Tag Archives: christianity

Russell Brand’s Grift is Pathetic and Sad

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There’s a fairly predictable trajectory for fading movie stars: when no one wants to put you in a mainstream movie, it’s time to start sucking at the teat of Christianity. Actors like Melissa Joan Hart, Kevin Sorbo, and Kirk Cameron have all found limited success by becoming Christian shills. Jesus lovers are always eager to separate themselves from their money anytime someone strokes their ego.

You can now add conspiracy theorist and general douchebag Russell Brand to that rather undistinguished list of hucksters. For the last few years, Russell has found success in conspiracy theories, which tend to attract fringe Christian groups. He’s now made the transition to full on Jesus huckster. I’m sure his pocketbook is thanking him, since no one with half a brain cell ever tunes in to his pathetic attempts to be relevant.

During his early youtube career, Brand was making videos about the importance of meditation, mindfulness, and other topics that attracted very little attention. It was only when he started making dangerously misinformed videos where he questioned the COVID-19 vaccine did he start to gain any traction. This got him roughly 20 times the views, and his channel was finally making him money. He learned quickly that if you want to make bank on the internet, you need to give the people what they want: stoke their fears, speak to their irrationality, and then pretend that all you are doing is for some higher power.

Recently, he’s been accused of sexual assault, and this has spurred him into religious action. The cover of faith is a powerful one, especially when you need a way to wash away all of your sins. It’s a pretty standard M.O. for Americans when they get in trouble. Did you cheat on your wife, or embezzled a bunch of money? Just say you’ve found Jesus and your peers will fall over themselves in order to forgive you. It’s practically a “don’t do jail because religious people are rubes” card, and trust me when I say that grifters like Brand will do just about anything to survive.

Church Volunteer Arrested for Sexually Abusing Kids

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A woman named Angela Marie Klickner has been arrested by the Mesa County Sherri’s Office over allegations that she sexually assaulted several children. Klickner was a church volunteer, and as such, she had a great deal of access and power over the kids she was responsible for.

The details are scant, and no doubt as the investigation continues, more details will be forthcoming during her trial. We do not yet know how many children were affected by this, or the extent of the abuse.

One has to wonder just how many of these abusers are employed by the church. Judging by how often these kinds of incidents get exposed, its terrifying to consider just how many horrible people there are out there, patiently waiting to pounce on the innocent. I wouldn’t be surprised if the problem only gets worse: churches need volunteers, and the fewer candidates they have, the more likely they are to hire someone with deep psychological issues. Coupled with the fact that religion often masks mental illness, and you have a recipe for disaster.

When more details of this becomes public, TGA will report on it, so stay tuned.

Louisiana Forces Schools to Display 10 Commandments

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Christians and their god damn 10 Commandments. You would think that these 10 laws are the most important rules on earth. In reality, with the exception of its prohibition against murder and theft, the rest of the laws are useless. Three of them are all about God wanting to be recognized, and not to celebrate other deities. Then, there’s the warning to listen to your parents, which sounds great until you realize that it also says that kids who disobey need to be stoned to death. There’s mention of not cheating on your spouse, but realistically this is the most busted of all the commandments.

So, while the 10 Commandments are fine for those of us that have not taken a modern civics class, one thing is for sure, is that it does not belong in public schools. Well, that’s something the State of Louisiana and I seem to disagree about. You see, schools across the state are now being forced to display the 10 Commandments in classrooms, presumably to continue to shove Christianity in our faces.

“The purpose is not solely religious,” Sen. Jay Morris, R-West Monroe, told the Senate. Rather, it is the Ten Commandments’ “historical significance, which is simply one of many documents that display the history of our country and foundation of our legal system.”

The foundation of your legal system? Hardly. You wouldn’t be able to govern a group of people, let alone a country, with such a limited document. In reality, it’s nothing more than poorly disguised sectarianism, pretending to be education.

All of this is only going to initiate countless lawsuits, which is going to cost the state a pretty penny.

