Go to Church, Gays!

Posted on 08/11/2009 by Jacob Fortin

I had a vision the other night. I was reading an article about Christian ecumenism (which means interfaith dialog), and I realized the issue of homosexuality will, in the long run, destroy the progress that various branches of Christianity have made in “getting along”. In a nutshell, ecumenism is a way for different faiths to show respect towards one another, and to have progressive dialogs with one another. Since the common ground of all Christian faiths is belief in Jesus, a greater tolerance has been possible between faiths that used to be openly hostile towards one another.

Of course, the issue of homosexuality is still something the various branches of Christianity have had trouble reconciling with. Some faiths are beginning to show more tolerance, while others are taking a hard stance. Most churches try and take a “don’t ask don’t tell” policy, but as gays begin to make their sexual orientation a matter of public interest, and because of our growing understanding and compassion regarding gay and lesbian issues, parishioners will continue to pressure church authorities to take definitive stances.

In the long run, this can’t be good for Christianity. It will divide them, essentially destroying their interfaith dialog they have worked so hard to create. In other words, the cohesion of Christianity will fall apart and crumble in the face of the issue of homosexuality.

A significant portion of gays are also very religious, as this article points out. This means as gays gain more confidence and pride, and numbers, their churches will have no choice but begin to change their doctrine and beliefs to accommodate this new important demographic. This compromise will in turn make various faiths draw the battle line, and in the end, as the dialog disintegrates, the loser in all of this will be Christianity.

So, I want more gays going to church, and to challenge their fellow parishioners to force their priests to take some sort of stance on homosexuality. With you guys doing all the work, us atheists will be free to just sit back and watch as this storied institution crumbles under the weight of such controversy. It’s gonna be sweet!

The Free Money Movement

Posted on 08/04/2009 by Jacob Fortin

Here’s an interesting new little “movement” that might interest some of you guys. It’s called the “Free Money Movement“, which admittedly is a little less awesome than the name suggests. The idea is to cross out the words “in God We Trust” from all US currency as an act of civil disobedience. As many of you may already know, the addition of this phrase is a relatively new phenomenon; Congress only made the motto “official” in 1956. It’s clearly a violation of the Establishment Clause of the First Amendment, but the Supreme Court in their infinite wisdom, declared Government recognition of God does not constitute the establishment of a state church. Right, and including it in the pledge of allegiance must also not violate the establishment clause, right?

It’s supposed to be a federal offense to deface money, but from everything I’ve read, no one has ever been arrested for this act of defiance (presumably because of the degree of press it would generate). The debate about the use of God on American Currency needs be re-opened. For a country that prides itself on the separation of church and state, this motto is an insult to your Constitution, to your Founding Fathers, and is generally an embarrassment. There might be more important issues to tackle, but I’m always up for a little social upheaval. Bring on the Sharpies, people!

Christians burned alive in Pakistan

Posted on 08/01/2009 by Jacob Fortin

A small Christian village was attacked by thousands of angry Muslims in Pakistan, and among the dead was a 7 year old child. Local religious leaders enticed their young Muslim followers to murder after it was reported that an important Christian leader had defiled the Koran. Armed with guns and fire bombs, the group set fire to a number of houses. While many Christians managed to escape, some were caught in the fire and burned to death.

This is perhaps what separates most atheists from our religious counter-parts: this kind of act disgusts us. I may not like Christianity, but what I hate more is the senseless killing of innocent lives, regardless of their creed. We distrust religion because it gives absolute power to the corrupt and vile; preachers and imams who fuel the fires of hatred, and command their flock to murder.

And at the end of the day, what the fuck are these idiots fighting over? It’s obvious that without the strong influence of Enlightenment values, religions still war with another over the most trivial issues. Way to prove that peace and religion are still incompatible! Couldn’t have made a better case myself.

This is what passes for “fair and balanced” at Fox News

Posted on 07/31/2009 by Jacob Fortin

Here Steve Doocy shows us precisely why Fox News is such a bankrupt news organization. According to this moron, putting the word God in your ad signifies that you must believe in him. By that logic, putting up a sign that says there is no Santa somehow secretly acknowledges the existence of the jolly bearded one. Fox’s new slant on the whole controversy of atheism is to constantly remind us that people are “offended” by non-religious individuals who are speaking their minds. Guess what guys, it isn’t a fucking crime to offend anyone (well, not yet at least), so get over yourselves.

