If you were hoping this whole ‘Mayan 2012′ thing would just blow over and be ignored this year, I’ve got some bad news for you: it would appear roughly 10% of the population is convinced the end of the world is happening soon. According to a recent poll, one in every 7 people thinks the world will end within their lifetime, while one in every 10 think the Mayans predicted the date it’ll happen (despite failing to predict their own demise).

About one in 10 people globally also said they were experiencing fear or anxiety about the impending end of the world in 2012. The greatest numbers were in Russia and Poland, the fewest in Great Britain.

That makes sense: If I had to live in Russia or Poland, I’d probably be looking forward to the End Times. There isn’t enough vodka or perogies to ever convince me to live in either of these frozen shit-holes (I’m happy in mine, thanks). Is there perhaps some overriding factor which causes people to believe in such nonsense?

Gottfried also said that people with lower education or household income levels, as well as those under 35 years old, were more likely to believe in an apocalypse during their lifetime or in 2012, or have anxiety over the prospect.

Ah, so if you’re an uneducated twat, odds are you’ll easily be convinced by lazy journalism the Mayan calendar ‘ending’ means something more than the simple resetting of “the long count” (Carisa’s favorite YouTuber has a great video explaining all of this).

If you really want to be depressed, the figures are much higher in both Turkey and the US (two of the most religious countries in the world), where 22% are convinced the end is nigh. Oh America, you still lead the world in religiously motivated ignorance.

Remember these wackos? A few weeks ago, The International House of Prayer and their fearless leader Mike Bickle, made headlines after accusing Oprah Winfrey of being the Anti-Christ. These people are not to be underestimated. Since its humble beginnings, the church has grown by leaps and bounds. It’s recently opened a four-year Bible college, and plans of building a massive 100 million dollar church complex (which will undoubtedly be a gaudy monstrosity).

Their whole schtick involves a 24/hour, 7 day a week prayer session that never stops. It’s supposedly been going on for 12 years (I have my doubts about this claim), and in order to accomplish this, young volunteers pledge to spend a minimum of 25 hours a week at the church, often in late night shifts. They’ve been praying for gay marriage and abortion to be made illegal. Fortunately, they’re talking to their imaginary friend the whole time, so all of this prayin’ has done precisely shit in actually changing anything. Of course, this whole effort probably feels inspiring to the members, which explains why they’ve been growing so fast. They have vision, and regardless of how frightening it is (they subscribe to the “Seven Mountain Dominionism” scary bullshit), that’s what these kind of people want from their church these days: a clear idea of how to change society to fit their narrow worldview.

There’s a new End Date, True Unbelievers. Harold Camping brings the good news of Armageddon, and you don’t have to wait very long: It’s October 21st!

Honestly, I thought the dude was dead after I saw that last video of him shying away from the spotlight after yet another failed prophesy. I’d feel sorry for this old man if it wasn’t for the fact that he’s a bigoted jackass who wants the world to erupt in bloodshed. That’s what Rapture is: a genocidal fantasy.

You never know how some religious nutjobs are going to react. That’s a life lesson Jerry Andrews is still pondering about, having recently been shot by his co-worker Dale O’Callaghan. Seems as though Dale may not have had much of a sense of humor about his faith. His sore spot happened to be a certain Harold Camping failed Rapture prediction that was greatly anticipated (and like with most believers, probably continually mentioned). No doubt the inevitable failure presented Jerry with the opportunity for a good laugh. Instead he got a bullet in the shoulder.

After being wounded, Andrews recalls being called “one of those Satanic people” by O’Callaghan. I’m inclined to believe that he may have in fact been referring to us, the non-believers. The concept is probably so shocking to his fragile, child-like understanding of the Universe that he thinks we’re all tools of the devil or something. If you think I might be exaggerating, take a look at this recent Pew poll. It found the #1 fear of Evangelical Christians is the growing influence of secularism. Is it a stretch to imagine perhaps some of them might characterize us as literal agents of Satan?

Scary to think eventually, this bozo is going to be out on the street again. And you know, if he’s there for at least ten years, there’s going to be a whole lot more of those “Satanic people” around, that’s for sure. He and his Evangelical ilk better start getting used to it.

After posting that video of a shocked Harold Camping refusing to give an interview, I was beginning to feel sorry for him. He seemed confused and crestfallen at the idea his buddy Jesus didn’t come down to slaughter 99.9999% of the human race. Truly, a sad day for all of us.

