This week, I continue my ‘Atheist Appreciation Month’ by interviewing long time blogger Austin Cline about his early experiences, his upcoming projects, and his plans for the future.
Are you suffering from confusing relationship issues that can’t be solved with prayer? Don’t worry about a thing: The Gospel Coalition has the answers you’re looking for! Just read these insightful tips to ensure your marriage is a successful testament to the power of Christ, and not your own personal desires!
1. It’s not bad to want to have sex with your significant other. It’d be another sort of worry if you didn’t. The key is to want to glorify Christ more than you want to have sex with each other.
See, your first mistake was assuming your relationship is about you! It isn’t. It’s about a dead Jewish guy.
2. The key to glorifying Christ more than you want to have sex with each other is that it is a decision to be made over and over again.
Translation: bringing a deified virgin into the mix should prevent those lusty thoughts.
3. Persons in a dating or courting relationship are on their best behavior. So however they are now, you can expect, over time, for them to get “worse.” As familiarity grows, people let their guards down. Marriage does not fix bad behavior; it often gives it freer reign. Ladies, this means if your boyfriend is controlling, suspicious, verbally condescending or manipulative, he will get worse, not better the longer your relationship goes on. Whatever you are making excuses for or overlooking now, will get harder to ignore and more prominent the longer your relationship goes on. You can’t fix him, and marriage won’t straighten him out.
Hey, that’s actually good advice right there. Good thing it has nothing to do with religion! Except for this sounds rather sexist. Is it always the dude who needs to be straightened out?
4. Nearly every Christian I know who is married to an unbeliever loves their spouse and does not necessarily regret marrying them, but has experienced deep pain and discontent in their marriage because of this unequal yoking and would now never advise a believer to marry an unbeliever.
That’s cool, I usually tell my readers they should avoid marrying people who have not come to their senses.
5. Assuming you’re special and you’re different and their experiences won’t reflect yours is shortsighted, unwise, and arrogant. The people who love you and are warning/advising you against your relationship might be ignorant fools. Those sorts of people do exist. But odds are better that your parents, your pastor, your older married friends are wiser than you think.
This is pretty strange advice. It seems to suggest the best people to judge your relationship are other people. I assume a sexless priest came up with that brilliant notion.
6. Living together before marriage is a marriage killer.
If it can’t work because living together first was hard, why do couples think not living together first will somehow solve the problem?
7. Premarital sex de-incentivizes a young man to grow up, take responsibility, and lead his home and family.
You know what de-incentivizes me? Having cobwebs on my dick until I can pay for a wedding ceremony, that’s what. And what the hell does ‘lead his family’ mean? Are we building a house together or something?
8. Pre-marital sex wounds a young woman’s heart, perhaps imperceptibly at first but undeniably over time, as she trades in covenant benefits without covenant security. This is not the way God designed sex to fulfill us. Never give your body to a man who has not pledged to God his faithfulness to you in covenant marriage, which presupposes an accountability to a local church. In short, don’t give your heart to a man who is not accountable to anybody who provides godly discipline.
Well, occasionally something soft and pink will get damaged a little, but that’s nothing a little rest and relaxation can’t heal. As for this notion that God has a profound interest in who you’re fucking, it sounds more like the earthly concern of celibate dudes trying to tell everyone else how to live.
9. All of your relationships, including your romantic relationship, is meant to make Jesus look big more than it is meant to provide you personal fulfillment. When we make personal fulfillment our ultimate priority in our relationships, ironically enough, we find ourselves frustratingly unfulfilled.
You hear that? If your relationship doesn’t make JC look like the ‘Big Dog’, then you’re doing it wrong. Don’t you know you’re an insignificant ant compared to his largeness? Isn’t it ironic that when you don’t give your whole relationship to your imaginary friend, you feel unfulfilled? Oh wait, that’s not actually ironic. It’s just sad, really.
10. You are loved by God with abundant grace in Christ’s atoning work, and an embrace of this love by faith in Jesus provides Holy Spiritual power and satisfaction to pursue relationships that honor God and thereby maximize your joy.
I seriously doubt that the same people who are always forcing you to keep it in your pants are actually worried about maximizing your joy. More likely, they want to maximize your tithing, so they can continue to make sure that no one has a satisfying sex life, least of all you.
Still having issues with your significant other? How is that even possible with such life altering advice? It must be you. You’re the problem, sinner.
