How to prevent an alien abduction

I know what you’re thinking: “Jacob, how do I stop aliens from kidnapping me and constantly raping my poor anus with their probes?”. Well, after searching long and hard (and by that I mean someone sent me a link), I think I’ve found the solution for you: build your own anti-spaceman helmet. If you visit StopAlienAbductions.com right now, you’ll get a number of important tutorials on how to build a crappy looking helmet that will let everyone know you haven’t been taking your medicine again:

The thought screen helmet scrambles telepathic communication between aliens and humans. Aliens cannot immobilize people wearing thought screens nor can they control their minds or communicate with them using their telepathy. When aliens can’t communicate or control humans, they do not take them

I guess they usually like to talk to their victims before they probe them. Makes sense to me! But what about this nagging feeling I have that I’m actually mentally deranged and should consult a doctor?

Aliens will try to stop you from wearing the helmet both mentally and physically. Remember that they can read your mind. Before you make one they may try to influence you that you don’t need one.

Well, that kind of takes care of any doubt you might be having, doesn’t it? You should take care never to leave your helmet just lying around, because…

If you are not wearing a hat they will go through your entire house looking for them. They will not, however, go into a locked cabinet. Before you make a helmet have some kind of cabinet or trunk that you can lock. That way they won’t take it…Aliens are unfamiliar with locks and the concept of a lock.

Sure, they might have the ability to travel thousands of light years, but their sophisticated level of technology is no match for a simple lock! If that doesn’t work, you can try dousing yourself and your possessions in perfume. They apparently also can’t stand the stuff.

Still not convinced? What about these powerful testimonials?

“The Thought Screen Helmet is working perfectly. I have not had contact with the aliens since I first started using it. Though twice now coming back from work, I have noticed lights following to the rear of my car, so now I take the helmet with me in the car in case I am abducted. “

Wow, lights following the rear of your car while driving on the road at night? Talk about creepy!

“I want to thank you and thank Jesus. The helmet works. …I don’t feel alone any more.”

If you are alone because you’ve scared everyone away with your wacky hat, that’s kind of a normal feeling, actually.

Well, I’m convinced. Time for me to get some materials and enjoy a life free of alien abductions (and friends)!

The Good Atheist Podcast: EP 251

This week, we begin our “Atheist Appreciation Month” by interviewing Lyz Liddell, Director of Campus Organizing for the Secular Student Alliance. Learn more about the role of the SSA and how you can help the next generation of atheists.

The Good Atheist
The Good Atheist
The Good Atheist Podcast: EP 251
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Homophobic preacher defends “punch” your gay kid comments

A few weeks ago, Pastor Sean Harris learned two important lessons: 1) enticing any kind of child abuse publicly is a stupid idea because, 2) the Internet forgets nothing. So, with these important life lessons now firmly in mind, he’s issued a non-apology for saying fathers should give their gay sons a “good punch” for acting like girls.

“I was telling them in strong words that were not careful. What did I learn this week? Be more careful with your words”

And with that care, I give you his apology:

You know, it’s amazing how ‘punch’ has been equated to inciting violence against gay youth. That’s not what I meant.

Yes, there is some kind of amazement in what you’ve said, Sean. Only this kind is about how anyone who condones violence against children for having same sex attraction can say something this daft and not be immediately shamed back to the Bronze Age. Sean, do you seriously think we’ll believe that you were telling your parishioners all their gay sons needed was a “go get ‘em, champ” punch in the shoulder, or are you just being careful not to be open about your violent hatred of homosexuals? The whole “hate the sin and not the sinner” shit is just another form of this veiled hate, but it can only contain this kind of venom for so long. We can smell your disgust from here, Sean, and we don’t like it.

Luckily, the Internet is here so anyone can go back and hear these very words spoken by you at any time, thanks to the magic of streaming video. Your speech will undoubtedly be one of many used in a documentary someday showing just how shamefully ignorant many of us were, back in the day when you needed to fight for basic human rights. Like the Segregationists of old, these religious crusaders will be remembered as the last obstacle in the quest for not only marriage equality, but respect and dignity. Sean Harris may not have learned any real lessons, but the rest of us certainly did.

