There’s a storm-a-brewin’ in Australia, and a controversial church group called “Catch the Fire Ministries“. Their leader, a nutjob by the name of Daniel Nalliah, is crazy enough the Family First Party asked him to step down as a candidate after he published brochures that said God would destroy “Satan’s Strongholds”, which included mosques and Buddhist temples.

Nalliah’s big problem right now is the Prime Minister of the country is an atheist, and this, according to him, is putting the country in grave danger:

Dr Nalliah, a former Family First candidate who was asked to leave the party for his controversial views, has already blamed the Queensland floods on Kevin Rudd speaking out against Israel.

He also blamed the Victorian bushfires on that state’s liberalization of abortion laws.

“How many more disasters will it take before our nation, starting from the Prime Minister, would fall on our knees and ask for God’s protection and turn back to Him?”

Yes, believers are never struck with natural disasters. Even if they are, it’s totally the fault of sodomites and people with different political opinions.

You know, there’s a part of me that envies their crazy delusion. As far as they are concerned, the real cause of human misery isn’t due to the fact  we’re on a cooling ball of rock with a moving crust and a complex atmosphere, it’s because you touch yourself, or some other such nonsense. They truly believe if everyone just capitulated to their arbitrary rules, a male god would reward them with eternal protection. Cuz you know, that worked so well for the Jews, right?

(Update: The site is no longer active)

I can accept the fact that some people are just going to flat out detest people who don’t believe exactly what they do. It’s well within someone’s right to be a selfish dick, but I draw the line when the person in question has a job that requires requires them to forgo their petty, xenophobic tendencies.

I’m fairly confident you’ll agree a governor should be someone who places the good of the voting public above his private beliefs, but unfortunately it seems as though not everyone shares this attitude. In Alabama, the new Republican governor Robert Bentley had a special message to those who didn’t believe in his bearded hippie God:

“I was elected as a Republican candidate. But once I became governor … I became the governor of all the people. I intend to live up to that. I am color blind.”

“But if you have been adopted in God’s family like I have, and like you have if you’re a Christian and if you’re saved, and the Holy Spirit lives within you just like the Holy Spirit lives within me, then you know what that makes? It makes you and me brothers. And it makes you and me brother and sister.”

Bentley added, “Now I will have to say that, if we don’t have the same daddy, we’re not brothers and sisters. So anybody here today who has not accepted Jesus Christ as their Savior, I’m telling you, you’re not my brother and you’re not my sister, and I want to be your brother”.

Wow, you’re color blind, Robby? How enlightened! It must almost feel like you’re a good person when you claim not to judge people based on the color of their skin. Too bad you don’t seem to take the same attitude regarding their beliefs, you close-minded prick.

You want to know why you shouldn’t donate money to religious charitable organizations? Because they end up doing this kind of shit:

The Salvation Army says it refuses to distribute Harry Potter and Twilight toys collected for needy children because they’re incompatible with the charity’s Christian beliefs.

The policy has alarmed a Calgarian who volunteered to sift through a southeast warehouse full of unused, donated items and was alarmed when he was told by Salvation Army officials that the two kinds of toys are “disposed of” and not given to other charities.

“I asked if these toys went to another charitable organizations but was told no, that by passing these toys on to another agency for distribution would be supporting these toys”

Some of you might recall the intense hatred and mistrust Christians have against the concepts of wizards, vampires and werewolves. Generally speaking, serious Bible literalists contend their holy book makes special mentions about how anyone practicing witchcraft should be killed. See, they actually took this nonsense seriously, rather than just chilling out and enjoying a little fantasy. This same maniacal need to listen to revelation resulted in the systematic murder of countless women in Europe during the period we call “The Inquisition”.

They may have chilled out a bit since then, but how fucking ridiculous is it people are still concerned stuff like Harry Potter and Twilight will send their children into the arms of Satanists eagerly awaiting the corruption of their young souls. It’s just more fiction, except in this case, people actually take it seriously.

Boy, am I excited. After nearly 2000 years of being a complete fucking no-show, Jesus has announced his glorious return on May 21st, 2011. This is according to a Nashville billboard paid for by fans of Family Radio Inc, which according to their website has the correct calculation for the return of the Lord:

Thus Holy God is showing us by the words of 2 Peter 3:8 that He wants us to know that exactly 7,000 years after He destroyed the world with water in Noah’s day, He plans to destroy the entire world forever. Because the year 2011 A.D. is exactly 7,000 years after 4990 B.C. when the flood began, the Bible has given us absolute proof that the year 2011 is the end of the world during the Day of Judgment, which will come on the last day of the Day of Judgment.

Amazingly, May 21, 2011 is the 17th day of the 2nd month of the Biblical calendar of our day. Remember, the flood waters also began on the 17th day of the 2nd month, in the year 4990 B.C.

How could we forget? Yes, the story of Noah proves the loving God of the Old Testament likes to roll around and basically annihilate his creation every time he’s unhappy with the outcome. I know how he feels: when I play SimCity and figure out halfway through my city just simply can’t support itself, I usually send a few natural disasters to “cleanse” the place, and allow me to start over. I’ve been waiting for the expansion pack that would include the crazy mouth-sword killer Jesus of Revelation, but so far it hasn’t come out yet.