This week, it’s a mailbag episode, and I’m proud to announce my Kickstarter Campaign for ‘Bible Stories’ is up now! So while you enjoy hearing us answering your questions, why not go and contribute to the campaign?
This week, my special guest is Guy P. Harrison, author of the new book: 50 Popular Beliefs People Think are True, as well as the author of Race and Reality, and 50 Reasons People Give for Believing in a god.
Here’s a tragic example of what happens when your loved ones are ensnared in the clutches of religious dogma:
My Darling Son David,
You are so very special to me and have always been the love of my life. I used to think when you were little that I would die for you, and live because of you. You meant the world to me and I will always love you very much.
Because of this love I always wanted you to have the happiest, safest life I could provide and tried to bring you up with the strongly held beliefs I lived by, in the hope that this would affect your own life for the good and ultimately you would live forever in Paradise on earth. You know all this be the case.
I personally have always believed in the Truth as presented in the Bible and have always felt the strong presence of Jehovah God and Jesus in my life, even as a child. I have always believed the prophesies in the Bible, and that there will be paradise on earth in which everyone will live in peace and love with no war, sickness and death, and that the dead will be resurrected due to Jehovah’s justice and fairness. I have always lived my life with all this in view, and have never sought a worldly, secular career or pathway. Becoming one of Jehovah’s Witness was the obvious next step for me.
This letter is being written by me with no outside coercion or influence because there are things I want to say to you. Being in the Truth had never been easy but when all is said and done, I am in it because of my belief in Jehovah, and what he has done for us, and will yet do.
I’m always a little suspicious whenever someone says specifically in a letter that they are not being coerced.
People will always let you down, and somehow we have to look above and beyond, at the bigger picture. So to say that some people who profess to be Christians live in ways that show them to be hypocrites is no exaggeration. But I strongly feel that whilst they may fool themselves and others, they can’t fool Jehovah, and “it is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the Living God”.
I have chosen my path and my way of life and so I must live by the commands and statutes laid down in the Bible by Jehovah himself. One of these commands has been the cause of great stress and grief to me, and I have put it off for too long now. I realize that I would have benefitted [sic] spiritually by doing things Jehovah’s way from the start, and I must emphasize that what I am about to say to you is not influenced by any other living person, but is purely directed by my conscience and a desire to regain my peaceful friendship with God. Nobody can make me do anything I don’t want to do.
I’m always really suspicious whenever someone claims not to have been coerced…multiple times in the same letter.
whilst this is the single most painful thing I have ever had to do in my entire life, I need to move forwards towards the goal of everlasting life, and to this end I deeply regret that I must terminate our relationship whilst you remain disfellowshipped.
I have cried myself dry over this situation, and it has broken my heart , but David you have known that it should have been handled this way from the start. You have chosen your path in life, and I wish you all the best. I want you to know that not only will my love always be there for you, but Jehovah too is waiting with open arms for your return.
Your loving mother, now and forever.
Her last line says it all; confused about her own delusion and her love for her son, she’s created an imaginary opening to have him back in her life: simply return to God and all is forgiven! Hey, it’s what Jesus would have wanted. He did say, after all, that you should abandon your families if they don’t believe in his ownership of all reality. How else are you suppose to manage a cult?
First off, never trust a man who gives you a false name. His name is not Joe, he has never been a plumber, and because he said things stupid conservative people like, he’s been allowed to keep this ludicrous moniker. Like any quasi-celebrity looking for attention, he believes his limited understanding of everything gives him a shot at winning an election. What’s his platform? That the Bible is good because it’s never been changed, or that science is bad because it does!
Get this man in Congress now, he’ll fit right in.
This week, Jeff joins me as we pontificate on blogger and ‘therapist’ Josh Weed and his tortured view of gay sex, and we make fun of Animal Planet’s terrible show, Finding Bigfoot.
One of the truly tragic things about Christianity is its propensity to label behaviors it arbitrarily decides are wrong as “sins”. This has caused all kinds of misery for individuals with a sexual orientation different from the majority of us. Gay Christians are often haunted by the idea that their sexual attraction to someone of the same gender is putting their “souls” (another childish concept we can’t seem to shake off) in imminent danger. Their solution, often times, is to deny the very fiber of their being, constructing elaborate justification for living a crazy lie.
