This article made me want to include a little list of why Superman is better than Jesus. I’ve made a comparative list so I can definitively prove the last son of Krypton is superior to the King of Kings in almost every way.

1. Superman has saved the planet for destruction numerous times. Jesus has threatened to return and bring on the end of the earth with him, but so far is a fucking ‘no-show’.
2. Jesus performed a few miracles, but Superman can shoot laser beams out of his eyes, he can fly, is indestructible, and can see through everything except lead. In one movie he turned back time. How awesome is that?
3. Jesus may have died for your sins, but Superman died to protect us from an intergalactic killing machine called Doomsday.
4. When Jesus died, he was resurrected 3 days later and then abruptly left, telling his disciples he’d be back within their lifetimes (an obvious lie). Superman died, was in stasis for a while, and emerged with long glorious 90’s hair. Unlike Jesus, however, Superman stuck around and has been busy keeping the world safe from evil.
5. Although not a God, Superman still risks his life all the time trying to combat super villains. Jesus, on the other hand, is apparently all powerful, and yet refuses to do something as basic as healing amputees.
6. Superman can move mountains. Jesus claims praying to him will accomplish the same feat, but no noticeable effects from prayer have ever been measured.
7. Superman is an expert in dozens of languages, and is an accomplished journalist. Jesus never left any writings, or evidence of any of his works.
8. Superman hooked up with the insanely hot Lois Lane, while the only women who showed any interest in Jesus were prostitutes.
9. Jesus said “But those mine enemies, which would not that I should reign over them, bring hither, and slay them before me” (Luke 19:27). Superman, on the other hand, has a strict code of conduct that forbids him to kill anyone.
10. If you fell out of your apartment window and cried for help, Superman would try and save you. Not only will Jesus not even bother to save you; he will send you to hell for all eternity if you don’t believe in him.

Now some people may criticize me for this article, and they might be right: what’s the point in debating which fictional character is better, anyways?

With Jesus apparently busy appearing in all sorts of foods and stained glass buildings, it was inevitable he would try and find new ways to impress us. Lo and behold, the King of Kings has outdone himself yet again, this time appearing on a dog’s anus. No, I’m not making this up as a way of disparaging Christianity. Angus, a terrier, was apparently engaged in his morning ritual in 2006 when his owners took a serious gander at his ass, only to find a striking resemblance to their savior: Jesus Christ.

They set up a website to help spread the word about this obviously blessed canine. Who wouldn’t want to have a holy image in their backside? I hate to seem crass and what have you, but before taking that picture, did they wipe him down or something? A dog’s star fish anus isn’t exactly the cleanest thing in the world, and taking a picture of it just has to feel awkward and weird. Can we all just go back to making fun of pancakes, cheese toast and old tree stumps? This dog anus thing is most unsettling…

Here’s a way to kill an afternoon and simultaneously engage in delicious blasphemy: play Faith Fighter, a web based fighting game featuring prophets and gods of different faiths. Your selection includes Jesus, Old Testament God, Ganesha, Buddha and if you pass it at least once, Xenu, the intergalactic tyrant.

The game has stirred the usually controversy, with some people saying it should be taken down because it’s offensive, and of course, the Muslim population feels hurt and targeted because of the depiction of Muhammad. There’s a hilarious option to play the censored version, which just puts a black dot over Muhammad’s face.

The creator of the game has attracted media attention before with his controversial game “Operation: Pedopriest“, where your task is to prevent priests from going to jail for molesting kids. You can do this by either intimidating the parents, or by airlifting the molesters with a helicopter.

Did I mention how much I love crazy creative people before?