Can you recognize the relative success of these ads now? Every time one goes up, the media literally goes bananas. I’m starting to appreciate the subtle genius of this campaign, don’t you?

Boohoo, atheists are so mean!

Posted on 07/28/2009 by Jacob Fortin

Christians hate plurality. They realize if you start celebrating every stinking holiday, they might start having to share the spotlight with other faiths, or others that have no faith. I love how outraged Gretchen (what a terrible and tragic name) is at “Festivus”, as though this harmless little holiday is going to bring down the destruction of mankind. She’s also terrified that little kids might see an atheist sign and freak out or something. Oh no, run for your lives! The atheists are coming, and they are going to corrupt your children into doubting the existence of your God. For the love of science, will no one stop these monsters???

Oh wait, that’s a good thing…

Jimmy Carter makes the right move

Posted on 07/23/2009 by Jacob Fortin

I’ve always liked Jimmy Carter. Maybe it’s his ‘Habitat for Humanity’ project which I find refreshing and practical. Maybe it’s his commitment to his own code of ethics. It could also be the fact he was one of the few presidents who actually thought weed should not be illegal. We may not agree on the subject of religion, but one thing is for sure: Jimmy is nobody’s bitch.

Recently, he’s left the Southern Baptist Church, an organization he’d been a part of for over 60 years. The reason? Well, old Jimmy here felt the rampant sexism and misogyny of the church was simply too much:

At its most repugnant, the belief that women must be subjugated to the wishes of men excuses slavery, violence, forced prostitution, genital mutilation and national laws that omit rape as a crime. But it also costs many millions of girls and women control over their own bodies and lives, and continues to deny them fair access to education, health, employment and influence within their own communities.

I hope this will encourage others to leave institutions which they find morally reprehensible. I don’t care how nice the individuals within the organization are; if they believe in things which run contrary to your own ethical code of conduct, it’s time to leave. Case closed.

Now, if we can all convince Jimmy this sexism is itself an integral part of Christianity (after all, the Baptists have plenty of Biblical passages to support their conclusions), maybe Jimmy and I can finally see eye to eye on the topic of God…

Abstinence teaching is insanity

Posted on 07/22/2009 by Jacob Fortin

According to a report by the Center for Disease Control, teen pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases rose during the Bush years, a direct consequence of their policy of ‘abstinence teaching’. Anyone who has seriously studied the issue of teen sex knows abstinence is about as effective as cold showers. And yet, I’m sure that as we speak, the religious right thinks the increase is actually proof MORE abstinence teaching is needed. This is the definition of insanity; doing the same thing and expecting different results.

What is sad about all this are the adults who were in charge of protecting American teens have utterly failed to do so. They were so busy trying to push their religious agenda that they perpetually refused to accept the reality of the situation: if you want to lower pregnancy and STI rates, you need to teach kids about sex. This is the same group of people who want to make abortions illegal. The irony here is if they simply gave young people better information on protection rather than rely on Biblical literalism, there would be fewer teen pregnancies, and therefore fewer abortions. It really is that simple.

Human beings embarrass me

Posted on 07/15/2009 by Jacob Fortin

I will never get over the fact human beings worship inanimate objects. Here is a bunch of sad idiots who think a tree stump is an apparition of the Virgin Mary. You can see from this video how impressed everyone is by what is obviously just a fucking tree stump.

How sad that we live in a world where we know why people have a tendency to see shapes and patterns in things (it’s called pareidolia), and yet we can’t seem to convince the deluded masses that a barely recognizable face-like pattern in a tree is anything other than a ‘divine miracle’.

I can only weep for humanity as we continue to look so goddamn foolish. Has no one there pointed out the fact this is just a stupid tree stump that they are worshiping? Even their own church has the good sense to be skeptical about it.

Steroids and Jesus: a match made in heaven

Posted on 07/10/2009 by Jacob Fortin

I had never heard of John Jacobs and the Power Team until now. In case you were like me, this evangelical tour uses feats of strength to convert people to Jesus. These kinds of quasi-religious sideshows are nothing new; Shaolin monks have perfected this shtick for hundreds of years. The only difference is they weren’t ‘beefed up’ by the power of the Lord!