One such poor bastard is Josh Weed, a proud Mormon who runs a site called “The Weed”. He’s recently come out of the closet, and he wrote a confused letter about his decision to stay married. While at first glance the letter may seem sweet and even charming, the underlying message is a hodgepodge of confusion and terrible advice.
sex is about more than just visual attraction and lust and it is about more than just passion and infatuation. I won’t get into the boring details of the research here, but basically when sex is done right, at its deepest level it is about intimacy. It is about one human being connecting with another human being they love. It is a beautiful physical manifestation of two people being connected in a truly vulnerable, intimate manner because they love each other profoundly. It is bodies connecting and souls connecting. It is beautiful and rich and fulfilling and spiritual and amazing.
This sounds like it’s taken straight from the Tom Cruise playbook: focus on the intimacy of sex, in order to ignore the fact that you aren’t actually attracted to the person sucking you off. Hey, I agree that sex does have that element, but it’s also a dirty, raunchy affair that’s best enjoyed with someone who naturally gets your dick hard.
Many people never get to this point in their sex lives because it requires incredible communication, trust, vulnerability, and connection. And Lolly and I have had that from day one, mostly because we weren’t distracted by the powerful chemicals of infatuation and obsession that usually bring a couple together
The passion may dwindle, but you might be hard pressed to find anyone willing TO SKIP OVER THIS PART. I would venture to guess that the guy has never actually been laid by a dude before, and his dismissing this important part of a relationship goes to show how little he knows about sex.
One of the sad truths about being homosexual is that no matter what you decide for your future, you have to sacrifice something. It’s very sad, but it is true… with homosexuality, the choices seem to be a little bit more mutually exclusive. If you are Mormon and you choose to live your religion, you are sacrificing the ability to have a romantic relationship with a same-sex partner. If you choose a same-sex partner, you are sacrificing the ability to have a biological family with the one you love.
This obsession with biology infuriates me, but it’s a consequence of religion’s insistence on humans to reproduce like wild bunnies. No doubt they long ago realized that to build a following, the quickest way to accomplish this is to ensure your acolytes have a bevy of kids. They usually end up just as fucked as their parents, ensuring generation after generation of people believe in utter nonsense. To pretend as though there are no options for having a family and being gay is both disingenuous and ignorant.
This whole article smacks of a profound ignorance on the issue of homosexuality. While Weed is correct in pointing to the fundamental incompatibility between his religion and his sexuality, their compromise seems to be “give up on your desires in order to have a family”. While such self sacrifice may appear noble, in truth it merely encourages others in similar situations to continue to deny a part of themselves, for no other reason than Joseph Smith’s twisted ideas on love and marriage.
In any case, I came out of this feeling sorry for Josh. He’s clearly a sweet man, but this living a lie thing has him spouting all kinds of dangerous nonsense. No one should be forced to deny their sexual attractions, least of all for purely biological reasons. I think this guy needs a cock up his ass, stat.
This week, Carisa joins me as we discuss the recent obsession with zombies, both in movies and in real life, plus a new designer drug nicknamed ‘bath salts’ that a big part of the focus seems to be on. If it all sounds like a shitty “Tek-War” plot line, then you aren’t too far from the mark.
The key to spreading a message is to keep it simple, stupid. The reason is simple: most minds are only interested in confirming their pre-existing belief, and if your message requires a lot of introspection or even thinking, it’s just not going to make it big. This might be one of the reasons why actually educating someone’s position is infinitely more difficult. Brains dislike the hard work of coming to conclusions on their own. They usually like someone else doing it for them.
One group that seems to have mastered the “keep it simple” unsurprisingly comes from a land of Biblically educated cretins. They effortlessly give their hoards of unthinking masses plenty of talking points that sound, at least to them, somewhat compelling. Take Caiden Cowger, a 14 year old kid who hosts his own podcast. He recently published a show claiming homosexuality was a choice (and a sinful one at that) and President Obama and Biden were “making kids gay”. It doesn’t take very long to realize this kid doesn’t really have any opinions of his own: he’s just repeating the hateful bullshit he’s been hearing all his life. But because he lives in a world where no one bothers to scrutinize what you say, he’s free to continue to spread the hateful message of the religious right. It’s easy: all you have to do is repeat verbatim all the dumb shit you hear from your local preacher, or perhaps your conservative radio host.
Caiden doesn’t need to learn about biology, or psychology to have an opinion on homosexuality. He’s free to simply take whatever hateful message he hears coming out of other “conservatives” and rebroadcast it so the rest of the world can lament the waste of another human being lost in their own bigoted world view.