“We’re going to spend valuable state resources defending the law when we really need to be teaching our kids how to read and write,” Duplessis (a practicing Catholic Senator) said. “I don’t think this is appropriate for us to mandate.”

And now you know where the priorities of Senators like Jay Morris have: spend countless resources trying to pretend that Christianity is integral to the nation when it’s nothing more than a major hindrance. Enjoy the lawsuits, morons.

FFRF Shuts Down Elementary School Christian Club

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Christians will do just about anything to get religion back into schools. As TGA has reported in the past, organizations like LifeWise Academy are just one form of coercion that exists. There are also more sneaky ways this is accomplished. For instance, in Florida, the Freedom From Religion Foundation was able to shut down a supposed “Christian Club” in Hamilton County Elementary School. The group claimed that it was a spontaneous club started by students there. A cursory investigation showed that this was not the case.

The complainant was told that there were no records of the Fellowship or an affiliated group renting space at Hamilton Elementary. The response made it clear that the school was allowing a religious club for children at an elementary school during the school day.

The club, called the “Fellowship of Christian Athletes” has since been shut down, and this has upset uneducated Christians who think that it’s an unfair ruling.

“Banning students from having a religious club at a school while permitting other, secular clubs is a travesty that teaches children their faith is unwelcome and must be hidden,” First Liberty Institute Deputy General Counsel Justin Butterfield told The Christian Post.

Of course religious folks want to inculcate their crap into kids as young as possible, and see any attempt to stop this as discrimination. What these clowns fail to realize is that any school club must be the result of the students organizing themselves. Outside influence is not welcome. Parents are still free to brainwash their kids at home. The rest of us taxpayers, however, are uninterested in public schools becoming religious indoctrination centers. Keep your religion to yourself, and there won’t be a problem. I’m guessing it’ll be a cold day in hell when Christians start respecting the rest of us that don’t share in their little delusions.

Priest Embezzled Church Funds for Mobile Game Addiction

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As a gamer, I can relate to people who get wrapped up in a game. This hobby can often be detrimental to our mental health, and out wallets. Mobile games are especially manipulative, and there are countless stories of people spending thousands on “free” software with microtransactions.

What I’m less forgiving of is people who commit crimes to pay for their addiction. So when Rev. Lawrence Kozak was caught having spent over 40k in microtransactions in games such as Candy Crush and Mario Cart, he was quick to blame his addiction:

When interviewed by detectives in 2022, Kozak said he was seeking counseling for his addiction to playing and spending money on online games, according to the affidavit. He said the money was not spent on gambling, but rather to “power up” — gain an advantage in the games he was playing.

It sounds pretty far fetch that this isn’t gambling, but I can speak with authority that people have spent more than that on bullshit cosmetics and other useless crap in these manipulative mobile games. Still, it doesn’t excuse the fact that this man embezzled church funds for his own personal gain. Now, he faces the legal consequences of this. I have some doubts about whether or not he will be properly punished: religious wrongdoers have a habit of getting off easy.

Is it really too much to ask that justice be served? Come on Pennsylvania: make sure you do the right thing and send his ass to jail!

Michigan Satanists Outrage Christians with Invocation

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Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. This is the lesson that Ottawa, Mich. Christians are beginning to learn. You see, a few months back, the Board of Commissioners was sued by an LGBT group for only allowing Christian prayers before the beginning of meetings. Because of that pesky First Amendment of their own Constitution, the Board was forced to allow other faiths the opportunity to spread their own religion. Enter the Satanic Temple, always there to freak out Christians.

A member call Luis Cypher (I mean, that’s just clever), began his evocation thusly:

“That must be destroyed by truth, should never be spared. It’s demise. It is done. Hail Satan. Thank you very much, we wish everyone a wonderful evening tonight.”

This of course outraged Christians, who still think that followers of the Church of Satan are somehow worshipping the devil. So naturally, they fail to understand that all of this is a reaction to their own unconstitutional practices.

