What better way to convince me your God is real than by asking him to arrange a terrible accident that crippled me forever? It’s a good thing prayer doesn’t work, otherwise these scary motherfuckers would be causing all kinds of crazy havoc. I’m not exactly sure if this guy is psychotic or not, but if there was a candidate for religious nutjob, he’d make the cut.
Tag Archives: christianity
Tony Blair’s wife thinks religion is a “get out of jail free” card
Imagine you’re waiting in line at a bank and suddenly you get in an argument with someone waiting in the queue with you. Maybe he cut in line, or maybe you’re just a dick; doesn’t really matter. Things escalate, and suddenly you sock him right in the face. Now, should you be exempt from punishment because you had just come from a religious service not 10 minutes before?
Cherie Booth sure thinks so. The judge and wife of former douchebag Prime Minister Tony Blair recently spared a man from going to jail because he was religious, and she felt this indicated something about his character. The National Secular Society is not amused, and they claim her attitude was discriminatory (would she have been so lenient with an atheist?).
I’m sick and tired of the mistaken assumption religious people are somehow more moral than their non-religious counterparts, especially when every study seems to indicate that if there is a trend, it’s usually that religion actually makes you LESS moral. It’s probably because when every decision is made for you, you don’t take the time to actually weigh the consequences of your own actions, like say, whether or not it’s OK to punch a man in the face for no fucking reason. Still, I won’t assume the accused was more violent simply because he was a religious man, but I certainly wouldn’t let anyone off the hook simply because they had just come back from mosque.
Frank Zappa sticks it to Christians
Remember when Rock and Roll was a way of rebelling against the tyranny of religious fundamentalists? How could you not love this art form, and one of their most important ambassadors, Frank Zappa. We miss you, man!
Lancaster mayor claims city is “growing a Christian community”
Seems like every politician these days has forgotten about the First Amendment, since they can’t stop trying to shove their religion down everyone’s throats. The latest clueless jackass is Mayor R. Rex Parris of Lancaster, in Southern California, who said during his annual State of the City address that the city was growing a Christian community.
I need [Lancaster residents] standing up and saying we’re a Christian community, and we’re proud of that,” the mayor said.
Needless to say, not everyone was thrilled with this statement, and the Council on American-Islamic Relations has demanded that he apologize for using his office to promote his religion. Parris has refused, saying it’s just the group’s way of trying to get attention. If you read the comment section of this article, it looks like the vast majority of respondents are happy with the Mayor’s speech.
Islamists will always complain about any religion unless it is their own [as opposed to Christians?].
Wether [sic] you moslems like it or not, this IS a Christian country, just as Egypt is a moslem country and just as Saudi Arabia is a moslem country [what great countries to compare yourself to!].
I don’t care what Muslims say anymore. If they don’t like the USA, then get the hell out. This country is predominately christian and Jewish [give me your poor and tired, but only if they accept Jesus Christ].
Of course, because they’re in the majority, Christians haven’t stopped to consider the corrosive effect religion has on politics; they may also have overlooked the fact there are over 30,000 different Christian sects, and many of them are so different as to be almost unrecognizable. The entire reason you separate religion and government is to avoid having to deal with a candidate’s private beliefs affecting the lives of people who have different beliefs themselves. You can bet your ass no one would have been happy if the Mayor had instead stated Lancaster was growing “an Islamic community, and we’re proud of that”. The wall separating church and state is starting to crumble, and that’s not good news for anybody.
Left Behind video game aims for major console market
In Daniel Radosh’s funny and memorable book Rapture Ready, the author talks extensively about Christian literature and the willingness of evangelicals to buy their specialty products, no matter how shoddy or terrible they are. Hilariously enough, retailers who cater to Christian pop culture seem to be fully aware of just how tacky and terrible their own products are, so much so they refer to the vast majority of their merchandise as “Jesus Junk”.
On the list of terrible Jesus Junk is the “Left Behind” series: the most successful yet terrible novels to ever grace this green earth. Even reading it out of curiosity is not recommended, although there are quite a few sites that can help you gain a little perspective if you’re fortunate enough never to have read these awful books.
It turns out the success of the series prompted all kinds of ancillary products bearing the Left Behind moniker. Four years ago, the PC world was treated to the video game adaptation of the novel, a steaming pile of bugs and glitches allowing players to help convert unbelievers, thus saving their souls. Some notable “enemies” the player must face are secular college students armed with deadly logic, and rock musicians with saucy lyrics. Now, because evangelical pop culture takes care of their own, the game actually did surprisingly well considering how awful it was, and now the company responsible for this monstrosity wants to make the game available on the console markets. Yep, in a few months you might be able to enjoy saving souls on your very own Xbox 360!
The thought of it sends shivers down my spine.