(Update: Caiden now writes for “The Family Council“)
This week, Ryan is back for a special episode focusing on Korea submitting to creationism, a new survey shows that young people are less and less religious, and how authority structures use money to enslave us.
This week, part two of my “Atheist Appreciation Month” continues as I interview Peter Boghossian, a professor of Philosophy at Portland University, about the need to redefine “Faith”.
In an effort to completely erode any social progress made in the past 100 years, Louisiana, eager to outdo North Carolina and Texas in the crazy department, has decided to undermine public schools by attempting to make education entirely privatized. This serves two roles: it ensures that all education is to eventually be a for-profit industry (your health care should be a good indicator of how successful that strategy is), and it will allow religiously oriented schools the funding they so desperately need to teach children utter nonsense:
Far more openings are available at smaller, less prestigious religious schools, including some that are just a few years old and others that have struggled to attract tuition-paying students.
And what kind of subjects are students going to be “learning” at these private, religious institutions? Why, the basics of bullshit, of course!
Other schools approved for state-funded vouchers use social studies texts warning that liberals threaten global prosperity; Bible-based math books that don’t cover modern concepts such as set theory; and biology texts built around refuting evolution.
Bible-based math books? Are these the same geniuses who thought Pi was 3? Yeah, sounds like a perfect teacher’s tool, with all the answers in the back (hint: it’s something relating to our total annihilation). As for textbooks that “refute” evolution, I’m sure these will include the vigorous scientific research of the past hundred years…condensed into a 2 page spread about how Godless science thinks it has all the answers.
There are some who are arguing that the failing test scores of students in public schools would greatly increase, but the problem with this program is that while private schools may be required to make students take mandatory state tests, but there’s no punishment for schools which do poorly. They only have to make some bogus “accountability” program, something I doubt schools with a program specifically designed to undermine science would give a rat’s ass about.
What else do you expect from America? If something is failing, it’s automatically assumed that a financial incentive will fix it. If that were true, the country would benefit from the best health care in the world, and the most stable economy. Unfortunately, it’s precisely the opposite, but it seems you can’t convince these morons to stop doubling-down on their failing strategy.
This week, the return of Bible Stories, featuring The Book of Joshua, perhaps one of the most violent and twisted books of the Bible. Anticipating a big reaction to the show, this week’s bonus show is completely free, so come and get your fix!
I know what you’re thinking: “Jacob, how do I stop aliens from kidnapping me and constantly raping my poor anus with their probes?”. Well, after searching long and hard (and by that I mean someone sent me a link), I think I’ve found the solution for you: build your own anti-spaceman helmet. If you visit StopAlienAbductions.com right now, you’ll get a number of important tutorials on how to build a crappy looking helmet that will let everyone know you haven’t been taking your medicine again:
The thought screen helmet scrambles telepathic communication between aliens and humans. Aliens cannot immobilize people wearing thought screens nor can they control their minds or communicate with them using their telepathy. When aliens can’t communicate or control humans, they do not take them
I guess they usually like to talk to their victims before they probe them. Makes sense to me! But what about this nagging feeling I have that I’m actually mentally deranged and should consult a doctor?
Aliens will try to stop you from wearing the helmet both mentally and physically. Remember that they can read your mind. Before you make one they may try to influence you that you don’t need one.
Well, that kind of takes care of any doubt you might be having, doesn’t it? You should take care never to leave your helmet just lying around, because…
If you are not wearing a hat they will go through your entire house looking for them. They will not, however, go into a locked cabinet. Before you make a helmet have some kind of cabinet or trunk that you can lock. That way they won’t take it…Aliens are unfamiliar with locks and the concept of a lock.
Sure, they might have the ability to travel thousands of light years, but their sophisticated level of technology is no match for a simple lock! If that doesn’t work, you can try dousing yourself and your possessions in perfume. They apparently also can’t stand the stuff.
Still not convinced? What about these powerful testimonials?
“The Thought Screen Helmet is working perfectly. I have not had contact with the aliens since I first started using it. Though twice now coming back from work, I have noticed lights following to the rear of my car, so now I take the helmet with me in the car in case I am abducted. “
Wow, lights following the rear of your car while driving on the road at night? Talk about creepy!
“I want to thank you and thank Jesus. The helmet works. …I don’t feel alone any more.”
If you are alone because you’ve scared everyone away with your wacky hat, that’s kind of a normal feeling, actually.
Well, I’m convinced. Time for me to get some materials and enjoy a life free of alien abductions (and friends)!