The Good Atheist Podcast: EP 250

This week, we go back to school for our special feature “The Top 10 Stupidest things Atheists are accused of”. Carisa joins me for this hour and a half show.

The Good Atheist
The Good Atheist
The Good Atheist Podcast: EP 250
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Illinois conservatives defeat anti-bullying

In light of homosexuality becoming more accepted in society, there are still those individuals who have a problem with the idea two people of the same sex can love each other. Of the few institutions that still harbor an intense hatred of gays, the most respected is religion, and this has meant the fight for civil rights has been pitted against “religious freedom”. This tactic isn’t new; Southern Baptists were using the same tactic when trying to fight against African Americans being guaranteed the same rights as other citizens through government legislation.

Now the same kind of tactic is being used when talking about the rights of gay to marry, and be protected from abuse and violence. Illinois recently had an opportunity to do the right thing and chose not to do so due to fear and hatred of homosexuality:

The Illinois Senate today turned down a bill that would have encouraged anti-bullying programs in schools, after conservatives argued that such programs could be used as a front to promote homosexuality.
“There are anti-bullying programs that have an agenda, to only protect one class of individuals,”

We’ll ignore the fact gays are disproportionately bullied in schools: there was nothing about the program that singled them out. It was simply a measure meant to try and curb the growing problem of bullying. Fearing homophobic students motivated by religion might be put in a situation exposing their bigotry, the State Assembly chose instead to allow kids to live in terror rather than allow some gay kids to live their lives free of fear and persecution.

The bill could have actually passed, but because a dozen legislators chose to vote “present”‘, it failed. Like the persistence of any prejudice and social injustice, it is those who stand by the sidelines who contribute to the misery. Evil persists when good men and women do nothing, and that’s exactly what these cowards did. It should be a lesson to those of us who choose to say nothing in the face of injustice, ignorance, and bigotry. For every one of these poltroons, two brave men and women must take their place, to drown out the voices of those who oppose the rights of their fellow human beings. Although this battle may be lost, we will never let them win this war.

Religious People keep getting atheism wrong

Every day, another religious mouth breather with a keyboard attempts to find a way to argue the atheistic worldview is antithetical to the welfare of society. It’s so painful to read these articles specifically because at no time do any of these morons ever come close to making a valid point. The latest frustration to hit my peepers is an article entitled “Atheists Get Religion All Wrong“. This unidentified author tries to argue that as non-believers, we don’t really “get” the purpose of religion:

Let’s say those religions do disappear, even this very afternoon…Will all the problems of the world cease – would wars, terrorism, sexual molestation of children, discrimination, jealously, theft, just stop…Would peace and goodwill descend on Earth?

Of course not.

Well, we already know for a fact countless conflicts around the globe, the systematic cover-up of sex abuse by various faiths, the spread of AIDS in Africa and the murder of children due to dangerous superstitions would be severely reduced. While the whole world wouldn’t suddenly be holding hands and singing songs together, why does the end outcome have to be perfect anyway? No atheist has ever argued the world without religion would achieve perfect amenity; it would just get a hell of a lot better, that’s all.

If one wants to make the intellectual effort to understand religions one should look at the whole and not just the part. No one has to, of course, it’s all entertainment anyway. But still, maybe there is a reason why religions endure.

Tuberculosis may “endure”, but it isn’t because of some benign reason. Superstition is the same; our brains may be wired to jump to irrational conclusions when faced with few facts about the world (which is why filling it with facts is so corrosive to faith), but this doesn’t suddenly mean this is a desirable mental state. It was just a very practical one at the time. As for “understanding religion” more, do you get the immediate impression the author of this article only really understands faith from a Christian perspective? It certainly smacks of it when making broad statements that all religions are concerned about sins, or “fallen” people. Anyone who believes these are the primary concerns of most world religions throughout history has obviously never truly studied them.

The news remains: people do bad things and would be better off if they did the right things. The funny thing about this religious idea is that it is based on a fact. It is scientifically without exception verifiable that every single naughty, wrong, bad, evil is done by people. This fact preceded and gave rise to the religions.

