This is what passes for “fair and balanced” at Fox News

Here Steve Doocy shows us precisely why Fox News is such a bankrupt news organization. According to this moron, putting the word God in your ad signifies that you must believe in him. By that logic, putting up a sign that says there is no Santa somehow secretly acknowledges the existence of the jolly bearded one. Fox’s new slant on the whole controversy of atheism is to constantly remind us that people are “offended” by non-religious individuals who are speaking their minds. Guess what guys, it isn’t a fucking crime to offend anyone (well, not yet at least), so get over yourselves.

Can you recognize the relative success of these ads now? Every time one goes up, the media literally goes bananas. I’m starting to appreciate the subtle genius of this campaign, don’t you?

Boohoo, atheists are so mean!

Christians hate plurality. They realize if you start celebrating every stinking holiday, they might start having to share the spotlight with other faiths, or others that have no faith. I love how outraged Gretchen (what a terrible and tragic name) is at “Festivus”, as though this harmless little holiday is going to bring down the destruction of mankind. She’s also terrified that little kids might see an atheist sign and freak out or something. Oh no, run for your lives! The atheists are coming, and they are going to corrupt your children into doubting the existence of your God. For the love of science, will no one stop these monsters???

Oh wait, that’s a good thing…

Jimmy Carter makes the right move

I’ve always liked Jimmy Carter. Maybe it’s his ‘Habitat for Humanity’ project which I find refreshing and practical. Maybe it’s his commitment to his own code of ethics. It could also be the fact he was one of the few presidents who actually thought weed should not be illegal. We may not agree on the subject of religion, but one thing is for sure: Jimmy is nobody’s bitch.

Recently, he’s left the Southern Baptist Church, an organization he’d been a part of for over 60 years. The reason? Well, old Jimmy here felt the rampant sexism and misogyny of the church was simply too much:

At its most repugnant, the belief that women must be subjugated to the wishes of men excuses slavery, violence, forced prostitution, genital mutilation and national laws that omit rape as a crime. But it also costs many millions of girls and women control over their own bodies and lives, and continues to deny them fair access to education, health, employment and influence within their own communities.

I hope this will encourage others to leave institutions which they find morally reprehensible. I don’t care how nice the individuals within the organization are; if they believe in things which run contrary to your own ethical code of conduct, it’s time to leave. Case closed.

Now, if we can all convince Jimmy this sexism is itself an integral part of Christianity (after all, the Baptists have plenty of Biblical passages to support their conclusions), maybe Jimmy and I can finally see eye to eye on the topic of God…

Abstinence teaching is insanity

According to a report by the Center for Disease Control, teen pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases rose during the Bush years, a direct consequence of their policy of ‘abstinence teaching’. Anyone who has seriously studied the issue of teen sex knows abstinence is about as effective as cold showers. And yet, I’m sure that as we speak, the religious right thinks the increase is actually proof MORE abstinence teaching is needed. This is the definition of insanity; doing the same thing and expecting different results.

What is sad about all this are the adults who were in charge of protecting American teens have utterly failed to do so. They were so busy trying to push their religious agenda that they perpetually refused to accept the reality of the situation: if you want to lower pregnancy and STI rates, you need to teach kids about sex. This is the same group of people who want to make abortions illegal. The irony here is if they simply gave young people better information on protection rather than rely on Biblical literalism, there would be fewer teen pregnancies, and therefore fewer abortions. It really is that simple.

Human beings embarrass me

I will never get over the fact human beings worship inanimate objects. Here is a bunch of sad idiots who think a tree stump is an apparition of the Virgin Mary. You can see from this video how impressed everyone is by what is obviously just a fucking tree stump.

How sad that we live in a world where we know why people have a tendency to see shapes and patterns in things (it’s called pareidolia), and yet we can’t seem to convince the deluded masses that a barely recognizable face-like pattern in a tree is anything other than a ‘divine miracle’.

I can only weep for humanity as we continue to look so goddamn foolish. Has no one there pointed out the fact this is just a stupid tree stump that they are worshiping? Even their own church has the good sense to be skeptical about it.