So mark your calendars, people! Jesus is coming back, and he’s bringing a death sickle!

(Update: The site Family Radio has since been discontinued)

Do you hear that? It’s the sound of a million Christians crying in agony as society increasingly becomes secular and grows out of its infantile need to believe in fairy-tales. As Christmas rolls around, believers are upset it has been “re-branded” to no longer have much liturgy associated with the holiday:

Even Christmas is being “re-branded” as a secular festival because councils, politicians and businesses are “ashamed” of its true religious meaning, he said.
Lord Carey’s remarks came as he launched a national campaign to promote the right of Christians to express their beliefs in public and at work.
“This attempt to ‘air-brush’ the Christian faith out of the picture is especially obvious as Christmas approaches,” Lord Carey said. “The local council switches on ‘winter lights’ in place of Christmas decorations. Even Christmas has become something of which some are ashamed.”

Do you not feel this whole complaint is insanely ironic, considering the fact the winter solstice was hijacked by desperate Christians trying to stop this pagan holiday. Now that society has re-appropriated it and made it more inclusive, they are literally losing their shit over it.

Lord Carey was launching national “Not-Ashamed Day” today (Weds 1 Dec), under which Christians are encouraged to wear crucifixes and demonstrate their pride in their religious beliefs.

Yes, you should totally wear your crosses so that we can identify which members of society still cling in desperation to primitive myths. Just accept the possibility guys like me might just rip you a new asshole for being so superstitiously ignorant.

Every once in a while, I manage to find articles written by religious leaders that I find refreshingly honest. It doesn’t happen very often, mind you, but when it does, it gives me hope these deluded fools will eventually realize their religion is on a serious death spiral.

The latest bastion of honesty comes courtesy of a retired Baptist Minister, Rev. Howard Bess who confesses the reasons young people are leaving churches has a lot to do with how poorly religious institutions are doing when it comes to attracting young folks.

He’s outlined 3 main reasons for this, and I can’t say I seriously disagree with any of them:

• Churches are no longer intellectually challenging. More and more of our young people are college-educated and in the future even more must and will accept the challenge of post-high school education. They are thinking people who are expanding the limits of their curiosity and knowledge.
• Churches are no longer leaders in moral and ethical discussions. Young people have grown weary of churches that cannot get past issues such as homosexuality and abortion.
• Churches are no longer visionary. They have remained focused on saving souls for the next life and offering rituals tied to perpetuating theologies that no longer seem relevant to many young people. Churches are no longer significant players in shaping the life of our communities.

He offers a few solutions to these problems, but it’s likely to fall on deaf ears. How can churches resolve issues of intellectual deficiency, moral bankruptcy and outdated ritualism when these are the very foundations of religion? Let’s grow out of this childish religious phase in our history, shall we?

I’m sure most of you have heard Christians trying in vain to defend themselves regarding the tenents of their faith, arguing just because they believe in the supernatural, doesn’t mean they are idiots. It’s true stupid beliefs don’t automatically make you dumb, but to be fair, they doesn’t exactly make you look like a genius, does it?

The “War on Christmas” as Christians like to call it, is starting to heat up. American Atheists put up this billboard in New Jersey, and already you can hear the whimpers of religious sheep who feel as though non-believers are unfairly attacking their faith.

Mary Elizabeth Willaims from Salon.com feels as though the big meany message of “you know it’s a myth” is unnecessarily targeting Christians and labeling them as idiots:

How about acknowledging that traditions and rituals can be a means of honoring ideologies that are far more subtle and complex than a chorus of “Oh Come All Ye Faithful”?

Or to put it another way, how about considering that faith and reason are not always in direct opposition, or that anyone who believes in anything is not automatically a myth-embracing moron?

To be fair, I don’t see the billboard accusing anyone of actually being a moron; that’s just you projecting, Mary. And no, faith and reason aren’t compatible at all, since one is the rejection of evidence in favor of a pre-determined conviction while the other is fact-based.

Sorry we have to be the “bad guys” and point out Christianity didn’t invent the practice of celebrating the winter solstice. If believers feel being honest about what we believe is offensive, then perhaps they should subscribe to ideas which have at least some basis in objective reality. We’re sick and tired of their bullshit myths, and we’re not going to take it anymore!

Churches in the US are hurting. Not only is tithing at an all time low, now, in an effort to fill their coffers, many have decided to try and expand in hip new directions in order to make more money. A few Churches have created coffee shops and even gyms as a way of attracting new faces. Of course, with all this additional income, the much sought-after tax exemption of some churches are being contested, including one in Nashville, Tennessee that refuses to pay over 400k in taxes for their various side businesses, which includes a gym, bookstore and café:

The Tennessee State Board of Equalization, which decides tax exemptions for churches, contends those are commercial enterprises, so the portion of church property they occupy can be taxed.

The 2,300-member Christ Church insists that’s an outdated view of how churches operate, and those enterprises should be considered part of ministerial outreach.

What a load of bullshit. A gym is part of their “outreach”? Maybe if the gym was free and people were forced to pray with every bench press, but as it stands, it’s clearly a for-profit business. I already loath the fact these ass-clowns already get tax exemption for tricking idiots out of their hard-earned money. Now they want to open up countless side businesses and still benefit from tax exemption?

Pay your fucking bills, you deadbeat losers!