How is “you’re better off doing something good rather than bad” a religious idea? Only a person indoctrinated with the nonsense of faith could even begin to believe that’s true. Animals in nature obey their own form of the “Golden Rule” and yet require no sermons nor holy books to accomplish this. The author is right: the golden rule is a fact, but it’s better understood as a mathematical principle than the revealed word of God.

If atheists want to dismantle religions they need to dismantle this verifiable fact and the belief that things could be better.

It’s ironic a person who has a literal belief a God will someday come and wipe out the whole of humanity in a holy war could even accuse others of failing to believe in a better tomorrow. Only a mind so steeped in religious nonsense could even stand that degree of cognitive dissonance. The largest religious denomination in North America is a death-cult obsessed with the end of days, a product of the embarrassing death of their messiah. This version of a “better tomorrow” involves rivers of blood, plagues, disasters and death. How is any of this dangerous nonsense needed to believe in a future more just, prosperous and peaceful?

The Good Atheist Podcast: EP 249

This week, Carisa joins me as we discuss Ultra-Orthodox Jews and their hilarious ‘discussion’ of the evils of the Internet, and how this religious group still manages to cover up sex abuse. Also, lots of nostalgia about the way information travels these days.

The Good Atheist
The Good Atheist
The Good Atheist Podcast: EP 249
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Orthodox Jews fear unlimited access to knowledge

Imagine holding a rally in a stadium to debate the invention of the printing press. You may as well do so now if you’re an Ultra-Orthodox Jew, because apparently, holding one to ‘discuss’ their official stance on whether or not they should allow themselves to connect with anyone not sharing their limited worldview is growing.

Give them credit for understanding the fact having access to unlimited information, coupled with the ability to communicate with other human beings at the speed of light is dangerous to any insular faith, or faith in general.

Like any archaic religion suffering from a strong hatred of the vagina and a distrust of any opinion that isn’t male, the event, held at Citi-Field, was for the boys only. So many morons showed up, they had to rent a nearby second stadium with a 20k person capacity just to accommodate them.

The conference questioning the Internet was sponsored by an Online company that was sure to hand out fliers for its products. Most were there on the order of their Rabbi, since their community is so isolated, almost everyone there was a perfect stranger.

No strangers to cognitive dissonance, they broadcast the very thing they condemned via electromagnetic waves, hoping in vain it wouldn’t get rebroadcast. Like anything on the Internet, someone “hacked the Gibson” and let everyone see what was going on behind the curtain, much to the delight/disgust of the curious, wishing to understand whether this is a tragedy or a comedic farce.

Indeed it has to be either, since no one there could actually agree on anything other than the fact the Internet is a scary place. Modernity has a way of catching up to you, and Orthodox Jews know well the temptations of modern Hellenization. They fear it but are secretly drawn to it, making it a lot more perverse than it need be. But that’s religion for you, twisting things and demonstrating a childlike understanding of what is the most potent invention of the Information Age.

The Good Atheist Podcast: EP 248

What better way to celebrate our epic 100th episode than by talking about Marriage Equality! In the news, Obama supports gay marriage and what that means for the rest of the world! Also, check out Carisa’s ‘geek project‘ and give your suggestions.

The Good Atheist
The Good Atheist
The Good Atheist Podcast: EP 248
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The Good Atheist Podcast: EP 247

We’re back this week, and Carisa joins me in our new place in Calgary to do a Mailbag Show! Questions range from my dislike of the monarchy to whether or not ‘in your face atheism’ is an effective way to convert people!

The Good Atheist
The Good Atheist
The Good Atheist Podcast: EP 247
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The wrong kind of skepticism

If you care at all about the human race, it’s a moral imperative to detest anti-vaxxers. Here is a group of people desperately trying to undermine what is undoubtedly the most important medical revolution in modern history. The introduction of vaccination has saved countless lives, but because the benefit of vaccinations aren’t directly observable, there are still those who refuse to accept their efficacy, with deadly consequences. The latest bunch of assholes is from Australia. Billing themselves as the “Real” Australian Skeptics, their website has only 2 posts so far, both of which testify to their complete lack of understanding regarding the methodology of science:

And just what is the ‘scientific method’. We hear about this a lot but no one ever really categorically defines what binds say medicine with astrophysics. The randomized double-blind placebo controlled trial (RDBPCT) is considered the gold standard of epidemiology but I can’t imagine how such a technique would be of any use in understanding how stars form. But what do I know? I think peer-review is nothing more than a euphemism for appealing to authority and its main purpose is to protect academic guilds from clandestine thoughts. Now that’s ‘otherworldly and alien’ for you.