Steroids and Jesus: a match made in heaven

I had never heard of John Jacobs and the Power Team until now. In case you were like me, this evangelical tour uses feats of strength to convert people to Jesus. These kinds of quasi-religious sideshows are nothing new; Shaolin monks have perfected this shtick for hundreds of years. The only difference is they weren’t ‘beefed up’ by the power of the Lord!

I guess breaking off handcuffs is supposed to be a metaphor for life. If that’s true, I’m not sure what ripping a phone book in half symbolizes. Maybe you don’t like calling people, perhaps? If you’re wondering what Jacobs is up to, he declared bankruptcy in 2003, and after allegedly physically assaulting one of his ‘troops’, he went out and started another organization called ‘John Jacobs and the Next Generation Power Force‘. Kinda sounds like a Saturday morning cartoon to me…

Oldest Bible now on display

What happens when you take a bunch of scattered pages of a 1600 year old Bible written in Greek, scan it and put it on the Internet? You get this, the Codex Sinaiticus, the oldest surviving Bible on the planet. It’s now available for you to scrutinize, analyze, and generally geek out if you’re into this sort of thing.

The most fascinating thing about this particular Bible is it allows us to trace the changes and evolution that have occurred since the early days of Christianity. This version apparently doesn’t even mention the resurrection of Jesus, so you can bet once this becomes a little more mainstream, there will be a bunch of Christian apologetics who show up to save their faith.

Is it any surprise the King James Version of the Bible everyone likes so much would be radically different from early texts? I suppose when you are naïve enough to think the KJV is the word of God, then yeah, this older book would probably be pretty shocking, especially when you realize religious traditions are no better than ‘Chinese Whispers‘ at keeping the integrity and accuracy of a message.

I’m looking forward to seeing the reaction of hard line Christians, and seeing how they explain these huge inconsistencies away. Things are about to get a little more interesting for us atheists…

There’s a sucker baptized every minute!

You know what I like about the guys who wrote the Left Behind series? They aren’t afraid to admit they fucking love making money. These guys have made millions from their terrible books and movies (starring none other than everyone’s favorite ‘ex-atheist’, Kirk Cameron), selling to the easiest demographic in the world: gullible evangelical Christians.

They’ve already released 16 books, with no real plan of stopping the flow of moneys and book signing/selling tours that follow. There’s no real information out there about just how rich Tim LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins have become since putting pen to paper, but I don’t doubt it’s very substantial.

They have also made a video game, which they released in 2006. It didn’t do so well, but that hasn’t detracted them. They are now creating an affiliate network to get churches to sell an average of 50 games a year. They are courting some 3000 churches, so if they sell the game for even 30 bucks a pop, that would net them a cool 4.5 million dollars in revenue a year. Who wants to play a game your pastor forced down your throat? Beats me. I doubt anyone even cares whether it gets played or not. The key here is the continuation of the money train that is the Left Behind Series.

I find it interesting that the self proclaimed experts on Rapture bother to accumulate wealth, since the End Days, according to these deluded fools, is coming any day now. I seem to recall their own beloved man-God, Jesus, saying it was harder for a rich man to enter heaven than to fit a camel through the eye of a needle. It’s probably the part of church they always skipped. Besides, they’ve learned the most important lesson of all from being lifelong Christians: there’s a sucker baptized every minute!

Attending church just got a little more dangerous

I visit the US fairly regularly, but there are definitely places where I wouldn’t dare go. It’s not that I’m afraid of Americans; I’m just afraid of some of your scary habits. Take, for instance, this church in Louisville, where congregants bring their guns to celebrate the fact these devices can be used to kill people. It’s not a place a liberal pinko atheist like me should visit. Here are some choice quotes from the service:

This country was started by people gathering together in churches and complaining about taxation and about their current government, King George III, taking armaments that they had.