“Tonight you all had failed miserably in your primary responsibility. You have out of the respect for a flawed custom of men allowed worship not only to a false ideal of man’s creation but to the greatest enemy of the all good God who allowed you to fill these positions,” one resident said at the podium while holding a cross.

Obviously that guy watched too many horror movies, thinking that his little torture device does anything at all. It’s the equivalent of clutching your pearls. Honestly, I am always grateful and delighted by the Satanic Church. Who else out there is shoving Christian hypocrisy in their faces like they do? Keep on truckin’, you hedonistic beautiful bastards!

Florida Pastor Drugged and Abused Young Girl

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It seems to me that the headline “Florida Pastor sexually assaults girls” has become so frequent that it should probably be its own subreddit by now. God knows I’ve run out of ways to introduce these vile human beings to you. Still, a job is a job, and something’s got to be done about all these monsters who abuse the power and trust they’ve been given.

Rev. Monte LaVelle Chitty was recently arrested and given severe bail restrictions, as the judge felt that the man was a flight risk. He’s accused of spiking a young girls’ drink, and then assaulting her. He then sent her lude texts admitting to the crime, even claiming that she was not his first victim.

This moron is now in jail, and waiting for a trial date. Prosecutors are certain that there are other victims out there, and are encouraging anyone with information to come forward. Considering how brazen this guy was about this incident, I wouldn’t be surprised if he has a litany of other victims out there.

It sounds like an open and shut case for this guy. Hopefully, we’ll see justice be done.

Salem Satanic Temple Attacked with Pipe Bomb

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Christians feel persecuted. There is no reason for them to feel this way, but that doesn’t stop them from claiming that other faiths are out to get them. They fear the loss of their power so much that anyone they deem an enemy is fair game.

Take the case of Sean Patrick Palmer, a 49 year old man from Perkins, Oklahoma. He was recently arrested after being captured of film throwing a pipe bomb at a Satanic Temple located in Salem, Mass on April 8th of this year. His intent, it seems, was to destroy “crybaby Satan” with an improvised explosive device.

According to the charging documents, the pipe bomb appeared to have been constructed from a section of plastic pipe covered with metal nails, which were attached to the pipe with tape. The inside of the pipe was filled with a powder-like substance, preliminarily identified as smokeless gunpowder.

He also left a letter, written in all caps, telling Satanists that he was sent by God to first give them a peaceful message to abandon their faith. When that failed, he was then told to “smite” them. The whole thing seems as though it was written by a 5 year old. He certainly has a great deal of mental problems, which were no doubt masked for years under the guise of piety.

DEAR SATANIST
ELOHIM SEND ME 7 MONTHS AGO TO GIVE YOU
PEACEFUL MESSAGE TO HOPE YOU REPENT. YOU SAY
NO, ELOHIM NOW SEND ME TO SMITE SATAN AND I
HAPPY TO OBEY. AND ELOHIM WANT ME TO CONTACT
YOU TO TELL YOU REPENT. TURN FROM SIN. ELOHIM
NO LIKE THIS PLACE AND PLAN TO DESTROY IT. MAYBE SALEM TOO? ELOHIM SEND ME TO FIGHT CRYBABY SATAN, BUT WANT ME TO MAKE HARD EFFORT SO NO ONE DIES. I OBEY.

Palmer was caught because he had posts on social media that matches the clothing of the assailant caught on film. He was also posting weird messages that echoed the hand written note he left at the scene. This jackass now faces up to 20 years in prison. I’m sure he will claim to be yet another religious martyr. It’s easier than facing the truth: that he’s a low IQ arsonist who belongs behind bars.

Florida Book Ban Now Includes Bible

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Christians love to ban things. For them, the idea that people should be allowed to make up their own minds is ludicrous. Their god is in charge, and he hates fun things like sex, music, and people who aren’t constantly going on about how amazing he is. This is why they are always trying to make sure that you are as miserable as they are.

