Tag Archives: catholics

Absolve yourself through prostitution

Posted on by

I love whenever a new church appears that includes sex as one of their primary rituals. There was the awesome Madonna of Orgasm church, which rightly put the female climax in its place as sacred and holy (what can I say, everyone has that thing they “covet”), and now there’s a new one that goes even further, by helping men absolve themselves of sin by having sex with a high priestesses, and giving them money.

Now you might be confusing this ancient practice with prostitution, as is everyone else. Judge W. Matthew Byrne has allowed Wilbur Tracy and his wife, Mary Ellen Tracy a chance to demonstrate that the Church of the Most High Goddess really does worship Isis “legitimately”.

It seems a little unfair that they have to prove they legitimately qualify as a religion; after all, if the Catholic Church had simply popped into existence yesterday, it’s doubtful anyone would take their insane claims very seriously (turning wine into blood, what’s that about?). It seems religions have an instant advantage if they can prove ancient gullible idiots believed in it too. At least with this church, you know the high priestesses had to think about whether or not they wanted the job, since you can’t even qualify unless you’ve slept with over 1,000 men.

Ok, so the truth is you could argue this couple is trying to use religion to basically sell sex, but how is that different from any other “spiritual” institution? All churches crave power and money, and yet no one is suspicious about their motivation. This hideous couple is just trying to make a living doing the only thing they seem capable of doing: fucking. I really don’t see anything wrong with that, and as long as Isis also encourages her followers to wear a goddamn rubber, they can go around trying to “absolve” as many dudes as they want as far as I’m concerned.

Stop staring at the sun, morons

Posted on by

In 1879, a housekeeper named Mary McLoughlin was walking past her church in Knock, Ireland when she suddenly saw an apparition. The images, like any bullshit visual trick our eyes play with us, took on a shape she was familiar with: the Virgin Mary (and would have probably looked like Vishnu had she been a Hindu, but I digress). A number of other people saw it, and because human beings blindly believe the testimony of eyewitnesses over more rational interpretations,  the Catholic Church decided that it was indeed a miracle, and since then the site has been a regular pilgrimage for believers hoping in some kind of desperate miracle.

Recently, a crazy fucker named Joe Coleman has claimed since having a near death experience in 1986, he’s been in regular contact with the Virgin Mary, and he’s told pilgrims coming to the site they would be able to catch a glance of her by staring directly at the sun. To be fair, the Bishop of Killaloe and the Archbishop of Tuam have both tried to warn Catholics not to attend the event, but it wasn’t enough to stop a bunch of people from getting serious eye injury.

The problem with even these religious leaders telling people not to stare at the sun is they seem to have as much authority as anyone else who claims to have divine visions. How can you mandate and control the imaginary (I suppose this is what religious institutions wrestle with all the time)? This is coupled with the problem the so called visions people are having are actually being caused by solar retinopathy, which is to say the slow damage to their retina is mistaken as a vision of the divine.

So far many people have been hospitalized, and it’s only bound to get worse, since Coleman is claiming there are more apparitions to come. While he should be put in a lunatic asylum, he’s instead free to tell other gullible idiots to stare directly at the sun for extended periods of time. Meanwhile, his more reasonable but equally deluded counterparts can’t even convince their own flock to stop listening to the rantings and ravings of a loony. Don’t you just love religion?

Murphy report buries Catholic Church

Posted on by

I get emails from Catholics all the time asking me why I’m “picking” on their religion. It’s true they certainly aren’t the only game in town, but they are perhaps the most influential and financially wealthy religious organization in the world. It must be strange for them to hear so much criticism. It’s only been recently that any of us have actually been allowed to speak ill of the church without having to worry about being put on a rack, so my dear Catholic friends, you’ll forgive me if I take the opportunity to stretch my legs a little.