What do you know indeed. Anyone who thinks the process of peer-review is an appeal to authority has obviously never experienced it. The whole point of peer-review is to allow other experts in your field to critically examine your findings, conclusions, and methodology to detect possible mistakes, misinterpretations, or even outright fraud. As for double blind tests, the reason this is so effective is it prevents human biases from influencing test results. It’s a method meant to prevent the very people attempting to isolate the effect of a drug (or any other substance) from unconsciously affecting the results. It fucking works, and that’s why people love it.

Now you should be starting to get an idea of the extraordinary deception that vaccine ‘science’ requires. When they say no link has been found, you can rest assured that no link was looked for. More than that, they had to cover their eyes in order not to see all the elephants in the room.

To cite only one example of how untrue this statement is (since adding more would make this article far too lengthy), the Canadian Pediatric Society spent millions studying the supposed link between the MMR vaccine and autism, and like the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, the Institute of Medicine of the National Academy of Sciences and the UK National Health Service, they found none. But with these clowns, it doesn’t matter how rigorous your testing is: they will always find something to criticize that they don’t really understand.

We might also be people who are innumerate (which presumably includes people who think that the double in double blind trial actually means something), or have low cognitive skills. This is quite strange really given that in the Western world, those who question vaccinations are almost invariably among the more educated and better paid, but never mind.

While it’s true many parents who refuse to immunize their children are educated, many (like the author of this article) are scientifically illiterate. Rather than be risk conscious, they are risk averse, convinced the potential harm of vaccination outweighs the benefits. Because we all benefit from high rates of vaccination, herd immunity is often enough to protect these jackasses, although not always. As the “Super Bowl outbreak” demonstrated, it doesn’t take much slack for there to be serious and deadly consequences. As their numbers grow, so too does the chance of an outbreak.

If only their stupidity affected only themselves. Unfortunately, there are those of us who are at risk because of compromised immune systems, like cancer patients, the elderly, and children suffering from certain types of maladies. It’s their carelessness and fear mongering that puts these vulnerable people at risk. Hey Australian skeptics, can you put these assholes in their place, please?

Article claims rationality is overrated

I hate it when our commitment to rationality is attacked for no other reason than religiously motivated people feeling slighted from the accusation that rational thought is abrasive to belief. In light of a recent study that found rational thinking diminishes religious faith (at least temporarily), a few mouth-breathers are attempting to argue being rational isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

It’s misleading for Harris to define faith as “belief without evidence,” Haught says. Faith, which is similar to “trust,” is embedded in our humanity. Atheists, for instance, act out of faith when they trust their partners, or even when they hope rationality is capable of solving every problem.

It’s interesting this author is trying to conflate the various definitions of faith. While it’s true I trust my partner will be faithful, I do so because I have plenty of evidence of fidelity in the past. This trust may not always be a “rational” thing to believe, but it is grounded in some degree of reality, something religious faith cannot claim. To use this shitty example against itself, if there was any proof my partner no longer deserved my trust, then it would quickly erode my “faith’. I can assure you there is little in the form of evidence that moves a religious believer away from their dogmatic commitment to bullshit.

Even though atheists are correct in saying many faithful people do come to irrational “supernatural” conclusions, Haught says theologians have for centuries offered a more complex definition of faith.

More sophisticated forms of nonsense are still rooted in nonsense, regardless of the relative intelligence of their proponents. Besides, so few believers are actually familiar with these arguments that one wonders if they should even bother to come up with more ridiculous justifications for believing in things without evidence.

The author seems to believe rationalists are incapable of imagination, or even intuitive thinking, when in fact, our commitment to rationality is a statement about knowledge itself. While I fully accept not all aspects of humanity should be governed by rationality, it does not mean the irrational ideas of the religious are suddenly true, or even meaningful.