Trijicon to remove Bible codes from “Jesus Rifles”
It’s nice to know the American military hasn’t completely lost their minds; they’ve successfully pressured the morons at Trijicon into removing Biblical references on their scopes. I guess the whole “Jesus Rifles” moniker actually caught on, and there was no doubt to everyone with half a brain that this kind of practice would be putting soldier’s lives at risk for no good reason.
Now you just need to remove references of a creator from your fucking money already. Remind me why that’s kosher again?
Who needs food and medicine when you have “The Proclaimer”?
Haiti is still suffering from the aftermath of a devastating earthquake, and by all reports, there still isn’t enough food, water, and medicine to go around. Luckily, an organization called “Faith Comes By Hearing” has a solution for these desperate people; they are sending them 600 audio Bibles. The Proclaimer, as it’s called, is a solar powered / crank operated device that can blast out 15 hours of the New Testament for everyone to hear.
Peoples’ houses are crumbled, their families are shattered and they are living in ruins. Haitians will need that long-term hope and comfort that comes from knowing God has not forgotten them through this tragedy,” said Wilke
If you feel sick to your stomach from the fact that this organization is effectively using this tragedy to proselytize their stupid religion, you aren’t the only one. Aid delivery is by all accounts painfully slow, so these morons are taking up people’s valuable time delivering radios to people who need blankets, food and medicine rather than “the good word”.
There will be plenty of time for them to try and convince a population devastated by continual earthquakes that an invisible deity did this for some fucking reason (“He” works in some pretty mysterious ways, don’t you know), but now is not the fucking time. Stay the hell out of the way and let organizations that are actually helping people do their jobs properly. If you still think they need your stupid radios, this quote might help you gain some perspective on the situation down there:
“We were forced to buy a saw in the market to continue amputations,” the group’s Loris de Filippi told the Reuters news agency in Cite Soleil.
Does your fucking radio play loud enough to drown out the sound of screaming?
More religious scumbags think Haiti is full of evil
It’s not enough religious wackos like Pat Robertson claim Haiti is suffering because the country made a pact with the devil; now other morons are coming out and saying similarly insensitive and terrible shit. The latest scumbag is Dr. Wesley Stafford, who had this to say:
Haiti … has been a disaster in almost every way long before this ever struck. And it is a nation, between you and me, I guess, that Satan has had absolutely free reign in that nation. And while the missionary effort and the church effort has been enormous, this is a nation that you can literally feel the evil in it. But then as the church lives out its faith, having come through this deep, deep valley, my great prayer is that there will be a great wave of healing and change in the nation of Haiti … that could only come about through an interruption like this and only happen through the glory of God.
Here’s the thing: Stafford’s organization is apparently on the up and up (receiving a high rating by an independent charity watchdog), and beyond teaching kids their idiotic beliefs, they seem to do good work. That doesn’t mean, however, he can say such hateful shit without consequence. He’s blaming Haitians for being so poor, suggesting the reason that country lost 200,000 people in a tragic natural disaster is because God is punishing them in some way.
This is what I detest about American Christians; they equate prosperity as God’s way of rewarding good people. They can’t seem to fathom that there may be far more complicated geopolitical reasons for poverty; mainly, their own country supported terrible dictatorships that only exacerbated the poverty and desperation of Haiti. Sure, his organization helps desperate people in the third world, but this could also be done without his smug hubris that these same impoverished nations are cursed by his sky deity for not “following the Lord’s words properly”. I feel embarrassed for the human race when such ignorance is so rampant.
Dr. Jeffrey Long thinks his book proves afterlife
Dr. Jeffrey Long is a doctor who helps terminal cancer patients deal with their illness. He’s been fascinated with Near Death Experiences for a long time, and he’s recently written a book about them called Evidence of the Afterlife: The Science of Near-Death Experiences. He has interviewed thousands of people, and because of the remarkable similarity of their experiences, he’s concluded it must be proof there is an afterlife. I think it just proves he’s a fucking idiot.
Dr. Long has obviously decided to abandon his objectivity, and I find his use of the word “Science” in his title extremely misleading. When you do science, you have to explain how even your own theories might be disproved; in his case, all that is necessary is evidence that the reason we experience similar effects during death is because of the way the brain reacts when it dies.
The effects of NDEs have been recorded for a long time, and most serious scientists compare them with what we experience during lucid dreaming (this is where people are aware they are dreaming, but still have very realistic experiences). Dr. Long is either unaware of these studies, or has already concluded that the only viable explanation must be there is a supernatural world that people escape to during death. It’s a pretty weak conclusion, and it’s obviously not very scientific. Perhaps he’s never heard of Occam’s Razor; is it more logical to assume people’s brains are freaking out and releasing a potent cocktail of chemicals to calm them down, or that a spiritual world beyond our comprehension exists so our minds can live forever in some fantasy land paradise? I feel fucking stupid just proposing the latter, and so should he.