Of import is the latest report on clerical abuse straight out of what was perhaps the Church’s last great stronghold: Ireland. You might recall a few months ago the bombshell that was the Ryan report; it was only the tip of the iceberg, and now the Murphy report is outlining the exact extent of the conspiracy of silence and aid for pedophiles from both the Archdiocese of Dublin and the Vatican. Here’s one of the conclusions outlined in the report:

The Dublin Archdiocese pre-occupations in dealing with cases of child sexual abuse, at least until the mid 1990s, were the maintenance of secrecy, the avoidance of scandal, the protection of the reputation of the Church, and the preservation of its assets. All other considerations, including
the welfare of children and justice for victims, were subordinated to these priorities. The Archdiocese did not implement its own canon law rules and did its best to avoid any application of the law of the State.

Did you expect anything less? The Archdiocese actually took out insurance in the 80s expecting trouble, proving once more that they were more than aware something terrible was going on, and it’s doubtful everyone wasn’t aware at least on some level of the serious issue of pedophilia in their organization.

You might recall that the current Pope also wrote a secret memo (which has since been leaked) urging the Diocese to put the interest of the Church ahead of the welfare of children. He was also granted immunity from prosecution in the US by President Bush, so you can thank Dubya for that one too. The Catholic Church has never been particularly interested in stopping the plague of child abuse (or more specifically rape).

Cry me a river

Posted on by

So, according to Greg Craven, atheists are a plague; a bunch of unimaginative accountants of rationalism, unable to appreciate the beauty of a Picasso because we have yet to surrender our reason to dogma. Likewise, the audience that Greg Craven tries to appeal to (disgruntled Catholics who feel attacked by “new atheists”) believe every single nonbeliever is a crusty curmudgeon hell bent on ruining everyone’s “good times”.

One thing I find particularly irritating is the baseless claim we nonbelievers are unimaginative; lacking poetic resolve and supposedly unable to appreciate the beauty of the natural world. I would argue the exact opposite; we don’t feel any need to invoke the supernatural to appreciate the power and subtle elegance of nature. The very fact that we are able to appreciate this beauty fills me with awe, but it doesn’t suddenly make me foolish enough to credit an imaginary friend for its existence.

The author no doubt feels as though his specific religion (Catholicism) is being targeted, but I assure you most atheists are equal opportunity anti-theists. Sure, we may seem like party poopers once in a while, but you haven’t exactly had the best record, religion. Just look at African countries like Nigeria, where deadly traditions of witchcraft and Old Testament dogma have resulted in the death and torture of thousands of children suspected of being witches. Do these tortured children worry about the poetic virtues of faith, or are they more consumed with the business of escaping from religious wackos?

Be sure to check out the comment section, where Greg is taken to task for being yet another Catholic crying foul. So sorry we think your religion is total bullshit, Greg. It’s nothing personal, I assure you. Your beliefs are antiquated, embarrassingly base, and have no foundation in reality. Catholicism is nothing more than primitive mythology taken literally, and so long as you continue to believe in miracles, transubstantiation, and the infallibility of the Pope, “crusty” atheists like myself will be there to remind you that an illiterate Jew 2000 years ago was not a God, and was certainly not the final authority of mankind. I might also need to remind you Santa Claus is also a myth. Man, I’m such a bummer!

Washington charity threatens services over gay rights

Posted on by

Remember the Stephen Fry and Christopher Hitchens debate about whether or not the Catholic Church is a force for good? In one part of the video, a well meaning woman stood up and commented on the fact that she was a Catholic and didn’t really have any issue with Fry’s homosexuality. Stephen responded by saying that the position of the Catholic Church regarding homosexuality is clear, and even though individual Catholics might differ in their opinion, it didn’t change the fact they support a bigoted institution.

In Washington, a Catholic Charity has threatened to cut its services if it’s forced to comply with new same sex laws making it illegal to discriminate against gays. The opposition from the church comes from the fact they won’t be able to actively promote their bigotry and hatred for homosexuals. Their arguments are, as usual, very unconvincing.

“Let’s say an individual caterer is a staunch Christian and someone wants him to do a cake with two grooms on top,” said council member Yvette M. Alexander (D-Ward 6), the sponsor of the amendment. “Why can’t they say, based on their religious beliefs, ‘I can’t do something like that’?

