If you aren’t feeling particularly embarrassed at the state of human gullibility and stupidity today, that’s because you haven’t heard about this “story” in the news: Moses the calf (as he’s been dubbed by the local kids) was born with a birthmark on his head that vaguely looks like a cross. His owner, being a gullible idiot, thinks that it must be a sign from his all powerful God, who appears to want to communicate very mysteriously and indirectly. If it was my cow, I would have simply called him “Mr. T” and that would have been the end of it.

So now I have to wonder if they are ever going to slaughter this thing for meat eventually. Will Moses die for our sins and our hunger? I’m thinking when he becomes burger meat, it’ll be sacralicious.

Get ready to be humiliated once more, humanity, as some of your brethren believe that a burn mark on a shitty clothing iron is divine proof that an illiterate dessert nomad was the creator of the Universe. Mary Jo Coady lives in Methuen, Massachusetts, and she’s been Catholic all her life, and feels this is a sign God listens to her prayers. I think it’s just a sign she’s either cheap or poor and using rusted old equipment to iron her delicates, which is just insane. I agree with one of the commenters on Boing-Boing who said that it looked like Robert Plant. Is it a sign of Led Zepplin getting back together and touring?

I received this comment on one of my posts, and I just had to put it up for you guys to see:

I visited your site to challenge you to learn about ‘contiguous dimensional worlds’ and how they show Christian belief and its command to love to be understandable, logical and evidenced in a technical sense. But your site uses vulgarities and slogans indicative of anger and not of reasonable thinking. ”Techie Worlds’, available at Amazon.com, explains this concept in detail. But some sites like yours are set up to attack the computers of those who wish to comment, so I will hit delete and shut down my system as quickly as possible.
GeorgeRic

I guess George thinks atheists are a bunch of trojan-infested sinners or something. He saw a few “fuck you’s” and assumed TGA was some kind of spam site. This guy was shocked to discover that dissent about religion could get a little colorful, and I guess that puts me in the same corner as those annoying scam websites you occasionally run across..

So to be fair to this guy, I decided to check out “Techie World” on Amazon, and hilariously enough, this book (written by a guy called Dr. George Richer) tries to explain where God is “physically” in the world:

This book explains physically where God is. It explains why you can’t see God. Nor can you see the angels. It explains how they can be right next to you, and can see you and know your every move, while you have no knowledge of their presence. The book outlines a theory, just as Darwin outlined a theory. And just as any scientist supports his theory by checking with physical facts, so this book’s theory about why we can’t see God is tested against the ‘impossible’ ideas of Christianity…. and finds that they support the dimensional hypothesis. So any intelligent, logical materialistic modern thinker can support the Christian teachings about God.

The only person who reviewed the book, “Bob Nelson”, happens to live in the same town and share the same IP address as GeorgeRic (hmm, now I wonder…could be the same person?). So basically this clown comes on the site and recommends his own idiotic book (which he’s the only one to have read and enjoyed thoroughly), trying to pass it off as some sort of explanation for how Christianity is the one true faith. Do these guys ever get tired of their own bullshit?

How many of you believers out there are tired of not being able to have anal sex or a hot threesome with your wife because she’s a Christian? Well, have no fear you poor sexually frustrated bastard, a theological solution is here. Just go to SexinChrist.com to know everything you need to know about how God permits that kind of wonderful sodomy.

Now I know what you’re going to say: “Jake, surely it’s too good to be true. Are you sure I can have my chastity and my orgiastic parties at the same time?” Who fucking cares? This is probably the only way you can finally convince your spouse that God commands his followers to shave their bikini zones.

Honestly, my favorite chapter was the one on how strong erections are a gift from God, which therefore makes Viagra a gift from God. You hear that, ladies? When I take this pill invented by a bunch of scientists, my penis gets harder than granite because God wills it. Hallelujah!

After seeing the travesty that was the original, it’s nice to know people with Photoshop skills can still make fun of wacky Christians. I personally find it puts everything in perspective; why isn’t it as likely that the constitution was “inspired” by Cthulhu rather than Jesus? If you think it’s because the Founding Fathers were Christians, you need to read a fucking history book that wasn’t written by a Baptist Minister, son!