He claims he’s a better physician now that he’s written this book. I would disagree, since he now foolishly believes he has enough proof to tell his patients they don’t need to feel frightened about death since they will live forever in a magical playland created by a loving sky daddy. Maybe not everyone feels it’s very healthy to endorse obvious wishful thinking. Sounds to me like he’s actually gotten worse.
Conservative panties in a twist over Avatar
It was bound to happen; a number of conservative blogs are already complaining that Avatar is anti-American leftist propaganda, glorifying the Na’vi and showing humans as the bad guys. The main character’s choice to stand by the Na’vi is seen by the right as the ultimate treachery to both God and capitalism (two things that conservatives seem unable to disassociate).
The problem with life on earth is not Capitalism, it is the wickedness of human nature. The cure for this is not found in hugging a tree. The cure is to repent of sin and accept that Jesus Christ paid the price for your forgiveness AND TRANSFORMATION. You can become a new person driven by the Spirit of God to be kind, considerate, honest and loving.
I suppose if you’re the average American conservative, you assume any movie where Americans aren’t blowing shit up “for freedom and Jesus” is obviously unpatriotic. For the right, any criticism of current foreign or domestic policy is unacceptable; America is perfect the way it is, and no one is allowed to change her. It doesn’t matter that the country is effectively broke from having to conduct two wars simultaneously. It’s also apparently inconsequential their myopic financial institution almost brought down the entire world economy with their pursuit of profit; that’s the system we have, and you better put an American flag on your car before everyone thinks you’re a pinko bastard.
How predictable is it that any movie that doesn’t suck Jesus’ holy cock is seen as instantly immoral and liberally biased by the religious right? Will there come a time when we are spared their pointless protestations at the exclusion of their deity from movies? Do they really regard the fictional Na’vi as a threat to their religious order? The religious right in America likes to conflate their religion with American domestic and foreign policy, a practice that has the rest of the world shaking their heads in disbelief. We find this practice both objectionable and deplorable. How can anyone criticize the US if the justification for their actions is shielded in religious zealotry?
Can you all relax and stop thinking everything Hollywood produces is a gigantic anti-Jesus conspiracy? Just enjoy the movie and shut the fuck up already; it’s painful to listen to you whine every time the good guys aren’t “The Marines”.
Stephen Baldwin continues to entertain
I’ll give him this: Stephen is willing to stand up for his belief in God, even if the life of his child were at risk. His presence on Big Brother is a goldmine of insanity so far, and it’s only getting better. He recently told one of his roommates that if a gun wielding maniac threatened to kill his daughter with a machine gun, he would force her to not renounce Jesus even if it meant saving her life.
I can’t even imagine a situation where this would ever happen, and I certainly hope no one tries to test Stephen on this issue. It just reminds me how fucked up people’s priorities are. I don’t care how much you love the invisible man in the fucking sky; don’t put your faith before your own children. Baldwin naively believes he would see his daughter up in Heaven, but if he could break out of the fog of faith he’s in for a second, he’d realize “magical sky playland” is merely the invention of clever people trying to comfort scared monkeys who contemplate their own death. Life is far more cruel than we can imagine, and there’s no reward after you die. You just need to deal with that shit and make the most of your time here. I choose not to spend it on one bended knee, and it’s fucking fantastic.
Malaysian Muslims attack Christians for saying “Allah”
You know what I love about atheism? We don’t confer words with special powers. This gives us an advantage; you won’t see angry atheists taking to the streets because the word “evolution” is being misused (even though we might get tempted when jackasses like Kirk Cameron spew their anti-evolutionary nonsense around), and when’s the last time an atheist firebombed a building to punish the sacrilegious use of a beloved name? Never. The same can’t be said of the religious, and the latest story of insanity comes all the way from Malaysia, where Muslims are going ape-shit after their own courts respected the rights of Christians to use the word “Allah” in reference to their own God.
Now, because Allah is Arabic for God, that should have been the end of any dispute, but because of the tendency of Muslims to lose their minds over every little detail, angry men with very brain matter have begun firebombing churches in retaliation for this new found freedom. I’m no friend of Christianity, but the violent actions over use of the word “God” is completely unreasonable. It just goes to show how utterly incompatible religions are with a free society; the fact Malaysia can barely contain the violence of their own citizens over the use of a sacred word makes you wonder just how far some people will take their own superstitious and ridiculous beliefs.
Can you all go find a fucking cave in the the middle of nowhere to live in and leave the rest of us civilized people alone please?