In Florida, governor Ron DeSantis has been trying to score points with his religious base for a while. He’s desperate to have the same popularity among evangelicals that his political rival, the giant Orange Turd, benefits from. In a desperate attempt to “be cool”, he’s introduced laws that allow parents to ban books they deem offensive. Since Florida is full of crazies, the broad language of the law does little to clarify what kinds of materials are deemed inappropriate.

Luckily, the Bible is one of the most offensive books ever written. It contains countless examples of rape, genocide, baby killing, human sacrifice, and extreme sexual content that would make any other novel pale in comparison. So much so, in fact that when local agitator and all around amazing named Chaz Stevens started to try and ban the Bible, and even the Thesaurus to point out the absurdity and vagueness of the book banning law, DeSantis declared that the problem was not with his law but with people who abuse the system:

“The idea that someone can use the parents rights and the curriculum transparency to start objecting to every single book to try to make a mockery of this is just wrong,” DeSantis said the day before the bill signing. “That’s performative. That’s political.”

The irony of a career politician accusing someone else of engaging in performative politics is incredible. Sure, Stevens would be the first to admit that he’s a provocateur’s, but his point is to show just how useless and performative DeSantis’ own laws are. So far, he’s doing a bang up job, and it’s driving his governor crazy. He’s a wild idea: why doesn’t Florida just accept that people should be allowed to make their own minds and not try to use the power of the state to impose your own beliefs? It’s something called “freedom”. You should try it!

 

Superstitious Idiot Cancels Autism Awareness in Private School

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Christians keep coming up with ways to alienate their own flock. It’s like watching a car crash in slow motion. It’s impossible to look away, despite all the carnage.

In Palm Beach County, Florida, there is a school called Trinity Christian Academy. The private school was planning on celebrating World Autism Day by encouraging parents and kids alike to wear the color blue on their person. It could be something as mundane as a pair of socks or a tie. Think St. Patrick’s Day, but no one is pinching you for not participating. There are also no “kiss me I’m on the spectrum” shirts, although this might be because the holiday is still too new for people to figure out how to make money from it.

The planning was then abruptly cancelled by the lead pastor named Matt Baker. He sent out this little gem of an email to parents, many of whom were looking forward to the celebration as a way of making their special needs kids feel included. This was something that Pastor Baker was not going to let slide:

[A]ny philosophy, teaching, or program that teaches our precious children that their identity is found in anything other than Christ is idolatry and demonic. Period.  The world, in its rejection and hatred of Christ, often devises programs such as ‘Autism Awareness’ (and cultural figures like the Easter Bunny and Santa Clause, etc.) to get the benefits of His teachings (compassion, kindness, feeling love, and self-worth) without acknowledging Jesus as the ultimate authority and the source of all life.

Please allow me to translate the crazy out of this statement: “Anything that is good and not Jesus is the devil”. Parents like Andrea Gallik were less than impressed. One of her children id autistic, and when she read the email, she was left in tears.

“I’m offended as a Christian because I feel that he is using the Bible for his own interpretation. And his interpretation is offensive. Not just to my son but to any child, adult afflicted with autism… It breaks my heart.”

Newsflash lady: people have been interpreting the Bible to service their own needs ever since it was put into print. That’s the nature of religion. It’s not about truth. It’s about power and control. Simple as that.

Gallik has since pulled her kids from the school. She may not be the only one who leaves because of this fiasco. How many other parents were disgusted at this offensive email? If Christianity is trying to self destruct, then I’m all for it. Keep pushing your own people away, guys! It’s making my job a lot easier!

Iowa Governor Signs New Law Targeting LGBT Groups

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Christians have a warped sense of justice. In their eyes, if their favorite religion doesn’t have unilateral control over society, then it means they are being oppressed. It reminds me of a bully that cries fowl the moment someone dares to stand up to them. No content with trying to ram their faith down everyone’s throat, they are now trying to use the legal system to attack groups they dislike.

In Iowa, their governor by the name of Kim Reynolds has signed a new bill in secret during a meeting with a conservative Christian organization, despite the fact that business leaders have vehemently opposed it, afraid that it could spell disaster for the private sector.