But for a deep-seated belief in God and firearms, this country would not be here today

I don’t suspect anyone living in the deep south will stop loving guns, and as far as I’m concerned, you can do whatever you want in your own home (including accidentally shooting your own family members if you like). It’s when people bring them out in public places that I get nervous. We don’t live in a society that requires pistols to ‘defend ourselves’. The truth is the high homicide rate in the US (latest estimates put that number at 13,000 a year, 88% of which are by firearms) could probably be reduced if everyone didn’t go for their gun at the first sign of trouble. In other countries, we try talking first.

If you really love guns, you should go check out Russia. There, almost every farmer has an AK-47, but they actually need theirs. That’s because some places are so remote and corrupt that you have to police yourself. It’s a miserable place, made all the more miserable by the huge proliferation of small arms.

I actually don’t want to see guns banned. In Canada, our gun registry is a billion dollar waste of taxpayer money. It forced already legal gun owners to register, and has done nothing to reduce firearm deaths (criminals don’t need to register theirs). I do get nervous, however, when people start actively merging guns and religious services. No, it’s not a good idea, and there are enough wackos out there who think God ‘invented’ guns in order for them to shoot anyone they don’t like.

Pray for me, Doc!

I received a few emails this morning asking me to discuss this BBCNews article. Some doctors in Britain are worried spiritual issues aren’t being addressed, and care is suffering as a result. They are demanding that staff be given the right to talk about religion, as well as allow them to offer prayers to patients.

The problem here is there is always a fine line between talking about religion, and proselytizing it to people. Sure, many of these patients may actually like being offered to be prayed for (especially as the aging population find themselves increasingly in their care), but it’s impossible to distinguish between individuals who want it, and those who feel obligated for fear their care could be affected if they refuse. Besides, all of the best studies on prayer suggests patients who are told they are being prayed for have more complications than those who aren’t prayed for. Presumably it’s because they might construe prayer as an indication their conditions are more serious and life threatening (prayer is often the last tactic of the desperate).

The NHS already pays for chaplains to be on call (in fact, the cost of these preachers could hire an additional 1,300 nurses in the country), so the spiritual needs of patients can be met if they so desire. The real issue here is these people hate the fact they cannot talk about religion at all at their workplace. One nurse complained the staff would not allow her to wear her cross, but this was because of health reasons. There’s a very profound reason why we secularize public services; bringing religion into the mix causes conflict, and there is no room for ideologues in hospitals. Their priority is to heal the sick, not pray for them.

The real concern of patients is getting better; not being proselytized to. Sure, there are those who undoubtedly would find such a thing comforting, but you’ll usually find family members and friends can more easily provide spiritual guidance and needs better than a stranger can.

Just don’t pray in my hospital and I won’t try to teach medical science in your churches. That’s fair, isn’t it?

Phil Kidd is a “gentleman”

Have you ever awakened in a cold sweat, terrified a woman’s business suit was the tool of Satan, and society would invariably fall into chaos if we didn’t put our women in line? If you have, then you needn’t worry; you aren’t the only sexist in the world. In fact, you’re part of a special club of ‘gentleman’ that includes this man, Dr. Phil Kidd. He’s an evangelical minister with a prescription for salvation who’s had enough of rebellious women and the pussy whipped men who let them have opinions about things. Can you imagine that?

The entire rant needs to be read, but for you people in a hurry, here is the real juicy stuff from his brilliantly titled article: Hey Lady, Shut Up:

The Bible says everything that has breath has a right to praise the Lord. But there are some times when the Scripture commands women to shut up!

What a sad day, seeing women open the bible and expound the scriptures. Eve, in the Garden of Eden, in a perfect surrounding could not even quote on [sic] verse correct. I sure would not trust a woman to expound truth in this sin cursed mess we live in.

It makes me sick to watch a woman stand on a platform and lead a choir with men in it, or even worse to see a woman lead the whole congregation!

I know what you’re wondering ladies, but I’m sorry to report this stud is married! It seems like the good ones are always taken, am I right? Well, don’t worry about all this relationship trouble you might be having. Phil has some great advice to give you:

So, you good-for-nothing, hen-pecked men that have been laughing your way through this article, you need to get off your lazy back-side and do something for God. Your wife runs the home because you are too sorry to run it yourself Lady, when your sorry husband dies, please marry a man next time.

