horrendous diseases like cancer.

Regardless of any potential “reason” such a god would choose to does this [sic] things, if indeed God had a hand in intentionally causing them to occur, then that God is not the God of the Bible.

That God is not worthy of worship.

That God is evil.

How is that not the God of the Bible? I’ve read the thing, and if he isn’t sending fire down from the sky to punish exiled Jews for complaining, he’s fucking over the Jews for not following his confusing and contradictory laws. While there are a few passages that allude to him being ‘love’ and other such nonsense, simply reading what the character does throughout the Bible gives one a pretty clear understanding of the kind of deity Yahweh is. This whole ‘God is love’ shit is merely the pressures of modern civility and ethics applied to an ancient death cult.

But there was no grander narrative behind these moments, no deeper meaning to be discovered if we simply read the signs correctly. They happened and there was a reason behind their happening, but that reason was mundane, not divine.

In other words, these things were not part of God’s plan.

Oh, so when shitty things happen, this wasn’t part of God’s plan, but when good things happen, everyone is supposed to fall on their knees and thank this supposed all powerful entity? Here’s the thing about ‘omnipotence’: everything is your plan. The spark that created the universe, the enzymes that formed the first lifeforms, and the actions of his creation would necessarily have to be part of it as well. See, omnipotence is one of those funny words that puts God in a bit of a corner: it implies that everything, both good and bad, are his domain. He’s not struggling, Zoroastrian style, with an equally powerful evil version of himself. No, evil is as much a part of omnipotence as good, and the two cannot be separated.

God’s plan is that one day He will make His dwelling place among His people to dwell with them. They will be His people, and God Himself will be among them and be their God.

So what the fuck is he waiting for if the world is broken and full of suffering? Seems like his followers have been waiting awhile in confused silence while they try to reconcile the cruelty of nature with their dogma of a loving God. Of course, all of this suffering and evil can be easily explained when you aren’t married to a fantasy that requires you to live a life of cognitive dissonance. Here’s an idea for you: there’s no one at the wheel, and there never was.

*(Update: The article no longer exists, and was never archived)

Neil deGrasse Tyson on Intelligent Design

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Here’s an old presentation from Neil some of you may not have seen yet. In the talk, Neil discusses the history of Intelligent Design, and why it still persists in society. While I’ve always liked Neil, and I’m fascinated by his idea that we should carefully study why some scientists are religious, I think at the end of the day, the answer will be quite dull and not very informative: mainly that when you’re convinced from a young age God is real, it’s not easy to let the idea go.

As for the rest of his treatise – that scientific revolutions are stopped dead in their tracks whenever religion comes around – it makes me wonder why he hasn’t taken a stronger stance AGAINST religion. He’s repeatedly refused to identify himself as an atheist, without realizing that coming out of the ‘closet’ would have strong reverberations in the intellectual scene in the country. It’s a shame, especially when he seems to understand just how dangerous religions are to science.