A person, corporation, church, foundation or other entity whose exercise of religion has been burdened can go to court to seek damages or other means of redressing the harm against them.

How is a corporation “exercising” their religion? Clearly, this is being done in order for religious groups, upset that they have to treat others with dignity and respect, to be able to sue these groups for money. Many businesses in Iowa will now need to tiptoe around these religious fanatics, lest they be taken to court for offending them.

This kind of unconstitutional law is just another example of religion encroaching on public policy. The first amendment can apparently suck it: so long as people continue to elect these fundamentalist morons, they will continue to create chaos. What person in their right mind would purposefully choose to live there now?

To all my Satanist friends out there, I think it’s time to put this law into effect. Have you been discriminated against because of your love of Baal? I can only imagine the outrage on Christian faces when other faiths start using these laws to sue companies like Hobby Lobby, or Chick-fil-a for discrimination. You know why it’s better for a country to have “no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof”? It’s in order for every belief to have an equal footing.

If these guys want to fight dirty, I say we oblige them.

Dallas Man Claimed God told him to Molest Girl

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Never trust people who say that they speak with God. For starters, religion is the ultimate expression of ego. It’s a way of trying to justify your personal beliefs by claiming they are divinely mandated. This kind of psychotic view of one’s own understanding of the universe is so common that we totally ignore the fact that millions of people think that an all powerful being believes in exactly the same thing they do.

Christopher Caudill is a 46 year old “man”, who had been abusing a young girl since she was 11 years old, was one such psychopath. News outlets have been very scant with the details. There’s no information about how he chose his victims, or why the abuse was allowed to go on for over 6 years. We do know that he believed his abuse was not only perfectly fine, but was in fact mandated by the all powerful creator of the Universe.

When interviewed by Carrollton police, Caudill admitted he sexually abused the girl and said he abused her because they had a relationship that was “a love like they had in the Bible.”

If you get your concept of “love” from the Bible, then that explains everything. The amount of rape and sexual assault in this book is staggering. Here’s just a few examples:

  • When the Benjamites were told they could kidnap any girl they wanted to rebuild their tribes. Around 600 girls were then raped.
  • Lot’s daughters get their father drunk to rape him.
  • David’s son rapes all of his father’s concubines in front of everyone to prove he’s the new king.
  • God tells Joshua that when the Jews slays their enemies, they can take any virgin who survive as “spoils of war”.

That’s just a few examples, but as you can see, “Biblical Love” is pretty disgusting. The good news is that Caudill was sentenced to life in jail. His sojourn is probably going to be rough, considering what happens to child rapists in jail.

So, remind me again: why should any sane person base their lives on this vile book? I just can’t figure it out.

Prison Justice for Pastor accused of Killing Girl During Exorcism

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Prisons have their own form of justice. For those of us not familiar with prison life, we generally think that a building full of criminals must be chaotic, and filled with random violence. It’s far more complicated than that. Inmates have their own code of justice, which can largely be dependent on the state that you are in. This code has a kind of hierarchy of bad, meaning that there are some crimes that are considered “good” (like robbing a bank), and others considered evil (like raping or killing a child). Prisoners will often dispense their own form of punishment, which tends to be deadly.

Now, for the sake of clarity, I must also specify that there is a difference between prison and jail. Prison is where people convicted of a crime go. Jail is the holdover for people suspected of a crime. This is why those in jail still have the presumption of innocence. With that in mind, when former pastor Rene Tigueros Hernandez was booked recently in San Jose over allegations that he killed his 3 year old granddaughter following a botched exorcism, it didn’t take long for one of his neighbors to find out what he had done, and a bunch of them decided to do something about it. Hernandez is 60 years old, so odds are, he didn’t put up much of a fight.

The thing is, the details of the incident are what’s putting his life in danger.