It’s pretty incredible these sexist dinosaurs are still around, and doubly surprising they are bold enough to quote scripture asking women to shut their big fat mouths. You know, ever since we started giving equal rights to women, something wonderful happened; we stopped being so fucking violent. A peaceful society necessitates women become a fully integrated part of society, enjoying the same rights and privileges men do, and properly expressing their political will. Societies which are exclusively run by men have the worst records in terms of human rights abuses, are usually far more violent, and less stable. Let’s face it guys, if we don’t have women around to talk some sense into us, we go a little crazy. It’s probably the testosterone.

Still, you always have some extreme conservative asshole who can’t stop yelling at us to ‘keep our women in line’, as though somehow their behavior is my responsibility. It isn’t, and I don’t want my mother or my two sisters to live in a world where they are only half citizens who have to be kept ignorant, uneducated, and sequestered. I personally pity any woman directly or indirectly associated with him. If I was a woman in his surroundings, I seriously would have kicked him in the balls for writing that post.

On a different note, have you ever noticed how often women get away with that shit? I bet they plan that stuff ahead of time. Maybe that’s why they always seem to wear pointy shoes around me. I should probably be more careful with what I say…

Glenn Beck`s idiotic special on Biblical prophesy

What was Glenn Beck doing before he started crying like a bitch on national television? Well, he was busy inviting crazy preachers to talk about End Days on CNN. What fun! In this clip, Glenn Beck is asking pastor John Hagee to confirm or deny some of the claims of the return of the 12th Imam, and to try and correlate it with Christian’s favorite fictional character after Jesus: The Anti-Christ. Presumably I think that means they want him to be a Muslim guy..man, they would love that!

Christian Action League supports bullying of gays

When I was in elementary school, I was bullied by a giant idiot named Clay. Clay had failed a few times, and as such, he was significantly bigger than everyone else in the same grade (he was roughly twice as big as I was). His obvious stupidity and lack of brain power made him detest anyone who appeared intelligent or interested in school. His favorite tactic was to hold kids upside down and shake them until their money fell out of their pockets, which he would invariably steal.

In some schools, bullying is so bad that the law needs to get involved to protect students trying to learn. This is especially true for homosexuals, who are routinely tortured and tormented in schools due to their sexual orientation. In North America, they are attempting to amend existing anti-bullying laws to include protection for gays and lesbians.

That’s something the Christian Action League is attempting to fight. That’s right; the group opposes laws that would protect kids of a different sexual orientation from being bullied. They claim these types of protection only encourages children to express their sexual identity, and eventually, their precious marriages will be threatened.

This is your typical bigoted bullshit being masked as some kind of crusade to ‘save’ marriage. It’s just another way of saying they don’t mind a world where homosexuals are flogged, ridiculed or demeaned. As far as they are concerned, these kids don’t deserve the same protection as everyone else.

Now I know there are a few people out there who wonder why the atheist movement so strongly supports gay rights. This is part of the reason right here: so long as religions continue to treat other human beings as inferior simply because of their hate and bigotry, atheists opposed to these types of institutions will defend the rights of homosexuals. Our goal is to expose the racism, intolerance and hatred of groups like the Christian Action League and their ilk.

Tired Christian claim #3: evidence for Jesus is overwhelming

I’ve been seeing this argument popping up more and more often these days. It’s a relative newcomer in terms of claim, but it certainly is one that’s worth discussing. Last article, I mentioned how the word ‘faith’ is a misnomer; I’ve never actually met a Christian who did not think there was a mountain of evidence supporting their claim that Jesus of Nazareth was a God. Really the only time you’ll actually hear the “it’s my faith, and I believe it despite what you say” excuse is whenever you paint them in a corner.

In the early days of Christianity, there really was no debate as to whether Jesus was a real person or not. Most accepted the view that the story of Christ was a parable for living one’s life. Paul of Tarsus, who laid the foundation for Christianity, never referred to Jesus as a real person. As far as he understood it, the story of Christ was an allegory about redemption, forgiveness and finally absolution.