Pretend instead of having two grooms on the cake, it’s an interracial marriage, and the baker refused to bake a wedding cake because mixed marriages are against his “religious convictions”. We wouldn’t stand for that shit for a second. True, I dislike the idea of anyone being forced to do the right thing, but we cannot allow people to be treated like second class citizens, and we have to do our best to stamp out bigotry in the same way we’ve tried so hard to stamp racism (it’s a long process, obviously).

“The issue here is they are using public funds, and to allow people to discriminate with public money is unacceptable,” Rosenstein said.

The city is taking a pretty hard stance on the issue, and won’t allow itself to be bullied by the Archbishop, who wants to dangle their charitable services as a free license to practice open bigotry. I say fuck ‘em. Sure, it’s harsh and it sucks for the people who were benefiting from their services, but human beings are a charitable bunch, and I’m positive that other organizations will be more than happy to pick where the church left off. We cannot ignore the evils of an institution simply because it hides behind a façade of charity, especially when this same institution tries to use its position to blackmail secular governments.

More child abuse from Catholic priests

Posted on by

I don’t know about you, but I’m scared to death of religious cops. I get the feeling these devotees will put their faith before their duty. Take the case of Father Bernard Cloutier: back in 1983, he was being charged with the sexual assault of 5 boys. During the police investigation, his superior, Bishop Dionne, barged in and privately met with each boy while the police meekly waited for these “interviews” to be over. They seemed completely oblivious to the fact something fishy was going on when the charges were suddenly dropped, and the lead detective didn’t think any of this was unusual (he actually claims “it’s just the way things happen sometimes.”).

A little while later, Father Cloutier was quietly moved to another parish, and it wasn’t until 2007 that his victims again decided to seek justice for their abuse. A judge recently found Bishop Dionne had thwarted the investigation back in 1983, but considering this corrupt and evil old man is now 90 years old, it’s unlikely he’ll be facing much prison time.

I find it incredible no one is commenting on the fact this is not at all an isolated incident. How many times have these familiar events taken place? Hundreds of times, at the very least. How many lives ruined, how many families destroyed by these sick predators and the institution that endlessly protects them from justice? To you Catholics out there, can I ask you honestly how many raped kids it takes before you tell these religious scumbags to go fuck themselves? Is a few thousand not enough?

Bill Donohue thinks victims abused by Catholic Church are “Gold Diggers”

Posted on by

You’ve got to love Bill Donohue; no matter what the Catholic Church does, Bill is there to defend them to the death. Here he is claiming that the abuse of thousands of kids in Ireland at the hands of priests is an almost complete fabrication, and all of the victims are just a bunch of money hungry gold diggers. Thanks to the hard work of insane douchebags like “Dr.” Bill here, atheists have to work a lot less hard to convince people to abandon their religion. Thanks for just being your crusty, ignorant self Billy-Boy!

Bill Donahue is a fucking liar

Posted on by

Bill Donahue is a busy man; so busy in fact that he doesn’t even have time to watch the shows he criticizes. Here’s a radio interview with Louis C.K. calling Bill on his bullshit. Bill tries to pass this off as some kind of joke, but clearly, his words aren’t meant to be funny at all:

The sacred and the profane are elements found in every society. In our society, the sexual and the scatological often constitute the profane, as in this show. Ironically, the sacred, which is Roman Catholicism, cannot be ignored, even by the depraved. But that is no excuse for this barbaric presentation.

Wow Bill, you are so fucking hilarious. Maybe they should do a TV show with you someday. If I was the producer, I know what I would call it: The Bill Donahue Obnoxious Liar Dickbag Hour. Nah, you’re right; an hour is way too long.

Pope wasting his time visiting Czech Republic

Posted on by

Pope Benedict XVI is on a mission; he’s decided to tour Europe to fight what he’s dubbed “atheist ideology” and “hedonistic consumerism” (this from the same man who quite literally eats off gold plate in a gigantic palace). His first stop is the European capital of unbelief: the Czech Republic. According to the latest polls, only about 19% of the population claims to believe in God, and those figures keep dropping every year. You’d figure the least religious place in Europe would be a stupid first place to visit, and you’d be right; Benny’s own advisors are telling him this is a stupid move, but hey, what’s the fun in having Papal Infallibility if you can’t do whatever the hell you want?