So rather than admit he’s an old fuddy-duddy with a bullshit math formula, Harold instead suggests that the “spiritual” Apocalypse has already begun, but the date of the physical end of the world will come about on October 21st, 2011.

…[H]e insisted 21 October had always been the end-point of his own chronology – or at least his own latest chronology, as a previous prophecy that the apocalypse would strike in 1994 also failed to come to pass.

I guess Harold wants to strike out now, and if you’re in for a penny, you’re also in for a pound with this guy. You might be wondering what kind of advice Camping has for all those followers who are feeling betrayed after having spent their life savings on his failed prediction. Well, he has some “comforting” advice for them:

Asked if he had any advice to offer those who had given away their material wealth in the belief the world was about to end, Mr. Camping said they would cope.
“We just had a great recession. There’s lots of people who lost their jobs, lots of people who lost their houses… and somehow they all survived,” he said.

I think “just cope with it” is the same advice you’d give a person after raping them. Honestly, I doubt this moron feels bad about deceiving folks, since he’s worked so diligently to deceive himself. That’s the problem with guys like Harold: they want their nonsense to be so real they lure the infantilized and gullible peons of religion into their web. So long as religion continues to endorse ignorance, stupidity and superstition, people will lose their money, their family and their lives over this bullshit.

Well, the 21st of May has come and gone, and as we all predicted, nothing happened. Now, a number of Harold Camping‘s followers are trying to cope with having been duped.

Some believers expressed bewilderment or said it was a test from God of their faith, after the day passed without event.

Meanwhile, the evangelist at the center of the claim, Harold Camping, has not been seen since before the deadline.

I would lay low for a little while if I was Harold too. I mean, it can’t feel good to fail AGAIN, and there’s only so many times you can cry “Rapture” before none of the other shepherds believe you. It also doesn’t help when some of your followers also spent their entire life savings advertising your stupid shit:

Robert Fitzpatrick, a retired transportation agency worker in New York, said he had spent more than $140,000 (£86,000) of his savings on advertisements in the run-up to 21 May to publicize the prediction.

It’s difficult to ascertain the financial devastation wrought on these poor fools, especially so soon after their little failed End of Days. How many families will lose their homes because of this? How many kids have lost their college fund, and their hope for a better future?

So, did anyone learn a lesson from all this?

…followers said the delay was a further test from God to persevere in their faith.

What a big surprise.

Saturday is just about to roll around, and as many of you know, the failed prophet Harold Camping has been gathering a following of unbelievably gullible idiots, all of whom look forward to being teleported up into the clouds. Since his beliefs are so fringe, it’s invariably led to family members having strained relationships. This one story, about a Mom losing her fucking mind and dragging her teenage kids all around to tell others about their make-believe bullshit, made me particularly angry.

The three teenagers have been struggling to make sense of their shifting world, which started changing nearly two years ago when their mother, Abby Haddad Carson, left her job as a nurse to “sound the trumpet” on mission trips with her husband, Robert, handing out tracts. They stopped working on their house and saving for college.

I can’t imagine what it must be like to have a parent turn all “fundy” on you., ignoring your future in the hopes that the End of the World will take care of all their problems.

My mom has told me directly that I’m not going to get into heaven,” Grace Haddad, 16, said. “At first it was really upsetting, but it’s what she honestly believes.”

It should still be upsetting, girl! You’ve just done what everyone else in your position would have done: you decided to ignore the hateful and stupid beliefs of your mother in order to save the relationship. you’re braver than I am, I’ll tell you what.
I love my parents to death, but if they suddenly turned extremely religious, dragged me all over the country trying to “spread” the message about Armageddon, we would invariably have to part ways. Religious dogma is so incompatible with my life. I have no time for such ignorance and blatant stupidity, and have no interest in watching my loved ones get caught up in this kind of dangerous nonsense.

Kevin Brown, a Family Radio representative, said conflict with other family members was part of the test of whether a person truly believed. “They’re going through the fiery trial each day,” he said.

Yeah, don’t forget that Jesus preached that you should abandon your family and friends if they failed to believe that he was in fact a God, so this whole “family division” is something Christians are more than familiar with. After this whole mess is over and a new “End Times” date shows up, will this family again experience more insanity? Let’s hope not…