For a long time, Christianity developed many different branches. Some favored a more allegorical approach to the religion (see the Gnostics for more), but in 325 AD, Emperor Constantine convened the First Council of Nicaea, which would be responsible for ‘organizing’ the religion. There, a committee decided what books would eventually become the Bible. The council decided a historical Jesus was needed to codify the religion. The books of Luke and Matthew, which laid the foundation for his genealogy, were included to provide evidence of his blood relation to King David in order to fulfill Old Testament prophesy. Predictably enough, both conflict with one another (with some Christians getting really creative with their explanations).

The Council had succeeded in establishing their creed, but there existed little (if any) historical corroboration of the actual existence of a man by the name of Jesus. Since the Bible was largely considered the only real necessary historical document, there was little attempt to prove his existence outside of Christian doctrine. Why would they bother? Standards of evidence in the 4th century were not the same as they are now.

Despite the extremely flimsy evidence for the historical Jesus, Christians still maintain that the New Testament is a historical document, despite the fact even the books themselves offer contradictory stories as to the origin and lineage of Jesus. The only evidence that suggests he might have existed are the writings of Josephus, a Jewish historian who makes a brief reference to a Christus figure (which translates literally to ‘Anointed One’), but even this passage is disputed. Clearly, if someone had indeed performed the supposed miracles Jesus did, there would be more corroborating evidence for multiple sources. Of course, if St. Paul and his ilk had simply made it up, it would explain everything.

I can only imagine the need to prove the existence of Jesus is a way for Christians to feel that their religion is not entirely a fabrication. Perhaps they feel if Jesus were in fact a real man then everything else in the Bible must also be true. If you’re familiar with logic, you can quickly understand how flawed this type of thinking is.

Lots of Christians believe the evidence for Jesus and their religion in general is overwhelming. In fact, it’s far too flimsy to even qualify as proper history. It demonstrates, however, human beings need more than faith to believe in something; we demand evidence. It just so happens it’s the standards of that evidence which tends to differ with Christians. They feel that by barely proving his existence, they have somehow proved he was a God.

I might be willing to go on a limb and say Jesus may have been based on a real person (the best candidate is Apollonius of Tyana), but it’s not enough to convince anyone with a sound mind this means a virgin gave birth to an all powerful savior who sacrificed himself on a cross to absolve humans from having eaten a sacred fruit in a mythical garden. Honestly guys, is that the best you can do?

Religious wacko facing dismissal sues school district

You can’t keep a good psycho down, apparently. John Freshwater is an eighth grade science teacher who denies evolution, used a high voltage lab tool in class to burn crosses on the arms of students, and told them homosexuals are evil sinners. The district first suspended him after hearing the allegations, and announced last June (yeah, the story isn’t exactly “fresh” here) they were canning him. Now Freshwater is suing them for violating his freedom of speech.

They still haven’t been able to get rid of a guy who clearly violated the Establishment Clause of the First Amendment by trying to force his religious beliefs in a secular institution. This guy has the balls to then turn around and deny the allegations against him, claiming the school purposefully discriminated against him due to his religious beliefs. Too bad there are a bunch of pictures of burnt flesh to prove him wrong.

First off, he’s in Ohio, so odds are every single board member is a Christian, so I strongly doubt they fired him on purely religious grounds. You can’t burn crosses into students’ arms and then assume getting fired somehow violates your rights. When you work for a public school, there is a code of conduct you must follow, and trying to teach creationism in science class is a big no-no.

I want to know who actually hired him in the first place. I have to assume it’s almost impossible to find any decent science teachers down south, since he somehow passed muster. Here’s my advice to any school administrators: when employing a science teacher, it’s normally a good idea to see where they stand on science. If they have a big Bible in their hands at the interview, odds are there isn’t a lot of valuable information in their heads. I think asking a simple question like “do you believe in evolution” is a pretty simple way to find out just how qualified they are. Don’t you?