I guess breaking off handcuffs is supposed to be a metaphor for life. If that’s true, I’m not sure what ripping a phone book in half symbolizes. Maybe you don’t like calling people, perhaps? If you’re wondering what Jacobs is up to, he declared bankruptcy in 2003, and after allegedly physically assaulting one of his ‘troops’, he went out and started another organization called ‘John Jacobs and the Next Generation Power Force‘. Kinda sounds like a Saturday morning cartoon to me…

Oldest Bible now on display

Posted on 07/07/2009 by Jacob Fortin

What happens when you take a bunch of scattered pages of a 1600 year old Bible written in Greek, scan it and put it on the Internet? You get this, the Codex Sinaiticus, the oldest surviving Bible on the planet. It’s now available for you to scrutinize, analyze, and generally geek out if you’re into this sort of thing.

The most fascinating thing about this particular Bible is it allows us to trace the changes and evolution that have occurred since the early days of Christianity. This version apparently doesn’t even mention the resurrection of Jesus, so you can bet once this becomes a little more mainstream, there will be a bunch of Christian apologetics who show up to save their faith.

Is it any surprise the King James Version of the Bible everyone likes so much would be radically different from early texts? I suppose when you are naïve enough to think the KJV is the word of God, then yeah, this older book would probably be pretty shocking, especially when you realize religious traditions are no better than ‘Chinese Whispers‘ at keeping the integrity and accuracy of a message.

I’m looking forward to seeing the reaction of hard line Christians, and seeing how they explain these huge inconsistencies away. Things are about to get a little more interesting for us atheists…

There’s a sucker baptized every minute!

Posted on 07/02/2009 by Jacob Fortin

You know what I like about the guys who wrote the Left Behind series? They aren’t afraid to admit they fucking love making money. These guys have made millions from their terrible books and movies (starring none other than everyone’s favorite ‘ex-atheist’, Kirk Cameron), selling to the easiest demographic in the world: gullible evangelical Christians.

They’ve already released 16 books, with no real plan of stopping the flow of moneys and book signing/selling tours that follow. There’s no real information out there about just how rich Tim LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins have become since putting pen to paper, but I don’t doubt it’s very substantial.

They have also made a video game, which they released in 2006. It didn’t do so well, but that hasn’t detracted them. They are now creating an affiliate network to get churches to sell an average of 50 games a year. They are courting some 3000 churches, so if they sell the game for even 30 bucks a pop, that would net them a cool 4.5 million dollars in revenue a year. Who wants to play a game your pastor forced down your throat? Beats me. I doubt anyone even cares whether it gets played or not. The key here is the continuation of the money train that is the Left Behind Series.

I find it interesting that the self proclaimed experts on Rapture bother to accumulate wealth, since the End Days, according to these deluded fools, is coming any day now. I seem to recall their own beloved man-God, Jesus, saying it was harder for a rich man to enter heaven than to fit a camel through the eye of a needle. It’s probably the part of church they always skipped. Besides, they’ve learned the most important lesson of all from being lifelong Christians: there’s a sucker baptized every minute!

Attending church just got a little more dangerous

Posted on 06/29/2009 by Jacob Fortin

I visit the US fairly regularly, but there are definitely places where I wouldn’t dare go. It’s not that I’m afraid of Americans; I’m just afraid of some of your scary habits. Take, for instance, this church in Louisville, where congregants bring their guns to celebrate the fact these devices can be used to kill people. It’s not a place a liberal pinko atheist like me should visit. Here are some choice quotes from the service:

This country was started by people gathering together in churches and complaining about taxation and about their current government, King George III, taking armaments that they had.

But for a deep-seated belief in God and firearms, this country would not be here today

I don’t suspect anyone living in the deep south will stop loving guns, and as far as I’m concerned, you can do whatever you want in your own home (including accidentally shooting your own family members if you like). It’s when people bring them out in public places that I get nervous. We don’t live in a society that requires pistols to ‘defend ourselves’. The truth is the high homicide rate in the US (latest estimates put that number at 13,000 a year, 88% of which are by firearms) could probably be reduced if everyone didn’t go for their gun at the first sign of trouble. In other countries, we try talking first.

If you really love guns, you should go check out Russia. There, almost every farmer has an AK-47, but they actually need theirs. That’s because some places are so remote and corrupt that you have to police yourself. It’s a miserable place, made all the more miserable by the huge proliferation of small arms.

I actually don’t want to see guns banned. In Canada, our gun registry is a billion dollar waste of taxpayer money. It forced already legal gun owners to register, and has done nothing to reduce firearm deaths (criminals don’t need to register theirs). I do get nervous, however, when people start actively merging guns and religious services. No, it’s not a good idea, and there are enough wackos out there who think God ‘invented’ guns in order for them to shoot anyone they don’t like.

Pray for me, Doc!