Surprise: Christians feel persecuted
The Christian Anti-Defamation League has just released their “Top 10 Instances of Christian Bashing” for 2009, and as you’ll see, most of them are centered around homosexuality:
10. Pro-life Pastor Reverend Walter Hoye of Oakland, CA was jailed for exercising peaceful, pro-life speech.
9. Rev. Fred Winters was murdered while preaching in his pulpit in Maryville, Illinois.
8. HBO’s program “Curb Your Enthusiasm” aired an episode where the main actor urinates on painting of Jesus. When confronted HBO would not apologize.
7. The overt homosexual participation in Obama’s presidential inaugural events by “Bishop” Vickie Eugene Robinson, the Gay Men’s Chorus of Washington D. C., and a homosexual marching band.
6. Police called to East Jessamine Middle School in Lexington, Kentucky to stop 8th graders from praying during their lunch break for a student whose mother was tragically killed.
5. Pro-life activist Jim Pullion was murdered in front of his granddaughter’s high school for showing the truth about abortion.
4. An activist judge ordered a home school mom in New Hampshire to stop home schooling her daughter because the little girl “reflected too strongly” her mother’s Christian faith.
3. The Federal Department of Homeland Security issued a report entitled “Rightwing Extremism: Current Economic and Political Climate” that labeled conservative Christians extremists and potential terrorists.
2. President Obama’s appointment of radical anti-Christians like homosexual activist Kevin Jennings as the “safe school czar;” pro-abortion advocate Kathleen Seblius made Secretary of Human and Health Services, and Chai Feldblum, pro-homosexual and anti-religious liberty judge nominated for Equal Employment Opportunity Commission.
1. The Federal Hate Crimes Bill that attacks religious liberty and freedom of speech. For the first time in our history ministers are vulnerable to investigation and prosecution for telling the truth about homosexuality.
Classically Liberal does a great job of boiling down every single point to show how none of these are the result of any specific anger or hatred against Christianity. Suffice it to say Christians have it pretty damn good, and this list is probably the weakest shit I’ve ever seen. It just confirms my beliefs that Christians are a bunch of fucking crybabies who can’t stand the idea of not being “in charge” anymore. Grow a pair, guys.
(Update: The organization does not seem to have maintained their site)
Rick Warren wants $900,000 in 2 days
Apparently God is broke, since in the news today Pastor Rick Warren called on his flock to donate an extra $900,000 to make up for a serious shortfall in the Church’s income. The recession hit everyone pretty hard according to Rick, which means regular tithers have opted to keep money for food rather than for the church. Warren has sent out a letter encouraging those who were not affected by the crisis to increase their regular donations to compensate, and to allow them to continue their programs.
The weird thing here is Warren wants to raise this money in two days, which seems sketchy. The Church doesn’t release their financials, so you have to take Rick at his word that the money is needed. Now before you start thinking he’s probably just using the money to buy himself new suits or golden Bibles, consider the fact the guy actually gives 90% of his income to the church since the success of his book. At least he puts his money where his mouth is. If it wasn’t for his raging homophobia, I might actually like the guy.
My problem lies in the fact he refuses to explain exactly WHY he needs the money so quickly, and where it will all go. Imagine a friend of yours called you up out of the blue and started pressuring you to give him thousands of dollars without specifying exactly how he would be using it. Odds are you might be a little suspicious, even if your friend was a “man of God”. Did Ricky have some crazy losses in the stock market? Maybe he borrowed a bunch of money from mobsters and needs to pay them back or something; my point is unless you tell people why the fuck you need so much money in a short amount of time, it’s pretty damn sketchy.
Prosperity Gospels makes me sick
When economic times are rough, Prosperity Gospels flourish. Prosperity churches preach that faith in God ultimately leads to material wealth for those he favors. The charismatic preachers who espouse this philosophy are usually dressed in fine clothing, despite in America, members of these types of churches are typically much poorer than other congregations. That’s because most of these preachers equate faith to amount donated to the church. It’s a brilliant scam really; give me more money, says the preacher, and God will favor you more in the future (just don’t fucking hold your breath).
Joel Osteen (who looks like the bad guy in Shanghai Knights) is the latest jackass to try this routine, and here he is interviewed on CNN telling people to have more faith in the economy, and this will somehow fix it. According to this Atlantic article written shortly after the financial crisis, Prosperity Gospel was actually one of the reasons people had taken on loans for houses they could not afford, being assured by their ministers that God would “find a way” for them to be prosperous.
Think of it as people being dangerously and foolishly positive when it comes to their finances. Now this fucking jackass is trying to revive this movement, and he’s filling up stadiums with desperate people seeking answers and the promise of more wealth. I just hate the fact that anyone allows these kinds of charlatans to tell them how to live their lives, despite the reality members of prosperity churches are typically poorer than their counterparts.