There’s no fanfare for his scheduled arrival, and most Czechs are more concerned with the mundane to really give a shit about the pontiff’s visit. Besides, he’s there to warn everyone of the “dangers” of secularism. Yeah, the world is such a messed up place in countries where religion and politics AREN’T intertwined, right? Oh wait, it’s completely the opposite. Silly me.

If the Pope really wants to do good, he should head over to Nigeria and try to put a stop to all the terrible shit that’s going on there in the name of Christianity. Hell, he could sanction the use of condoms and save millions of lives that way. What do you say Benny, ready to stop wasting your time and do some real good with your life? I didn’t think so.

Catholic Church sued for vilifying woman seeking abortion

Posted on by

Who’s that guy who said “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone”? Was it Jerry Garcia or something? Oh no wait, I remember now; it was Jesus. Personally I find the guy’s morality to be somewhat limited (in the Bible he comes off as a big time racist), but this particular moral lesson is something the Catholic Church has never really fully understood. They don’t mind crucifying individuals they perceive as evil, even when it’s just a woman trying to get an abortion to save her own eyesight.

A Polish court has awarded $11,000 (7,400 euros) in damages to a woman likened to a child killer by a Catholic magazine for wanting an abortion. The article also compared abortion to the experiments of Nazi war criminals at Auschwitz.

It’s apparently incredibly difficult to get an abortion in Poland, and the reason Alicja Tysiac needed the procedure was because her vision was deteriorating as a result of her pregnancy. The doctors still refused to give her one, and now the woman is practically blind. The Church did everything in their power to paint her as a monster, and now they have to pay damages.

Just another example of the lengths these guys will go to prevent women from getting abortions. Well, I guess you can’t molest a kid if he’s never born, right?

New Archbishop of Nigeria causes controversy

Posted on by

There’s always an uneasy truce in Africa when it comes to religion. The combination of desperation and ignorance is attractive to mainstream religions, who send missionaries and monies to convert Africans to their side. In doing so, they have begun to carve apart communities. Take Nigeria as a good example; the Archbishop recently accused Muslims of “mass-producing” children in an attempt to take over communities by sheer numbers. He claims money from the Arab world is being funneled down and used to build hospitals and schools that encourage people to convert.

“They come to Africans and say, ‘Christianity is asking you to marry only one wife. We will give you four!’ ” Archbishop Okoh described this as “evangelism by mass-production”.

He’s not saying this because he believes these tactics are wrong. How could he? The Catholic Church has employed the same M.O. for quite some time now. If anything, it sounds to me like he’s jealous rather than angry. Still, the effect of such a statement cannot be underestimated, especially in a country where religious tensions are on the rise.

This is why religion poisons everything; with the election of this obviously antagonistic Archbishop, the uneasy peace building process that has been going on between Muslims and Christians may well evaporate, and we can all imagine what that would be like. This is the same country where they torture and kill children who are suspected of being witches. Do I really need to spell out what will happen here if this kind of shit keeps happening?

Convicted child rapist to become ordained minister

Posted on by

Have you ever wondered if there aren’t some churches that are a bit too inclusive? Sure, it might first seem like a good idea to accept anyone regardless of their past, but once in a while you have to know where to draw the line. Take the City of Refuge Worship Center, which plans to ordain a registered sex offender.

Mark Hourigan was convicted of raping an 11 year old boy, but ended up serving his prison term. No doubt in prison he did what most convicts do: he found religion.

If it’s any comfort (trust me, there isn’t any), officials claim that he won’t be ministering to children. They even got him to sign an agreement that he wouldn’t preach to children, which seems to me about as binding as the old “pinky swear”. Some of the (smarter) congregants have left as a result, which goes to show not everyone is deluded enough to think that a child rapist can be rehabilitated with only the power of the Lord.

I could be wrong of course, and Mark could have totally repented for his crimes. Call me close minded, but I’ve yet to hear about this kind of thing working out for everyone in the end. The Catholic Church tried the whole “use the Lord to fight off your sinful temptation” before, and it only made the abuse worse. My advice to these guys is pretty simple: don’t bring anybody that’s ever abused any kids in your organization, period. Is that really so hard to understand?