In other words, as Einstein suggested, authentic scientists may well be rational and analytic — but they also have imagination, vision, empathy and a sense of values and aesthetics. All of which helps guide them in their intellectual pursuits…In that way, scientists are just like many spiritual people.

If you chose to so poorly define something, then sure, you could claim that. Or, if you used your brain for a moment, you would realize perhaps what these people have in common is imagination, although that similarity ends as soon as one group decides what they feel intuitively must be the truth without even bothering to back it up with any evidence. If scientists were more like spiritual people, then we wouldn’t have a lot of good science; just a bunch of meaningless, untested theories.

Ultimately, what Haught and the author fail to realize rationality is what grounds us in reality. While I don’t deny that we must let our imaginations soar once in a while, it does not mean that we should suddenly abandon what is still our most important weapon in our intellectual arsenal. To suggest rationality is overrated in a world still dictated by so much superstition is both dishonest and ignorant. Perhaps if our society was ruled exclusively by logic and cold rationality, I might agree. As it stands, I think the world could use a lot more of it, not less.

Susan Jacoby vs Dinesh D’Souza debate

Got a bunch of spare time to listen to a debate? Odds are if you’re trolling TGA, you have plenty of free time on your hands. You may appreciate this debate “Is Christianity Good for America?” While you probably already know the answer to this question, it’s always important to know what “the enemy” (I say this in the least vitriolic of terms) is thinking.

15% of people think the end of the world is coming

If you were hoping this whole ‘Mayan 2012′ thing would just blow over and be ignored this year, I’ve got some bad news for you: it would appear roughly 10% of the population is convinced the end of the world is happening soon. According to a recent poll, one in every 7 people thinks the world will end within their lifetime, while one in every 10 think the Mayans predicted the date it’ll happen (despite failing to predict their own demise).

About one in 10 people globally also said they were experiencing fear or anxiety about the impending end of the world in 2012. The greatest numbers were in Russia and Poland, the fewest in Great Britain.

That makes sense: If I had to live in Russia or Poland, I’d probably be looking forward to the End Times. There isn’t enough vodka or perogies to ever convince me to live in either of these frozen shit-holes (I’m happy in mine, thanks). Is there perhaps some overriding factor which causes people to believe in such nonsense?

Gottfried also said that people with lower education or household income levels, as well as those under 35 years old, were more likely to believe in an apocalypse during their lifetime or in 2012, or have anxiety over the prospect.

Ah, so if you’re an uneducated twat, odds are you’ll easily be convinced by lazy journalism the Mayan calendar ‘ending’ means something more than the simple resetting of “the long count” (Carisa’s favorite YouTuber has a great video explaining all of this).

If you really want to be depressed, the figures are much higher in both Turkey and the US (two of the most religious countries in the world), where 22% are convinced the end is nigh. Oh America, you still lead the world in religiously motivated ignorance.

Pastor apologizes for unintentionally getting caught

A few days ago, pastor Sean Harris made headlines after he encouraged his parishioners to beat their children if they displayed any “gay” behavior. Needless to say, he found the attention less than desirable, and has since attempted to retract his statement. Unfortunately, like any homophobe caught in the act, his retraction is less than sincere:

“I apologize to anyone I have unintentionally offended,” Sean Harris, pastor of Berean Baptist Church wrote in a statement on his church’s website. “I did not say anything to intentionally offend anyone in the LGBT community.

He claims his speech was intended as a joke, but judging by all the “Amens” you hear during his speech, it’s clear the audience was rather receptive to his abusive message. His non-apology also rings hollow when statements like this are made:

Harris said in the sermon that same-sex couples are free to live together. He argued Tuesday that there was “not an ounce of hate being communicated in that,” but said in the sermon that such couples live together “in the most sick and ungodly way.”

It’s the whole: “I don’t hate you: God does” argument that gets old real fast. The fact Harris despises gay couples is undeniable, and any attempt not to look like a total asshole is impossible. What I find amusing in all of this is only a few days ago, Dan Savage delivered a speech to high school journalists condemning the Bible for promoting (among other things) homophobia. A few of the students walked out, and the religious right immediately screamed religious discrimination. Savage was essentially vindicated by the Harris’ sadistic and cruel comments, which demonstrated yet again the toxic effects of religious faith. Nice work, Danny-boy.