Posted on 06/28/2009 by Jacob Fortin

I received a few emails this morning asking me to discuss this BBCNews article. Some doctors in Britain are worried spiritual issues aren’t being addressed, and care is suffering as a result. They are demanding that staff be given the right to talk about religion, as well as allow them to offer prayers to patients.

The problem here is there is always a fine line between talking about religion, and proselytizing it to people. Sure, many of these patients may actually like being offered to be prayed for (especially as the aging population find themselves increasingly in their care), but it’s impossible to distinguish between individuals who want it, and those who feel obligated for fear their care could be affected if they refuse. Besides, all of the best studies on prayer suggests patients who are told they are being prayed for have more complications than those who aren’t prayed for. Presumably it’s because they might construe prayer as an indication their conditions are more serious and life threatening (prayer is often the last tactic of the desperate).

The NHS already pays for chaplains to be on call (in fact, the cost of these preachers could hire an additional 1,300 nurses in the country), so the spiritual needs of patients can be met if they so desire. The real issue here is these people hate the fact they cannot talk about religion at all at their workplace. One nurse complained the staff would not allow her to wear her cross, but this was because of health reasons. There’s a very profound reason why we secularize public services; bringing religion into the mix causes conflict, and there is no room for ideologues in hospitals. Their priority is to heal the sick, not pray for them.

The real concern of patients is getting better; not being proselytized to. Sure, there are those who undoubtedly would find such a thing comforting, but you’ll usually find family members and friends can more easily provide spiritual guidance and needs better than a stranger can.

Just don’t pray in my hospital and I won’t try to teach medical science in your churches. That’s fair, isn’t it?

Phil Kidd is a “gentleman”

Posted on 06/25/2009 by Jacob Fortin

Have you ever awakened in a cold sweat, terrified a woman’s business suit was the tool of Satan, and society would invariably fall into chaos if we didn’t put our women in line? If you have, then you needn’t worry; you aren’t the only sexist in the world. In fact, you’re part of a special club of ‘gentleman’ that includes this man, Dr. Phil Kidd. He’s an evangelical minister with a prescription for salvation who’s had enough of rebellious women and the pussy whipped men who let them have opinions about things. Can you imagine that?

The entire rant needs to be read, but for you people in a hurry, here is the real juicy stuff from his brilliantly titled article: Hey Lady, Shut Up:

The Bible says everything that has breath has a right to praise the Lord. But there are some times when the Scripture commands women to shut up!

What a sad day, seeing women open the bible and expound the scriptures. Eve, in the Garden of Eden, in a perfect surrounding could not even quote on [sic] verse correct. I sure would not trust a woman to expound truth in this sin cursed mess we live in.

It makes me sick to watch a woman stand on a platform and lead a choir with men in it, or even worse to see a woman lead the whole congregation!

I know what you’re wondering ladies, but I’m sorry to report this stud is married! It seems like the good ones are always taken, am I right? Well, don’t worry about all this relationship trouble you might be having. Phil has some great advice to give you:

So, you good-for-nothing, hen-pecked men that have been laughing your way through this article, you need to get off your lazy back-side and do something for God. Your wife runs the home because you are too sorry to run it yourself Lady, when your sorry husband dies, please marry a man next time.

It’s pretty incredible these sexist dinosaurs are still around, and doubly surprising they are bold enough to quote scripture asking women to shut their big fat mouths. You know, ever since we started giving equal rights to women, something wonderful happened; we stopped being so fucking violent. A peaceful society necessitates women become a fully integrated part of society, enjoying the same rights and privileges men do, and properly expressing their political will. Societies which are exclusively run by men have the worst records in terms of human rights abuses, are usually far more violent, and less stable. Let’s face it guys, if we don’t have women around to talk some sense into us, we go a little crazy. It’s probably the testosterone.

Still, you always have some extreme conservative asshole who can’t stop yelling at us to ‘keep our women in line’, as though somehow their behavior is my responsibility. It isn’t, and I don’t want my mother or my two sisters to live in a world where they are only half citizens who have to be kept ignorant, uneducated, and sequestered. I personally pity any woman directly or indirectly associated with him. If I was a woman in his surroundings, I seriously would have kicked him in the balls for writing that post.

On a different note, have you ever noticed how often women get away with that shit? I bet they plan that stuff ahead of time. Maybe that’s why they always seem to wear pointy shoes around me. I should probably be more careful with what I say…

Glenn Beck`s idiotic special on Biblical prophesy