Tag Archives: christianity

God works in mysterious ways, especially at the lumber yard

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Actors who play the title role of God have the sweetest roles. First, they always seem wise, paternal, all-knowing, and even a little smug. Secondly, they have the soft, epic choir singing quietly in the background. And finally, just when you think this God character is a real bastard, his infinite wisdom is proven, and the audience leaves home satisfied with the performance. And really, who could resist the one line every actor practices in the mirror each night: “Who am I? Well, I’m God, of course!”

I’m not in the business of providing film reviews, but considering the nature of my site, I couldn’t help but throw, if temporarily, my hat in the ring in the case of Evan Almighty, the sequel to Jim Carrey’s biggest box office hit ever. Jim’s always been smart about second tier movies that hang on the strength of their name sake predecessors by steering clear of them. Although he isn’t the comedian he used to be, I have to give him credit for avoiding this lemon.

It’s not to say the movie is bad, but it certainly isn’t good, or even as insightful as it hopes. The movie has heavy environmentalist overtones, and though you may be tempted into congratulating the valiant effort to create some sense of awareness for Mother Nature, in truth it feels like a grade 3 class on environmentalism. There’s a painfully awkward scene, for example, involving a carpenter recommending to Evan, proud new owner of his own McMansion, to do his countertop in wood cut down so recently from the rainforest you can taste the tears.

Now, as God commands Evan to build him an ark in preparation for an incoming flood, my thoughts turned instantly to a possible lesson in global warming. The entire movie, you expect some news of a massive piece of polar icecap melting being ultimately responsible for the new Genesis of mankind. No such luck, unfortunately. The producers of the movie knew they were in for a tough sell if they went down that storyline arc (pun intended). The last thing conservative, God-fearing ticket holders want to hear about is the depressing idea that we’re slowly melting the icecaps. So a compromise is created: the big disaster is actually the result of over development and corporate greed (not to mention poor craftsmanship), not CO2 emissions.

Although there have been positive reviews from some critics praising the films pro-environment stand, there is something ultimately hollow about the way it’s done. In the end scene, as the family enjoys a picnic and some sandwiches, I couldn’t help but notice the plastic bag the family was using to carry them in, each one enjoying the summer air in their new, machine washed clothing. Perhaps it’s only a subtle demonstration of how the American mythos of prosperity and happiness is the antithesis to living a sustainable existence. Perhaps it’s also because I felt the real point of the Noah’s Ark story was completely whitewashed. I’m no fan of the Bible, but I’m aware of the very important message of redemption and rebirth present in the moral homily. I am also aware that although the God of the Old Testament is no sweetheart, the real bad guy isn’t him; it’s the rest of us for squandering the precious gift of life.

As the bad guy is exposed for his sins in the movie, no doubt dragged away satisfyingly by some local police officer, there’s a weird feeling that they may be arresting the wrong person. After all, no one else is held accountable for the fact the developed land was bought, and later outfitted with monstrously huge and polluting homes, each one with a gas guzzling car parked in the driveway. Is it so hard to believe perhaps other people rather than Evan needed to be taught a lesson about our impact on the environment, Mr. God?

Throughout the movie, I half expected a beautiful speech delivered from the lips of Morgan Freeman about the need for a stewardship with nature. Instead I got a trite lesson of being kind to my family, and to those around me. Well God, does love fix a hole in the ozone layer, or prevent the icecaps from melting? I have an idea: how about giving me something practical, like the 2 hours of my life I lost watching this movie?

Archie the bible thumper

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I remember Archie comics fondly as a kid. Although the storylines were always predictable and innocuous, I had a deep appreciation for such familiarity. Looking back, however, I couldn’t help but notice that the quaint vision of life in America was a product of the pining for simpler times, when teenagers worried about who they would take to the big dance, and drug, violence, and sex was never an issue. This picture, of course, is simply a fantasy. Still, it was a wholesome alternative to the sometimes overly violent and complicated works of other comic books, like Spiderman or X-Men.

What I never realized however, was in the 1970s and 80s, the characters were featured in a number of fundamentalist Christian books under the publication of Spire Christian Comics. The strict doctrine of Christianity was encouraged, with the troop involved in issues surrounding evolution, drug addiction, and even a little anti-establishmentarianism (they didn’t like hippies too much, it would seem).

Although tame compared to the far more sophisticated methodology of indoctrination the religious right is employing, I’ve never been comfortable with cultural icons presenting their own personal beliefs as undeniable facts to their young and impressionable audience. In the comics, the faithless always appear morally bent, while the sheen of the Archie characters come off as annoyingly ‘holier-than-thou’. In one of the comics, Archie even opens up a Christian bookstore in a western themed scenario, so students at the local schools will be delivered from the evils of evolution. To quote Betty: “When they took the Bible out of school, more and more problems came in” [emphasis theirs]. Of course, such a thing is only a tragedy to those who maintain a strict adherence to the cosmogony of the Bible, rather than the rigorous theories of science.

If you don’t feel annoyed, try to imagine for a moment that instead of telling children about the love Jesus has for them, Archie and friends were informing their loyal readers that Mohammed was the last prophet of God, and praising the joy of the Qur’an.