On Monday, a coroner testified that 3-year-old Arely had so many injuries — including blunt force trauma on her face and internal abdominal injuries — that it was impossible to know which injury was “the final blow.” The coroner said she determined Arely’s cause of death was a combination of mechanical asphyxia and smothering

The defense attorney requested that the judge bar the media from publishing or airing “up-to-date-in-court images and video” that make it “easier for hostile inmates in jail to identify and attack him,” Fite wrote.

The thing is, all of this is merely to keep him alive before he can actually go to trial. Once he’s actually in prison, then he’s in big trouble. Prisoners have a way of finding things out about you. Usually this is done on the first day with what is called a “heart check”. A scary looking man approaches you, demands to know for what crimes you are there for, and will often instigate a fight to see if you have any “heart”, and will defend yourself even against a tougher opponent. The worst thing you can be is a child rapist or murderer. These people typically have short stays, followed by a quick trip to the morgue.

Given the extend of the little girl’s injuries, I can’t imagine that his fellow prisoners will give him much leeway. Keep in mind that many of these men are fathers first, and criminals second. No doubt the time away from their loved ones only amplifies their hatred for these types of crimes. Their distorted sense of justice will inevitably lead to more death, perhaps as a way for them to try and atone for their crimes. Such is the primitive nature of prisons. They have their own laws, and codes of justice, and this spells bad news for the Hernandez family.

You see, Hernandez isn’t the only one of the family that was in jail, and the other  members have all said that they’ve been threatened multiple times. Considering the brutality and severity of their victims injuries, I have a feeling that prison life is going to be extremely difficult for them.

All of this tragedy was the result of the fact that Catholics still believe in dangerously stupid shit like demon possession. They think that behavioral problems are the result of satanic forces, and so strong is this belief that the welfare of their own child was less important that their superstitions.

Lutheran Scamming Priest gets 8 months instead of 10 years in Jail

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Imagine you steal more than $80,000 from your employer by selling a property and then pocketing the cash. How much time should you be in jail for? A few years maybe? Well, if you’re a religious figure, that number can be brought down to the low low price of only 8 months.

That’s how much time Erin Gullickson, who was the former pastor for the Our Savior Lutheran Church, got: an 8 months in prison handed down by an Illinois court. She’s also been ordered to pay back the 82 grand she stole, with the judge demanding that it be paid back in a year’s time. Unless she joins another church and starts stealing from them, I doubt she’ll be able to make good on it. So far, she’s only agreed to pay back 1000 bucks a month. At this rate, it will take her roughly 7 years to square things off.

Prosecutors were obviously upset that she got the equivalent of a slap on the wrist. A few months in jail and some probation sends a pretty clear message to other would-be scammers: Do the crime, do only a small portion of the time. You see, this is a class B felony, which usually carries a maximum prison sentence of around 10 years. She got less than 10 months.

Feland also disagreed with the notion that Gullickson, who has been in custody since her conviction, should not be subject to further imprisonment. The judge sentenced Gullickson to 10 years in prison but suspended all but time already served and an additional seven months, in addition to three years of supervised probation.

Why is it that the law works differently for religious people? Do they just have to promise that they will do better and are instantly believed? She abused the trust of the people that she ministered to, and literally stole from them. What was the reason for such leniency? If this person had embezzled this money while working at a bank, would she have been given such mercy on her sentence? I highly doubt it.

This shit stinks to high heaven of religious privilege. When will we be free of this special treatment that the faithful get? My guess is never.

Christians are Crybabies

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In an effort to appeal to an increasingly diverse urban population, a UK supermarket chain have angered Christians after they decided to remove the symbol of the cross from their “hot cross buns”. They’ve substituted it with a nike-like swoosh, and this has outraged overly sensitive Christians who believe that unless they have total cultural domination in society, they are somehow “under fire”.

There’s a part of me that wonders if all those early Christian martyrs would be more than a little angry at these hypocrites who pretend that their lives are in danger. Bitch please. These jerks will do everything in their power to suppress other faiths, and then cry like little babies whenever their grip on society starts to slip.