Catholic Church health care stance is schizophrenic

Posted on by

Here’s a great article about the Catholic Church and their attempt to force the Obama administration to exclude any abortion provision to their reform. Despite the fact the Church has been asking the government for decades to provide citizens with Universal health care (I’ll give them props for that one), they are now threatening to withdraw their support because women who have been sexually assaulted or who’s lives may be in danger due to their pregnancy would be able to have an abortion.

I think it’s about time the Catholics drop this issue once and for all. It’s not something they are about to win. In our modern society, we recognize women ultimately have the right to control their own bodies. The fact that the Church is trying to use its influence to potentially kill reform because of abortion proves they are more interested in zygotes than they are in living, breathing human beings.

Some bishops argue that they do care about the poor while simultaneously refusing to acknowledge that poor women have the right to determine the fates of their own bodies. Bishop Murphy of Rockville Centre, N.Y. says, “we strongly oppose inclusion of abortion as part of a national health care benefit.” But he also calls healthcare “not a privilege but a right.” The glaring discrepancy is obvious, but to be fair, spotting neon contradictions and gaping holes in logic are not the Catholic church’s strong suits.

Couldn’t have put it any better myself.

Another terrible article from Father de Souza

Posted on by

I hate the National Post. It was started by Conrad Black, who is undoubtedly one of Canada’s biggest scum bags. He wanted to start a newspaper to reflect the conservative attitudes of some Canadians. It’s the equivalent of Fox News here in the Great White North, with all the integrity you would expect from such a publication.

One of their regular contributors is Father Raymond J. de Souza. I’ve written a few articles about the nonsense he’s published, but this one sure beats the cake: His latest article is entitled “Why Priests Don’t Have Kids“, and de Souza seems convinced that the reasoning behind it is for men of God to be able to purify themselves in anticipation of the next life.

Father de Souza is convinced priests are supposed to emulate and follow the examples of Jesus, which is what I also thought before I did a little research of my own. It’s true, according to the Bible, Jesus had no children. In fact, throughout the Gospel, Jesus suggests his disciples and followers abandon their jobs and families in order to follow him. In his eyes, the rebirth of the Kingdom of God was at hand, so there was no need to do anything more than prepare for End Times (he told his followers he would return before anyone of them would perish, a promise he unsurprisingly never fulfilled).

The actual reason why Catholic priests can’t marry, however, has little to do with the life of their Messiah. It’s entirely because of money. Before the 11th century, it was not uncommon for priests to have wives and children, but as these kids grew up, their fathers would have to leave them an inheritance, and this redistribution of resources was costing the Church dearly. In 1139, the Second Lateran Council forbade the marriage of priests altogether and declared all existing marriages involving priests null and void, (these voided marriages simply turned their spouses into concubines). The Council of Trent in the 1500′s would officially make celibacy the norm, and from there, it was easy to sell the idea that it was somehow more devotional and pure, since Catholics view human nature as inherently sinful. You were devoted to the institution when you joined, and not towards family loyalties.

Yet this priest seems to be totally unaware of the political and financial reasoning behind celibacy, thinking instead that the amount of time and devotion he requires would not allow him to be a good father. That doesn’t seem to have stopped any priests in other Christian faiths from managing both. But then again, Catholics are so busy telling people they are terrible and evil sinners that perhaps it’s best they don’t have children anyways.

I’ll let Father de Souza explain in his own words the value of his celibacy:

The priest, and others in consecrated celibacy, lives now as a sign of the world to come, with his life fixed upon the promise of the eternal fulfillment God provides. In freely renouncing the great good of married life and children, the priest points to the world to come. Indeed, without the world to come, the celibacy of the priest would make little sense.

You’re right about one thing, Father. It makes very little fucking sense.

The Good Atheist Podcast: EP 083

This week, Ryan and I talk about the Catholic church’s attempt to lower the statute of limitation on child abuse.

The Good Atheist
The Good Atheist
The Good Atheist Podcast: EP 083
Loading
/