It’s rather convenient that these comics have faded into obscurity, thereby failing to taint the image of the poster-boy for Americana, Mr. Archie Andrews. On a side note, this isn’t the first time the characters have faced a bit of controversy. In 2003, a small theatre production was issued a cease and desist order for their satirical play involving the Riverdale gang. The play was to have Archie coming out as gay. The franchise felt such a play would tarnish the wholesome image of their title character. It’s strange how they never opposed the idea of Archie Andrews the ‘Creationist Bible Thumper’…Strange indeed.

Mentally deranged man lunges at Popemobile

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I always thought any man who wears a pink T-shirt must undoubtedly be a little crazy. This belief was confirmed as I read a story concerning a 24 year old man, dressed in the flashy color, who attempted to lunge at the Popemobile. He managed to hang on for several seconds before being wrestled to the ground. Police say the man was mentally disturbed, and rather than trying to hurt Pope Benedict XVI, he merely wanted to draw attention to himself.

Well, duh! He was wearing a pink T-shirt for god’s sake; what other proof do you need? Equally surprising about this story was that the man was able to get so close to the Pope, especially considering security has tightened significantly since the attack of 9/11. Usually, the Pope travels in a vehicle with bullet proof glass, a measure taken after the attempted assassination of John Paul II in 1981. I suppose Vatican officials don’t have enough confidence in the divine to expect God to provide his own form of security to his earthly avatar. Their message: have faith, but for God’s sake, not too much!

On another comedic note, before his death, Pope John Paul II had asked the media not to refer to his vehicle as the ‘Popemobile’, which he felt was a rather derogatory term. Apparently, riding around in a see-through glass dome, looking not unlike a life-size snow glob, is cool, but its nomenclature isn’t. God and Popes are decidedly forbidden to possess a sense of humor.

Church reinstates Islamic department

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Tensions are running high between the Islamic world and the head of the Roman Catholic Church, Pope Benedict XVI. In order to avoid further alienation, and to improve relations between the two faiths, the Pope has re-instated the Vatican’s Islam department, according to BBCNEWS.com. The move means everyone can breathe a sigh of relief, since he will now have a little more perspective as to the sensibilities and grievances of the fragile and easily offended Islamic faith.

Although I do applaud the move for its sheer strategic purposes, I can’t help but feel the department itself is a testament to the need to placate a faith that has become dangerously reactive. It seems these days that everyone is walking on eggshells, lest we invoke the ire and anger of the Muslim world. The realities of such actions are clear and obvious; many fundamentalists are not afraid to resort to extreme violence at any provocation, and as such the Vatican has re-instated the one department that has the power to directly advise the Pope on the matter (probably reminding him that the two faiths have been at each others throats for a long time, and quoting any manuscripts from past eras is bound to contain anti-Muslim rhetoric).

Why can religions make the privileged claim that their philosophies and beliefs are beyond questioning and reproach? Why are we all muzzled or browbeaten when any word of protest is uttered? Are religions really that frightened of opposition? You would think their own aspirations to being the ultimate and universal truth would make them immune from the cries of others. Why should they care what we think if they alone hold a privileged place in heaven?

On the other hand, the Pope should be the last person to throw rocks, considering he lives in the world’s biggest glass house. Perhaps he has recognized that the last thing the fractured and continually waning power of his institution needs is a long drawn out religious fight. In either case, let us hope the department can keep Ratzinger from putting his holy foot in his saintly mouth.

Religious statue damaged by lightning

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It seems a little ironic that a statue in Golden Colorado, recently damaged by a bolt of lightning, may not be covered by the church’s insurance due to it being considered an ‘act of God’. The fact, however, that it hit and destroyed a holy symbol and doesn’t appear to unnerve any of the nuns there seems pretty weird to me. Bleeding statues and you have a miracle; a lightning bolt severs the hand of a beloved symbol, and everyone keeps mysteriously silent on the issue. Are they a bit scared they might have done something wrong to anger their god?

Personally, I’ve always found that phrase ‘act of God’ to be the magical words that keeps the insurance companies in business. I mean, isn’t God supposed to be the divine hand behind everything? Doesn’t he work in mysterious ways? Who are they to refuse to pay simply because they have a theological interpretation of a natural disaster?

In any case, I’m sure this won’t be talked about as a great work of miracle prowess. Just seems like what you would expect to happen if lightning bolts obeyed the laws of physics rather than the command of some andro-centric deity, unless of course, those nuns were up to some evil shenanigans.

Forced conversion fears in Pakistan

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A recent article on BBCNEWS reports a tiny Christian minority in Pakistan is facing dire threats to convert to Islam or face annihilation. The group has asked the government to provide protection, though it feels not enough is being done to keep them safe. I just feel the need to ask: just what exactly is the point of converting these people? Evidently you cannot force someone to believe what you do, particularly with the use of force. It always surprises me how fundamentalists believe that their religion will eventually reign supreme, but somehow are too insecure to allow others to practice their own traditions. Surely, if God is on their side, all of this posturing is unnecessary.

I deplore violence, particularly on tiny defenseless minorities. Although I do not believe what they do, I would certainly never consider the use of force to try and make them share the same cosmological beliefs. My sad prediction is that the government will choose to turn the other cheek and allow tragedy to befall this poor group. I can only hope those in power see reason and recognize why such a minority needs the protection they so desperately seek.